Tag: Insanity

[VIDEO] Dissecting the Atrocity That is ‘Ultimate Ball’


(You wouldn’t know it because of the TRT and all, but three years ago, that Jabbawockee looked like this. ) 

Last Friday, mankind’s ongoing war with common sense and decency united in a copulation of takedowns, face masks, and remorse when Ultimate Ball held its first event at UCMMA 27 in London, England. For some twisted, inexplicable reason, an idea that was best left in the dark recesses of the meth-snorting exercise enthusiast who gave birth to this monstrosity was placed on display for the world to see, immediately leapfrogging “public lynchings” as the most disturbing form of human entertainment ever concocted. Seriously, if XARM, San Do Three-Man Fighting, and ShockFights had sex in the remains of the XFL, the resulting bastard child would be Ultimate Ball. 

Check out the “highlights” from the first, and hopefully last, event after the jump. Just make sure your window is closed if you live higher up than the second floor. 


(You wouldn’t know it because of the TRT and all, but three years ago, that Jabbawockee looked like this. ) 

Last Friday, mankind’s ongoing war with common sense and decency united in a copulation of takedowns, face masks, and remorse when Ultimate Ball held its first event at UCMMA 27 in London, England. For some twisted, inexplicable reason, an idea that was best left in the dark recesses of the meth-snorting exercise enthusiast who gave birth to this monstrosity was placed on display for the world to see, immediately leapfrogging “public lynchings” as the most disturbing form of human entertainment ever concocted. Seriously, if XARM, San Do Three-Man Fighting, and ShockFights had sex in the remains of the XFL, the resulting bastard child would be Ultimate Ball. 

Check out the “highlights” from the first, and hopefully last, event below. Just make sure your window is closed if you live higher up than the second floor.

The first thing that went through my brain after watching this video (aside from the screwdriver, of course) was the realization that not one, but all religions in fact, are a lie. For there cannot possibly be a God, Allah, or overseeing entity above us that would allow this blasphemy of a sport to exist. You’re going to tell me that not only are there goals mounted to the walls of that pitifully undersized octagon, but eight players and a referee are packed inside?! SFL’s bull fighting ring could not provide nine malnourished children the adequate space for such a “sport”, let alone nine full grown males.

And for that matter, how in the hell is someone suppose to utilize any other aspect of MMA besides the slam when there are seven other people huddled around them? Just look at the rear-naked choke applied at around the 4 minute mark; it looks like a prison rape is going down while the warden waits his turn. We’re going to go ahead and assume that the MMA gloves are purely for show, because we didn’t see even one jab thrown in the entirety of this video. There were a couple nice teeps, but we basically just watched the world’s shittiest, most cramped game of rugby mixed with a few sloppy takedowns, executed by participants in vastly different weight classes. Lord have mercy.

But there is one amazing thing to take away from it, at least for us Americans. No more can our British counterparts mock America for it’s stupidity. Sure, we spawned Jersey Shore, MTV, and Lady Gaga, but none of those even come close to the complete and utter batshit stupidity that is Ultimate Ball. The scales have finally been balanced. Ultimate Ball is professional sports’ answer to Charlie Manson, and should be put to sleep like a dog with rabies before it begins to spread its disease.

I’m sorry for putting you through that video, I truly am. But how can you appreciate life if you’ve never come face-to-face with death?

-J. Jones

WTF?! Video of the Day: Rampage Jackson Teaches Us How to Rape Transsexuals…You Read That Correctly


(We don’t even know where to start.)

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If thi video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.

Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you after the jump, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.

Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.


(We don’t even know where to start.)

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If this video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.

Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you below, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.

Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.

As you can see, what starts off as a series of harmless rape jokes quickly devolves into something out of A Serbian Film before abruptly ending, leaving its audience at an utter loss for words and with a hemorrhage-induced bloody nose. Considering the UFC’s policy on the whole “rape” issue, this is either a brilliant or incredibly stupid move by Quinton Jackson. No, wait. It’s incredibly stupid.

Granted, it would be kind of shocking if Page actually was reprimanded for this, but…what in God’s name did we just witness?

-J. Jones

Video: Nick Diaz Superfan Gets Chest-Tattoo That Will Haunt Him Forever

(Props: 2000dwrecked, via IronForgesIron and MiddleEasy)

Look, we appreciate this guy’s passion. And sure, we’ve seen worse MMA-fan tattoos. I’m just saying, think of how this ink-piece might appear to the vast majority of humanity who isn’t aware of Nick Diaz’s legendary gogoplata victory over Takanori Gomi at PRIDE 33. To them, it just looks like one dude in shorts blowing another dude on his back, and it’s right there on your chest, forever. Wouldn’t a cool t-shirt have been a wiser choice? At least that way you can take it off when you discover someone else to idolize in five years.

