Tag: Brutal

(FAAAAAAAALCON PUNNNNNNNNNCH!!)

Let’s face it, there will probably never be a truly great “MMA” movie. Quote unquote “movie-going audiences” (and therefore, the studios that fund these films) don’t give two shits about accurately representing the sport, nor do they care to explore any aspect of MMA other than the fighting itself. To these people, MMA is a spectacle in need of exploiting: take your Karate Kid premise, switch out Ralph Macchio for a couple greased up Abercrombie models, and throw in as many Superman punches as humanly possible. Cut. Print. Never Back Down. 

Whether its because the filmmakers involved in these movies simply lack any understanding of what mixed martial arts actually is, or because the sport has a tendency to attract the type of dude-bro, mouth-breathing clods that helped make Transformers 4 a success, MMA in film is all but destined to a life of insultingly misrepresentative, focus-grouped tripe like Here Comes the Boom and Hector Echavarria straight-to-DVDs starring actual mixed martial artists. I honestly don’t know which is worse. 

And then, there’s Brutal, an upcoming MMA movie that appears to be equal parts Shutter Island and a wet fart (Sharter Island?). If the trailer you’re about to witness is any indication, Brutal should set MMA back 15 years at the minimum.

Brutal‘s IMDB synopsis attempts to shed some light on whatever the f*ck it is that you just witnessed. It fails miserably:

Abducted without explanation, two men are forced into a daily steel cage brawl testing their will to live.

Ah, so they half ripped off the plot of Oldboy and referred to a mixed martial arts fight as a “steel cage brawl” in one sentence. Fantastic.

Based off the trailer alone, I’m going to make the wild assumption that no one involved in Brutal has ever, ever seen an MMA fight to completion. Either that, or this is a film backed by the Culinary Union with the goal of convincing people that the average MMA fight features WWE-style clotheslines, eye-gouging, and submissions that literally snap peoples bones through their skin. (You shut your mouth about that Uriah Hall injury.)

Just an absolute piece of shit from top to bottom Brutal is primed to be, although personally, the thing I found most offensive about this trailer was how overcooked the main dude’s steak was, as well as the fact that he tried to dip said steak in its own au jus where there was clearly none to do so. Nice prop work, Zakarian! The Jon Jones of reality show cooking competitions you are not.

I guess we should take solace in the fact that no more than 15 people will ever see this movie, but you can guaran-damn-tee that a Fight Flicks review of Brutal will hit CP the day it is released.

–J. Jones