(“Half the game is 90% mental” — Timothy Deane Sylvia)
Over the weekend, we received the disheartening news that former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia had decided to retire from MMA after showing up at a whopping 371 pounds and being declared medically unfit to compete in his scheduled super-heavyweight contest at Reality Fighting 53. It was the latest in a series of depressing setbacks for the former champion, who its hard to believe was angling for another shot in the UFC as recently as last year.
And we know what you’re thinking, “You’re just setting this all up so you can rip on Sylvia’s weight for 1000 words.” And to be honest, we considered it. But rather than kick a man while he’s down, we’re going to play it straight with this: A tribute to the most memorable performances (for better or for worse) from one of the UFC’s most memorable heavyweight champions.
He is Fatty Boom-Boom “The Maine-iac”, hear him roar.
Sylvia vs. Cabbage Correia
Heading into his UFC debut at UFC 39: The Warriors Return, Sylvia was riding a ridiculous 13 fight win streak that included victories over future UFC alums Jason Lambert, Ben Rothwell, and Mike Whitehead. Paired against the similarly debuting Cabbage Correira, Sylvia brought a near perfect gameplan with him, blistering his iron-jawed foe with stiff jabs and uppercuts from the clinch until Cabbage’s corner was forced to throw in the towel early in the second round. It was such a dominant win that Sylvia was immediately given a title shot against the OG coke-snorting champion, Ricco Rodriguez.
(“Half the game is 90% mental” — Timothy Deane Sylvia)
Over the weekend, we received the disheartening news that former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia had decided to retire from MMA after showing up at a whopping 371 pounds and being declared medically unfit to compete in his scheduled super-heavyweight contest at Reality Fighting 53. It was the latest in a series of depressing setbacks for the former champion, who its hard to believe was angling for another shot in the UFC as recently as last year.
And we know what you’re thinking, “You’re just setting this all up so you can rip on Sylvia’s weight for 1000 words.” And to be honest, we considered it. But rather than kick a man while he’s down, we’re going to play it straight with this: A tribute to the most memorable performances (for better or for worse) from one of the UFC’s most memorable heavyweight champions.
He is Fatty Boom-Boom ”The Maine-iac”, hear him roar.
Sylvia vs. Cabbage Correia
Heading into his UFC debut at UFC 39: The Warriors Return, Sylvia was riding a ridiculous 13 fight win streak that included victories over future UFC alums Jason Lambert, Ben Rothwell, and Mike Whitehead. Paired against the similarly debuting Cabbage Correira, Sylvia brought a near perfect gameplan with him, blistering his iron-jawed foe with stiff jabs and uppercuts from the clinch until Cabbage’s corner was forced to throw in the towel early in the second round. It was such a dominant win that Sylvia was immediately given a title shot against the OG coke-snorting champion, Ricco Rodriguez.
Sylvia vs. Ricco Rodriguez
(Check out Sylvia vs. Rodriguez in its entirety here.)
Although it was only his first title defense, Ricco Rodriguez would have already been given G.O.A.T status heading into his UFC 41 fight against Sylvia had he been fighting in today’s UFC. His five previous appearances had all resulted in stoppage wins over seasoned veterans like Jeff Monson and Pete Williams, and he had captured the belt by elbowing Randy Couture into submission (!!) at the very event where Sylvia made his debut.
But against Sylvia, Rodriguez looked like little more than a punching bag with finely-defined sideburns. Unable to get inside Sylvia’s long arms and mount the smallest semblance of offense (save an armbar attempt early in the fight), Rodriguez was simply biding his time.
“Rico’s dangerously backing up and not covering up,” noted Ken Shamrock from cageside. “He’s allowing [Sylvia’s] right hand to get through.”
It was an ominous moment for Rodriguez, who would be dropped and finished by Sylvia less than 30 seconds later. In the blink of an eye, Tim Sylvia had scored the upset of a lifetime and become the ultimate boss in a promotion filled with Tyson Punch Out-level bosses.
Sylvia vs. Frank Mir
Hard times would befall Sylvia following his title win over Rodriguez. In his first defense, Sylvia would defeat fellow giant Gan McGee via first round TKO, only to test positive for Stanozolol in his post-fight drug test and be stripped of his title thereafter.
