(Mike Tyson‘s first night as Dana White’s bodyguard was also his last. / Photo via the UFC 160 weigh-in photos gallery on MMAFighting.com)
The FX Prelims broadcast for UFC 160 kicks off tonight at 8 p.m. ET / 5 p.m. PT, and our man Anthony Gannon will be laying down live round-by-round results after the jump. So will Khabib Nurmagomedov redeem himself after shitting the bed at yesterday’s weigh-ins? Can Mike Pyle enter the four-fight win streak club? And which obscure TUF winner will we have to start caring about, Colton Smith or Robert Whittaker? Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest updates, and use the comments section to let us know you’re here.
What up, Potato Nation? In honor of Memorial Day – as we pass the time chugging beers and stuffing our diabetic faces with Ball Park franks – let us pay homage to those who made the supreme sacrifice so we could be free to live our disgustingly gluttonous lives. That being said, before we dive into tonight’s action, a little reflection is in order.
The bloodiest war in American history – some of you know it as the Civil War; others, the War of Northern Aggression – brought this noble holiday upon us. Whatever you wish to call it, the fact remains that it was a real fucked up war. Memorial Day was born of that fucked up war as a day to remember the greater than 600,000 Americans who died in it. It’s since become a day to honor those who died in all wars – well, technically. In reality it’s a day off work where we eat, drink, and buy shit on sale. So it’s really no surprise that the true meaning of the holiday has been lost on so many.
But still, you’d think the name alone, Memorial, would at least lead a person to venture an educated guess. Not so much. This video right here some shameful shit. Luckily though, part of being a free person includes the liberty to be as ignant as you damn well please.
God bless America! Now let’s get it poppin’ up in this bitch.
If you missed the weigh-ins last night do check it out. Just peep Mike Tyson in the picture above and tell me what you see, well besides the psychotic facial tat. My man is sporting all white, like all white, down to his kicks. Normally I spend the weigh-ins in deep philosophical contemplation about who has the most little bumps on their areolas: Arianny, Britney, or Joe Silva. This time I couldn’t divert my attention from Tyson’s absurd wardrobe. Trust me, it’s a surreal must-see.
Well, at least we got us some MMA to make sense of this shit. And in case I forget later, WAR MARK HUNT!
Here’s what went down on Facebook:
Jeremy Stephens defeated Estevan Payan by unanimous decision, 30-26, 30-26, 30-27.
George Roop blasted Brian Bowles for a 2nd round TKO.
Stephen Thompson beat Nah-Shon Burrell by unanimous decision, 29-28, 30-27, 29-28.
Khabib Nurmagomedov vs Abel Trujillo starts us off on FX.
Two very promising prospects here. Khabib is 3-0 in the UFC, while Trujillo impressed in his debut back in December by demolishing Marcus LeVessuer with knees to the body that were downright criminal.
Khabib missed weight by 3 ½ pounds. Sucks for him. He chose to forfeit 20% of his purse rather than take additional years off his life by futilely trying to make the limit. Wise decision. The NSAC will get half of the fine, while his opponent will get the other half. Based on his last disclosed purse – a 10/10 contract – that would amount to $2000 in Trujillo’s pockets if he loses, $1000 is he wins. Considering Trujillo’s last purse was the dreaded 6/6, every little bit helps.
Round 1: Trujillo opens with a huge hook, misses. Misses another. Charges forward and lands a shot on Khabib. Trujillo lands a takedown, Khabib working from guard, going for an armbar. Trujillo degending so far, but he’s in a sucky position. Ok, he’s free. Khabib is up, then trips Trujillo to the ground. He stands up, but Khabib is stuck to his back. Takes him down again. Lands a knee to the ribs. Khabib tosses him to the ground again, Trujillo stands right back up. And again. And again. And Jesus H Christ, again. Trujillo reverses, now he’s on top. Khabib in guard, working a triangle. Uh-oh! Now he’s on top with the hold locked on. He’s looking to switch to an armbar, goes back to the triangle, but the round ends, Trujillo survives. 10-9 Khabib
Round 2: Trujillo whiffs a huge shot, Khabib takes his back standing again. Takes him down, but Trujillo spins out. They’re up. Khabib lands a nice shot, now on his back again, trips him to the ground, has his back, working some knees to the Charlie horse area. Now to the midsection. He gets a hook in now, has a body triangle, going for the choke. Khabib lets go of the body triangle, but Khabib is still on him. He hoists him up again and drops him. Look at this, Trujillo spins out again, but they scramble and get back to the feet. Khabib takes his ass down again, riding his back. Trujillo gets up, and guess what? Yep, Khabib drags him down yet again. A couple shots from behind from Khabib. The round ends with a clear 10-9 for Khabib.
Round 3: Here we go, final round. Trujillo begins by missing a huge shot again, seems to be the opener of choice for him. Khabib is handling him in the grappling department again, riding his back as they trade takedowns for stand ups. Khabib with some nice knees to the ribs. Trujillo is looking to Mario Yamasaki for help. What he wants here is a mystery seeing. Khabib on top now, lands a short elbow. Khabib isn’t really doing much damage, but he is dominating Trujillo here. More and more takedowns. Trujillo doesn’t even seem to know he’s in a fight. Oh, big slam by Khabib to end the fight. 10-8 Khabib.
