We’re just hours away from UFC 152, where we will be treated to great fights between our sport’s top athletes. So, to get us in the mood for tonight’s action, let’s take a look at something completely different. Before establishing himself as the destroyer of Tater freakin’ Williams, top XARM heavyweight* Bond Laupua made his MMA debut against renowned crazy person Dan Quinn at Gladiator Challenge: First Strike in October 2009. And despite everything about pitting a future XARM athlete fighter competitor against a wild-eyed Stevia enthusiast seeming legitimate, the fight quickly turned into a bizarre freak show.
It has to be frustrating to coach a fighter like Dan Quinn, who all but refuses to follow the most basic advice his corner gives him. His corner practically has to beg him to throw some punches, but don’t worry, Bond Laupua tires himself out far before Dan’s Homer Simpson-esque strategy can backfire. Dan lands some hard punches on the exhausted Bond Lapua, then backs away, generously giving Laupua the opportunity to recover. But much like the referee for my eighth grade dance off, this ref realizes that things can quickly go from embarrassing to tragic, and ain’t nobody got time for that. The shenanigans are over in one minute and forty nine seconds.
Of course, since getting TKO’d by Dan Quinn, Bond would reinvent himself in XARM, where “I don’t really have a strategy” is the perfect strategy for becoming a certified decapitator of the souls of mere mortals. Frankly, I’m not entirely sure that’s an improvement.
*Probably. I mean, I don’t know of any other XARM fighters, but how many people are actually competing in this sideshow?