Tag: diver

“Fight” of the Day: Pretty Much the Most Pathetic Goddamn Thing You Will Ever Witness

(Props: MiddleEasy via MMeh)

Never in our life did we think we would witness a combat sports performance more embarrassing than Nick “Turbo Tax” Capes’ dive against former NFL defensive end Ray Edwards last February. We were wrong. We were so goddamn wrong.

Perhaps all the years spent covering the travesty that is Bob Sapp have desensitized us to the art of the flop. Perhaps we’re just getting too old for this shit. But in all of Sapp’s positively miserable performances, we never once saw him, as our buddies over at MiddleEasy so eloquently put it, “tap to a sprawl.” Sure, he’s tapped to strikes, a takedown, and been knocked out by a phantom punch or two in his time, but this…this is somehow worse.


(Props: MiddleEasy via MMeh)

Never in our life did we think we would witness a combat sports performance more embarrassing than Nick “Turbo Tax” Capes’ dive against former NFL defensive end Ray Edwards last February. We were wrong. We were so goddamn wrong.

Perhaps all the years spent covering the travesty that is Bob Sapp have desensitized us to the art of the flop. Perhaps we’re just getting too old for this shit. But in all of Sapp’s positively miserable performances, we never once saw him, as our buddies over at MiddleEasy so eloquently put it, “tap to a sprawl.” Sure, he’s tapped to strikes, a takedown, and been knocked out by a phantom punch or two in his time, but this…this is somehow worse.

For starters, this was a title fight, which presumably means that David “The Can” Correa actually beat somebody to warrant his place in the ring. If anyone can find of a video of that fight (if it even exists), we are prepared to pay upwards of two shirts to obtain exclusive rights to it.

Further distinguishing this charade as the pinnacle of pathetic MMA fights is the fact that Correa’s opponent, Aaron Downey, becomes so bewildered by Correa’s strategy — which appears to operate under the belief that a thigh can be strangled into submission — that he seemingly forgets that Jiu-Jitsu is a thing and opts to stare on in awe while his cornermen verbally berate Correa from ringside until he mercifully calls it quits. Hopefully forever.

In any case, “Personal stoppage” is the new “Wouldn’t get up from butt scoot.”

–J. Jones

Meanwhile, In Boxing: Former NFL Defensive End Ray Edwards Scores The Phantomest of Phantom Punch KO’s [VIDEO]


(Your move, Sonny Corleone.)

I have seen some incredible flops in my day, Potato Nation. I’ve watched nearly 1000 hours of World Cup soccer, I spent two summers in the 90’s at the Vlade Divac School of Basketball, and I even made it through the first 40 minutes of Cloud Atlas before I faked a stroke to get out of that God forsaken theater. But believe me when I say that nothing, nothing I’ve come across compares to the flop that took place during former Atlanta Falcons defensive end Ray Edwards’ most recent boxing match.

Edwards — who was released by the Falcons in November — was actually competing in his third professional boxing match last Saturday. But like Kimbo Slice and more notably Aleksander Emelianenko before him, the opponents being put before Edwards all seem to be suffering from various degrees of sudden onset narcolepsy. Here’s a video of Edwards’ second fight against Corey Briggs, a man I can only assume has since lost at least a foot to diabetes. And if you think that looked fishy, just wait until you see his most recent farce.

Video after the jump. 


(Your move, Sonny Corleone.)

I have seen some incredible flops in my day, Potato Nation. I’ve watched nearly 1000 hours of World Cup soccer, I spent two summers in the 90′s at the Vlade Divac School of Basketball, and I even made it through the first 40 minutes of Cloud Atlas before I faked a stroke to get out of that God forsaken theater. But believe me when I say that nothing, nothing I’ve come across compares to the flop that took place during former Atlanta Falcons defensive end Ray Edwards’ most recent boxing match.

Edwards — who was released by the Falcons in November — was actually competing in his third professional boxing match last Saturday. But like Kimbo Slice and more notably Aleksander Emelianenko before him, the opponents being put before Edwards all seem to be suffering from various degrees of sudden onset narcolepsy. Here’s a video of Edwards’ second fight against Corey Briggs, a man I can only assume has since lost at least a foot to diabetes. And if you think that looked fishy, just wait until you see his most recent farce.

Video below. 

According to Edwards’ Wikipedia page, the portly trout seen taking an Oscar-level dive here goes by Nick “Turbo Tax” Capes, who is both Edwards’ accountant and was “knocked out with a stuff breeze” for filing his client’s taxes incorrectly. And while some of this information is clearly the work of an anonymous — not to mention genius — troll out there, we’d like to congratulate Capes for not only creating a new category for this year’s Potato Awards (Flop of the Year) with his effort here, but for already securing both the first and last place on the list of nominees.

Seriously, have any of you ever seen a more egregious dive than this one before? Video link or GTFO.

–J. Jones

In Case You Missed It: Bob Sapp Won Another Diving Competition in Holland Over the Weekend


(To activate Sapp’s “duck and cover” signature move, press “UP, UP, A, B” on your controller.”)

When Bob Sapp finally retires from MMA and pens an inevitable tell-all book, there’s a pretty good chance that his 11-10 record will be diminished to a more realistic number like 1-5.

Proof that some promoters still fix fights is the video after the jump of Sapp diving head-first at opponent Volkan Duzgun at an event called Vuisten van Vuur in Den Bosch, Netherlands over the weekend, before turtling and getting TKO’ed via WWE-esque shots to the arms and body. He doesn’t even know how to fake fight well.


(To activate Sapp’s “duck and cover” signature move, press “UP, UP, A, B” on your controller.”)

When Bob Sapp finally retires from MMA and pens an inevitable tell-all book, there’s a pretty good chance that his 11-10 record will be diminished to a more realistic number like 1-5.

Proof that some promoters still fix fights is the video below of Sapp diving head-first at opponent Volkan Duzgun at an event called Vuisten van Vuur in Den Bosch, Netherlands over the weekend, before turtling and getting TKO’ed via WWE-esque shots to the arms and body. He doesn’t even know how to fake fight well.


(Video courtesy of YouTube/kingtvrtko)

We used to think that “The Beast” was just getting crappier as he gets older, which astoundingly probably isn’t true either considering he’s only 37 (in Nogueira years, he’s actually around 50), but recently it’s become clear that he’s simply taking more dives than Greg Louganis. The difference is, the Olympic gold medalist actually put some effort into his flops.

We should have been suspicious when Bob was booked for three bouts in six weeks — two of which were against actual fighters Rolles Gracie and James Thompson. I guess he’s just making sure he doesn’t get hurt so he can still get paid to dive another day.