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‘UFC 135: Jones vs. Rampage’ — Live Results & Commentary

(…but then I LOL’d. / Photos courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Tonight’s kind of a big deal, you guys. UFC light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones has a chance to establish his legacy by defending his belt against former champ Quinton “Rampage” Jackson. And when you look at the supporting card, you’ll notice a similar theme: Between Matt Hughes vs. Josh Koscheck, Takanori Gomi vs. Nate Diaz, and Mark Hunt vs. Ben Rothwell, UFC 135 is all about the old guard making one last stand against the scrappers who came up behind them. Do the old dogs still have some fight left, or will tonight represent a brutal changing of the guard?

Handling play-by-play for CagePotato.com once again is Matt Kaplan, who will be delivering updates on the “Jones vs. Rampage” pay-per-view main card beginning at 9 p.m. ET. Join the party after the jump, and refresh your page every few minutes for all the latest.

(At first I was like…)

(…but then I LOL’d. / Photos courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com. For more photos from this set, click here.)

Here we go. UFC 135. Rampage vs. Bones. Quick thoughts before we get to anything real: 1) I just watched some of the intro. stuff, and the Matt Hughes-Josh Koscheck clips reminded me not only of what each guy is capable of doing, but also of how many beatings poor Frank Trigg has taken. 2) I want to see Nate Diaz do something grimy -or at least very distasteful – tonight. I don’t even care what it is. 3) Rampage literally sounds like a baby in the “I want my belt baaaaack!” clip. 4) Bones comes across as very humble, very respectful on camera. People love it. I’m extremely suspicious. 5) Am I rooting for Hughes or against Koscheck? Does it matter?

Takanori Gomi vs. Nate Diaz: Rd. 1: Gomi paws at Nate’s jab as they feel one another out. Nate drops Gomi with a left handed slap on the beak! Gomi’s back up, though, and looks calm. Nate’s lead right is busy so far after a good body shot from Gomi. Right-left from Nate lands. Gomi swings a lone, wild right hand from his back pocket. Nate tees off with the lead right and a follow-up stinging left. Gomi is down. Nate has the back, pounds for a bit, but Gomi slips out. Back to the boxing clinic by Nate. Gomi gets a takedown, but Nate slaps on the triangle. Transition to the armbar…….and that’s a tap. Sick.

Post fight, Nate refers to brother Nick as “the best fighter in the world” and then shouts out the Shields family. Cesar Gracie fighters are cool.

Travis Browne vs. Rob Broughton: Rd. 1: Big overhand right misses from Browne, who looks smooth on his big ol’ feet. He presses Broughton against the cage; they trade knees and short punches. Low kicks from Browne are landing clean. Lead left from Browne. Broughton isn’t doing too much here. A right hand from Browne answers a body punch from Broughton. Broughton charges in, but not with much. Big left hook from Browne; his follow-up flying knee is off target. Browne gets an easy takedown in the final seconds and finishes the round in half guard. Rd 2: Broughton is throwing inside leg kicks, but there’s not much sting to them. Browne is still loose and lands a hard leg kick. Body shot, leg kick from Browne. Broughton catches a kick, but Browne is still up. Browne lands 1-2s as he charges in and puts 4 or 5 knees on Broughton against the cage. Browne has Broughton pinned against the cage: not much from either fighter here. Back to the center of the cage and Browne just got a laughably easy takedown (again). He’s got mount now, Browne does. Ground and pound, Broughton rolls over, and then back to his back. Browne ends the round with ground strikes. Rd. 3: Low kick from Browne, who’s slowed down a little. Big right from Broughton, who had Browne against the cage. Browne snatches a leg for a takedown. Side control; half guard. Did I just hear Broughton was a wrestler? Holy shit. Browne is all over him, but not firing too many strikes. 3/4 mount, it looks like, and now Browne has back mount. Broughton rolls to his back. Full mount. Broughton gets it back to guard and works for an arm. Browne is free after a few seconds. Both men stand as the boos pour in before the final bell. Travis Browne earns the judges’ decision, 30-27 across the board.

Ben Rothwell vs. Mark “Super Samoan” Hunt: Rd. 1: Lead left lands for Hunt, who then avoids a shot from Big Ben. Left hook, right hand from Hunt lands on Ben’s chin. Long jabs from Ben; lead left hook from Hunt. Hunt circles away. Ben ducks a hook, and takes Hunt down. Mount. Ben has Hunt against the cage, but Hunt pops back up. Ben jabs. Hunt is bleeding a little on the left side of his head and stuffs a single. And again. Right hand from Hunt connects. He lands an elbow and is on top of Ben. Side control status. Ben is up right away, though. Right hand from Ben and they’re down, with Ben on top against the cage. Heavy elbows! Ben pins down Hunt’s right arm with his knee and keeps working to the bell. Rd. 2: Both guys are bloodied. Lead left hook from Hunt. Hunt stuff another takedown. They both seem tired as hell. Right uppercut from Hunt just misses. Ben jabs. Hunt kicks the back leg hard. Uppercut from Hunt, who lands on top of Ben and in Ben’s guard. Ben wants an armbar, it seems. Heavy gnp from Hunt, who has Ben’s arm trapped across his face. Elbows from side control from Mr. Hunt. Hunt is coming on. Ben scrambles, but Hunt is back on top. Full mount for Hunt. He snatches the left arm. He wants to extend it, but Ben holds on for the final seconds. Wow. Rd. 3: Ben is battered. Right hand from Hunt stings Ben. Uppercuts from Hunt. Hunt sprawls. Another big Samoan right hand. Ben is wobbly. Hunt tries for the trip and drags Ben down. Hunt is in Ben’s guard. Ben is bloody and gassed. The ref stands ‘em up. Ben is on noodle legs. Hunt stuffs a slow takedown. Uppercut from Hunt, but Ben keeps shooting. Huge right from Hunt. These guys are sleepwalking practically. Hunt gets the takedown; side cotrol. Hunt wants to pin down the left arm. Hammer fists from Hunt. Ben squirms for full guard. The ref stands them up? Another uppercut from Hunt. Ben has his hands on his knees. Hunt gets a takedown, but Ben maneuvers to squeeze a headlock and lands in half guard in the final seconds. The judges give it unanimously to Mark Hunt.

Mike Goldberg just called Rob Dyrdek “Rob Deed-rick.” Oh, Goldy…

Matt Hughes vs. Josh Koscheck: Hughes is walking out with Pat Miletich for the first time in a while. I also see Matt Pena, Jeremy Horn, and Robbie Lawler. Old school. Rd. 1: Hughes jabs early to the right eye of Koscheck. Right uppercut and left hook clip combo clips Hughes. Left hook from Hughes now. And again. Another uppercut from Koscheck, but missing. Uppercut from Hughes, the boxer, apparently. Both men sneak in uppercuts, but nothing lands flush. Hughes stuffs the TD and hits a knee. Left hook from Hughes. Big uppercut and a right hand from Koscheck, and Hughes feels it. Clinch. Koz is throwing. Hammer fists from Koz to a downed Hughes. Hughes is down and in trouble. Hughes is out cold with just seconds left! Hot damn. TKO win at 4:59 for Josh Koscheck. Matt Hughes is not retiring, but he says he’s going “on the shelf.”

