Tag: Funny Shit

The Top 10 WTF?! Moments From Today’s #UFCFightKit Unveiling Ceremony

If you’re a big follower of MMA personalities on the social medias, you might’ve gotten wind of something called #UFCFightKit earlier today, which rang in the official unveiling of the Reebok’s UFC fighter uniforms (or “kits”). The ceremony — which kicked off in NYC just 20 minutes past its 10 am-scheduled time — was of what we’ve come to expect from the UFC’s “style over substance”-themed press events: A hysterically inept series of flubs that managed to both hyperstimulate and underwhelm at every conceivable turn.

Truthfully, the only enjoyment anyone has been able to scrape out of the whole ordeal has come via the brutal mocking the event has received on said social medias, so join after the jump to check out all the highlights (if you can call them that) from this morning’s ceremony. In keeping with the UFC’s way of doing things, this list will neither be 10 items long nor adhere to any numerical system.

The post The Top 10 WTF?! Moments From Today’s #UFCFightKit Unveiling Ceremony appeared first on Cagepotato.

If you’re a big follower of MMA personalities on the social medias, you might’ve gotten wind of something called #UFCFightKit earlier today, which rang in the official unveiling of the Reebok’s UFC fighter uniforms (or “kits”). The ceremony — which kicked off in NYC just 20 minutes past its 10 am-scheduled time — was of what we’ve come to expect from the UFC’s “style over substance”-themed press events: A hysterically inept series of flubs that managed to both hyperstimulate and underwhelm at every conceivable turn.

Truthfully, the only enjoyment anyone has been able to scrape out of the whole ordeal has come via the brutal mocking the event has received on said social medias, so join after the jump to check out all the highlights (if you can call them that) from this morning’s ceremony. In keeping with the UFC’s way of doing things, this list will neither be 10 items long nor adhere to any numerical system.

10: The Music

While we are eternally grateful that the UFC had the nu-ance to pass on the nu-metal (I’m sorry) stylings of STEMM for today’s event, what we were given in its place was something arguably worse: Overbearing, wub-wub-laden dubstep. Or maybe it was trap. I honestly have no idea.

Look, the UFC’s fanbase is already widely-perceived as musclehead, skull t-shirt clad dudebros who can barely make it through a PPV without destroying a Buffalo Wild Wings, so can we please not add these kind of douchebags to the equation? What’s so wrong with Soundgarden, is I guess what I’m saying.

Ironically enough, it wasn’t until today’s launch that I realized “Watch you rise, watch you fall, now I’m about to break” perfectly describes the journey of a UFC fan over the past 5 years.

9: The Lighting (Or Lack Thereof) 

I will never claim to be the authority on fashion, fashion shows, or any season of America’s Next Top Model (barring season 2, obvi), but when you’re holding a lavish ceremony to show off your “game-changing” and other buzzwordy uniforms, shouldn’t you actually be able to see said uniforms? Or the fighters wearing them? That photo up there? The brightest it ever was during the ceremony.

For the most part, fighters entered in complete darkness, with only the occasional laser or strobe light to lead the way. It was…confusing from a focal standpoint. The entire unveiling looked like it was shot in the same basement wherein Wanderlei Silva documents his slow spiral into schizophrenia.

(That’s Rory MacDonald in the second photo, BTW, perhaps the only fighter at the ceremony who was accustomed to lifelessly standing around in the dark.)

7.5: The Voice

As if hearing the phrase “UFC Fight Kit” repeated ad nauseum by a robotic, overly-reverbed and oddly threatening voice (while the same 30-second dubstep tracked played on loop) wasn’t off-putting enough , it would’ve helped if the UFC/Reebok had hired a voiceover guy who knew how to pronounce the actual fighters names. “Cai-yeen Velasqwez”, “Alexander Goose-stuffson”, and “Fabricio Ver-dumm” were just a few choice selections that this demon-infested Speak-n-Spell spat out.

Eleventeen: This Camera Angle

Because nothing says “passionate” and “prepared” quite like repeatedly cutting to a shot of your presenters AS THEY READ OFF A TELEPROMPTER.

Come on, you guys! You’re not even trying!!

@!$: This Lady. This Poor, Poor lady.

It’s probably hard enough to go up in front of a room full of of journalists (as well as the hundreds of thousands of tens of people watching online) and act as if adding mesh to a t-shirt is the next evolutionary step of our species, but to send a heavily-accented German woman who probably wouldn’t know what MMA was if I told her I covered it for a living? That’s just cruel, son.

