(Props: bax05 via Potato Nation soldier Ruben Vera)
For once, our “MMA in the Wild” tag isn’t just a metaphor for unsanctioned yard-fights between rednecks. This terrifying footage was taken in New South Wales, Australia, back in 2010, and features the most savage ‘roo-on-‘roo fight we’ve ever seen. Long known as the best pure strikers in the animal kingdom, kangaroos have apparently added Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to their combat arsenal. Humankind, your days are numbered.
For over four long minutes, these two jacked-up marsupials trade belly kicks and head slaps, neither one giving an inch. At the video’s 4:15 mark, one of the ‘roos stumbles to the ground and the other immediately sets upon him with soccer kicks and stomps. The grounded fighter tries to get back to its feet, escapes a front head-lock, and pulls guard. But when it tries to go upright again, it leaves its neck hanging out, and the other kangaroo sinks the rear-naked choke with startling ease.
There are no referees in the animal kingdom, and a tap will not grant you mercy; there is only the cold, brutal reality of nature. The winner squeezes the life out of the loser, and at the 5:17 mark, the winner realizes that he’s been filmed the whole time by two of those…what do you call them…ah yes, humans. It’s a tense moment. Finally, the kangaroo decides that one kill was enough for today, and hobbles off to recover from the battle.
The kangaroo apocalypse is coming. You’ve been warned.
(Props: bax05 via Potato Nation soldier Ruben Vera)
For once, our “MMA in the Wild” tag isn’t just a metaphor for unsanctioned yard-fights between rednecks. This terrifying footage was taken in New South Wales, Australia, back in 2010, and features the most savage ‘roo-on-’roo fight we’ve ever seen. Long known as the best pure strikers in the animal kingdom, kangaroos have apparently added Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu to their combat arsenal. Humankind, your days are numbered.
For over four long minutes, these two jacked-up marsupials trade belly kicks and head slaps, neither one giving an inch. At the video’s 4:15 mark, one of the ‘roos stumbles to the ground and the other immediately sets upon him with soccer kicks and stomps. The grounded fighter tries to get back to its feet, escapes a front head-lock, and pulls guard. But when it tries to go upright again, it leaves its neck hanging out, and the other kangaroo sinks the rear-naked choke with startling ease.
There are no referees in the animal kingdom, and a tap will not grant you mercy; there is only the cold, brutal reality of nature. The winner squeezes the life out of the loser, and at the 5:17 mark, the winner realizes that he’s been filmed the whole time by two of those…what do you call them…ah yes, humans. It’s a tense moment. Finally, the kangaroo decides that one kill was enough for today, and hobbles off to recover from the battle.
The kangaroo apocalypse is coming. You’ve been warned.
Like that Henry Rollins photo we posted on our Facebook page earlier today, this clip is so incredible that part of us wonders if it’s 100% legit. Humbly titled “emo fight,” the video above depicts a scrap between two young dudes in some sort of industrial park, and kicks off with about a minute of wild scrambles, reversals, and odd positions, including (but not limited to) a full-on wheelbarrow and a Sudo/Oxley-style giant swing. And then it happens: The taller, lankier combatant takes the other guy’s back, wraps one arm around his neck, grabs his opponent’s ankle with his other hand, and wrenches the poor son-of-a-bitch across his back until unconsciousness is achieved. (If you have a snappier name for this finishing move than “flying inverted back-breaker choke,” by all means share it in the comments section.)
Now, if this had happened in a real MMA match, it would be a bulletproof Submission of the Year candidate, with a guaranteed spot in the 2013 Potato Awards. Unfortunately, it’s just another street fight between two high-schoolers who may or may not have choreographed the whole thing. We’ve certainly been fooled before. So what do you think…real deal or straight bullshit?
Like that Henry Rollins photo we posted on our Facebook page earlier today, this clip is so incredible that part of us wonders if it’s 100% legit. Humbly titled “emo fight,” the video above depicts a scrap between two young dudes in some sort of industrial park, and kicks off with about a minute of wild scrambles, reversals, and odd positions, including (but not limited to) a full-on wheelbarrow and a Sudo/Oxley-style giant swing. And then it happens: The taller, lankier combatant takes the other guy’s back, wraps one arm around his neck, grabs his opponent’s ankle with his other hand, and wrenches the poor son-of-a-bitch across his back until unconsciousness is achieved. (If you have a snappier name for this finishing move than “flying inverted back-breaker choke,” by all means share it in the comments section.)
Now, if this had happened in a real MMA match, it would be a bulletproof Submission of the Year candidate, with a guaranteed spot in the 2013 Potato Awards. Unfortunately, it’s just another street fight between two high-schoolers who may or may not have choreographed the whole thing. We’ve certainly been fooled before. So what do you think…real deal or straight bullshit?
In our first installment of MMA in the Wild, we observed the fighting patterns of the HillBillyetica DipShiticus, a creature that used Facebook chicanery and a surprisingly diverse striking attack to display his dominance as alpha male of the porch-dwelling, slack-jawed humanoid tribe. In today’s installment, we will witness a beast of an entirely different nature (puns!), known henceforth as the Ninjitsu Ballisticus. Combining the hidden rage of the World of Warcraft freak out kid with the technical striking abilities of a young Cung Le, Ballisticus does not head into the wild seeking a fight, and will only resort to such primitive methods of solving a dispute when his back is against a wall.
But when his back is against the wall, prepare for hell, because he will hit you with such force that both a visible dust cloud will appear on impact and THE GUILE THEME SONG WILL BE EXPELLED FROM THE HEAVENS.