Jon “Bones” Jones vs. Quinton “Rampage” Jackson: Rd. 1: Bones crawls out to Rampage, who promptly knees his body. Clinch against the cage. Knees from Jones to Rampage’s thighs. Nice elbow from Jones! Jones is pressing against the cage, but the two meet in the center of the cage. High kicks from Jones are blocked. Jones clinches and looks for a trip, but Rampage stays up. Head kick from Jones is blocked. Jones kicks Rampage’s lead knee. Left hand from Jones connects. Another kick to the knee from the champ. Jones pushed Rampage against the cage as they clinch. Spinning elbow lands for Bones as they separate. Head kick again from Bones. Spinning heel kick from Bones sails high. Rampage swings big at the end of the round. Too little, too late, though. Rd. 2: Bones attacks the lead leg and clinches again. Bones tries another spinning elbow and keeps kicking that lead knee. Low kick from Rampage. Lead right hook misses from Bones. Body kick from Bones. Lead left hits for Rampage. Bones keeps moving and kicking at Rampage’s legs. Swing and a miss with the left for Bones. Rampage isn’t mounting much offense here. Two nice leg kicks from Bones. Spinning back kick hits for Bones. Head kick now. Rampage looks hesitant from the outside. Left hook lands for the challenger. Bones misses with a missile of a left hand. They clinch. Rampage pulls guard from the clinch in the final few seconds. Rd. 3: Bones catches a Rampage kick and grabs a front headlock. Rampage swings wide, but Jones ducks. Leg kicks from Rampage now. Bones keeps mixing up his punches. Bones grabs a single and gets the takedown. Side control. Full mount. Gnp time:elbows. Rampage his escapes. Rampage is up, but Jones has his neck. Rampage is free, but bloody above the right eye. Nasty kick to the gut from Bones. Looping left misses for Rampage. Bones misses a close elbow and avoids a big right hook from Rampage. Lead left hook from Bones. Bones keeps kicking low. Flying knee from Bones and a kick to the knee. Rampage avoids a switch kick. Bones drops for a double at the horn and drops Rampage after the round ends. Rd. 4: Early clinch and Bones gets the takedown. Knees to the body from Bones, who has back control. RNC? Yup! Tapout.

Post-fight Rampage: “…I’m disappointed, but I’m still gon’ get drunk tonight!”

And from then undercard…

Cole Escovedo vs. Takeya Mizugaki: Rd. 1: Mizugaki fires early with crisp combos. Big knee from Cole with his back on the fence. Mizugaki does the same and escapes to the center of the cage. Good jab from Cole. Low kick from Mizugaki. Hard left hands from Mizugaki, who presses Cole into the cage. Cole Thai clinches, but releases. Big right hand from Mizugaki. Mizugaki drags Cole down, but they’re right back up. Nice knee from Cole. Cole climbs Mizugaki and wants a triangle. Mizugaki falls on top of Cole. They’re up again. Good action so far. Inside leg kick from Mizugaki. Thai clinch and knees from Cole. Elbows from the clinch for Cole. This is awesome. Nice left from Cole, who barely misses a head kick. 1-2 from Mizugaki. Left hand to the body from Mizugaki just before the round ends. Rd. 2: Mizugaki catches a kick and drops Cole with a right hand. Cole’s back up. Inside leg kick from Mizugaki. Right cross from Mizugaki. Lead left hook from Mizugaki. Nice kick from Cole. Head kick from Cole, but Mizugaki fires back. And again the head kick from Cole. Uppercut-left hook combo from Mizugaki. Body punch from Mizugaki. Left hand staggers and drops Cole. He’s up. A flurry of big punches and knees from Mizugaki. Huge left hook from Mizugaki to Cole against the cage. Cole is banged up. Mizugaki is pouring it on. Cole is down from a short left and Mizugaki finishes him with a final right hand. Great action from the 135-pounders.

‘UFC Fight Night: Shields vs. Ellenberger’ — Round-by-Round Results

(Man, you know Dana’s heart isn’t in this one when he can’t even be bothered to put on a funky t-shirt. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this album, click here.)

We told you why you should watch, and we told you how we think it’ll go down. At this point, it’s in God’s hands.

Tonight in New Orleans, Jake Shields and Jake Ellenberger will lock horns in a pivotal welterweight contest. Will Shields shows flashes of his old submission-machine self, or will Ellenberger spoil the party in the Big Easy?

Plus: Middleweights Alan Belcher and Jason MacDonald kick off the main card, and Court McGee and Jonathan Brookins take the next steps in their post-TUF careers. Meanwhile on pay-per-view, Floyd Mayweather Jr. is boxing Victor Ortiz, and hell, maybe we’ll give you updates on that one as well.

Live round-by-round updates from the Spike TV broadcast of “UFC Fight Night: Shields vs. Ellenberger” will be piling up after the jump starting at 9 p.m. ET. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest. Here, we, go.

(Man, you know Dana’s heart isn’t in this one when he can’t even be bothered to put on a funky t-shirt. / Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle. For more photos from this album, click here.)

We told you why you should watch, and we told you how we think it’ll go down. At this point, it’s in God’s hands.

So they’re going to start airing King of Queens re-runs on Spike? EXTREEEEEME, BRO!!!!!!!

Alan Belcher vs. Jason MacDonald

Round 1: Belcher stalking with his jab. MacDonald tries for a takedown but Belcher defends, and they lock up against the fence. MacDonald re-sets for a single leg, and drags Belcher down after some effort. But Belcher lands on top, in MacDonald’s guard. Belcher with a stiff punch from the top. MacDonald trying to hold him, but Belcher opens up and blasts down heavy punches. MacDonald covers up, then grabs an arm for a kimura attempt. Belcher defends and moves to side-control. MacDonald re-establishes guard and gets slugged in the face. He looks hurt. Now elbows and more punches from Belcher and MacDonald turtles under the onslaught. Belcher pours it on until the ref stops it. It’s all over. Impressive return performance from the Talent.
Belcher def. MacDonald via verbal submission (strikes), 3:48 of round 1. Damn, I didn’t see Jason cry uncle, but there you go.

Jonathan Brookins vs. Erik Koch

Round 1: Koch starts with a leg kick. Brookins throws a teep, and shoots, Royce Gracie style. He’s a little slow with it, but he still grabs onto Koch’s leg. Koch defends, and Brookins sneaks in a sharp standing elbow in the clinch. Koch lands a knee to Brookins’s grill. Knee to the gut from Brookins, then another elbow. Koch gets free and lands a long straight left. Leg kick Koch. Another straight left. Brookins works his way inside and grabs onto Koch’s leg again. Brookins drops to the mat with it, but Koch makes him pay with hammerfists and elbows to the temple. Koch shakes free. Brookins with another short elbow. The round ends with Brookins flipping Koch to the mat.

Round 2: Koch opening up with his punches. Brookins dashes forward trying to grab Koch’s leg, but can’t convert. Koch lands his straight left again. Brookins works again for a takedown. Brookins drags Koch down, but Koch is quickly back up, with the TUF winner still hanging off of him. The crowd begins their inevitable booing. Koch breaks free. Leg kick from Koch. Great punch combo and leg kick from Koch. Brookins goes back to his wall-and-stall. Finally he puts Koch’s back on the mat. Koch pushes off and gets to his feet, eating a punch on the way up. Brookins is on him like glue. Koch with an elbow to his head to end the round.