I’m sure Ms. Werkle is a lovely woman, and she was never short on enthusiasm throughout her presentation, but she also seemed to have no clue who the fighters she was speaking to even were.

“What happened to your arm?” she asked Joanna Jedrzejczyk, who calmly explained that she got it defending her title all of 8 days ago.

“What are you up to in the next 2 weeks? Are you training?” she asked Cain Velasquez, who just lost his title all of 17 days ago.

She almost got kicked in the head by Conor McGregor. The whole thing was hilarious.

6 x 3 (2w + 8): The Uniforms Themselves

I’ll give Reebok this, they seemed to put a lot of thought into the bra technology of the women’s uniforms, as explained by a painfully awkward exchange between Werkle and Ronda Rousey late in the ceremony, but the men’s kits?

“I dunno, bro, maybe just add some more slanted stripes and call it a day.” — Reebok design team

I’m not saying the UFC’s uniforms had to contain Aoki-esque levels of eye factor — and how could you expect that from a company uniform, really? — but this looks like an NBA warm-up shirt over a pair of bleached jorts. Highly customizable? I think not. “Allow for individualism“? Not so much.

#Pineapple: The Prices

95 DOLLARS? FOR A HERNANI PERPETUO REPLICA “JERSEY”? WHAT THE FUCK’S A HERNANI PERPETUO?!! LOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOLOL

I know what you’re thinking, “But a football jersey costs around that much, you biased, UFC h8r non-journalisty subjective a-hole!!” To which I say: True, but I don’t recall any Tom Brady jerseys with giant “N–F–L” letters plastered across the front flying off the shelves. That’s because they don’t exist. That’s because uniforms are supposed to be representative of the player/team, not the corporation that owns them. Because fans are interested more in the players than the brand they are (unwillingly) bound to.

The UFC brought in 20 or more off its biggest talents, then proceeded to have them stand in the darkness like creepy living mannequins while strobe lights lit up their UFC-branded torsos and nothing else. If that doesn’t tell you who the UFC really values first and foremost, I don’t know what does.

Too: The Ending

No music. No lights. Barely an applause. Werkle stumbles through a recap of the pillars of fighter uniforms and then, darkness. Not unlike the darkness left in my soul after realizing that I actually wasted an hour of my life watching this, and now double that writing this article…

God, why have you forsaken me? Why have you given me a voice, then forced me to waste it covering this tripe? Is it because I hit that hobo with my car when I was 18 and drove off without checking on him? Or because I killed my twin brother in the womb? Because if you think about it, that second one was more your fault than mine — you knew damn well that there wasn’t enough room in there for the both of us, yet you allowed it to happen. Created in your image, I was, and now forever destined to spend my life toiling away in a Sisyphean hellscape only occasionally punctuated by bouts of LCD-induced levity. I renounce your name, lord and savior. I renounce your name.

1: GIBLERT. MELENDEZ. 

As many on social media have been quick to point out, the website in which fans can purchase these bland, insanely-overpriced uniforms is already fraught with errors. From Marcio Lyoto Machida to Jacare “Ronaldo” Souza, the general lack of spellchecking out of the gate by Reebok is really something to behold, but none have given us more of a chuckle than that of former Strikeforce lightweight champion and UFC title challenger Giblert Melendez.

It’s a small mistake, really, but Twitter’s reaction to it has been nothing short of gold. Giblert’s already received his own handle, and is really looking forward to his fight against La Iaquinta on Jluy 15th. Other notable zingers included:

Congrats on another home run of a press conference, UFC, and don’t let the fact that next to no fighters are voicing their support for these uniforms online dissuade you from plowing ahead with this poorly-conceived endeavor. Like it ever has, amiright?! Up top!!

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GIF of the Day: Soccer Mom Gets Faceplant KO’d Twice In Hysterically Brutal Fashion [UPDATED]

If you thought Sensei Segal’s recent demonstration was a masterful display of martial arts ineptitude, just wait until you see this.