Sylvia returned to the octagon some nine months later with the hopes of reclaiming the title he had lost. The only thing standing in his way: Frank Mir. Less than a minute into their fight, Sylvia would find himself caught in the beartrap that is Mir’s guard and on the receiving end of an armbar so brutal that it nearly gave Herb Dean a heart attack. With a sickening pop, Mir broke Sylvia’s forearm in half, but Sylvia — the stubborn sumbitch — refused to believe it, even waving his arm around in an act of futile demonstration.
While reflecting on the “disappointing” end to his career in a recent interview with MMAFighting, Sylvia stated that a rematch with Mir “was the one left I would have liked to have done.” For what it’s worth, I’d be interested in seeing that fight…but only if it was held in Japan under Super Hluk rules.
Sylvia vs. Tra Telligman
Heartbreak would follow heartbreak for Sylvia, who would once again return from a lengthy layoff to suffer a quick defeat to future rival Andrei Arlovski at UFC 51. His heavyweight title (or at least, the interim title) having once again escaped him, Sylvia was matched against journeyman Tra Telligman at UFC 54. In what would be Telligman’s final MMA fight, Sylvia would DESTROY the Lion’s Den fighter with a head kick in the closing seconds of the first round. It was a highlight reel KO that would earn Sylvia a spot on UFC Ultimate Knockouts compilations for years to come.
On the next page: Sylvia recaptures gold in one of the greatest comebacks of all time (seriously), then suffers a reverse of fate against a PRIDE legend…
(Tim Sylvia, in his bantamweight debut. / Photo via Getty)
UFC 182 was certainly the talk of the town this weekend, yet we couldn’t help but notice a former UFC Heavyweight Champion call it a day after going on an Arby’s world tour to train for his most recent bout.
According to The Underground, Maine’s own Tim Sylvia retired yesterday, shortly after his super-heavyweight fight against Juliano “Banana” Coutinho at Reality Fighting 53 was cancelled. Sylvia, who was planning on entering the battlefield at a whopping 371 pounds, was not cleared to fight by the Mohegan Tribe Department of Athletic Regulation at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT., and thank the good Lord for that.
However, manager Monte Cox confirmed on Facebook there was a problem with his pre-fight MRI, and the bout was cancelled due to other issues apart from his weight. Nevertheless, the face-off picture of a bloated Timmeh surfaced on social media and MMA sites around the world, and that was enough for its experts to stare at it without blinking for the whole duration of the UFC 182 main card (except for the main event, of course).
(Tim Sylvia, in his bantamweight debut. / Photo via Getty)
UFC 182 was certainly the talk of the town this weekend, yet we couldn’t help but notice a former UFC Heavyweight Champion call it a day after going on an Arby’s world tour to train for his most recent bout.
According to The Underground, Maine’s own Tim Sylvia retired yesterday, shortly after his super-heavyweight fight against Juliano “Banana” Coutinho at Reality Fighting 53 was cancelled. Sylvia, who was planning on entering the battlefield at a whopping 371 pounds, was not cleared to fight by the Mohegan Tribe Department of Athletic Regulation at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT., and thank the good Lord for that.
However, manager Monte Cox confirmed on Facebook there was a problem with his pre-fight MRI, and the bout was cancelled due to other issues apart from his weight. Nevertheless, the face-off picture of a bloated Timmeh surfaced on social media and MMA sites around the world, and that was enough for its experts to stare at it without blinking for the whole duration of the UFC 182 main card (except for the main event, of course).
On the tail end of a three-fight losing streak, last night would have been the 42nd time Sylvia competed in a professional MMA contest. As one of the proud Miletech boys fighting out of Bettendorf, IA., Sylvia made his debut at UFC 39, earning a TKO stoppage over Wesley “Cabbage” Correira. He would go on to win the heavyweight strap in his next fight, knocking out Ricco Rodriguez in one round at UFC 41. However, a failed post-fight drug test saw him stripped of the title after his win over Gan McGee at UFC 44.
After his arm was snapped like a wishbone courtesy of Frank Mir at UFC 48 for the vacant heavyweight title, Sylvia would lose to arch rival Andrei Arlovski shortly after, being his second unsuccessful attempt at claiming back his gold. After winning three fights in a row, “The Maine-iac” bested “The Pit Bull” to win back his title at UFC 59, and went up 2-1 in their rubber match at UFC 61. Considering their heavyweight trilogy was part of the UFC’s dark days, most fans will remember Sylvia’s title reign for the amount of times he showed up to the arena as a spectator with the belt around his waist, not to mention walking into restaurants with it on as he accompanied Matt Hughes to umpteen dosages of fried foods on UFC All Access.