Round 3: Nice 1-2 from Koch. Clinch and knee from Brookins. Brookins shoots in for the single but Koch pulls out. Koch sticks the jab. Leg kick Koch. Another single-leg attempt from Brookins. Good defense from Koch. Koch tries to disengage but Brookins follows him and sticks an elbow. They break, and Koch scores a head kick, followed by a leg kick. Brookins tries a superman punch. They tie up and Koch takes Brookins down for a half-second. Koch puts Brookins against the fence. They separate and trade punches before Brookins grabs on again. Dirty boxing from Brookins to the last bell. Kind of an ugly one.
Erik Koch def. Jonathan Brookins via unanimous decision (30-27 x 2, 29-28). Whoa. Two judges gave Koch all three rounds? No love for takedown attempts tonight. Not that I’m complaining; Koch definitely won the majority of striking exchanges.

An interview appearance by Jon Jones and Rampage Jackson turns into an argument about the alleged Jones spy in ‘Page’s camp. “You gettin’ destroyed, homey,” Rampage says.

Court McGee vs. Dongi Yang

Round 1: Yang throws a straight to McGee’s body. He throws and lands to the head. Yang is a step quicker than McGee in the opening moments of the round, avoiding all of McGee’s punches. But McGee finally lands with a short right, and it’s a good one. Yang with a hook. They trade leg kicks. Yang catches a leg kick, but misses the counter punch. Yang stumbles after a leg kick. McGee reaches out at Yang’s face, not for the first time, and follows it up with a punch. McGee dashes forward with some punches at the bell.

Round 2: Inside leg kick Court. Both guys swing hooks at each other. McGee rushes in to clinch, Yang tosses him off. Yang lands a pair of counter-punches as McGee attacks. McGee jabs. Slick 1-2 from Yang. McGee fires the head kick. Hard straight left from Yang. McGee shoots and grabs Yang around the waist, but the Judo black belt easily gets out. Leg kick Yang as the crowd boos. Body shot Yang. Yang sticks him with a counter as McGee lumbers in. Head kick McGee, followed by a leg kick, then some punches. McGee shoots, Yang ain’t having it. There’s the bell.

Round 3: Yang jabs. McGee shoots in, Yang defends and chases him off. McGee throws a kick, eats a hook. Yang’s nose is bloodied. McGee lands a right. Yang staggers McGee with a hook and darts in with a flying knee! He takes Court to the mat but McGee is up and slugging. Now Yang looks stunned, but he fires back with a punch and kick. Now it’s a fight. McGee clinches up, Yang shakes off. McGee landing more punches now. Nice uppercut in close. McGee shoots, Yang defends, but McGee stays on him and puts Yang down briefly. McGee outboxing Yang now, but is it too late? McGee with another takedown, and drops elbows on Yang. McGee grabs a guillotine and cranks it, but Yang pulls out just as the round ends.
Court McGee def Dongi Yang via unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 30-28). No time for a post-fight interview. Hey, that third judge scored one of the first two rounds 10-10. Good for him!

Jake Shields vs. Jake Ellenberger

Round 1: Ellenberger comes out throwing hard. Jake looking to implement his gameplan right away, but can’t get Ellenberger down on his first attempt. They clinch up, and Ellenberger lands a knee to the body and one to the chin that drops Shields to the mat. Holy crap! Ellenberger jackhammers some left hands into Shields’s dome until the referee jumps in. Shields in la-la land, trying to grapple with the ref. And now you’ll remember the name “Ellenberger.”
Jake Ellenberger def. Jake Shields via TKO, 0:53 of round 1.

Shields thinks it was an early stoppage. “Ref’s decision, [but] I wanted to keep fighting.” Huh. I mean, he was clearly unconscious. Maybe he was still out of it while giving that interview. And we are officially living in a post-Shields era. What did y’all think?

PRELIMINARY CARD RESULTS

– Vagner Rocha def. Cody McKenzie via submission (rear-naked choke), 3:49 of round 2

– Evan Dunham def. Shamar Bailey via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)

– Lance Benoist def. Matt Riddle via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)

– Ken Stone def. Donny Walker via submission (rear naked choke), 2:47 of round 1

– Seth Baczynski def. Clay Harvison via submission (rear naked choke), 1:12 of round 2

– TJ Waldburger def. Mike Stumpf via submission (triangle choke), 3:52 of round 1

– Robert Peralta def. Mike Lullo via unanimous decision (30-27 x 2, 29-28)

– Justin Edwards def. Jorge Lopez via unanimous decision (29-28 x 3)

‘Strikeforce: Barnett vs. Kharitonov’ — Live Results + Commentary

(Dan Cormier does a dead-on impression of how his face is going to look after he gets hit with one of those fists. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

Tonight, four big-ass dudes become two, and we mean that in the straightest way possible. Strikeforce’s lovably meaningless heavyweight tournament reaches its semi-final phase tonight at the U.S. Bank Arena in Cicinnati, Ohio, supported by a middleweight title fight and a compelling light-heavyweight feature between Muhammad “King Mo” Lawal and Roger Gracie.

Round-by-round results for the “Barnett vs. Kharitonov” Showtime main card will be piling up after the jump starting at 10:30 p.m. ET. CagePotato liveblog-mercenary Matt Kaplan will be handling business tonight, so please make him feel welcome, and refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest.

(Dan Cormier does a dead-on impression of how his face is going to look after he gets hit with one of those fists. / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

……………..

I’ll take “liveblog-mercenary” over “Shemp Howard” any time, thank you very much.

Here we go. During the opening montage, the four remaining heavies are standing in what looks like a mini glacier forest. In their shorts. Barefoot. Hmm…

Frank Shamrock’s not sweating yet, so that’s good. Miletich says Cormier is a tougher match-up for Bigfoot than Overeem would have been. Interesting enough.

Maximo Blanco vs. Pat Healy: Mauro called Jimmy Lennon, Jr. the “maestro of the microphone.” He loves alliteration. Rd. 1: Healy is a big dude, but Blanco kicks out his back leg and is in half guard. Some short right hands and elbows from Blanco. Action gets back to a stand up, and Blanco connects with a right uppercut. Left head kick, knees and uppercuts from Blanco. Healy is down again and Blanco works from Healy’s open guard. Healy wants an armbar on Blanco’s right arm. Now he angles for a…what the f? Blanco just bitch slapped Healy with his toes. Healy is bleeding and the ref has stopped things for the doctors to take a look. Blanco lost a point. Rd 2: Healy pumps the jab, but Blanco moves his head well and stays safe. Blanco lands a spinning back fist, but Healy connects with harder counter punches. More Healy jabs. Healy slams Blanco to tha mat and works for the RNC, but to no avail. Healy falls, Blanco lands a right, Healy clinches and knees. Healy has Blanco’s back against the cage and looks for wrist control. Healy slams Blanco again, but Blanco is up. And back down once more. healy still wants that rear naked choke, but isn’t in position. Wait, yup he is. Dunzo. Healy wins via submission.

Big Black is sitting behind Rich Franklin ringside, in case anyone’s curious.