Posted on r/mma earlier this morning, the GIF you are about to gaze upon with your eyeballs is not only the clear frontrunner for “MMA GIF of the Year” at this year’s Potato Awards, but should sweep the “Steve Nelmark Memorial ‘Is (s)he Dead?’ Award”, “MMA Fail of the Year”, and “Most Embarrassing Knockout of the Year” categories as well. Come to think of it, it will probably take home the “Greatest Unsanctioned Fight of the Year” prize too, because there is no way on God’s green earth that the fight captured in this gif was sanctioned by any athletic commission ever. It is truly one of the most laughable, horrific, captivating, and heartbreakingly sad 5-second animated images you will ever see, and I say that with absolutely zero hyperbole.

The post GIF of the Day: Soccer Mom Gets Faceplant KO’d Twice In Hysterically Brutal Fashion [UPDATED] appeared first on Cagepotato.

If you thought Sensei Segal’s recent demonstration was a masterful display of martial arts ineptitude, just wait until you see this.

Posted on r/mma earlier this morning, the GIF you are about to gaze upon with your eyeballs is not only the clear frontrunner for “MMA GIF of the Year” at this year’s Potato Awards, but should sweep the “Steve Nelmark Memorial ‘Is (s)he Dead?’ Award”, “MMA Fail of the Year”, and “Most Embarrassing Knockout of the Year” categories as well. Come to think of it, it will probably take home the “Greatest Unsanctioned Fight of the Year” prize too, because there is no way on God’s green earth that the fight captured in this gif was sanctioned by any athletic commission ever. It is truly one of the most laughable, horrific, captivating, and heartbreakingly sad 5-second animated images you will ever see, and I say that with absolutely zero hyperbole.


(Fair warning: The gif may take a few seconds to adjust resolution. For a full-size gif of the action, either click on the image or go here).

You know, after watching this gif a couple dozen times and passing out twice from lack of oxygen, I am suddenly struck by a sudden, overwhelming sense of shame and regret. Like eating an entire bowl of cookie dough, what started out as a incredibly satisfying endeavor has quickly devolved into a study in self-loathing that multiplies tenfold with each spoonful I cram into my foodhole. Either this GIF is so hysterical that it has caused me to blow a funny fuse, or the moral implications of what I’ve just witnessed have just now begun to seep into my conscience. God, I hope it’s the former.

How can something like this even be allowed to happen in 2015? It would be like going into the doctor’s office with a flu and having him prescribe you a dozen leeches as treatment.

Was the blonde woman plucked from the street on the way to pick up her kids from soccer practice and told that she would receive a bottle of Chardonnay for each second she lasted in the cage?

Did she think that *this* was what hot yoga was? Crossfit, maybe?

Or was this, as I suspect, the abhorrent and inevitable culmination of a deeply depressed suburban housewife going through a midlife crisis? “I AM strong, Gary, and I’ll show you, your mother, the maid who I *know* you’re sleeping with…I’ll show everybody!!”

LOOK AT WHAT SHE’S WEARING FOR FIGHT ATTIRE, YOU GUYS.

I am exhausted. Goodnight.

[UPDATE]

Upon further research, I have learned that the blonde woman is question is not a random soccer mom picked from the streets, but Katie Castro, an actual MMA fighter who, according to her Sherdog profile, has competed three times as a “professional” (with zero amateur fights) and suffered three consecutive KO losses in a combined time of 54 seconds. This gif is actually taken from her most recent performance in January — a 10-second shellacking at the hands of Ilima-Lei Macfarlane, who was making her pro debut. A full video of the fight is below.

The organization that would allow this massacre to happen? That would be Xplode Fight Series, of course, aka the only organization shameless and reckless enough to proudly don “Tomato Can MMA” banners across their ring while sanctioning disgracefully mismatched fights to pad certain fighter’s records.

While everyone involved in this match — from the audience to Katie’s trainers (especially Katie’s trainers) — should be ashamed of themselves, I think we can all agree that now is the time to write in to our local representatives and urge them to shut these assholes down/bring their promoters in on criminal charges. That’s Xplode Fight Series, owned and operated by Gregg Sharp and based in Chula Vista, CA. Feel free to spam their Facebook page here in the meantime.

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TIL That Chris Weidman Almost Sh*t Himself Before His UFC 187 Title Fight


(“No, Floyd, I said *shitter*, not *hit her*. What were we even talking about, again?” via Weidman’s instagram)

If you’ve ever heard the story about how Chris Weidman wooed his wife, chances are that you took two things away from it: The middleweight champion is an incredibly honest and upfront person, almost to a fault, and he sometimes has to poo when he gets nervous.