Trujillo represented the Blackzilians in that one.
The decision is in, and it’s exactly what you’d expect, unanimous, 30-27 across the board.
Not exactly a red hot way to begin the evening, luckily Colton Smith is up next to heat this shit up.
Colton Smith and Robert Whittaker are up. Two TUF winners here, but really, does anyone actually give a shit about that anymore? I propose we strike that term from the record.
Anyway, nothing better to weaken your buzz and produce an incredible soft-on than a Colton Smith fight. He’s a stick-to-your-ribs wrestler, and, well that’s about it. The problem for anyone who cannot counter that ability is that Colton doesn’t give a scintilla of a shit how aesthetically brutal his fights are. He’s here to win. Hey, can’t fault a fellow for that. No logic in stand and bang when that clearly aint your thang.
It’s all about recognizing strengths and weaknesses and formulating a plan of attack that maximizes the probability of success. Omar would never have been able to take on the Barksdales, Prop Joe, Marlo Stanfield, or anyone else for that matter if he didn’t utilize that formula. His greatest strength was not his cantaloupe sized nuts. It was his patience in reconnaissance. Omar would sit on a stash house, corner or foe for days on end, weeks if need be until he knew every nook and cranny of his target. That was the key to his success. Colton’s strength is to take a fool down and ride out the 15 minutes. I’d bet one of Omar’s substantial testicles that’s exactly what Colton’s going to do here.
Round 1: Here we go. Whittaker has his hands very low. Colton shoots, nice, Whittaker defends. High kick by Colton misses. Colton jumps in, gets tagged. Whittaker with a jab, Colton blocks it with his forehead. Colton lands a nice right hand. Whittaker responds with a right of his own. Nice combo by Whittaker. Leg kick by Colton. Whittaker misses a left hook. Colton misses another high kick. Whittaker sticks a nice jab. Colton throws three rights in a row, misses every one of them. Whittaker stuffs another takedown. Nice TD defense, thank God. Whittaker jumps in, lands a decent shot. Colton responds with a hard shot of his own. And Colton drops him with a big right, working a Kimura. Takes him down with it, but Whittaker is up. Close round. 10-9 Whittaker
Round 2: Colton eats a huge left hook to start things off, he’s hurt. Whittaker lets him off the hook. Colton’s right eye is swollen. Colton lands a decent shot, then a straight right. Counter left by Whittaker. Colton charges in, Whittaker backs him up with a shot to the grill. Big right by Colton skims Whittaker. They exchange, Whittaker takes one in the nads. They continue. Colton with a right, then a kick to the body. Colton eats a couple as he wades in. Front kick misses by Colton. Big left by Whittaker, Colton’s face is a disaster. Whittaker lands another. Oof, Colton eats several upper cuts. Whittaker turning it up as the round closes. 10-9 Whittaker
Round 3: Colton looks like a thin Sloth, he’s banged up. Whittaker opens with a left, then drops Colton and descends on him. The ref steps in and ends it, kind of a questionable stoppage there. He was hurt, no doubt, but not finished by any means.
The official decision is in, and it’s a TKO in round three for Robert Whittaker. Nice win, and great job not letting it turn into a wrestle-hump fest.
Dennis Bermudez vs Max Holloway is up next.
Even though he sports the most pathetically predictable nickname in the biz, Dennis “The Menace” Bermudez has become quite adept at picking up Fight Night bonus checks. Four UFC fights, three checks so far. And if these guys come out and perform as they’re both capable of, this could be another one.
Holloway, at only 21 years of age, is the youngest fighter currently on the UFC roster. He’s a talented striker who’s very rangy for featherweight. If he can stay off his back he’s got a good shot here.