Sylvia would eventually lose the belt to Randy Couture at UFC 68, and despite numerous title fights in the UFC, his loss against Pride champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira would be his last one, and ultimately, his final fight inside the Octagon.
Hell, he even tried to get back into the UFC not long ago, but it wasn’t going to happen as long as UFC head honcho Dana White was pulling the strings, even though he’s still tied for most successful heavyweight title defenses.
We bid you adieu, Mr. Sylvia … but for God’s sake, lose some weight.
(But you know what? He carries it well. / Props: Kirik Jenness)
Former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia was scheduled to fight Juliano “Banana” Coutinho tonight in the super-heavyweight main event of Reality Fighting 53, at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT. Unfortunately, Sylvia was not cleared to fight by the Mohegan Tribe Department of Athletic Regulation — after hitting the scales yesterday at 371 goddamned pounds.
But there might be more to the Department of Athletic Regulation’s decision to bar Timmy from fighting than his weight. Sources close to the event have indicated to CagePotato that there was actually a problem with an MRI that Sylvia was required to take before the match. Sylvia’s manager Monte Cox confirmed that Sylvia was required to undergo additional medical tests at the last minute due to his age. At any rate, concern for his brain health may have played a bigger role than the number on the scale.
We’ll update you when we know more. In the meantime, good Lord, Tim, please get on The Biggest Loser or something.
(But you know what? He carries it well. / Props: Kirik Jenness)
Former UFC heavyweight champion Tim Sylvia was scheduled to fight Juliano “Banana” Coutinho tonight in the super-heavyweight main event of Reality Fighting 53, at the Mohegan Sun Casino in Uncasville, CT. Unfortunately, Sylvia was not cleared to fight by the Mohegan Tribe Department of Athletic Regulation — after hitting the scales yesterday at 371 goddamned pounds.
But there might be more to the Department of Athletic Regulation’s decision to bar Timmy from fighting than his weight. Sources close to the event have indicated to CagePotato that there was actually a problem with an MRI that Sylvia was required to take before the match. Sylvia’s manager Monte Cox confirmed that Sylvia was required to undergo additional medical tests at the last minute due to his age. At any rate, concern for his brain health may have played a bigger role than the number on the scale.
We’ll update you when we know more. In the meantime, good Lord, Tim, please get on The Biggest Loser or something.
It might be hard to believe when looking at him now, but there was a time not too long ago when Tim Sylvia was paid money to compete in physical activities. I know right? I’m seriously. It was the mid-2000’s, and “The Maine-iac” weighed in at a svelte 265 pounds. He was also the UFC Heavyweight champion, but looking back, I think the former accomplishment is arguably more impressive than the latter.
Regardless, after testing positive for stanozolol in his second title defense over Gan McGee at UFC 44, Sylvia would voluntarily relinquish his belt in disgrace*…and wind up receiving an immediate fight against Frank Mir for the belt he had just vacated at UFC 48 on June 19th, 2004 — ten years ago today.
It did not end well.
It might be hard to believe when looking at him now, but there was a time not too long ago when Tim Sylvia was paid money to compete in physical activities. I know right? I’m seriously. It was the mid-2000′s, and ”The Maine-iac” weighed in at a svelte 265 pounds. He was also the UFC Heavyweight champion, but looking back, I think the former accomplishment is arguably more impressive than the latter.
Regardless, after testing positive for stanozolol in his second title defense over Gan McGee at UFC 44, Sylvia would voluntarily relinquish his belt in disgrace*…and wind up receiving an immediate fight against Frank Mir for the belt he had just vacated at UFC 48 on June 19th, 2004 — ten years ago today.
It did not end well.
Not unlike a monster mash, Sylvia’s arm-breaking loss to Mir got on in a flash (again, my sincerest apologies). After a brief exchange on the feet, Sylvia latched onto Mir and drove him to the canvas, likely thinking that a ground and pound TKO over a fighter of Mir’s caliber would make for a nice addition to his already impressive resume. Problem was, Sylvia could barely get settled before Mir locked up a tight armbar that had “The Maine-iac” suddenly trying to slam his way out of trouble.
