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(Props: ITSSHOWTIME via MiddleEasy. The big reveal comes at the 0:49 mark.)
We usually judge fucked-up noses on a scale of Owen Wilson to Ryan McGillivray — but Rustemi Kreshnik may have just redefined what’s possible. Over the weekend, the Albanian heavyweight kickboxer got his nose kneed halfway around his face by Mourad Bouzidi at It’s Showtime 57 in Brussels, Belgium. As the color-man puts it, “That’s gonna have to be put back in place.” Oh do you think so, doctor?
(Props: ITSSHOWTIME via MiddleEasy. The big reveal comes at the 0:49 mark.)
We usually judge fucked-up noses on a scale of Owen Wilson to Ryan McGillivray — but Rustemi Kreshnik may have just redefined what’s possible. Over the weekend, the Albanian heavyweight kickboxer got his nose kneed halfway around his face by Mourad Bouzidi at It’s Showtime 57 in Brussels, Belgium. As the color-man puts it, “That’s gonna have to be put back in place.” Oh do you think so, doctor?
(R.I.P Mike in Brazil.)
Fearection: 1) Sexual arousal combined with a feeling of intimidation and uncertainty, generally provoked by powerful/forceful women who are physically attractive. 2) The act of God himself striking fear into your erection. 3) An erection rooted in an unexpected response to the fight or flight mechanism.
One of these definitions, or perhaps a little bit of each of them, best described our reaction when we came upon these recent pictures of former Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos Justino. Because, although our immediate reaction to hearing that the newly single Cyborg was snapped by Globo.com in a series of bikini shots was to shut down our computers, throw them from the top of the highest building in town, and renounce the Internet for life, after actually taking a look at them, we must say that she is looking rather…healthy (?) these days. Sure, it’s not going to get your engine revving like a Gina Carano GQ shoot, but dare we say that Cyborg almost looks doable in a couple of these (Ed note: We know, that statement is now committed to the Internet archives forever). Looks like you done fucked up, Evangelista.
Check out a full gallery of her photos after the jump. Don’t worry, it’s not with our picture viewer.
(R.I.P Mike in Brazil.)
Fearection: 1) Sexual arousal combined with a feeling of intimidation and uncertainty, generally provoked by powerful/forceful women who are physically attractive. 2) The act of God himself striking fear into your erection. 3) An erection rooted in an unexpected response to the fight or flight mechanism.
One of these definitions, or perhaps a little bit of each of them, best described our reaction when we came upon these recent pictures of former Strikeforce women’s featherweight champion Christiane “Cyborg” Santos Justino. Because, although our immediate reaction to hearing that the newly single Cyborg was snapped by Globo.com in a series of bikini shots was to shut down our computers, throw them from the top of the highest building in town, and renounce the Internet for life, after actually taking a look at them, we must say that she is looking rather…healthy (?) these days. Sure, it’s not going to get your engine revving like a Gina Carano GQ shoot, but dare we say that Cyborg almost looks doable in a couple of these (Ed note: We know, that statement is now committed to the Internet archives forever). Looks like you done fucked up, Evangelista.
We’ve noticed that many of you have been bitching like schoolchildren wistfully pointing out the quality (or lack thereof) our photo viewer even more than normal lately, so we are currently working on it. And being that we wouldn’t want to deny a single one of you such steamy photos as these, we’ve provided them in standard, non-gallery format. Don’t say we never did anything for you.
And we saved the best for last…
(Carmen, the gauntlet hath been declared.)
As Seth asked unto us, we shall ask unto you, Potato Nation: “You know, after she put down the tainted supplements and put on some make up…would you or wouldn’t you?”
Y’know, I remember when MMA shaving-gel sponsorships used to mean something. Now they’ll stick any jerkoff on the can. Case in point: This terrifying find from KevMann on the UG. It’s particularly upsetting to me because Edge Sensitive Skin With Aloe is honestly my brand of choice, and I’m almost out of the shit. But there’s no way I’m going to buy some Dana White-branded shaving cream and spend two mornings a week* staring at the mug of my least-favorite adult-baby. Fuck that noise. I guess I’m switching to Barbasol for a while. Damn it.
* No, I don’t shave every day. I’m a professional blogger; most days, I have no reason to look presentable.
Y’know, I remember when MMA shaving-gel sponsorships used to mean something. Now they’ll stick any jerkoff on the can. Case in point: This terrifying find from KevMann on the UG. It’s particularly upsetting to me because Edge Sensitive Skin With Aloe is honestly my brand of choice, and I’m almost out of the shit. But there’s no way I’m going to buy some Dana White-branded shaving cream and spend two mornings a week* staring at the mug of my least-favorite adult-baby. Fuck that noise. I guess I’m switching to Barbasol for a while. Damn it.
* No, I don’t shave every day. I’m a professional blogger; most days, I have no reason to look presentable.
(No, you can’t do that… you can’t triple jab a double jab, you can’t triple jab a double jab! Ace!)