Round 1: Holloway misses a jab, Bermudez misses a straight right. Front kick to the body by Holloway, Bermudez grabs a leg, Holloway defends, lands a nice straight right. Then sticks a jab. Bermudez trying to figure out how to get inside Holloway’s range, eats another jab. Holloway is really working that jab, using his reach very effectively. Bermudez with a leg kick. Combo by Holloway, blocked. Bermudez shoots, Holloway defends. Bermudez has Holloway pressed against the cage, Holloway escapes. Big leg kick by Bermudez. Spinning back kick by Holloway, Bermudez rocked. Knee to the body, Holloway is working him here. Bermudez holding on against the cage for dear life, hoping to recover. Bermudez misses an uppercut, Holloway lands a hige right, then follows with a spinning body kick that looks like it sucked. Damn, lands another one, then to the head, drops Bermudez. Wow, 10-9 Holloway
Round 2: Bermudez shoots, get sit, but Holloway reverses, takes his back, then backs off with a kick to the face. Damn! Bermudez skims an overhand right, then lands a leg kick. Holloway responds with one of his own, then eats a left hook. Holloway with a jab. High kick by Holloway, blocked. They trade jabs. Hollowat goes hard to the body then lands to the head. Bermudez misses a huge left hook. Holloway lands to the grill. Bermudez lands a hard leg kick. Holloway sticks a combination. Bermudez misses a takedown, but lands an elbow as he presses Holloway into the cage. Holloway responds with an elbow of his own. Holloway with a job, eats another hard leg kick. And another. Holloway throws another spinning kick, barely lands. Bermudez thinks Superman punch, eats another combo. Holloway misses a Matrix kixk. Bermudze gets a takedown, and working in guard. Lands an elbow. Close round. I’d give the edge to Holloway, 10-9
Round 3: They bro hug it out to start things off. Holloway lands to the body, eats a kick to the chops. Bermudze grabs a leg, takes Holloway down. Holloway up, but eats a knee off the break. Holloway goes to the body again. They trade jabs. Jab by Holloway, leg kick by Bermudez. Big right just misses by Bermudez. Jab by Holloway. Bermudez shoots again, gets it, but Holloway pops back up. Kick by Bermudez, blocked. Left lands by Bermudez. Holloway shoots, stuffed. Duel leg kicks by Bermudez, and he lands a takedown. Working from the closed guard, dropping elbows. Nice. Now Holloway has half guard now, but he’s still eating elbows. Bermudze tries to mount, has to settle for half guard again. The round ends with Holloway on top, dropping punches. 10-9 Bermudez
The decision is in, and it’s a split decision for Dennis Bermudez, 29-28 across the board.
Next up we have Mike Pyle vs Rick Story.
Almost two years ago to the day, Rick Story culminated a six fight winning streak by beating Thiago Silva. He was viewed by many as a viable title contender. The sky was the limit for the aggressive youngster from Washington. But then the poor bastard started losing fights: first to Charlie Brenneman, then to Martin Kampmann before a newly minted submission – The Face-Crank of Utter Woe – was invented by Demian Maia and tested on Story. He did, in the spirit of optimism, manage to sandwich a win in there to a guy who no one cares about. Now, coming off a first round starching of Quinn Mulhern, Story is hoping to get back on track to his previous status.
Standing in his way is Mike “King Mullet” Pyle, who at 37 years old is on a sweet hot streak of three first round knockouts, and an overall UFC record that stands at a very respectable 7-3. After ruining James Head with knees in his last outing, Pyle thought he deserved Top 10 billing and all the accoutrement that goes with that, including a Top 10 opponent. While that didn’t happen for him, Story does represent a step up in competition from his previous victims. And while a win wouldn’t exactly put him in the Top 10, it would be one step closer to proving to the world that the Samsonite theory of sporting a ridiculous hairdo is not to be taken lightly in the realm of battle. See Roy Nelson and Ben Henderson.
Round 1: Story takes the center of the cage right off the bat. Pyle lands a knee, Story tosses him to the ground. Story working from Pyle’s guard. Throwing to the body, Pyle working a high guard, looking for submissions. Pyle doing a great job of controlling Story’s posture. He grabs an arm, but Story escapes. Pyle is on his back, but he’s doing a great job of keeping Story busy defending to where he cannot do much damage. Pyle is up. Huge left by Story, then goes hard to the body. Pyle misses a jab. Story whiffs a left. Leg kick by Pyle. Story drops Pyle with a shot, dropping bombs on Pyle. Story is whaling away on Pyle from behind. Pyle survives, but took a beating. 10-9 Story
Round 2: Front kick by Pyle, misses. Huge left by Story, skims Pyle. Story lands a straight left. Pyle clinches and delivers a knee. Story going for a takedown, sticks it. Pyle going for a Kimura. Damn, looks pretty nasty. Story’s arm is free, and he’s in half guard, now full guard. Story can’t get much going from top position, Pyle is defending very well. Pyle looking to push off the cage, Story postures up, but still cannot land anything significant. The natives are getting restless. Story is just kind of laying on Pyle, can’t really do anything. The round ends without much going on. 10-9 Story
Round 3: Softest leg kick ever from Pyle, Story responds with a huge shot to the head. Story goes to the body, Pyle misses a knee. Story looked winded. Pyle lands a front kick. Story answers to the body. Pyle clinches, lands a knee. Then an elbow. Pyle clinches again, Story presses him against the cage. Pyle with another elbow over the top. More elbows from Pyle, and Story is bleeding. Story has Pyle’s back, working some knees to the thigh. The pace has slowed considerably. Story is exhausted, his punches are slow and labored. Pyle is teeing off now, but Story sticks a takedown. Pyle going for an armbar, and sweeps! Beautiful. Pyle has the body triangle, and thr round ends before he could get the submission. 10-9 Pyle
The decision is in, and it’s split. Mike Pyle gets the nod, 29-28.
I like the decision, it means the judges took into consideration that Story, even though on top, did nothing in round two. Nice.
Well that’s it for me, folks. Enjoy the main card. WAR MARK HUNT!