It was too late, and Mir proceeded to fracture Sylvia’s right radius bone in half. Herb Dean would lose his goddamn mind while witnessing this and wave off the fight, emitting a chorus boos from the audience so overwhelming that Bruce Buffer even forgot to announce Mir as champion.
The damndest thing is, Sylvia didn’t seem to care or even realize what kind of damage had been done to his arm — Herb Dean had to convince *him* that his arm had been broken. And even after seeing the footage of his arm doing just that, Sylvia would still not accept the stoppage.
“We’ll fight again,” said Mir in his post-fight interview. “We’ll fight right now,” Sylvia angrily replied.
I don’t know what was more impressive in that exchange, Sylvia’s toughness or his stupidity. Let’s go with toughness.
Unfortunately, Mir and Sylvia never would meet again. Mir would be forced to vacate his title after breaking his leg in a motorcycle accident and would not compete again for nearly two years. Sylvia, however, would eventually go on to reclaim his heavyweight championship and defend it two more times before running into some guy named Randy Couture at UFC 68. He would get axed from the UFC a couple fights later, get wrecked by Fedor in under a minute at Affliction: Banned, and then put on approximately 415 pounds while eating (heh) even quicker losses to Abe Wagnerand Ray Mercer. Sylvia has since been rallying for another fight in the UFC ever since, but are you fucking kidding me?
Just moments prior to Sylvia’s bone-shattering loss, Ken Shamrock picked up his last UFC win (and last notable win) over Kimo Leopoldo via KO (knee). It was quite an impressive accomplishment for the 40 year-old to say the least. The years that followed, however, would be filled with heartache. Heartache and defeat and lawsuits and more defeat. Also, heartache. But hey, Shamrock seems to be enjoying life as a bodyguard to the stars these days, and has even repaired his relationship with the UFC. So hooray for happyish endings.
We’ve thrown a video of Shamrock vs. Kimo below for your enjoyment. Drink in the nostalgia, you buncha bitches.
*Say what you want about Timmeh, you gotta give the man credit for owning up to his mistake and accepting his punishment like a man (looking at you, Vitor).
If this photo posted to Sylvia’s Twitter just two days ago is to be believed, however, it would appear that Sylvia has already achieved and surpassed his *other* dream of consuming an entire Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, brick, mortar and all. Or maybe morphing into a Kodiak grizzly bear. Either way, a congrats is in order to the man formerly known as “Fatty Boom-Boom” and soon to be known as the poster child for adult onset diabetes. But unless the UFC (or Bellator) plans on adding Akebonoweight to their ranks, we don’t see old Timmeh being invited back anytime soon. It’s a damn shame…
(“Hey man, I loved you in those Jackass movies. Now who is this Tim Sylvia guy you’ve got all these pictures of?”)
If this photo posted to Sylvia’s Twitter just two days ago is to be believed, however, it would appear that Sylvia has already achieved and surpassed his *other* dream of consuming an entire Chuck E. Cheese’s restaurant, brick, mortar and all. Or maybe morphing into a Kodiak grizzly bear. Either way, a congrats is in order to the man formerly known as “Fatty Boom-Boom“ and soon to be known as the poster child for adult onset diabetes. But unless the UFC (or Bellator) plans on adding Akebonoweight to their ranks, we don’t see old Timmeh being invited back anytime soon. It’s a damn shame…
(It’s not a UFC fight, but you can’t talk awful title fights without at least referencing Sonnen vs. Filho II. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)
Today we’re talking about bad UFC title fights – fights that fizzled out after weeks of hype, bored even the most die-hard fans among us, and left us baffled that the winner was considered the best in his weight class. Since we’redealing strictly with UFC title fights, notable clunkers like Ruiz vs. Southworth II (Strikeforce), Wiuff vs. Tuchscherer (YAMMA), and Sonnen vs. Filho II (WEC) are ineligible for inclusion. Also, we promise that the only appearance of the name “Ben Askren” in this column lies in this incredibly forced sentence. Read on for our picks, and please, pretty please, send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to [email protected].
