Before we even get into the awesome that is UFC Tonight’s recent “Fighter Trivia” episode, I just want to put it out there that I will beat any of you in any game show trivia challenge. Any of you. When I was in college, the only channel my RCA 630TS television received was The Game Show Network. Jeopardy, Wheel of Fortune, Family Feud, Double Dare, right down to the early pioneers of Press Your Luck, Match Game, Pyramid, and The Price is Right were at my disposal on a near 24/7 basis. When I wasn’t browned out in an alleyway looking for a jar of marmalade and bus ticket to Santa Fe, you could assume I was getting my trivia knowledge on with Brawlin’ Bob and the gang.
So you can imagine my excitement when I came across this gem of an idea Fuel TV devoted an episode of UFC Tonight to, with Ariel Helwani playing the proverbial Bob Eubanks role. The premise is simple, a group of fighters are subjected to what I assume is five rounds of trivia (there aren’t videos of all 5 rounds to confirm/deny this) covering everything from their knowledge of The Ultimate Fighter to that of pop culture. They are paired up for certain rounds, but mostly are forced to go on their own until one man is declared the winner.
For the inaugural segment, Michael Bisping, Rashad Evans, Dominick Cruz, and Kenny Florian were chosen as participants. Spoiler alert: Cruz doesn’t know sh*t about sh*t, and Bisping knows more about Dora the Explorer than we would have ever imagined.
It’s OK Kenny, we all forgot about UFC 78. But because I live to educate you members of the Potato Nation, I offer the following Rondeau to take you back to that magical night:
It came boasting “Validation,”
Achieving mere irritation,
Two undefeated TUF winners,
Served the crowd a NyQuil dinner,
A lay-n-pray meditation.
Though it was quite a sensation,
Watching hype trains leave the station,
A future champ dry-humped Fischer,
Lytle saved us.
“Assassin’s” humiliation,
A Jiu-Jitsu education?
Earlier, a ginger sinner,
Made the lights in Joe’s brain dimmer,
Overall, a dull occasion,
Lytle saved us!
God damn, I am a lyrical wordsmith.
Now, onto the pop culture round.
Now, I’m never one to play the race card, but did anyone find it rather odd that the black guy (Evans, for those of you who can’t see color or are afraid to make obvious observations) was given two questions about rappers, and all the white dudes were given questions involving Twilight, Britney Spears, Hannah Montana, and generic British history?
And you gotta love that the show made Brittney Palmer don her full octagon “uniform” — ring card and all — to inform us what round it is. Because if there’s one thing people tune into late night MMA news shows on obscure networks for, it’s the chance to see some tits.
But after three grueling rounds, Michael Bisping found himself atop the leaderboard despite the fact that he could barely remember who Prince William was married to. Unfortunately for “The Count,” Dana White still gave the third round to Rashad.
Now who else agrees that at the minimum, this needs to become a regular feature on UFC Tonight, if not a full time game show? Think about it; they could do a Password round with Chael Sonnen and Jon Jones (The password is: “coward”), and a game in which several English-speaking fighters try to decipher whatever the hell Terry Etim is saying. It would be TV gold.