Have I just grown too cynical? Is this Nick Diaz tattoo not the most regrettable thing you’ve seen all week?


(Props: 2000dwrecked, via IronForgesIron and MiddleEasy)

Look, we appreciate this guy’s passion. And sure, we’ve seen worse MMA-fan tattoos. I’m just saying, think of how this ink-piece might appear to the vast majority of humanity who isn’t aware of Nick Diaz’s legendary gogoplata victory over Takanori Gomi at PRIDE 33. To them, it just looks like one dude in shorts blowing another dude on his back, and it’s right there on your chest, forever. Wouldn’t a cool t-shirt have been a wiser choice? At least that way you can take it off when you discover someone else to idolize in five years.

Have I just grown too cynical? Is this Nick Diaz tattoo not the most regrettable thing you’ve seen all week?

VIDEO: Brock Lesnar Returns to WWE, Immediately F-5?s John Cena


(BROCK CARES NOT FOR JORTS.)

Brock Lesnar‘s rumored return to professional wrestling became terrifyingly real last night on WWE Raw. After a long-winded, jeer-drawing monologue from John Cena — who had just lost a match to The Rock in Wrestlemania 28’s main event the night before — Lesnar interrupted the proceedings by stalking into the arena. Pants were shat.

It was as if Lesnar’s previous four years fighting in the UFC, which included two years as the promotion’s heavyweight champion, was all a dream. The WWE fans in attendance at Miami’s American Airlines Arena welcomed Brock like he’d never left, and the Next Big Thing clearly hadn’t lost an ounce of his old swagger. Lesnar entered the ring, and without a whole lot of preamble, picked up Cena, spun him to the mat with his trademark F-5, then soccer-kicked Cena’s stupid little hat.

The video is after the jump. Discuss.


(BROCK CARES NOT FOR JORTS.)

Brock Lesnar‘s rumored return to professional wrestling became terrifyingly real last night on WWE Raw. After a long-winded, jeer-drawing monologue from John Cena — who had just lost a match to The Rock in Wrestlemania 28′s main event the night before — Lesnar interrupted the proceedings by stalking into the arena. Pants were shat.

It was as if Lesnar’s previous four years fighting in the UFC, which included two years as the promotion’s heavyweight champion, was all a dream. The WWE fans in attendance at Miami’s American Airlines Arena welcomed Brock like he’d never left, and the Next Big Thing clearly hadn’t lost an ounce of his old swagger. Lesnar entered the ring, and without a whole lot of preamble, picked up Cena, spun him to the mat with his trademark F-5, then soccer-kicked Cena’s stupid little hat.

The video is after the jump. Discuss.

*UPDATE* [VIDEO] Anarchy in the UK: Riot Breaks out at Lockdown MMA Event


Aftermath of the riot. Videos of the riot after the jump.

While you were up last night planning your totally original “My girlfriend is pregnant” Facebook post, our friends across the pond were trading punches at a Lockdown MMA event. Unfortunately, the action wasn’t confined to just the cage, as unruly fans decided to ignore live event etiquette and fight among themselves. And when British people actually ignore etiquette, my god do they ignore etiquette.

This wasn’t your “Drunk, Affliction wearing fauxhawk guy trades telegraphed haymakers with drunk, Silver Star wearing tribal tattoo guy” brawl that you occasionally see at live events. This was a full blown riot that saw fans throwing bottles and chairs at each other for several minutes. Fortunately, a Cagepotato reader (who wishes to remain anonymous) tipped us off as to what started the riot, which is available after the jump.


Aftermath of the riot. Videos of the riot after the jump.

While you were up last night planning your totally original “My girlfriend is pregnant” Facebook post, our friends across the pond were trading punches at a Lockdown MMA event. Unfortunately, the action wasn’t confined to just the cage, as unruly fans decided to ignore live event etiquette and fight among themselves. And when British people actually ignore etiquette, my god do they ignore etiquette.

This wasn’t your “Drunk, Affliction wearing fauxhawk guy trades telegraphed haymakers with drunk, Silver Star wearing tribal tattoo guy” brawl that you occasionally see at live events. This was a full blown riot that saw fans throwing bottles and chairs at each other for several minutes. Fortunately, a Cagepotato reader (who wishes to remain anonymous) tipped us off as to what started the riot, which is available after the jump.