Detroit is known by many names – Motown, Motor City, and Hockey Town to name a few. None of which lend to the idea that the birthplace of the assembly line was also a mecca of mixed martial arts or a place to catch great fights on Saturday. Unfortunately, UFC didn’t care; they took the show to the Great Lakes State in 1996 for UFC 9: Clash of the Titans 2 nonetheless. Ken Shamrock and Michigan native Dan Severn were set to face off for the first world title outside of Japan, the UFC Superfight championship. However, thanks to Senator John McCain, instead seeing an exciting rematch that was sure to cover the canvas in bad blood, fans in attendance and at home watching on PPV were treated to what became known as “The Detroit Dance.” And to this day, it is regarded as one of the worst fights in the history of the sport.
(It’s not a UFC fight, but you can’t talk awful title fights without at least referencing Sonnen vs. Filho II. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)
Today we’re talking about bad UFC title fights – fights that fizzled out after weeks of hype, bored even the most die-hard fans among us, and left us baffled that the winner was considered the best in his weight class. Since we’redealing strictly with UFC title fights, notable clunkers like Ruiz vs. Southworth II (Strikeforce), Wiuff vs. Tuchscherer (YAMMA), and Sonnen vs. Filho II (WEC) are ineligible for inclusion. Also, we promise that the only appearance of the name “Ben Askren” in this column lies in this incredibly forced sentence. Read on for our picks, and please, pretty please, send your ideas for future Roundtable topics to [email protected].
Detroit is known by many names – Motown, Motor City, and Hockey Town to name a few. None of which lend to the idea that the birthplace of the assembly line was also a mecca of mixed martial arts or a place to catch great fights on Saturday. Unfortunately, UFC didn’t care; they took the show to the Great Lakes State in 1996 for UFC 9: Clash of the Titans 2 nonetheless. Ken Shamrock and Michigan native Dan Severn were set to face off for the first world title outside of Japan, the UFC Superfight championship. However, thanks to Senator John McCain, instead seeing an exciting rematch that was sure to cover the canvas in bad blood, fans in attendance and at home watching on PPV were treated to what became known as “The Detroit Dance.” And to this day, it is regarded as one of the worst fights in the history of the sport.
What did McCain have to do with any of this, you ask? The politician was fierce in his letter writing campaign against a sport he knew nothing about. He essentially scared or bullied local government agencies to ban the sport. You know, the more things change, the more they stay the same. Several key components in the UFC machine were tied up in the Detroit courts until 4:30pm the day of the event getting permission to hold an event that was already being set up. The hacks behind the desk said, and I’m paraphrasing here, “You can proceed with your barbaric and uncivilized fisticuffs spectacle as long as no one actually throws a closed fist to his opponents head nor will any butting of the heads be allowed. Anyone seen doing such things will be arrested.”
For the better part of twenty minutes, Shamrock and Severn circled each other with little to no contact. During the last ten minutes of the fight (if you can even call it that) the two played pat-a-cake until Severn decided to throw the special rules right out of Cobo Arena. Despite stalling for two thirds of the fight and head butting his opponent, Dan Severn won the fight and the championship belt. The Michiganders in attendance could be heard throughout the area booing and chanting, “Let’s go Red Wings!” There has never been a more pathetic example of a championship quality fight. The men in the cage deserved to be there, sure, but when you start adding special rules and stipulations, you’re watering down your product. So much so, that Detroit is now in two sport’s Hall of Shame.
It’s kind of ironic that Anderson Silva, who owns the most impressive championship reign in UFC history, also happens to have the distinction of participating in three of the worst championship fights in the company’s history as well. But ironic or not, it’s no less true. Picking the worst of the three is like deciding which segment you want to be in the human centipede, but I suppose it must be done. To that end, I nominate Silva’s bout with Demian Maia at UFC 112 as the worst of the worst.
I remember watching UFC 112 on an internet str- err, on pay-per-view. To say it was an underwhelming card is probably a little more generous than what it deserves, and that was before the main event. Matt Hughes fought Renzo Gracie – who didn’t know how to check leg kicks – for no conceivable reason. Frankie Edgar upset BJ Penn in the most unspectacular way imaginable, via a debatable decision with virtually no emphatic moments throughout the entire fight. But all of this would surely be a footnote when Anderson Silva, fresh off his humiliation of Forrest Griffin, would unveil some hitherto unknown debilitating maneuver that would drop all of our jaws to the floor while our feeble brains attempted to process what we just witnessed.
