(It’s pretty obvious who takes the “Cooler Hairstyle” category.)
It’s time for some real talk, Potato Nation. Stephan Bonnar is booking a one-way train ticket to Painsville Station on Saturday night and Anderson Silva is the conductor. I know it, you know it, the bookies know it, and your mom knows it (I asked her last night. Say hi to her for me, alright?). Matter of fact, if “The American Psycho” is simply able to come away from the fight in the same state of matter he began it in, everyone watching will unquestionably declare his performance a win for America, the UFC, and perhaps even the Caucasian race.
But this fight is about more than who’s accomplished what or who holds what title or who may or may not have lost to a decrepit Mark Coleman. There are several x-factors at play here, and when we decided to match up Stephan Bonnar and Anderson Silva for one of our infamous head to head sessions, the results might surprise you. Let’s get started.
AGE
Bonnar: 35
Silva: 37
Advantage: Bonnar
SIZE
Bonnar: 6’3″, walks around at roughly 235 lbs, 80 inch reach
Silva: 6’2″, walks around at roughly 215 lbs, 77.5 inch reach
Advantage: Bonnar
LAST TWO FIGHTS RESULTED IN
Bonnar: A pair of tedious but smartly gameplanned UD’s over Igor Pokrajac and Kyle Kingsbury
Silva: A pair of absolute clownings over Yushin Okami and Chael Sonnen
Advantage: Silva
FINISHING RATIO
Bonnar: 66.7% (10 stoppages in 15 victories)
Silva: 78.1% (25 stoppages in 32 victories)
Advantage: Silva
RECORD WHEN FIGHTING UP A WEIGHT CLASS
Bonnar: 0-1 (TKO loss to Lyoto Machida at HW in 2003)
Silva: 2-0 (both at LHW, both by way of first round KO)
Advantage: Silva by an ass-whooping
RECORD AGAINST FORMER UFC CHAMPIONS
Bonnar: 0-6
Silva: 5-0
Advantage: Silva by sweet Jesus, Bonnar’s a dead man
PERFORMANCE AGAINST JON JONES
Bonnar: Hard fought but completely one-sided UD loss
Silva: Would rather just stay friends
Advantage: Bonnar
FRIEND OF CAGEPOTATO
Bonnar: You know it, son!
Silva: Won’t return our calls, filed for three separate restraining orders.
Advantage: Bonnar
SALARIES
Bonnar: $34,000 to show at UFC 139 (seriously, Dana?!)
Silva: $200,000 to show at UFC 148
Advantage: Silva by a Ferrari
GREATEST WAR
Bonnar: One half of the fight that basically pulled the UFC out of the dark ages at the TUF 1 Finale
Silva: Overcame four round deficit to submit Chael Sonnen in the fifth at UFC 117
Advantage: Bonnar by *picks up phone* You gotta see this fight bro!
POST FIGHT CELEBRATION
Bonnar:
Silva: It doesn’t matter. Bonnar clearly wins this round.
Conclusion: Well, well, would you look at that, this fight is actually going to be a lot closer than most of you predicted, with Bonnar actually emerging victorious on paper…
…
…Silva by first round KO.