And just as quickly as he thrashes you to and fro like some kind of child’s play thing, he will declare that “He didn’t come to the river for this shit!” before vanishing back into the trees. The Ninjitsu Ballisticus, ladies and gentlemen.
In our first installment of MMA in the Wild, we observed the fighting patterns of the HillBillyetica DipShiticus, a creature that used Facebook chicanery and a surprisingly diverse striking attack to display his dominance as alpha male of the porch-dwelling, slack-jawed humanoid tribe. In today’s installment, we will witness a beast of an entirely different nature (puns!), known henceforth as the Ninjitsu Ballisticus. Combining the hidden rage of the World of Warcraft freak out kid with the technical striking abilities of a young Cung Le, Ballisticus does not head into the wild seeking a fight, and will only resort to such primitive methods of solving a dispute when his back is against a wall.
But when his back is against the wall, prepare for hell, because he will hit you with such force that both a visible dust cloud will appear on impact and THE GUILE THEME SONG WILL BE EXPELLED FROM THE HEAVENS.
And just as quickly as he thrashes you to and fro like some kind of child’s play thing, he will declare that “He didn’t come to the river for this shit!” before vanishing back into the trees. The Ninjitsu Ballisticus, ladies and gentlemen.
(Little did we know that this man would be the spark that rekindled a long extinguished flame.)
A few weeks ago, we brought back the always entertaining caption contest, and even went as far as to claim that we would be bringing back the “Comment of the Week” as well. We might have just been riding the wave of enthusiasm at the time (or the aftereffects of huffing duster), but we almost completely forgot about our aforementioned promise to take you guys fishing, so to speak, and left you sitting on the curb with only your own sadness as a companion.
In either case, after determining what we thought were the funniest captions of said contest, you all responded in the dickish intelligent, kneejerk well thought-out fashion that has become the standard for CagePotato readers. Being that you guys are apparently way more capable of determining what is funny and what isn’t than we are (and probably run your own ultra successful comedic MMA blog when your not jet setting across the country as well) we decided to switch things up for the return of the comment of the week, and have handed over the power to you.
After the jump you will find your list of nominees, with links to each article for context, and a poll to decide on the true winner for the week. The winner for each week will be decided the following Monday and receive whatever shirt we have in stock (this week it’s a “Pull No Punches” Tee), so make sure to get your votes in ASAP, and make any possible arguments you can in the comments section.
And the nominees are…
(Little did we know that this man would be the spark that rekindled a long extinguished flame.)
A few weeks ago, we brought back the always entertaining caption contest, and even went as far as to claim that we would be bringing back the “Comment of the Week” as well. We might have just been riding the wave of enthusiasm at the time (or the aftereffects of huffing duster), but we almost completely forgot about our aforementioned promise to take you guys fishing, so to speak, and left you sitting on the curb with only your own sadness as a companion.
In either case, after determining what we thought were the funniest captions of said contest, you all responded in the dickish intelligent, kneejerk well thought-out fashion that has become the standard for CagePotato readers. Being that you guys are apparently way more capable of determining what is funny and what isn’t than we are (and probably run your own ultra successful comedic MMA blog when your not jet setting across the country as well) we decided to switch things up for the return of the comment of the week, and have handed over the power to you.
After the jump you will find your list of nominees, with links to each article for context, and a poll to decide on the true winner for the week. The winner for each week will be decided the following Monday and receive whatever shirt we have in stock (this week it’s a “Pull No Punches” Tee), so make sure to get your votes in ASAP, and make any possible arguments you can in the comments section.
When two drunk jackasses swing haymakers at each other in front of a nightclub, it’s a street fight. When a redneck with a tattoo of a backbone down his back throws multiple spinning wheel-kicks, knees from the clinch, and what appears to a Superman punch (1:13 mark) during a personal dispute, it’s something different. It’s something we like to call…MMA in the Wild.
To summarize, beefy dude in the tank top has allegedly been sending inappropriate messages to shirtless guy’s girlfriend on the Facebook. Shirtless guy intercepts the messages, and then, posing as his own girlfriend, he continues the conversation just to gather more evidence, I guess, and not because he actually enjoys posing as a girl on Facebook. So, shirtless dude posses up with some of his bros (just in case things get out of hand) and confronts tank top dude on a porch, whose denials are not well-received. As it turns out, tank top dude has a hell of a chin, but it isn’t much of a “fight,” per se.
In the end, shirtless guy is unable to secure the stoppage he was looking for, but he has clearly made a statement to the rest of the redneck lightweight porch-fighting division. You can bet that “Say Goodnight!” guy was watching this scrap with great interest.
When two drunk jackasses swing haymakers at each other in front of a nightclub, it’s a street fight. When a redneck with a tattoo of a backbone down his back throws multiple spinning wheel-kicks, knees from the clinch, and what appears to a Superman punch (1:13 mark) during a personal dispute, it’s something different. It’s something we like to call…MMA in the Wild.
To summarize, beefy dude in the tank top has allegedly been sending inappropriate messages to shirtless guy’s girlfriend on the Facebook. Shirtless guy intercepts the messages, and then, posing as his own girlfriend, he continues the conversation just to gather more evidence, I guess, and not because he actually enjoys posing as a girl on Facebook. So, shirtless dude posses up with some of his bros (just in case things get out of hand) and confronts tank top dude on a porch, whose denials are not well-received. As it turns out, tank top dude has a hell of a chin, but it isn’t much of a “fight,” per se.
In the end, shirtless guy is unable to secure the stoppage he was looking for, but he has clearly made a statement to the rest of the redneck lightweight porch-fighting division. You can bet that “Say Goodnight!” guy was watching this scrap with great interest.