Although he may not have appeared so heading into his title fight with Vitor Belfort last weekend (or while eating a hailstorm of Belfort’s punches), it turns out that UFC 187 was one such time that Weidman came down with a case of the butterflies. He was so nervous, in fact, that just moments before he was set to walkout, he came to the realization that he might become the first UFC fighter to sh*t himself in the octagon (well, second). Had Burt Watson been backstage doing his classic “We rollin!” pump-up routine, we can almost guarantee that the pressure would have gotten to him.

As Wediman told Ariel helwani on yesterday’s edition of The MMA Hour:

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(“No, Floyd, I said *shitter*, not *hit her*. What were we even talking about, again?” via Weidman’s instagram)

If you’ve ever heard the story about how Chris Weidman wooed his wife, chances are that you took two things away from it: The middleweight champion is an incredibly honest and upfront person, almost to a fault, and he sometimes has to poo when he gets nervous.

Although he may not have appeared so heading into his title fight with Vitor Belfort last weekend (or while eating a hailstorm of Belfort’s punches), it turns out that UFC 187 was one such time that Weidman came down with a case of the butterflies. He was so nervous, in fact, that just moments before he was set to walkout, he came to the realization that he might become the first UFC fighter to sh*t himself in the octagon (well, second). Had Burt Watson been backstage doing his classic “We rollin!” pump-up routine, we can almost guarantee that the pressure would have gotten to him.

As Wediman told Ariel helwani on yesterday’s edition of The MMA Hour:

I’ll be honest. It was my first time ever that I had to go to the bathroom bad. I could not believe this was going to happen. I’m going to crap myself in the middle of this cage. I didn’t know, as soon as Vitor’s walkout music came on, was concentrating, all I could think about was that I didn’t know if I should run into the bathroom now or hold it. I didn’t know what was going to happen.

That’s really what was going through my mind the whole time walking out. I thought I would be the first person that had to run from a fight to go to the bathroom, or they’d have to hold the fight for me. But, I didn’t want to tell anybody because when you say it out loud it makes things worse. So, when we were getting ready to do the walkout, I gave Ray my flag, usually I hold it, but I gave it to him so I could focus on not crapping myself pretty much. So yeah, you were right, there was definitely something not normal.

An interesting “what could’ve been” no doubt, but I must respectfully disagree with Weidman’s assertion that what he was going through was “not normal” on Saturday. I know if I was about to fight a testosterone-fueled Brazilian with a cross shaved into his head, I would have more than a few butterflies in my stomach. Hell, I’d be looking high and low for a pipe to slip on backstage, or calling Tim Means’ sauna guy to sprinkle a little water on the floor of the bathroom for me to conveniently slip on while giving myself a Jack Donaghy-inspired pep talk. (“It’s quitting time, you cowardly sonofabitch”)

Honestly, when you consider what most fighters put themselves through in the 48 hours before a fight, it makes you wonder how normal Weidman’s experience actually was. All that weight cutting and replenishing fluids and protein shakes and acai…it’s a wonder that most of them aren’t spraying bodily fluids all over fans like a goddamn Penn and Teller show.

I guess the point I’m trying to make is: Cheer up Chris. You didn’t sh*t yourself, and better yet, you didn’t sh*t the bed against Belfort even when he was unloading the 30 seconds of yoke-fisted fury that his body would allow. Sounds like a win-win to me.

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To the Slaughter: The 8 (Or So) Most Memorable Sacrificial Lambs in MMA History

Last week at UFC on FOX 15, we watched in awe/horror as Chris Camozzi was mercilessly sacrificed the Brazilian alligator god they call Jacare in the name of “our entertainment.” The fight was like watching a car wreck play out in slow motion — if one of the vehicles involved was a Smart Fortwo and the other a Caterpillar 79 — but hey, Some Fight is Better Than No Fight, Amiright? (copyright UFC 2016)

But Camozzi was not the first man to ever be brought into a no-win situation for one reason or another. Throughout MMA History, there have been fighters who served little other purpose than to make their opponents look all the more impressive. They’re called sacrificial lambs, and with an ever-expanding schedule constantly being undermined by ever-increasing injuries, even the UFC has been forced to call on them from time to time. So with all that in mind, let’s take a look back at some of the more notable fall men in MMA history.

