In some industries, improvising is part of the job.
A comedian freestyles with the audience. A jazz drummer throws some extra sizzle on “White Room.” An Uber driver takes the long way and tells you this is just a “side gig.”
At large, a little artistic riffing on the job is harmless—that is, unless your work involves physically destroying other people.
Enter Wu Ze, an MMA fighter who recently endeavored in a little octagonal ad libbing and ended up stomping a man’s genitals into noni juice.
The incident occurred during the second round of Wu’s fight against Wu Hui Qiang at One Championship 28 in June. The 20-year-old fighter had his opponent on his back and an upright advantage when he began going for kill shots.
Wu tried to be humane at first. All he wanted to do was kick his adversary into a dark and lonely abyss of the mind with conventional, one-legged strikes. But a man can only be so patient.
After a couple of unsuccessful kicks, Wu decided to take a page from the parkour playbook and deliver a side-flipping double-heel stomp to Wu Hui Qiang’s chest.
Unfortunately, finishing moves rooted in urban gymnastics are an inexact science, and the ball of Wu’s right foot—loaded with unholy bodyweight and momentum—mashed down squarely on his opponent’s groin, reducing the area to undercooked beefaroni.
And thus another immortal moment in “Cool Idea. Bad Execution.” was born.
Wu Ze would go on to win the bout by submission, and Wu Hui Qiang was presumably laid to rest under a nearby rosewood.
So what did we learn today?
Don’t be afraid to improvise and try new things, MMA fighters. But just be aware: Someone could get sterilized.
Dan is on Twitter tingling with discomfort.
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