King Mo Lawal vs Roger Gracie: King Mo still wears the crown, huh? Oh well. Gracie seems ot be in better shape. Rd 1: I like Gracie’s all black trunks. Very early 90s of him. Mo looks loose and poised. Gracie holds his hands high as both men feel things out with very little action. Mo throws a lead left hook. Gracie jabs. MO hits with a short left as Gracie moves in. The crowd is booing a little already. Mo catches a kick and connects with a right. A push kick from Gracie is followed up by a Gracie flying knee. Gracie jabs. Mo misses a snapping left hook from Mo. More feeling out. Big right from Mo drops Gracie, who doesn’t get back up after two more shots on the ground (that didn’t land clean). Mo put some stank on that right hand! Gracie is out of it.

In a pre-recorded interview, Barnett says he plans to rank Kharitonv amongst the dead and rip his flesh and drink his blood. The poor interviewer is incredibly uncomfortable right now. Her career plans for broadcast journalism are clearly not working out. Kharitonov’s translator is pretty hot.

Ronaldo “Jacare” Souza vs. Luke Rockhold: Mauro says this fight is “pedigree vs. potential.” Rd 1: Rockhold kicks at the lead leg of the champ. Jacare shoots, but Rockhold sprawls. Big overhand right from Jacare, who drags Rockhold to floor and presses Rockhold’s hips down. Jacare is landing hard ground shots. Rockhold is up. But back down after a second. And back up we are. each man has an underhook. Jacare lands a knee against the fence. Push kick from Rockhold is answered with a right from Jacare. Another body kick from Rockhold and another right from Jacare. Rockhold catches Jacare coming in. Two good kicks from Rockhold! Jacare gets the takedown after two punches from Rockhold, but Rockhold gets right back up. Tough round to score. Rd 2: Spinning back kick and a lead leg kick from Roockhold. He just misses the head kick. More kicks and Jacare looks stymied. Jacare drops Rockhold with a right! Rockhold is back up, though. Here comes Jacare, pressing Rockhold against the fence again. Rockhold lands a straight left through Jacare’s hands. A lead right hook from Jacare lands. Knee from Rockhold in the clinch against the cage. Knee from Jacare. Knees to the thigh from Rockhold. They’re trading putting one another against the fence. And they break. Left from Rockhold. Right from Jacare. Jacare hits with another big overhand right. Rockhold ends the round with a kick. Rd 3: Front kick from Rockhold, who then lands a sharp left. Jacare switches up the stance. Body kick from Luke misses. Jacare’s kicks land. Luke kicks for real now. Jacare is kicked “in the peninsula south of the equator,” as bald Mauro says. After a break, Jacare snatches a single and dumps Luke onto the floor. Jacare is working furiously to finish, but Luke gets back to his feet. Punch-kick combo from Luke. Puch kick from Luke. Jacare blocks a left head kick. Luke kicks the lead leg once more. Jacare needs to get going. Luke is scoring with kicks and fists, high and low. Jacare cracks luke with a short right hook. Luke comes with a straight left and keeps mixing up his punches with kicks (and vice versa). Rd. 4: Three good rights from Jacare early are answered with a left from Luke. Luke charges in with kicks, but Jacare counters with that lead right hook. Jacare presses against the fence and takes some knees from Luke, who’s not got Jacare against the cage. Right hands and a right kick from Jacare have Luke backing up. Jacare drops for a double; Luke stuffs it with his back against the cage. A knee from Jacare; right hook from Luke as they break from the clinch. Good body kick from Luke, who stuffs another takedown and lands a left as Jacare stands back up. Knee from Luke as he muscles Jacare against the fence. Rd. 5: Front kick from Jacare and a body kick from Luke. Luke lands that straight left. Another front body kick from Jacare. Uppercut-left cross combo from Luke connects. Jacare swings and kicks and misses . Luke kicks low. Jacare hits a body kick and a low leg kick. Body shot from Luke is countered with a lead right hand against the cage. Jacare trips Luke and blankets him on the floor. Luke wants to sit up and slips away. They’re up. Left from Luke…and two good rights. Front kick from Jacare, but Luke keeps coming ahead. Jacare clinches but Luke escapes and lands a cool body kick, Right from Jacare. 1-2 from Luke. Left from Luke. Right from the champ. And another as he presses Luke against the fence. That was a good fight. And the winner is… Luke Rockhold by unanimous decision.

Mauro just quoted the WKRP in Cincinnati theme song. Gus Johnson who?

Antonio “Bigfoot” Silva vs. Daniel Cormier: Bigfoot is a BJJ blackbelt “phenom”? We call that hyperbole. Miletich thinks Bigfoot Silva should be called “Giant Reach” Silva. (Because he has a big reach advantage, y’see.) Rd. 1: Rich Franklin’s bro is the ref? Head kick from Silva is blocked. Silva rushes in with punches and backs Cormier against the fence. They separate and Cormier lands a big right! Wow. Silva is down, and Cormier is in Silva’s guard. He’s out and lets the big fella back to his feet. Cormier lands a crisp left that stuns the Brazilian. And another. Silva shoots; nope. He’s pulling a Werdum and baiting Cormier into his guard. Silva’s up. Cormier sweeps him down and stays out of the guard. The crowd is restless as Silva remains down for a bit. 1-2 from Silva. Cormier drops Silva with a left jab and a right uppercut, and Silva is done! Cormier is in the finals.

Josh Barnett vs. Sergei Kharitonov:This is the one fight on this card I’m really excited for. Mauro just called Josh “Captain Catch Wrestling.”

Josh Barnett vs. Sergei Kharitonov: This is the one fight on this card I’m really excited for. Mauro just called Josh “Captain Catch Wrestling.” Rd. 1: Punches fly early from both men…and land, for the most part, Josh trips Sergei and is in the mounted position. Elbows, hammer fist. Sergei tries to buck, but in vain. And again. Josh is heavy on top. More gnp from Josh. Sergei strikes from his back. Heavy elbows from Josh. Damn. Josh fires down as Sergei punches up. Josh gets back control as Sergei covers up. Josh throws short uppercuts and hammer fists. Sergei is flattened, pounded some more, and choked out from the side! Josh vs. Cormier in the finals.

“UFC 134? Live Results and Commentary: The Blog from Ipanema

“Where’s your liveblog now, Playboy?” (Photo: FiveOuncesOfPain.com)

Chael Sonnen may have opted to stay home this weekend, terrified of losing his ranking as the biggest ass on the continent, but the rest of the MMA world has descended upon Rio de Janeiro and dammit we’re going to blog about it!

It’s the UFC’s triumphant return to Brazil and we’ve got a treasure trove of questions to work through tonight. Will there be enough carrots to get the fighters to and from the stadium safely? With Joe Rogan absent, can Kenny Florini fill the void in nut shot and cup-related conversation? Will the raucous Brazilian audience make good on the riots that Vancouver expected?

There are probably some questions related to the fights as well, and time permitting we will answer them. Join us after the jump to catch the punch-by-punch PPV action and to explain why your favorite fighter just lost and/or had an off night in the comments section.

“Where’s your liveblog now, Playboy?” (Photo: FiveOuncesOfPain.com)

And we…are…LIVE!!!!

Whoa, an homage to Brazilian MMA to kick off the evening. Nice change of pace. Soak in that Gladiator intro while you can; it will be going the way of the dodo soon enough. If you’ve been watching thus far, you’ve been treated to some questionable scoring, premature stand-ups, and all around crazy in cage action. We’ll keep the details to ourselves for now in case we get to revisit the fights on the PPV.