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Last week at UFC on FOX 15, we watched in awe/horror as Chris Camozzi was mercilessly sacrificed to the Brazilian alligator god they call Jacare, all in the name of “our entertainment.” The fight was like watching a car wreck play out in slow motion — if one of the vehicles involved was a Smart Fortwo and the other a Caterpillar 79 – but hey, Some Fight is Better Than No Fight, Amiright? (copyright UFC 2016)

But Camozzi was not the first man to ever be brought into a no-win situation for one reason or another. Throughout MMA History, there have been fighters who served little other purpose than to make their opponents look all the more impressive. They’re called sacrificial lambs, and with an ever-expanding schedule constantly being undermined by ever-increasing injuries, even the UFC has been forced to call on them from time to time. So with all that in mind, let’s take a look back at some of the more notable fall men in MMA history.

#8: Jake O’Brien

Fed to: Andrei Arlovski, Cain Velasquez, Jon Jones, Gegard Mousasi
Resulted in: Loss (TKO), Loss (TKO), Loss (sub), Loss (sub)

Jake O’Brien occupies a unique space in the world of sacrificial lambs, in that he was obliterated by a former heavyweight champion, a future heavyweight champion, *and* a future light heavyweight champion (Arlovski, Velasquez, Jones) in the span of just over a year. So perhaps “unique” isn’t the most accurate way of describing it. Brutal, perhaps. Soul-crushingly depressing, even. But it wasn’t just the UFC that used O’Brien as cannon fodder, no. Two years after his departure from the promotion, O’Brien was similarly sacrificed to Gegard Mousasi in his DREAM debut, lasting just 31 seconds before being choked damn near to death.

#7: Elvis Sinosic

Fed to: Tito Ortiz, Forrest Griffin, Michael Bisping
Resulted in: Loss (TKO), Loss (KO), Loss (TKO)

He may always have that submission win over Jeremy Horn to his credit, but when all is said and done, Elvis Sinosic will be known for three things:  a terrible nickname, a worse record, and that time he let some dude chin him in the eye.

“The King of Rock and Rumble” fought an astounding 7 times in the UFC, with his only victory in that time coming via the aforementioned sub of Jeremy Horn in his promotional debut at UFC 30. Sinosic’s upset victory that night was impressive enough to earn him a completely undeserved title shot against Tito Ortiz next, and if you’re wondering how that fight ended, just utter the phrase “Elvis Sinosic vs. Tito Ortiz” and choose the first image that pops in your head. That image is correct.

The loss to Ortiz marked the last time that Sinosic could claim to be a .500 fighter, yet he kept getting asked back to the UFC, for some reason. His successive UFC bouts would see him trounced by Evan Tanner, battered by Babalu Sobral, and trampled by a pair of TUF winners in Forrest Griffin and Michael Bisping. Yet he kept being asked back. In 2010, Sinosic was expected to rematch Chris Haseman (aka the dude who chinned him in the eye) at UFC 110 until he was forced out of the bout due to a last-minute shoulder injury. We fully expect to see his name pop up on the UFC’s next Australia card.

#6: Takenori Sato

Fed to: Erick Silva, Hyun Gyu Lim
Resulted in: Loss (KO), Loss (KO)

You see that absolute nonsense up there? That’s what happens when a 30-fight veteran realizes that he is so outclassed by his opponent that begging for mercy is his best route to victory. Takenori Sato, apparently under the impression that he had entered a bull-riding contest mid-fight at Fight Night 36, grabbed onto Erick Silva’s leg for dear life and waited for the 8-second bell to sound. Even as Silva began raining down punches on his skull — as if to say, “Hey man, you know we’re fighting right now, right?” — Sato refused to abandon his patented Thigh Choke of Ultimate Victory until he was separated from consciousness some 15 seconds later.

Likely because he had single-handedly cheapened the UFC brand with his performance that night, Sato was fed to an even more dangerous opponent in Korean badass Hyun Gyu Lim next. His strategy for that fight? THE EXACT SAME THING.

#5: TIE: Josh Hendricks, Dan Evenson, Sean Salmon, etc.

Fed to: Gabriel Gonzaga, Cheick Kongo, and Rashad Evans, among others
Resulted in: Lots of lost memories

The term “can-crusher” is an oft-used one in the MMA, but how often do we focus on the cans in that scenario, and not the men/women doing the crushing?

