Tag: Crazy Russians

So Mickey Rourke *May* Have Beaten Up a Mentally Unstable Homeless Man Last Weekend

(Rourke vs. Elliot Seymour, Round 2. Come for the funny accents, stay for the SAVAGE body shots.)

While you were pausing to check your phone in between trips to the Golden Corral buffet line this Thanksgiving weekend, you might have heard that 62 year-old actor Mickey Rourke returned to the boxing ring after a 20 year absence to face off against 29 year-old Elliot Seymour in Moscow. You might also have heard that star of The Wrestler not only survived the encounter, but actually walked away the victor via a second round TKO.

What you might not have heard (or seen) was the fight itself, which played out in the kind of cringeworthy fashion you would expect of a Russian freakshow fight between a 62 year-old and a 1-9 journeyman. Rourke repeatedly dropped Seymour with body shots that looked…let’s say “less than devastating”, leading many fans to cry foul mere moments after the fight was waved off. (“A Hollywood actor playing make believe? I for one am flabbergasted!” — Nobody)

And unfortunately, today brings an even more depressing insight into the story of Rourke’s glorious absolute victory. We’ll let The Daily Mail explain:

In an exclusive interview, a source close to Seymour’s family, said: ‘It was clearly a fixed fight. The whole bouncing off the ropes, hands down, punches were not landing and they were intentionally hitting each other’s gloves.

There are people at Wild Card gym who know that Elliot’s in a really terrible situation and pretty much living on the streets, these are Mickey Rourke’s people who Elliot’s been around and known for some time.

All these headlines Mickey Rourke beat someone half his age… yeah he did but you’re not telling them the real story, the real story is he’s homeless and desperate and he will probably go back to living on the streets when he gets back. People have no clue about that.


(Rourke vs. Elliot Seymour, Round 2. Come for the funny accents, stay for the SAVAGE body shots.)

While you were pausing to check your phone in between trips to the Golden Corral buffet line this Thanksgiving weekend, you might have heard that 62 year-old actor Mickey Rourke returned to the boxing ring after a 20 year absence to face off against 29 year-old Elliot Seymour in Moscow. You might also have heard that star of The Wrestler not only survived the encounter, but actually walked away the victor via a second round TKO.

What you might not have heard (or seen) was the fight itself, which played out in the kind of cringeworthy fashion you would expect of a Russian freakshow fight between a 62 year-old and a 1-9 journeyman. Rourke repeatedly dropped Seymour with body shots that looked…let’s say “less than devastating”, leading many fans to cry foul mere moments after the fight was waved off. (“A Hollywood actor playing make believe? I for one am flabbergasted!” — Nobody)

And unfortunately, today brings an even more depressing insight into the story of Rourke’s glorious absolute victory. We’ll let The Daily Mail explain:

In an exclusive interview, a source close to Seymour’s family, said: ‘It was clearly a fixed fight. The whole bouncing off the ropes, hands down, punches were not landing and they were intentionally hitting each other’s gloves.

There are people at Wild Card gym who know that Elliot’s in a really terrible situation and pretty much living on the streets, these are Mickey Rourke’s people who Elliot’s been around and known for some time.

All these headlines Mickey Rourke beat someone half his age… yeah he did but you’re not telling them the real story, the real story is he’s homeless and desperate and he will probably go back to living on the streets when he gets back. People have no clue about that. There’s so much more to the situation than people know, and there’s so much that’s more important than the fact it was fixed, which is the fact he doesn’t have a home and he’s got some mental health issues. They told him to throw the fight, I hope he gets home safely and paid. They wanted him down in the 4th.’

Anyone with half a brain could have predicted that a fight featuring a 60+ year-old Hollywood actor would end under sketchy circumstances, but this development truly makes you realize the no-win situation Rourke put himself in by agreeing to this in the first place. If he was paired against a semi-competent opponent and destroyed, we would have mocked him for daring to think he could still compete at his age. If he went the other route, *this* route, you knew that it would only be a matter of time before the horrific details began to emerge. Honestly, I’m just going to say that Rourke looks to be in great shape and walk away whistling.

But yeah, Mickey Rourke beat up a homeless, mentally unstable drifter in Russia on Black Friday, which is quite possibly the most beautiful series of words ever committed to the CP WordPress.

BREAKING: We have just received word that Rourke actually competed in another, bare-knuckle match over the weekend, and the results were equally as vicious. A gif of the finish is below:

Brutal. Just brutal.

–J. Jones

Street Fight of the Day: Russian* Dude Knocks Two Fools Cold With Just Two Punches

(Props: MiddleEasy)

As is often the case with Russian alley fights, context and backstory are completely irrelevant here. But basically, this video features a guy in a hooded jacket demolishing two consecutive foes with two perfect punches. The first victim gets falling tree’d with a left hook. The second one eats an off-balance haymaker and drops to the ground, temporarily dead.