Perhaps this news shouldn’t be all that shocking, considering that MMA is as popular in Brazil as, well, pornography is in Brazil. In either case, you might be surprised to learn that the incredibly weak lineup of UFC 147, which faced enough injury withdrawals to give Joe Silva a heart attack twice over, drew in over 20 million viewers, as reported by Tatame.com. That’s only three million less than UFC 142 brought in back in January, which featured Jose Aldo’s destruction of Chad Mendes, Edson Barboza’s destruction of Terry Etim, and Anthony Johnson’s destruction of a nearby Chima Steakhouse.
(No, you can’t do that… you can’t triple jab a double jab, you can’t triple jab a double jab! Ace!)
Perhaps this news shouldn’t be all that shocking, considering that MMA is as popular in Brazil as, well, pornography is in Brazil. In either case, you might be surprised to learn that the incredibly weak lineup of UFC 147, which faced enough injury withdrawals to give Joe Silva a heart attack twice over, drew in over 20 million viewers, as reported by Tatame.com. That’s only three million less than UFC 142 brought in back in January, which featured Jose Aldo’s destruction of Chad Mendes, Edson Barboza’s destruction of Terry Etim, and Anthony Johnson’s destruction of a nearby Chima Steakhouse.
Perhaps even more surprising than the amount of viewers who caught UFC 147 from home were those who actually attended the event live. If you recall, the UFC was giving out full refunds for the event to those who had purchased tickets prior to the aforementioned injury curse (something we later found out was simply in accordance with Brazilian law), which didn’t exactly lead us to believe that the event would draw in an astounding 16,643 fans. Now there’s some dedication that should be applauded.
Although we have yet to hear back on the PPV numbers from the event (which will likely be much, much lower than any in recent memory), it is great to hear, at least for the UFC, that an event as lackluster on paper as UFC 147 was can still reel in numbers as significant as those. But could you imagine how great UFC 147 would have been given the original lineup? It would be like if David Hasselhoff and Rammstein played a joint concert at a bratwurst and beer festival in Hamburg on Pfingstmontag, for Christ’s sake. This is just one of the many reasons we need to eliminate the UN, Potato Nation.
(And that’s for asking me how to save money on car insurance! / Pic Props: BRMMA Flickr)
Clay Guida won that fight. I know what the scorecards said; Bruce Buffer announced them to the world loud and clear. I know what everybody and their brother said on Twitter as well. None of that matters, though, because I know what I saw. Friday night in Atlantic City, Guida defeated Gray Maynard. In what parallel universe can you throw nearly a hundred more strikes than your opponent, he spends the evening swinging at ghosts, and they declare him the winner? On the mean streets of Albuquerque, New Mexico, if you have all but one of your fourteen takedowns stuffed, that does not make you a winner. That makes…not a winner.
Since when do we penalize fighters for not wanting to get smashed in the face? Guida willingly let himself be locked in a cage with “The Bully” for a total of twenty-five minutes. And yet somehow Maynard still wasn’t satisfied, saying at the post-fight press conference, “You can’t just go to the end of the cage and then back to the other end and back to the other end the whole time. You’ve got to give me a chance, too.”
“You’ve got to give me a chance, too?” Sorry, I thought Maynard was a professional fighter. I thought he was above the “If Johnny can’t hit off the pitcher, we’ll just bring out the tee” mentality. First, you don’t like his hair and now you don’t like the way he dances? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were looking for a date to the prom. You had your chance and you blew it. Were you really expecting Clay to just stand in front of you like the striking dummies at the gym?
(And that’s for asking me how to save money on car insurance! / Pic Props: BRMMA Flickr)
Clay Guida won that fight. I know what the scorecards said; Bruce Buffer announced them to the world loud and clear. I know what everybody and their brother said on Twitter as well. None of that matters, though, because I know what I saw. Friday night in Atlantic City, Guida defeated Gray Maynard. In what parallel universe can you throw nearly a hundred more strikes than your opponent, he spends the evening swinging at ghosts, and they declare him the winner? On the mean streets of Albuquerque, New Mexico, if you have all but one of your fourteen takedowns stuffed, that does not make you a winner. That makes…not a winner.
Since when do we penalize fighters for not wanting to get smashed in the face? Guida willingly let himself be locked in a cage with “The Bully” for a total of twenty-five minutes. And yet somehow Maynard still wasn’t satisfied, saying at the post-fight press conference, “You can’t just go to the end of the cage and then back to the other end and back to the other end the whole time. You’ve got to give me a chance, too.”
“You’ve got to give me a chance, too?” Sorry, I thought Maynard was a professional fighter. I thought he was above the “If Johnny can’t hit off the pitcher, we’ll just bring out the tee” mentality. First, you don’t like his hair and now you don’t like the way he dances? If I didn’t know any better, I’d think you were looking for a date to the prom. You had your chance and you blew it. Were you really expecting Clay to just stand in front of you like the striking dummies at the gym?