I’m talking about guys like “Heavy” Hendricks, Dan Evenson, Sean Salmon, Mustapha Al Turk, and so on — guys who share a common trait in that they were all locally-sourced unknowns who were brought into the UFC with the obvious endgame of being beaten by one of the promotion’s go-tos. If any of these guys got a good shot in or two, good for them. Hell, they might even be invited back for a second beating. But none of them were called up to the big leagues because they were believed to be the next Jon Jones or even a potential journeyman. They were called up to forever be immortalized in the highlight reel of their opponents, and on this day, we give thanks.

On the “next page”: A one-gloved boxer, a stonery TUF alum, and the entire nation of Japan…

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VIDEO: Rory MacDonald and Robbie Lawler Threaten to Kill Each Other on the ‘Late O’Clock News’


(Things turn a real left turn after Robbie delivered his “golf ball through a garden hose” diss.)

I have no idea what the Late O’Clock News is, but I think it’s safe to say that host Paul Lemieux has already surpassed every credentialed member of the MMA media in terms of pure charisma and interviewing prowess with this video alone. Of course, the bar has been set pretty low by guys like this, but I’ll take Lemieux’s Onion-esque style of questioning over “How did your training camp go?” 10 times out of 10.

Ahead of their welterweight title fight rematch at UFC 189, Rory MacDonald and Robbie Lawler stopped by the Late O’Clock News to talk some (pre-written) trash about one another while Lemieux cheered them on from the sidelines. It was essentially every Ariel Helwani interview ever, but with corny jokes about dandelions and heart-eating being used to fuel the fire instead of blatant/cringeworthy call-outs.

Video after the jump. 

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(Things turn a real left turn after Robbie delivered his “golf ball through a garden hose” diss.)

I have no idea what the Late O’Clock News is, but I think it’s safe to say that host Paul Lemieux has already surpassed every credentialed member of the MMA media in terms of pure charisma and interviewing prowess with this video alone. Of course, the bar has been set pretty low by guys like this, but I’ll take Lemieux’s Onion-esque style of questioning over “How did your training camp go?” 10 times out of 10.

Ahead of their welterweight title fight rematch at UFC 189, Rory MacDonald and Robbie Lawler stopped by the Late O’Clock News to talk some (pre-written) trash about one another while Lemieux cheered them on from the sidelines. It was essentially every Ariel Helwani interview ever, but with corny jokes about dandelions and heart-eating being used to fuel the fire instead of blatant/cringeworthy call-outs.

Video after the jump. 

Was it just me, or did Rory deliver that “Did you hear? There’s gonna be a murder” line a bit too perfectly? Like someone whose delivered it a thousand times before while dancing naked in front of the mirror to “Goodbye Horses” with his weiner tucked in.

It’s probably just me.

The post VIDEO: Rory MacDonald and Robbie Lawler Threaten to Kill Each Other on the ‘Late O’Clock News’ appeared first on Cagepotato.

10 Reasons “EA Sports UFC” Is the Most True-to-Life Video Game of All Time

(“Alex goes for a leg, gets a hold of a ghost that’s been haunting the arena, and huge takedown.” Props: Tommy Toe Hold)

By CP Reader Mike Kofman

While I may be a bit late to the party, I recently started playing the much maligned EA Sports UFC game. All I can say is, wow! What an accurate representation of what it’s like to be a UFC fan in 2015. Here are some of the highlights:

1) The Ultimate Fighter. You begin the Career Mode by creating a generic fighter who is cast as a member of The Ultimate Fighter. There, you proceed to fight a number of other generic, randomly generated, no-name fighters. It’s nothing short of brilliant how they managed to capture the very essence of being a viewer of that show in recent years. Kudos!


(“Alex goes for a leg, gets a hold of a ghost that’s been haunting the arena, and huge takedown.” Props: Tommy Toe Hold)

By CP Reader Mike Kofman

While I may be a bit late to the party, I recently started playing the much maligned EA Sports UFC game. All I can say is, wow! What an accurate representation of what it’s like to be a UFC fan in 2015. Here are some of the highlights:

1) The Ultimate Fighter. You begin the Career Mode by creating a generic fighter who is cast as a member of The Ultimate Fighter. There, you proceed to fight a number of other generic, randomly generated, no-name fighters. It’s nothing short of brilliant how they managed to capture the very essence of being a viewer of that show in recent years. Kudos!

2) Oversaturation. Once you win The Ultimate Fighter and begin your career in the UFC, you will start to notice that most of your opponents are randomly generated and essentially indistinguishable from each other. In fact, 70% of the undercards are filled with computer generated fighters. I really have to commend the game designers on their commitment to highlighting the saturation plaguing the industry.