Watch that second knockout again and you will notice two things. 1) The dude got knocked out while trying to throw a leg kick. In a street fight. So, so embarrassing. 2) The second knockout victim also had a cigarette in his mouth at the time, which was ejected like a bullet due to the force of the punch. Those two details combine to make this video a late front-runner for 2014 Unsanctioned Fight of the Year. If you have any better candidates, let us know.

* I’m going to assume these people are Russian, because the full video of this incident was originally uploaded to the FromRussiaWithLOLs YouTube account. And that’s what passes for fact-checking around here.


(Props: MiddleEasy)

As is often the case with Russian alley fights, context and backstory are completely irrelevant here. But basically, this video features a guy in a hooded jacket demolishing two consecutive foes with two perfect punches. The first victim gets falling tree’d with a left hook. The second one eats an off-balance haymaker and drops to the ground, temporarily dead.

Watch that second knockout again and you will notice two things. 1) The dude got knocked out while trying to throw a leg kick. In a street fight. So, so embarrassing. 2) The second knockout victim also had a cigarette in his mouth at the time, which was ejected like a bullet due to the force of the punch. Those two details combine to make this video a late front-runner for 2014 Unsanctioned Fight of the Year. If you have any better candidates, let us know.

* I’m going to assume these people are Russian, because the full video of this incident was originally uploaded to the FromRussiaWithLOLs YouTube account. And that’s what passes for fact-checking around here.

Alexander Emelianenko Got Engaged! While in Jail! Awaiting Trial!! For Sexual Assault!!1!


(He’ll fight for my love AND he bakes! *swoon*)

Love is…strange, Nation. It requires trust, understanding, patience, and occasionally, the willingness to look a convicted sex offender in the eyes and say “I do” from behind the bars of a Russian prison.

What? Haven’t you heard? Alexander Emelianenko — the very same who is currently awaiting trial for the sexual assault of a 27 year-old woman — recently got engaged to a living, breathing woman named Pauline, reports MMABoxing.ru. Break out the streamers! Fire up the band! Just make sure you tell them to keep it down!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, that just means that he’s prison engaged, if you know what I’m saying.” First off, don’t nudge me, and secondly, you’re wrong. According to BloodyElbow, “Emelianenko, through the request of his lawyer, got permission to marry inside the detention center. It also appears that it was his fiancé, Pauline, who proposed.”

So there you have it. Alexander Emelianenko is engaged to be married. And I have no one.


(He’ll fight for my love AND he bakes! *swoon*)

Love is…strange, Nation. It requires trust, understanding, patience, and occasionally, the willingness to look a convicted sex offender in the eyes and say “I do” from behind the bars of a Russian prison.

What? Haven’t you heard? Alexander Emelianenko — the very same who is currently awaiting trial for the sexual assault of a 27 year-old woman – recently got engaged to a living, breathing woman named Pauline, reports MMABoxing.ru. Break out the streamers! Fire up the band! Just make sure you tell them to keep it down!

Now, I know what you’re thinking, “Oh, that just means that he’s prison engaged, if you know what I’m saying.” First off, don’t nudge me, and secondly, you’re wrong. According to BloodyElbow, “Emelianenko, through the request of his lawyer, got permission to marry inside the detention center. It also appears that it was his fiancé, Pauline, who proposed.”

So there you have it. Alexander Emelianenko is engaged to be married. And I have no one.

Alexander Emelianenko is on Russia’s “Most Wanted” list. In the past few years, the list of reprehensible offenses he has committed include (but are not limited to): assaulting a group of hecklers, assaulting a 63-year old veteran on his birthday, “hooliganism” on an aircraft, housekeeper abuse, and passport theft. Now, he is facing 4-6 years behind bars for allegedly drugging a chick and doing God knows what to her. By all accounts, he seems to be an absolute monster of an individual. He also might have Hepatitis.

Yet despite ALL OF THIS, he has found someone who is ready to commit their life to him in blissful matrimony forevermore. Someone who is willing to overlook his many (many, many) faults, who proposed TO HIM, and is eager to have the day she has always dreamed of commence from behind cold dirty Russian prison bars.

And I have no one.

It makes me wonder about God’s plan, is all.

–J. Jones

[VIDEO] This Russian Gym Commercial Featuring Fedor Emelianenko Hits You Right in the Feels

(Props: r/mma)

Russians: They have feelings. Who would’ve guessed? And this commercial for a Russian gym starring Fedor Emelianenko will hit you in every. last. one of them.


(Props: r/mma)

Russians: They have feelings. Who would’ve guessed? And this commercial for a Russian gym starring Fedor Emelianenko will hit you in every. last. one of them.