No time to waste. It’s time to throw down.

Luiz Cane vs. Stanislav Nedkov

R1: I’m curious who the crowd will be rooting for here…Oh, it looks like they’re behind Cane. Shocker. A bit of feeling out here. Neither man letting go of the hands. Nedkov comes in with a wild overhand. Both men exchange and Nedkov swings wildly as he tries to rush Cane, but Cane circles out. Body kick by Cane and a counter by Nedkov. Nedkov just tucking his head and winging in that right. Cane misses with a kick and slips to the mat, but pops back up. Cane putting together some combos on Nedkov’s face. Cane crowding Nedkov to the fence and picking his shots. Nedkov is cut and bleeding under his right eye. Nedkov connects with a big shot and Cane is rocked! Cane is on his bike trying to get away, but Nedkov is right there chasing him down. Nedkov with a big flurry punches him down and follows up with a series of big shots on the ground! Yamasaki calls the fight!

Nedkov def. Cane (TKO): 4:13 R1

Pretty slow stoppage from Yamsaki. Is he concerned about making it back to the hotel safely?

Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Brendan Schaub

R1:Herb Dean in control of this bout. Schaub is circling, Nog ties him up and Schaub pushes him to the fence. Schaub pushes off and takes tot he center of the cage. Schaub looks to be faster in the standup. Now Nog drives him to the cage, but Schaub circles out after some dirty boxing. Schaub connectswith an uppercut, then they briefly return to the fence. Nog is moving forward as Schaub backs away. Nog with a decent combo. Schaub with another uppercut now he continues to put his punches together with success. Nog with a big combo and SCHAUB IS DOWN AND OUT, face first on the canvas! Nog backs off on his own, no intervention needed.

Did the crowd like that? Yeah, I’d say the crowd liked that.

Nogueira def. Schaub (KO): 3:09 R1

A reshowing of a Facebook fight from earlier:

Erick Silva vs. Luis Ramos

R1: Both men moving well.Leg kick from Ramos as they circle around. BIG right hand by Silva and Ramos crumbles backward. Silva sprints toward him and pounces with rapid shots, forcing Herb Dean to shove him off.

Silva def. Ramos (TKO) 0:40 R1

So between Facebook, Spike, and the PPV, we’ve been treated to that fight thrice now. I for one am quite pleased that they didn’t rely on Ed Soares for the post-fight “translations”.

Edson Barboza vs. Ross Pearson

R1: I expect leg kicks here. Barboza misses a big head kick and both men are slugging. Pearson chasing Barboza back as they exchange. He’s backing Barboza up, which will keep those kicks at bay (he hopes). Checked kick from Barboza. Pearson connects with a left and pushes him to the fence, but Barboza circles out. Body shot by Pearson, front kick by Barboza. Pearson’s game plan to pressure Barboz seems to be paying off. Spinning body kick by Barboza, but Pearson eats it and looks no worse for wear. Both men with a leg kick, but Pearson follows up with a nice combo. Body kick by Pearson. Barboza is faster,but Pearson is throwing combos and chasing him backward. Pearson shoots for a takedown against the cage, but Barboza works free at the buzzer.

Pearson’s corner calling for more combos. Barboza’s corner is speaking some gibberish I don’t understand.

R2: Body kick by Pearson, but Barboza cracks him with a big right and drops him, but Pearson’s back on his feet. Both men trade some punches, and another big body kick from Barboza. Pearson got dropped, but he’s recovered well. Pearson blocks another body kick. “Real Deal” putting pressure on Barboza once more. Inside leg kick by Pearson. Pearson shoots for a low single but gets stuffed easily.Barboza connects with another big shot, but Pearson is unphased. Barboza with another spinning body kick, but Pearson doesn’t seem to really give a shit. Must be nice! More body kicks from Barboza. Let kick by Barboza, followed by a spinning head kick that catches nothing but air.

R3: Pearson moving forward, keeping that pressure on. Missed flying knee from Pearson, but he’s unable to drive Barboza to the fence. Inside leg kick from Pearson. Now Barboza misses with a flying knee. The Brazilian misses with a head kick. Pearson swings away and drives Barboza to the fence, but he’s denied the takedown again. Flying knee by Pearson misses the mark and we’ve got two minutes left in the bout. Pearson shoots in again, but Barboza’s having none of it. Pearson connects with a combo, and now they’re swinging! Pearson bleeding from the right eye with swelling over the left. The sense of urgency is here as Pearson moves forward. Now Barboza is denied the takedown.

We’re going to the judges here.

Barboza def. Pearson (Split Decision- Barboza 29-28 x2, Pearson 29-28)

We’re moving along at a pretty steady pace here. It’s already time for the co-main event.

Forrest Griffin vs. Mauricio ‘Shogun’ Rua

Forrest runs to the cage almost as quickly as he ran out of it after the Anderson bout.

R1: Both fighters are moving around while the crowd starts their chants. Shogun is diving in with punches. Forrest throws a right and Shogun counters with a nice uppercut. Shogun with a nice combo. Forrest is lobbing out some leg kicks. Another big right from Shogun and Forrest drops. Shogun swarms with violent hammer fists and we’re all done here!

Rua def. Griffin (KO) 1:53 R1

Finally, a break from all of this fighting to catch a sneak peak at “Shark Night 3D”. I know where I’ll be September 2nd. Enough dicking around- it’s time for our main event!

Anderson Silva vs. Yushin Okami

“The Middleweight title has not changed hands since October 2006.” It just sounds crazy, doesn’t it? Herb Dean is calling the shots for this five round affair. Not a lot of Americans got love tonight, but it sounds like Buffer has a huge groupie base in Brazil.

R1: Neither men touch gloves in the pre fight instructions. Silva circles quickly around the cage as Okami plants in the center. Silva judging his range with the lazy jab. Okami charges in but finds nothing but the fence. Neither man is lettin loose. Okami with a punch and a brief clinch, but they break apart and Silva lets a single hand fly. Silva’s starting to let the leather go. Big right from Silva misses. Silva circles more and switches his stance. Okami lands a shot and forces Anderson’s back to the cage. Okami clinching Silva, who isn’t bothered at all. Now Silva uncorks a few knees to the stomach. Okami answers in kind as they stay tied up on the fence. Anderson may be working for the Thai clinch, but he’s not forcing the issue. Silva with more knees as Okami dirty boxes. Okami drops down for a takedown, but Silva gets underhooks and stands him back up. And they’re off the cage to the delight of the crowd. Anderson with nice head movement as he ducks and slips a few punches from Okami. Anderson with a low kick and an uppercut. Solid head kick by Anderson just before the bell.

Okami stays on his feet between rounds.

R2: Okami swings and misses with two big punches, but Anderson is getting aggressive with his hands. Anderson taks a punch from Okami just for kicks then floors Okami with a solid punch. Anderson lets him up and is now looking to trade with his hands by his sides. Okami with a swing and a miss. Anderson drops him with another big punch, but this time he follows Okami down and is choosing his shots as Okami spins around slowly. Anderson continues to pick and choose his punches, and it’s a only a matter of time. Okami wants no more and Herb Dean obliges with the stoppage.

Yeah, so what we all already knew was convincingly confirmed. Anderson can knock you senseless without even trying.