Instead, Silva spent the vast majority of five rounds dancing, taunting, and throwing the occasional oblique kick. To say it was frustrating doesn’t do it justice. It was maddening, made even more so by the lone flying knee Silva threw out of nowhere in the fight. It knocked Maia down, broke his nose and served as a reminder of just what Silva was capable of… and how he refused to bother indulging the audience with his capability that night. Maia, to his credit, never gave up. At one point in the final round, Maia – with one eye swollen shut – fell in front of Silva and kept swinging wildly from his knees. It was desperate and ineffective, but it exemplified heart and determination in contrast with Silva’s utter lack of such. Silva won the fight, Maia retained his pride, but the audience was left with the worst championship fight you could imagine. The UFC has not bothered returning to Abu Dhabi since.
It’s easy to feel a little sympathy for Tito Ortiz these days. He’s been going through some personal shit – the variety of which we are banned from getting too specific on. But hey, thems the breaks when you shack up with a porn queen. Well-adjusted females with run-of-the-mill daddy issues don’t generally get into fuck films. They just latch onto some poor bastard and systematically suck every ounce of pride and manhood out of him until he’s an obedient slob with a semi-manageable speed habit and a secret fetish for snuff porn. That’s life. The ones that go for the porn queens, well, all I’m saying is disregard the lessons of Little Bill at your own peril.
That sympathy, however, can cause us to forget that there was a time when Tito was a wildly popular UFC champion; not just some dude with a quick mouth and a gigantic head who only tasted victory once during the last six years of his career. It’s hard to deny Tito his accolades. Circa 2002 he was the most successful UFC champion there was. He won the belt and defended it five times. That’s more title defenses than Randy, and even one more than his arch-nemesis, Chuck had. Granted, both of those guys would eventually clown Tito en route to victories (x 2 for Chuck), and of course there was that whole saga of Tito allegedly ducking Chuck, but we’re talking numbers here, bitch. Context is irrelevant when trying to make an absurd point.
Hindsight being 20/20 ‘n shit makes Tito’s title defenses seem mildly comical by modern standards, considering the competition: Yuki Kondo, Evan Tanner, Elvis Sinosic, Vladimir Matyushenko, and Ken Shamrock. But you gotta remember this was pre-TUF, pre-FOX, and pre-UFC monopoly when the glory days of Pride were in full effect. UFC title challengers were often contemptible back then. Incidentally, Dave Menne won the UFC’s inaugural middleweight belt that same night, and well shit I’ll go as far as agree with Danga, Dave Menne – for real???
It’s easy to mock a couple of Tito’s title defenses on grounds of legitimacy. But interestingly enough, perhaps the most legit challenger – Vlady – provided for the worst fight. This was UFC 33, an event which Dana White still to this day describes as, “The worst show we’ve ever had.” It was so bad we could just as easily be talking about the co-main event of the evening – Jens Pulver vs Dennis “Balls” Hallman, but that wasn’t the main event, and the pay per view broadcast didn’t black out in the middle of it – two very important factors that help to solidify Tito Ortiz vs.Vladimir Matyushenko as the worst ever.
According to one analysis, the Tito/Vlady fight produced only 40 “significant strikes.” To further expound on that lamentable figure, in a 25 minute fight that means that a decent strike was landed only once every 37.5 seconds. Might not seem like a long stretch while you’re on YouPorn stroking yourself to some early Jenna, but during an actual fight that’s an eternity of visual pain. Contrast that extreme with a Cain Velasquez, who lands over six significant strikes per minute – or one every ten seconds, and the standard deviation model gets blown all to shit.
Basically, the fight was about as horrific as you’d expect of two wrestlers with rudimentary striking skills. Don’t forget, this was before Tito’s “improved boxing” that Joe Rogan liked to talk about almost as much as his “underrated jiu jitsu.” The bottom line is there have been many terrible title fights in the UFC, but not one of them headlined the worst show ever, and not one of them blacked out on pay per view before the fans could fully experience the horror of just how anally violated they got. So there.
Josh Hutchinson
In deciding the worst UFC title fight I chose to look at a number of criteria. Do I choose one that was boring (GSP/Fitch)? How about one that’s meaningless or undeserved (Jones/Sonnen)? What about one that shames the sport of MMA as whole (Arlovski/Buentello)? Luckily I didn’t have to look far to find a shit sandwich that’s comprised entirely of those three ingredients.