3) Bad Judging. You are often subjected to baffling, illogical decisions by the judges, where you are clearly beating your opponent into “a living death” only to see him get his hand raised at the end of the fight (usually via split decision). The look of complete incomprehension on the dead-eyed face of your character only adds to the realism. Once again, great move by the designers to simulate the state of MMA judging.

4) Dana’s Shouting. I really appreciate that after every major milestone in your UFC career, Dana White will appear on screen to shout at you via Full Motion Video (FMV, more on that later). It doesn’t matter if you just won your preliminary fight on The Ultimate Fighter or are about to be promoted to a Main Event, Dana is sure to appear to yell that he is really proud/mad at you. The fact that he is unable to steer clear of profanity just completes the effect. To anyone who ever watched a UFC post fight press conference, this will be intimately familiar. Bravo!

5) State of Creativity in the UFC. Speaking of FMVs, it’s not only Dana who appears to offer you words of encouragement. The game is full of nearly high definition, repetitive videos that barrage you after every single fight. And what better way to highlight the current state of UFC’s promotional innovation than with technology that was considered cutting edge in 1992? The fact that such currently relevant fighters as Chuck Liddell, Forrest Griffin, and Mike Dolce appear to offer you words (in Chuck’s case, mumbles) of wisdom is just icing on the cake.

6) Music Selection. I remember playing EA’s last foray into the world of MMA (EA Sports MMA) and feeling a sense of outrage wash over me upon hearing Gogol Bordello’s “Immigraniada” or Turisas’ “A Portage to the Unknown” begin to play as my opponent made his way to the cage. Are you kidding me? What a great way to break my immersion in the game, as that is in no way representative of the type of music you hear at an MMA event.  Thankfully, EA Sports UFC corrects this glaring issue.

Now, you are treated to Stemm’s “Bum Rushed”, the venerable “Face The Pain”, and Jarrid Mendelson’s “The Ultimate Remix.” For the adventurous, there are three different versions of Linkin Park’s “Guilty All The Same!” There may be a way to import your own music, but why would you want to? Well done!

7) Terrible Corners. Nothing fools me into thinking that I am watching a real UFC PPV event more than bad corner advice. Luckily, the game has done its homework and does not disappoint. All of the hits are there: From assurances that my character won the round he clearly lost, to emphatic encouragement to utilize my kickboxer’s nearly non-existent ground game against a Brazilian Jiu Jitsu master. I am especially fond of helpful shouts of, “It’s ok, you are fine!” as my character stumbles around the Octagon in a near unconscious daze.

8. Inane Commentary. I am amazed at how accurately this game portrays the fight commentary prowess of Mike Goldberg and Joe Rogan. Goldberg’s exclamations of “Body shot!” during a head kick, and Rogan’s in-depth analysis on how a fighter utilizing his strengths while avoiding his opponent’s will probably win the fight makes me really feel as if I’m watching an actual UFC event. The added shrieks of, “Oh!” and “Wow!” whenever anyone on screen does anything of note just adds to the immersion effect.

9. Late Stoppages. As you progress through your career in the game, you can’t help but notice that the referees sure take their sweet time stopping the fights. Often, I found myself pummeling my clearly knocked out (possibly dead) opponent while the ref is nonchalantly standing by. I would not be surprised if Steve Mazzagatti or Jerin Valel was brought on as an expert consultant. The attention to detail in this game is truly amazing. Speaking of which…

10. Bad Sportsmanship. The fact that I still have no idea how to properly perform a friendly glove tap at the beginning of a round speaks volumes for this game’s adherence to the old sports adage, “If you’re not cheating, you’re not trying.” The attention to detail here is stunning, as I was frequently allowed to hit my opponent after the bell, kick him in the head while he’s clearly down, and hold onto submissions for way too long (bonus points for simulating my opponent’s agonizing convulsions as he cradles his clearly destroyed appendage). The level of research that the game designers invested in this product is truly impressive, as my character was never penalized by the tranquil looking referee. If I must level one criticism, it’s that there is no apparent way to grab the cage in order to prevent being taken down, something that I’m hoping the sequel will address.

These are my initial thoughts on this amazing simulation of the current state of MMA. If only there was an option to use PEDs, the immersion would be complete.