Silva def. Okami (TKO) 2:04 R2

So that’s nine consecutive title defenses for the Middleweight Champ. Thanks for joining us tonight. I’m out for the evening, but if they show the Miller Palhares fight and you didn’t catch it earlier, do yourself a favor and stay glued to the broadcast.

We’ll be here in the morning to explain what all of this means in one way or another.

‘Bellator 48: Sandro vs. Curran’ Open Thread, Starring KarmaAteMyCat

(Pat Curran’s Peruvian necktie submission of Luis Palomino at Bellator 46, 6/25/11.)

Bellator 48 goes down tonight at the Mohegan Sun Arena in Uncasville, Connecticut, featuring the finals of Bellator’s Summer Series Featherweight Tournament — former Sengoku standout Marlon Sandro vs. former lightweight tournament winner Pat Curran — as well as the promotional debuts of Ricco Rodriguez, Seth Petruzelli, and Paul Buentello. The main card will be broadcast live on MTV2 beginning at 9 p.m. ET.

Honorary CagePotato Fight Team captain Jefferey “KarmaAteMyCat” Watts has snagged a press credential to the event, and will be representing us on press row this evening, hopefully wearing some killer tights. Assuming the Mohegan Sun has a solid Internet connection, Jeff will be sharing his observations during the show, after the jump. It’s not a “liveblog,” so much as a casual chat among friends. So follow along if you’re watching the fights, let us know your thoughts, and remember to refresh the page once in a while. Thanks for being here.

(Pat Curran’s Peruvian necktie submission of Luis Palomino at Bellator 46, 6/25/11.)

Hey there Potatonation we’re in the middle of a very heated and very even match up involving Tateki Matsuda 6-2/Saul Almeida 9-1. The first round was a banger with Saul and Tateki exchanging blows early on, eventually it went to the ground with what seemed to be Saul getting hit by a hard right and looking for a take down. Saul’s jujitsu seems to be the story of the end of the first round the majority of the second with Saul taking Tateki’s back for the majority of the round and controlling him.

Perhaps it should be mentioned that Tateki’s submission defense might even be the real story in this fight. Early on in the third round Saul Almeida hits a solid double leg against the cage putting Tateki on his back for a third time in this fight controlling him , Saul seems to be looking for a mounted Guillotine but once again Tateki’s solid submission defense prevents Saul from finishing the fight. Tateki lands a successful sweep and is now controlling Saul from side control, and another switch with Saul taking Tateki’s back yet again in this fight. It just doesn’t seem that Tateki has any answer for Saul’s wrestling whatsoever, the fight is going to the judges and even though this fight wasn’t finished by either opponent I can see this going to Saul Almeida but we’ll have to see what the judges think. What a war these two just had, two fighters both very young and very hungry. (Judges:Peter Rodgers:30- 27, Jon Bilynk 28-29, Cardo Urso 30-27 ) WINNER VIA UD: Saul Almeida

The second fight of the night is a couple local fighters Brett Oteri fighting out of Taunton, MA and Ryan Quinn from Danbury,Ct. This one starts off with Oteri looking throw some bows but quinn wants none of it and goes for a takedown, He seems to have some real sick Jujitsu as he easily takes Oteri’s back and sinks in a RNC, Oteri however refuses to tap just as he goes out Big Dan stops the bought with a technical submission 1:48 seconds into the fight. Winner: Ryan Quinn Via RNC

Main Card

RD1:Juan Barrantes and Nazare come out swinging and it seems that Nazare is getting the better of the stand up as he is landing blow after blow. Juan trys to go body head but finds himself getting taken down for his efforts, Nazare seems to have a solid ground game working the body and controlling Juan pushing him against the cage, Juan seems to be bleeding from under one of his eyes. Nazare attempts a mounted guillotine right as the bell goes off.

Rd2: Juan just doesn’t seem to want any of the stand up that Nazare is bringing to the table, however Juan seems to land a solid right of his own back peddling away from Nazare. Nazare lands a solid takedown and Juan is on his back again, Nazare transitions to half guard. Juan just doesn’t seem to have any answer for the wrestling from Nazare which just seems phenomenal. Nazare has bruised and bloodied Juans face at this point I’m thinking someones going home with sunglasses after this fight! Juan manages to get to his feet and Nazare presses him against the cage in a clinch like position, I hate to sound like a broken record but this kids wrestling is either REALLY good or Juans wrestling is nonexistent. Round two ends the same as round one Nazare in complete control.

During the break the Ref called the doctor in to examine Juans Bloodied up right eye and the doctor stopped the fight. Winner Via Doctor Stoppage: Nazare!

(I wanna take this time to Note that Juan Barrantes deserves all the credit in the world for what he does. He teaches Martial Arts to at risk teens and homeless teens that makes him a bad ass guy in my book! He will be graduating from College this year with a degree in Psychology he commits his life to making a difference in others lives which is just outstanding. Congratulation and best wishes to Juan in his future en devours we can’t wait to see you fight again.)

Ricco Rodriguez and Seth Petruzelli are up next, both look in amazing shape as they come out to the cage. I am told that Seth weighed in last night with a Jujitsu Gi on how crazy is that? Seth claims to be honored to fight Ricco because he was a Legend in the sport when Seth was just getting started. Awww you gotta love the bro Love.

Rd1: Both fighters come out and touch gloves a show of Mutual respect. Ricco throws a body kick and Seth just seems to be measuring up his much larger opponent Seth lands a shot right into Ricco’s groin, after a minute or so the two are back at it exchanging blows. Ricco throws a leg kick which is in turn lands him on his back as Seth catches it. Their both back to their feet quickly exchanging blows, Seth lands a solid right on Ricco’s jaw and I think Ricco just gave him a look as to say is that it? Ricco pushes Seth against the Cage controlling him, Seth breaks off the cage and they both throw some blows. Ricco throws a punch, Seth counters with a hard right. They both exchange High Fives, as seth throws a spinning back kick twice over, Oh SHIT Seth Lands a hard right on Ricco’s jaw and is going to town on his face, Ricco goes Limp and Big Dan stops the fights! Holy shit Seth Petruzelli has knocked out Ricco Rodriguez. Winner Via KO: Seth Petruzelli

Paul Buentello and Cole Konrad are up and neither are looking in the best of the shape I’ll have to give this one beauty contest to Konrad for the entourage of Pat Barry and company.

RD1: The first round starts of with Konrad throwing his Jab out there a lot and it just seems to be the story of this round. Neither Konrad or Buentello seem to be interested in taking this fight to the ground, the Fans are going insane you should hear some of the crazy shit their saying but since you can’t I’ll hook you up “Come on Muffin top at least hug him”, “Come on Fight or go home” this has to be the first time I’ve heard fans boo a stand up Play day in my entire time of watching MMA, I’d love to complain but who can blame them honestly.

RD2: It’s the same thing all over again as the two men just aren’t interested in doing anything but throwing bows, I suppose I should say Cole Konrad is throwing Bows. Theres a few Flurrys in there but for the most part both fighters make no effort to showcase their ground game, Perhaps Buentello thinks if he runs in circles Konrad will get tired and give up?