Sean Sherk vs. Hermes Franca at UFC 73 was a complete failure in every sense of the word. A highly forgettable fight, which was put on only to build anticipation for the return of BJ Penn, resulted in a glorified 25 minute sparring session. Someone managed to wake the judges up long enough to decide that Sherk had won, and everyone could start getting damp in their trousers at the thought of Penn fighting for the lightweight title again. Mission accomplished, right? Not quite.
The aftermath of UFC 73 is really what landed this fight as my top pick. It’s a special kind of person that tests positive for anything following a title fight. Honestly, at the highest levels of competition you’d have to be as blind as Anne Frank not to see a drug test coming. It makes it all the more amusing that both Sherk and Franca tested positive for steroids following the fight. I would give up anything in my life to have been able to be a fly on the wall when Dana White heard this news. Something tells me his reaction was a little more than a simple facepalm. As usual, neither fighter was at fault for their positive tests, as Franca was forced by the UFC to roid up, and the CSAC botched Sherk’s results. Hey, these things happen in MMA.
So there you have it folks, a boring ass fight that ended up with both participants being suspended and the champ being stripped of his title. All parties involved, fans especially, would have been better off had these gladiators met under the XARM banner, but alas, it now goes down as the worst title fight in UFC history.
Apparently, now, the CagePotato Roundtable only happens when The Boss is on vacation (which means the inmates run the asylum for a day or two with Mr. Goldtsein’s unbelievable wealth, a seventeen-day luxurious private cruise to the Bahamas – don’t forget my obligatory touristy t-shirt BG) and that means it brings out the “fringe” contributors who enjoy throwing spitballs while generally making a ruckus in the back of the room in order to mess with the substitute instructors.
The topic of the “Worst UFC Title Fight” is a bit of a conundrum for me because, personally, Georges St. Pierre vs. Matt Serra 1 was one of the worst moments of my life because of my inner bro-mance with GSP and my buddies’ propensity for reminding me that my affinity is unnatural. But, I digress. Since I hosted all of the UFC parties (and got ALL the PPV bills) there is still one in particular that pains me.
It was a highly anticipated bout that pitted LHW Champion Randy Couture vs. Vitor Belfort at UFC 46 and if you look at the fight card now, you’d call me a poseur for complaining about this. No shit – the three prelim fights that didn’t air that night had Matt Serra vs. Pat Curran, Josh Thomson vs. Hermes Franca and Georges St. Pierre vs. Karo Parisyan. The PPV featured (in)famous names like Lee Murray, Jorge Rivera, Carlos Newton, Wes Sims, Frank Mir, Matt Hughes and B.J. Penn. The World Series of Fighting would double-barrel jerk-off Mr_Misanthropy AND crappiefloper while Fried Taco watched, if the promoters could get a collection of talent like that [Ed. Note: Wow.].
Needless to say, this main event fight should’ve been awesome but 45 seconds later . . . . . . It was OVER. That’s right! I lasted longer on Prom Night – she’ll tell you too, not by much . . . . but still – than the LHW Championship bout at UFC 46 and I screamed (on both occasions), “WHAT THE FUCK?!”
Then I realized that Couture’s eyeball was literally about to fall completely out of his head – Hostile style. Vitor’s glove grazed his outer eyelid and it caused a HORRIFIC paper cut-esque slice. Yeah, a paper cut that could actually make your eye-ball drop out of your head. It was gross and it was an absolutely warranted stoppage by the hot red-headed doctor (that I still dream of). Yet, 45 seconds later and the championship fight was over without a single punch landing cleanly.
Look, I get that every sport has to start somewhere. I GET THIS. But even by the incredibly low standards of the UFC circa 1997, Frank Shamrock’s light heavyweight title defenses against Igor Zinoviev and John Lober were laughably misguided at best and staged public executions at worst. While the promotion’s heavyweight division featured such names as Mark Coleman, Maurice Smith, and Randy Couture battling it out for the title, down at 205, they were booking Shamrock in freak show matches that even the Japanese wouldn’t touch with a ten foot gunto. The Japanese, you guys.
Where shall we begin?
Ah yes, that’s Franky boy slamming Igor through the mat in under 30 seconds at UFC 16. What a contest.
