(Rule #1 Tito: ALWAYS check for an Adam’s apple before you make your move.)
When we first heard that former UFC lightweight champion Tito Ortiz had purchased Oscar De La Hoya’s training compound, with only one fight left in his career, mind you, we just wrote it off as the kind of business decision that got him fired by Donald Trump. But if you know anything about “The People’s Champ,” you know that the guy more than makes up for his interview skills with business savvy. We may not be sure of the exact figure Tito dropped on this Big Bear Lake-side abode, but you only need to catch a glimpse of the place to realize it was worth it.
Fair warning: the euphoric feeling you will receive as the incredibly gorgeous, CagePotato-loving Corissa Furr leads you around this rustic villa on the latest episode of Ultimate Insider will immediately be followed by the crushing realization that you will NEVER live in a place so nice no matter how hard you try.
First off, was anyone aware that Ortiz and Jenna Jameson were back together? The last we remember, these two were going at it on Twitter like a pair of attention-whoring celebutants. Secondly, what in holy Hell has happened to Jenna Jameson’s face? It looks like some Tijuana back alley surgeon stretched a piece of bologna over Gwyneth Paltrow’s elbow for Christ’s sake. That is not the same woman that captured America’s penises hearts with her acting talents just under a decade ago.
As if the house wasn’t enough to make you turn green with envy, one look at Ortiz’s car collection might just make you curse the heavens above for giving you the body structure and fighting ability of a thirteen year old girl. Not that we could relate, because the CP staff is built like the O’Doyle family and treats the rest of the MMA world as such. But anyway, a Rolls Royce Phantom, which Ortiz describes as “like a house on wheels, literally, that’s how much it cost” and 2012 Porsche rest outside his training facility, along with a few vehicles Ortiz probably didn’t have the time to talk about — apparently he isn’t aware that bitches really give it up for a Ford Fiesta covered in Spice Girls stickers from the previous owner.
Around the three minute mark you will find that *spoiler* De La Hoya actually built two houses on the grounds, the second of which contains yet another billiards table, a monster-sized jacuzzi, and a double staircase straight out of Scarface. All I’m saying is, if I had a place like this, not even the hundred men or more described in Toto’s “Africa” could drag me away from it. Then again, if the old hag I am currently throwing it to ever has the common decency to croak already, I may just get that opportunity.
Ortiz, on the other hand, will get the opportunity to retire Forrest Griffin from life at UFC 148, which goes down from the MGM Grand in Las Vegas on July 7th.