While many thought the actions of “The Carpenter” were egregious enough to warrant a PRIDE yellow card or even a point-deduction, let me point out that I didn’t see “The Bully” give much chase in an attempt to get his hands on Guida and implement his gameplan. It seemed rather, that Maynard was more content to just sit back and complain, flip the bird, cuss at Guida a little — something that in and of itself warranted a point deduction according to the Unified Rules of MMA — and then just sit back some more. Don’t even get me started on Maynard’s repeated hair-pulling. (Another point-deduction right there, if you’re keeping score.)
You see, gentlemen, what we witnessed at UFC on FX 4 was the epitome of Octagon control. In fact, Guida went above and beyond the norm, dominating not only the sponsor sticker in the center, but every square inch of the canvas. Additionally, Guida stuffed thirteen takedowns to keep the fight standing — a prime example of a fighter dictating the pace and location of a fight. Fighters must rely on judges being aware of this, and can only hope the imbeciles sitting cageside are able to recognize it when they see it and score the rounds accordingly. It’s not the first time the wrong fighter had his hand raised, and if life as an MMA fan has taught me anything over the past decade, it won’t be the last.
Clay Guida may not have been willing to become a punching bag for his opponent, nor should he have been. He was also not willing to go balls to the wall trying to take his opponent’s head off or put him to sleep on the mat, with a title shot potentially on the line. In a situation when most out-think the room, the Geico Caveman lookalike followed this popular maxim: Keep It Simple Stupid. Close the distance, get off a few clean shots, and get back out of range so he can’t counter. Simple and effective, no? The last time we saw this gameplan implemented, Carlos Condit won a title belt.
Clay Guida beat Gray Maynard, plain and simple. Guida’s footwork and effective defense kept Maynard guessing at best, punching at phantoms at worst. From bell to bell and post to post, the Greg Jackson product literally danced his way to victory. I know, because I saw it. What fight were you watching?
Previous experiments have involved a flat iron and a tub of Crisco.
We enjoy a great hairdo as much as the next guy, but it’s not often that one plays a role in the outcome of a fight. Back in the day, Jason Fairn and Guy Mezger famously made a gentlemen’s agreement not to tug on each other’s locks during their fight, and more recently Louis Gaudinot has considered chopping off his tresses after his hair hampered his performance against John Lineker. Those men took a look in the mirror and decided the fate of their own follicles, an option that has sadly been taken out of the hands of Clay Guida.
“The Carpenter’s” signature coiffure was recently placed on the proverbial chopping block after Gray Maynard‘s camp filed a formal complaint with the New Jersey State Athletic Control Board. Sanctioning bodies are responsible for determining “whether head or facial hair presents any hazard to the safety of the unarmed combatant or his opponent or will interfere with the supervision and conduct of the contest or exhibition.” Though Guida has the right to contest Camp Maynard’s objection to his hair, he has opted to braid his Medusa-like top for their bout rather than bog himself down with legal wranglings.
Hear from all parties involved after the jump.
Previous experiments have involved a flat iron and a tub of Crisco.
We enjoy a great hairdo as much as the next guy, but it’s not often that one plays a role in the outcome of a fight. Back in the day, Jason Fairn and Guy Mezger famously made a gentlemen’s agreement not to tug on each other’s locks during their fight, and more recently Louis Gaudinot has considered chopping off his tresses after his hair hampered his performance against John Lineker. Those men took a look in the mirror and decided the fate of their own follicles, an option that has sadly been taken out of the hands of Clay Guida.
“The Carpenter’s” signature coiffure was recently placed on the proverbial chopping block after Gray Maynard‘s camp filed a formal complaint with the New Jersey State Athletic Control Board. Sanctioning bodies are responsible for determining “whether head or facial hair presents any hazard to the safety of the unarmed combatant or his opponent or will interfere with the supervision and conduct of the contest or exhibition.” Though Guida has the right to contest Camp Maynard’s objection to his hair, he has opted to braid his Medusa-like top for their bout rather than bog himself down with legal wranglings.
MMAJunkie.com spoke with the NJSACB’s Nick Lembo on Guida’s options in the matter:
“He doesn’t want to do it, and I don’t believe he’s 100 percent happy about it, but he’s being very understanding and very cooperative about it and he agreed to it. Otherwise, if he said, ‘No, I’m not going to do that,’ we’d have to have a hearing on it and let both sides present their case and have a commissioner’s ruling on the issue.”
John Fosco, Guida’s manager, also spoke with the Junkie about the Carpenter’s mindset headed into the fight:
“Clay chose to avoid any distractions and simply complied. Clay will be braiding his hair back. Clay is not focused on this and has one objective: winning. Nothing will distract him from his goal.”
Maynard wants it made clear that he couldn’t care less about Guida’s hair when they climb in the cage next Friday. Speaking with Duane Finley, the fighter stated that he personally had nothing to do with the complaint and isn’t concerned with the matter.
I for one think that Athletic Commissions have more important things to worry about than legislating hair styles and grooming habits, but if they do go down this road, might I suggest a good place to start?