How a man coming off a pair of draws can be fast-tracked to a title shot in his promotional debut is anyone’s guess. Maybe the UFC honestly thought that this Igor character was the next Randy Couture, or perhaps he just possessed some otherworldly trash-talking skills. In any case, we were left with a pathetic mismatch, one completely shattered collarbone, and a ringside medical crew questioning whether or not a spatula was an appropriate tool to lift a fighter onto a stretcher with by the time all was said and done. Oh yeah, and Igor never fought again. He always knows when it’s about to rain, though, so perhaps it was for the best.
And if you think that’s bad, just try finding a video of Shamrock’s third title defense — a rematch against John Lober at UFC Ultimate Brazil. You won’t be able to, because the UFC most likely destroyed all evidence of the fight for legal reasons. We’ve all heard the story before: Lober managed to score a controversial technical split decision victory over Shamrock at a SuperBrawl event in Hawaii in ’97, so one year later, the UFC decided, “Hey, why not have these two settle the score now that ShamWow is the champ?”
“Sure, Lober has gone 0-5-1 in the time since they first squared off,” they said whilst diving nose first into a mountain of cocaine the likes of which you have never seen, “But it will sell because GRUDGE MATCH.” It’s a strategy that the UFC utilizes to this day, but never did it appear more transparent than during the 7-and-a-half-minute beat down that Shamaroo dished out on Lober before forcing him to tap to strikes.
Lober would go on to score two wins in his next seven contests, and Shamrock would defend the light heavyweight title against his only true test in Tito Ortiz before leaving the UFC citing “a lack of competition.” No shit.
Wow, you guys certainly left me with some options, huh? Let’s see…I guess I should point out that Ben Goldstein, if he was available to contribute, would have picked Anderson Silva vs. Thales Leites, which is the only reason why I won’t be covering that turd on a plate. I could go old-school, “how the hell is one of those guys fighting for a title in the first place?” and tackle Pat Miletich vs. Andre Pederneiras or Maurice Smith vs. Randy Couture, but considering how weak the talent pool in general was back then, it really wouldn’t be fair to include them. So instead I’ll do something even broader, lazier, yet somehow twice as deserving as the rest of the fights we’ve omitted combined, and nominate all of Tim Sylvia’s title defenses as my selection.
Boring title fights from guys like Anderson Silva and Georges St. Pierre – while infuriating for fans to watch – are at least forgivable on the basis that they’re boring because the champion is simply that much more talented than the guy across the cage from him. I may not get too excited about watching GSP jab for five rounds, but I’ll be damned if I don’t acknowledge him as the greatest welterweight in the history of our sport. With Tim Sylvia, this was most definitely not the case.
Sylvia was a champion when the heavyweight division was weak enough for the “Cabbage” Correiras of the world to pick up victories inside the Octagon. During his reign over the heavyweight division, the “strikers” either lacked anything resembling technique (Exhibit A: Gan McGee) or lacked a tough enough chin to actually exchange punches with the big man (Exhibit B: Sylvia/Arlovski III), and the grapplers lacked the striking chops necessary to penetrate The Maine-iac’s awkward jabs (Exhibit C: Jeff Monson). In a sport defined by the diverse skills and athleticism of its athletes, Sylvia managed to defend the UFC heavyweight title that Cain Velasquez proudly wears by simply taking up space and staying on his feet; a “Great White Stiff” with unlimited upward mobility, ”the poster child for over-achievement.”
Fortunately for the fans who tried to stay awake during his title defenses, he was eventually matched up against Randy Couture, and that fight was incredibly memorable thanks to A.) how badass The Natural is and B.) a moment early in the first round, when Couture took Sylvia’s back and (not quite) Fatty Boom-Boom (yet) stalled in an effort to get a completely unnecessary stand-up, which inspired one of Joe Rogan’s greatest rants (“You’re on your back, tough! Figure out a way to get up! If that’s boring, baseball’s about a million times more boring!” Classic.). Ever since that fight, Sylvia began his transformation into the amorphous blob of his former self who loses to guys you’ve never heard of on the “Where are they now?” circuit that we know today. He’s still holding out hope for the possibility of a UFC comeback, but after watching him defend the once-meaningless UFC heavyweight championship…it’s probably for the best that he never even gets close to fighting for it again.
Did we repress all memories of your least-favorite UFC title fight? Then have the honor of ruining our weekends by bringing it up in the comments section.