RD3: Both men come out measuring one another up again looking for that one mighty blow that might help them defeat the other. Konrad throws a couple jabs out there and pushes Buentello against the cage a little, a Hard right from Konrad sends Buentello rolling backwards. Konrad is running in and takes his back, he seems to be going for a RNC I think he’s having problems fitting his arms around Buentello’s neck. He’s laying on a little bit of GNP as he takes Buentello’s half guard. He seems to be trying to take mount but settles for side Control. The crowd is Booing and chanting “Stand them up” and they get their wish as Big Dan stand them up, Just as he does Dan stops the clock to fix Konrads tape on his gloves. Buentello seems to wanna exchange now that theres thirty seconds left on the clock but this ones going to the judges. Winner VIA Unanimous Decision: Cole Konrad(Cardo Urso 28-29, Jon Blyk 27-30,Pat Avery 27-30)

Marlon Sandro and Pat Curran are up! Bellator Featherweight Tournament finals are LIVE WITH ME!

RD1:Both men make their way to the center of the cage Sandro throws and over hand right with bad intentions written all over it and Curran avoids it. Sandro with a sick leg kick heard clear cross the arena Curran seems to be measuring his opponent up. An accidental leg kick to the groin has the ref intervene for a moment and their back at it again Curran seems to be getting a little bullied here he’s backing up and being pushed against the cage. Did I mention that the MMA Fans here are Insanely Intoxicated and you can hear everything their saying as clear as day. “Kick his ass from the left side of the stands” as Sandro’s corner gives him instructions you hear a guy in the crowd shout “Listen to him” This is the quietest this crowd has been all night honestly. It’s almost as if MOST of them understand this fight could be over in a moments Notice. It’s the final minute of round one and this is a very close round I think you may have to give round one to Sandro he’s thrown more landed blows and he’s throwing blows. The first round ends with Sandro attempting a single leg and Curran sprawling the ref jumps in just as Sandro jumps to his feet in his fighting stand and we’re onto ROUND 2.

RD2: Both men meet back up in the center of the cage and exchange some shots. The silence from the crowd only adds to the intensity of the fight, for those of you who have been to a live fight you know what I mean. Oh Sandro lands a grazing left hook and Curran throws a right hand both men are obviously not afraid to drop bombs and eat them as well. Curran pushes Sandro against the cage into a clinch but Sandro fights it off and their back to the center of the cage. Left hook from pat and Sandro slips it moves forward and throws a one, two combination of his own followed by another one two combination finished by a left hook. Pat Curran looks cut under or around his left eye and the river runs red tonight Potato Nation, a super man punch follower by a straight right and Curran is backing up! Holy shit Curran catches Sandro with a round house kick ALL SHIN ALL DAY TO THE FACE and finishes the fight with some nasty GNP!! HOLY SHIT PAT CURRAN HAS DONE what Sandro has done to many others. WINNER: KO SHIN2THEFACE PAT CURRAN!

I’ll have a bunch of videos up tomorrow hopefully. My first live event coverage I had a blast Bellator was awesome to all of us in the Media. they truly are a class act.

Karma Out!

UFC on Versus 5: Lytle vs Hardy — The Liveblog

Seriously, is this intimidating to anyone? Either of them? PicProps: MMAJunkie (obviously)

The UFC is in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, tonight for a live show on Versus, with some really good fighters on tap from the Facebook fights beginning the evening to the veterans retiring after putting on one more show.

I’ll start updating shortly with the Facebook fights, and we go live with the Versus show at 9PM ET. Come on in early and start drinking; i’m way funnier that way. Also, hit F5 on your keyboard to refresh often. It won’t make me work any faster, but something funny might happen.

For discussion:

What’s next for Hardy if he comes up short?

With Jim Miller – Ben Henderson on the card to remind us of the logjam at 155, how can we make sense of the lightweight division?

And shouldn’t Clay Guida still be carrying around the WEC belt? Because that would be dope.

OK, Nation, it’s my first time so take it easy on me. Mmmkay?

[RX]

Seriously, is this intimidating to anyone? Either of them? PicProps: MMAJunkie (obviously)

For discussion:

What’s next for Hardy if he comes up short?

With Jim Miller – Ben Henderson on the card to remind us of the logjam at 155, how can we make sense of the lightweight division?

And shouldn’t Clay Guida still be carrying around the WEC belt? Because that would be dope.

OK, Nation, it’s my first time so take it easy on me. Mmmkay?

FaceBook Fights

Edwin “El Feroz” Figueroa defeats Jason Reinhardt via TKO (referee stoppage due to strikes) at :50 of Round 2. Reinhardt looked outclassed on the feet, and sloppy shooting takedowns. Not an impressive performance, and Reinhardt is now 0-3 in the UFC.

Jacob “Christmas” Volkmann defeats Danny “Last Call” Castillo via unanimous decision (29-28 x3) in what is mostly a grappling affair. Christmas tries to fit Castillo with two hundred and fourteen D’Arce chokes, but he’s unable to finish. Castillo gets props for making it through a couple of really tight squeezes.

Cole “Magrinho” Miller defeats T.J. ”The Spider” O’Brien via a sick one- armed guillotine/anaconda body lock combo at 2:38 of Round 2.

In case you didn’t know, Miller’s nickname “Magrinho” is Portuguese for “skinny”. I guess that’s better than “Big Nose”, right? And seriously, “The Spider”? Is it legal to take that nickname?

Jimy “The Kid” Hettes defeats Alex “Bruce Leroy” Caceres via submission (rear naked choke) at 3:12 of Round 2.

Ok, we’re impressed with Bruce Leroy’s rolling acumen, it looks like he’s really been drilling on the mats. Really fun fight there, lots of scrambling and transitions, and Caceres wasn’t totally out of his element.

Ronny Markes defeats Karlos “The Terminator” Vemola via unanimous decision (30-27 x3).

It is known that cross-eyed men hit harder than Cypress Hill (it is known), but Vemola swings wider than David Bowie, and he gassed about as quickly as you’d expect from a guy that has never won outside of the first round. Maybe destroying vehicles with a sledgehammer isn’t the best way to trane UFC?

Ed “Short Fuse” Herman defeats Kyle “KO” Noke via submission (heel hook) at 4:15 of Round 1.

Herman is looking to re-enact that Credeur win. Noke is taking a step up after a five fight win streak. Herman comes out, again looking more dangerous on the ground than before, and ruins Kyle Noke’s night (and his knee, and his work out plans for the next six months) with a nasty leg lock submission in the first round.

Joseph “Joe B. Wan Kenobi” Benavidez defeats Eddie Wineland via unanimous decision (30-27 x3).

Benavidez is showcasing some improved accuracy in his striking in the first frame, bloodying Wineland on the head and busting up his nose. He’s still wild, but Wineland is waiting for the takedown and Benavidez catches him a few good ones. Second round: a little controversy when Wineland throws a one-two that may or may not have poked Joe B in the eye piece. (Stand by for a GIF.) Benavidez survives the subsequent rush and recovers. Benavidez throws the kitchen sink at Wineland all three rounds, landing quite a bit of it, but he can’t put Wineland away. Benavidez used very little wrestling for the win, aside from using the threat of a takedown to his own advantage. He’s my favorite to take that flyweight belt next year.

CB “The Doberman” Dollaway Jared “The Messenger” Hamman defeats via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes) at 3:38 of Round 2.

