(Allow us to introduce you to Nelson Roy III, the brilliant hedge fund manager who has absolutely no relation to that fighting hillbilly you saw on Saturday. / Photo via MMAJunkie.)
By Jason Moles
If you decided to play the new CagePotato drinking game this weekend, you’re probably way too hung over to think about your financial future right now. But now that the dust has settled from UFC 137, you owe it to yourself to study our insightful and highly opinionated rundown of where to direct your hypothetical MMA investments. It’s “Buy, Sell, Hold” time once again, Potato Nation…
“The Prodigy” BJ Penn – Sell
Even if Baby Jay is pulling a Jamie Varner (man I hope that’s not a euphemism) as Mr. Falvo so eloquently put it, the writing on the wall has been there for a while now even if the majority of fans didn’t bother to read it. BJ announcing his retirement Saturday night may have been a moment of weakness when his emotions got the best of him which led to a rash decision, but let me remind you (just like every other single story you read today about “The Prodigy”) that Penn has went 1-3-1 in his last five fights. The Hawaiian may fight again to collect another paycheck but there is no more money to be made as a shareholder.
Nick Diaz – Buy it like they’re giving it away for free!
The twenty-eight year old Stockton, California native showed everyone that effective boxing, stellar jiu-jitsu, and cardiovascular stamina that makes the Energizer Bunny look like Roy Nelson at UFC 130, is a tasty recipe for success, even in the UFC. Inside the cage, Nick Diaz can scrap with the best of them. Although slightly awkward on the mic, Diaz evokes emotion and gets heat from everyone in earshot. You should overlook his professional shortcomings as long as Dana White continues to do the same; do that and you’ll be in the money once February comes when Diaz takes on the welterweight champion, Georges St. Pierre.
“Les plus sales du monde combattant” Cheick Kongo – Sell, Sell, Sell!
Mr. Kongo, if that is even his real last name, (Note: It’s not. I checked.) did what no other man in the UFC has been able to do – beat Matt Mitrione . Wait, what?! Those fights in the TUF house don’t count. Anyway, back to what I was saying, where was I? Oh yeah, Cheick Kongo finally realized he was in a fight and even managed to win. His stock is relatively high and the extra cash really comes in handy this close to Christmas. Not only did his performance leave a bad taste in the fan’s mouth, it clearly proved that Congo would never be a world-beater. Dirty fighter he is, ‘in the mix’ he is not.
Matt Mitrione a.k.a. “Meathead” – Hold
During the co-main event of UFC 137, Matt Mitrione showed that big moments still get the best of him, despite his having played in the National Football League. The former TUF 10 contestant is what he says he is, “a baby in mixed martial arts.” I was neither impressed nor unimpressed with his showing on Saturday night against a seasoned veteran in Kongo. We’re still in a fragile market. It would be foolish to write this guy off or jump on his bandwagon.
Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ Filipovic – SOL
As a common shareholder, you have little recourse when it comes to a company declaring bankruptcy. In a nut shell, the company sells all of its assets in order to pay the government, financial institutions, other creditors (i.e. suppliers and utility companies), bondholders, preferred shareholders and, finally, you. If you’re lucky, you might get back enough money to buy UFC replica belt… just don’t ask Jon Jones to sign it.
In his post TKO loss interview with Joe Rogan, Mirko ‘Cro Cop’ declared that we wouldn’t be seeing him fight again. “I was treated like a king from the beginning. It’s in my best interest that this is my farewell fight, thanks everybody.” No, “Thank you, Mr. Filipovic.”
“Big Country” Roy Nelson – Sell it like a dog with fleas.
Although he debuted a “more buff” body, Roy Nelson is still the same fighter who’s dropped two of his last three fights with his only win coming at the hands of the aging Mirko ‘Cro Cop’. Watch Dana White give him the winner of Lesnar vs. Overeem and you’ll see “Big Country” go belly up.
Scott “Young Guns” Jorgensen – Hold
In late 2010, Scott Jorgensen lost a unanimous decision to Dominic Cruz at WEC 53 for both the WEC and UFC Bantamweight title. Since then, he’s rattled off a pair of wins in hopes to get back in the mix. Jorgensen needs to face and defeat stiffer competition before you should move your money in either direction.
Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone – Buy! Buy! Buy!
Let’s examine for a moment the stats of “Cowboy” Cerrone in 2011: 4-0 record, 2 submissions, 1 TKO, 1 Unanimous decision, 1 each: Submission, Knockout, and Fight of the Night. — And he wants to fight again before the year is over. If your pockets are deep enough, I suggest you pick up some DCC to hedge your portfolio.