I’ve found out the event was called ‘MMA Lockdown’.

Having found this I now know that the promotion’s owner (Will Burke) is also a coach at Manchester Predators, unfortunately for him the main group of offenders last night trained with/were supporting….Manchester Predators!

Will quotes ‘This is not an ordinary MMA show – Lockdown plan on bringing something fresh to the table in 2012 and provide something you will never forget’. And this was true but for all the wrong reasons.

At a guess I’d say there were around 250 people watching (as usual 95% male audience 5% plastic over-tanned WAGS).

The violence just erupted when John Mann from Daywalkers MMA dominated his fight from start to his Guillotine finish in the 2nd. Chairs and bottles started being thrown and the whole place just emptied apart from 30 lads and bouncers beating the s**t out if each other.

Each time it seemed to calm down something sparked it back up again. It only stopped when the police arrived and most of the lads smashed through the fire exit to escape.

By the way, our reader censored “shit”, not us. Classy.

And now for one last picture of the aftermath.

UPDATE: Lockdown MMA has released a statement about the incident on their Facebook page:

Thanks to everyone who helped build and run the show last night. I can only apologise for the unfortunate early end to the show due to a few drunken yobs who decided to ruin it for everybody. Those involved should be utterly ashamed not just for last night, but for being such inferior and unfortunate human beings. Thankfully nobody was hurt, nevertheless there will be a lot of changes to the next …event to ensure that this NEVER happens again. I am especially upset for James Adamson, Dave Toole, Ashley Herrett and Rick Lawanson whose months of hard work was shamefully destroyed by events last night, I can only apologise as I know how gutted you all are after all the months of work you had put in. Will

Disgusting Video of the Day: Wrestler Breaks Leg in THE WORST WAY POSSIBLE


(This will teach that animal shelter to let Rousimar Palhares adopt one of their strays.) 

Remember the video of that horrifying leg injury we posted earlier this month? Meet the complete opposite of that. In fact, this injury maiming is easily more traumatizing, because the poor bastard, who we will now refer to as…Timmy, had his leg bent in the opposite direction of that other chap.

Ninety degrees in the opposite direction. 

You see, Timmy partook in a wrestling tournament a few days ago, and mere seconds into the match, his opponent shot in for a double leg, utterly destroying Tim’s leg in the process. We were told that Timmy’s cries of pain, like the mighty conch that signals the KVWN-TV Channel 4 Evening News team, resonated all the way Williamsburg, Virginia, where Lawrence Taylor, as if under some form of mind control, immediately stood up and applauded in the dirty, empty alleyway he had fallen asleep in.

Check out the video after the jump. Just have your therapist on hold while you do so. 


(This will teach that animal shelter to let Rousimar Palhares adopt one of their strays.) 

Remember the video of that horrifying leg injury we posted earlier this month? Meet the complete opposite of that. In fact, this injury maiming is easily more traumatizing, because the poor bastard, who we will now refer to as…Timmy, had his leg bent in the opposite direction as that other chap.

Ninety degrees in the opposite direction. 

You see, Timmy partook in a wrestling tournament a few days ago, and mere seconds into the match, his opponent shot in for a double leg, utterly destroying Tim’s leg in the process. We were told that Timmy’s cries of pain, like the mighty conch that signals the KVWN-TV Channel 4 Evening News team, resonated all the way Williamsburg, Virginia, where Lawrence Taylor, as if under some form of mind control, immediately stood up and applauded in the dirty, empty alleyway he had fallen asleep in.

We would like to thank Timmy for going out on his shield in what was undoubtedly his final wrestling match.

Because Timmy was a good wrestler, and a good man. He was one of us. He was a man who loved the outdoors… and wrestling, and as a wrestler he explored the gymnasiums of Southern California, from La Jolla to Leo Carrillo and… up to… Pismo. He died, like so many young men of his generation, he died before his time. In your wisdom, Lord, you took him, as you took so many bright flowering young men at Khe Sanh, at Langdok, at Hill 364. These young men gave their lives. And so would Timmy. Timmy, who loved wrestling. And so, Timothy Donald Karabotsos, in accordance with what we think your dying wishes might well have been, we commit your final mortal remains to the bosom of the CagePotato video vault, which you loved so well. Good night, sweet prince.

-J. Jones