First round is a really competitive back and forth: Hamman survives a locked-up arm triangle and his chin keeps him in the game when he catches some wicked GNP at the end of the first. Then Hamman roars back in the second, outworking Dollaway on the ground and outstriking him everywhere. It takes just two minutes of grinding Dollaway down on the ground (and landing his own bombs in the process) before the Doberman turtles up, and Herb Dean calls it soon after. Really impressive debut for Hamman at 185.

UFC Live on Versus 5: Lytle vs Hardy

Amir Sadollah vs. Duane “Bang” Ludwig

First up on the Versus card is a cageful of Muay Thai asskickery and knockoutitude. Damn, you bastards wanted me to stop making up words, huh? My bad. Look for Sadollah’s length to be a big factor here; it should be fun.

Round 1: Fighters come out with an air touch of gloves and get to business. After a short exploratory phase of leg kicks and punches, they quickly move into a Thai plum clinch and work knees. Ludwig seems to be getting the better of the knees inside, and Sodallah drops for a takedown, but Ludwig defends and clinches again. They separate, and Ludwig goes to work. He throws head kicks that seem to get Amir immediately uncomfortable, and with ninety seconds left, rocks Sodallah on his feet with a left hook. It’s target practice for Ludwig, but Sodallah survives the round. 10-9 Bang

Round 2: Both fighters look a bit banged up. Ludwig is dealing out some serious pane with body shots inside, and Sodallah doesn’t want anything to do with the clinch. The left hook lands again for Ludwig, and if there’s anything impressive about Sodallah in this fight, it’s his chin. Sodallah tries to mount an offense, but Ludwig is counter-punching beautifully. Ludwig tries to put an exclamation point on the round by shooting for a takedown to end the second. 10-9 Bang

Round 3: Sodallah comes out with a sense of urgency and seems to be the fresher of the two, landing a leg kick and following with a Chuck Norris to the dome that gets Ludwig’s attention. Sodallah shoots for the takedown, and Ludwig defends. They separate and go back to kickboxing. Two minutes in, Sodallah lands a teep to the face that gets a grin out of Ludwig, and follows up with a fist combo that Ludwig counters. Amir shoots again, and again Ludwig defends well. They exchange leg kicks and circle. With a minute left, Amir continues to press forward, and they throw combos into one another’s faces. A left hook and a right uppercut from Ludwig, and another shot to try to take the round. The bell finds the fighters on the ground, with no damage done. 10-9 Amir

Duane Ludwig defeats Amir Sodallah via unanimous decision (29-28 x3).

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone vs. Charles “Do Bronx” Oliveira

Round 1: Both fighters are pumped and ready when they come out, looking for their range. Cerrone launches a murderous knee sixty seconds in but it doesn’t land fully. Seconds later, Cerrone catches Oliveira across the top of the cup. No damage, and back to the action. Cerrone is throwing punches like he’s trying to send his fists back in time and kill Osama bin Laden. A shovel hook to Oliveiera’s body followed by a right knee to the face sends Oliveira down–he’s not out, but he’s hurt — and Cowboy swarms him. Oliveira tries to set up some kind of guard from his back, but Cerrone swarms him and drops hooks on him until Mario Yamasaki has seen enough.

Donald Cerrone defeats Charles Oliveira via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes) at 3:00 of Round 1. Cerrone goes on to lay down a perfect Boomhauer impression with Joe Rogan. Dammit, Cowboy, you are awesome.

Jim Miller vs. Ben “Smooth” Henderson

Awwww shit. It’s going down.

Round 1: Fighters come out for some boxing to start out, and Miller lands a couple good hooks. They circle and shadowbox, and Smooth scores with a jab, then a short combo, and they clinch. They move to the cage, first Henderson pressing Miller into the fence and then moving to the center, still clinched up. Miller traps Bendos arm neck to his head, and jumps onto Henderson into a (flying?) arm triangle. Henderson’s sub defense has been described as “like to see a motherfucker try”, and he survives this sub attempt easily. They go to the ground, and Miller switches to try a kimura. Again, Henderson survives, and winds up standing over Miller’s open guard. Henderson dives into guard looking for a guillotine, misses it, and then receives a guillotine attempt from Miller for his trouble. Henderson pops his head out, and tries to hand out some beat down in the last thirty seconds from the top. 10-10?

Round 2: Henderson scores early, cutting Miller on the right eyebrow with elbows, then taking him down. Miller tries to work some rubber guard, nothing there, and rolls for a leglock. He straightens out a kneebar, and Bendo just gives the thumbs up. Miller moves to a heel hook, still nothing. Henderson is beating on him while he tries all this, and the points are piling up. Miller works for a kimura on the left side, like he’s never seen anyone try that on Henderson. Bendo just pounds on Miller to finish out the second. 10-9 Henderson

Round 3: Coming out for the third, Miller looks worse for wear. Henderson starts off with a mean leg kick that puts the hurt on. Miller gets Henderson with a hook, sending him to the mat, and follows him to the canvas, but Henderson just pushes to his feet and drives Miller across the cage and down to the ground. Henderson lays some hard GNP and then takes Miller’s back, going for the rear naked. Miller works to get free, but he’s getting worked by Bendo. Henderson looks for a guillotine to finish, but he’s running out of time. He stands and blasts Miller in the ribs with a knee. Miller stands and tries to deliver, but the horn sounds — it’s over. 10-9 Henderson, maybe 10-8

Ben Henderson defeats Jim Miller via unanimous decision (30-26, 30-27, 29-28). The clusterfucktacular at 155 continues. Wait, 30-26? Damn.

Dan “The Outlaw” Hardy vs. Chris “Lights Out” Lytle

Round 1: Hardy and Lytle made a gentlemen’s agreement to put on a show, and they were not bullshitting. First round is all boxing, all aggression. Lytle works the body early with hooks, a weapon that will be showcased for the whole round. These guys are just throwing combos at one another to see who falls first, and they’re not moving in and out much at all, just sidesteps as they try to land first. Both fighters score, but Lytle is doing it more often and harder. 10-9 Lytle

Round 2: Bell sounds and the fighters pick up right where they left off. Lytle rips a couple more hooks, including a brutal body shot — it’s like he’s trying to race Donald Cerrone’s fists back in time. Hardy lands a good straight right that looks like it stuns Lytle for a millisecond, then sends a knee to the gut after it. Lytle gets an eyepoke in, but Hardy recovers quickly. Lytle is still reeling off those combos, wih Hardy answering. They’re slugging it out and no one is backing down. It’s all high-power offense for the round, with Lytle scoring the last hit with a hook to end the second. 10-10

Round 3: Lytle gets off first with a couple of lefts, then digs hard into the body. He ain’t going out soft, that’s for sure. Hardy answers, but Lytle is landing better. Hardy presses forward, but Lytle responds, working combos upstairs and down into the body. Hardy dives for a takedown, and it’s a fatal error. Lytle wraps up a guillotine and mounts Hardy. Hardy struggles for some room, finds none, and taps.

Chris Lytle defeats Dan Hardy via submission (guillotine choke) at 4:16 of the third round, and rides into the sunset with two huge bags of cash if there’s any justice in the world.

Well played, Mr Lytle. We wish you well in your future with your family.

Damn. That wasn’t so bad. What did you think, Nation? Let’s talk about retirements, prospects, and the chaos of the lightweights.

Maybe wait ’til tomorrow, though.