It was either going to be quick, or it was going to be bad.
Those were about the only two options on Friday night, when Bellator MMA dusted off 51-year-old Ken Shamrock to fight 41-year-old Kimbo Slice in a nationally televised main event bout.
Luckily for nearly everyone involved—with the notable exception of Shamrock—it was the former.
Slice saw to that, surviving a deep rear naked choke attempt and flattening Shamrock with a winging right hand in just two minutes, 21 seconds. Along the way, Bellator MMA pulled off the unthinkable, squeezing a halfway entertaining fight out of two middle-aged men who had not competed in MMA since 2010.
From the moment Bellator CEO Scott Coker announced this unlikely do-over—an effort to finally get Slice and Shamrock in the cage after the idea failed so miserably for EliteXC back in 2008—we all knew what was up. Coker was running a very short con, cashing-in on the legend and booking a meeting between a pair of over-the-hill guys who a lifetime ago had individually appeared in the No. 1-2 rated fights in MMA history.
It was not a new strategy. Promoters of all stripes have been opting for similar ploys for generations. Even if the bearded lady’s whiskers are just glued on, the attraction gets customers through the door. Once they’re there, maybe they’ll buy a soda pop and a ball of caramel corn.
In this case, the soda pop for Bellator was featherweight champion Patrício Freire, who scored an amazing come-from-behind KO win over Daniel Weichel in the evening’s co-main event. The caramel corn was lightweight Michael Chandler, who snapped a three-fight losing skid by rolling over Derek Campos in the first televised bout of the fight.
Even if Slice and Shamrock weren’t expected to turn in a good fight—and, believe me, they weren’t—Bellator was hoping name recognition and curiosity would get people to tune it. Once they were there, the fight company hoped they’d be impressed by guys like Freire and Chandler. Maybe impressed enough to come back.
While ratings numbers likely won’t be known for a few days, the fighters clearly did their part. Friere’s win was complete insanity, and Chandler looked great dismantling Campos. Bellator also got good performances from heavyweight Bobby Lashley and featherweight Daniel Straus, and made sure to plug Tito Ortiz’s upcoming shot at the light heavyweight title, too.
The organization also pulled out all the stops production-wise. Bellator’s new stage set, adorned with a series of enormous HD video screens, continues to look wonderful on TV. Each of its marquee fighters got his own, stylized entrance and it even had Road Warrior Animal—one half of the legendary pro wrestling tag team the Legion of Doom—accompany Shamrock to the cage.
It all made for a circus atmosphere. At the end of all the ballyhoo, however, a sort of interesting thing happened.
Slice and Shamrock didn’t completely disappoint.
Now this was a surprise. Prior to his own half-decade long absence from the sport, Shamrock had finished 4-10. Slice (real name: Kevin Ferguson) ended on a 1-2 skid in the UFC around the same time. Ken duffed through the prefight workouts his own manager posted on YouTube. Kimbo kept his shirt on at the weigh-ins.
Even as we all readily admitted that we would watch—and watch gleefully—as the two old warhorses rode back into battle, we kind of hated ourselves for it.
Theirs didn’t quite shape up as a freak show fight, but it certainly tested the limits of what a state athletic commission should sanction. Shamrock weighed in beneath the light heavyweight limit at 204.4 pounds on Thursday, looking tanned and half-crazy, as ripped as we’ve ever seen him, with his goofy Wolverine sideburns died jet black. Slice tipped the scales at 232—arms notably less defined than before, his middle noticeably softer.
But once they got out there, they at least turned in some decent action.
Shamrock clearly wanted nothing to do with Slice on the feet. He shot for takedowns from the opening bell and clung tightly to the once-feared street brawler in the clinch. When he succeeded in landing a ponderous double leg just over a minute into the fight, many probably thought the end was near for Slice.
It almost was. Shamrock locked up what looked like a fairly tight choke and the fighters spent the next 50 seconds in that position on the mat. Somehow, though, Shamrock couldn’t finish and Slice eventually worked his way free.
As the two scrambled to their feet, Slice scored with an uppercut and then a series of slinging rights. When Slice landed the final thudding punch to the middle of his face, Shamrock fell back against the base of the fence, looking very much like a 50-year-old man who’d just been separated from his wits. Referee John McCarthy stepped in immediately to call it off.
It all seemed to happen just in time. Shamrock’s takedowns had not looked good and Slice’s inability to ward them off was even worse. Had things gone on much longer, it seems likely both men’s inadequacies would have come glaringly to the surface.
But they didn’t. It was mercifully short and sweet and nobody seemed to get seriously injured.
Because of Slice’s thunderous right and McCarthy’s on-the-spot awareness, we got in and out of this fight just in the nick of time.
Whether or not this event on the whole will constitute a big win for Bellator will likely have to wait until the TV numbers come in. Fans, however, seemed to see just enough to get their fill.
And not a second more, thankfully.
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