Oh, This? Just a Double Knockout In a 2 on 1 Russian MMA Bout [VIDEO]

A freakshow MMA fan I may be, I must admit that I’ve never quite understood the appeal of 2 vs. 1 MMA, Tag Team MMA, or anything of the like (except for Hip Show, that is!). How something as blatantly tilted and insanely dangerous as having two trained fighters team up against one can even be legalized boggles my mind, and more or less plays into the notion that MMA is a trend sport in need of exploiting (except for Hip Show!).

That being said, I won’t act like I didn’t jump out of my seat while watching this video uncovered by the UG, wherein the clearly disadvantaged fighter knocks out *both* of his opponents in roughly 3 seconds. The fight took place somewhere in Siberia, of course, and that is literally all I know about this video, and quite frankly, all I need to know. Other than the fact that 2 vs. 1 fighting will never hold a candle to Hip Show.

Hip Show.

–J. Jones

A freakshow MMA fan I may be, I must admit that I’ve never quite understood the appeal of 2 vs. 1 MMA, Tag Team MMA, or anything of the like (except for Hip Show, that is!). How something as blatantly tilted and insanely dangerous as having two trained fighters team up against one can even be legalized boggles my mind, and more or less plays into the notion that MMA is a trend sport in need of exploiting (except for Hip Show!).

That being said, I won’t act like I didn’t jump out of my seat while watching this video uncovered by the UG, wherein the clearly disadvantaged fighter knocks out *both* of his opponents in roughly 3 seconds. The fight took place somewhere in Siberia, of course, and that is literally all I know about this video, and quite frankly, all I need to know. Other than the fact that 2 vs. 1 fighting will never hold a candle to Hip Show.

Hip Show.

–J. Jones

Amazing Video: Russian Fighter Suffers Horrible Leg Break, Wins by Rear-Naked Choke Anyway

(Props: GrapplersPlanetCom via Reddit/MMA)

Today’s example of inhuman Russian toughness comes to us from the International Federation of Full Contact Fighting, where a fighter won a recent match by rear-naked choke directly after having his leg snapped and twisted sideways by his opponent.

Skip to the video’s 0:40 mark to see the fighter in red shorts grab an ankle and start working on a heel hook. At the 0:54 mark, you can see that the fighter in blue shorts is in a position that you might describe as “uncomfortable.” Realizing that his tough-as-nails opponent isn’t going to tap so easily, Red Fighter re-adjusts the hold and cranks the absolute bejesus out of Blue Fighter’s ankle. I think what you’re hearing at the 1:05-1:06 mark is ligaments tearing off the bone.

999,999,999 out of a billion times, this would result in the leg-lock victim screaming in agony and tapping as quickly as possible. Instead, Blue Fighter goes “full Russian” and snatches the now-exposed neck of Red Fighter. The following sequence is unbelievable. When the camera angle changes, we see how badly-off Blue Fighter’s leg is. But amazingly, he holds the choke until Red Fighter releases the leg lock and starts tapping. Blue Fighter tries to get up to celebrate his victory, and quickly realizes that, nope, he ain’t walking out of here on that thing. It’s inspirational and bizarre and a little sad all at once.

If you know Blue Fighter’s name or how much he got paid for this match, please let us know at [email protected].


(Props: GrapplersPlanetCom via Reddit/MMA)

Today’s example of inhuman Russian toughness comes to us from the International Federation of Full Contact Fighting, where a fighter won a recent match by rear-naked choke directly after having his leg snapped and twisted sideways by his opponent.

Skip to the video’s 0:40 mark to see the fighter in red shorts grab an ankle and start working on a heel hook. At the 0:54 mark, you can see that the fighter in blue shorts is in a position that you might describe as “uncomfortable.” Realizing that his tough-as-nails opponent isn’t going to tap so easily, Red Fighter re-adjusts the hold and cranks the absolute bejesus out of Blue Fighter’s ankle. I think what you’re hearing at the 1:05-1:06 mark is ligaments tearing off the bone.

999,999,999 out of a billion times, this would result in the leg-lock victim screaming in agony and tapping as quickly as possible. Instead, Blue Fighter goes “full Russian” and snatches the now-exposed neck of Red Fighter. The following sequence is unbelievable. When the camera angle changes, we see how badly-off Blue Fighter’s leg is. But amazingly, he holds the choke until Red Fighter releases the leg lock and starts tapping. Blue Fighter tries to get up to celebrate his victory, and quickly realizes that, nope, he ain’t walking out of here on that thing. It’s inspirational and bizarre and a little sad all at once.

If you know Blue Fighter’s name or how much he got paid for this match, please let us know at [email protected].