And Now He’s Retired: Chris Leben Walks Away After 11 Years of Rough-Neckin’


(Leben celebrates his knockout of Wanderlei Silva at UFC 132 in July 2011. It would be his last victory pose in the UFC. / Photo via Getty)

The last time we saw Chris Leben, he was telling his cornermen “I’m done” after a round’s worth of abuse by Uriah Hall at UFC 168. As it turns out, he wasn’t just done for the night — he was done, period. The TKO loss was Leben’s fourth straight defeat in the UFC, and it finally convinced him that there might be more to life than getting kicked in the head for a living.

On yesterday’s installment of The MMA Hour, Leben officially announced his retirement:

It’s been a fantastic, wonderful ride,” Leben said. “I’ve landed more strikes than anybody out there. Definitely highs and lows, ups and downs, but I think I’m starting to realize that, for me, it might be time to make that transition away from competing and get more on the coaching side of things.

After [UFC 168], I wanted to go back and re-evaluate things, make sure that the decision wasn’t based purely on emotion. That it was really what I wanted to do. And now, yes, I can say, I’ve really retired from competing in MMA…

I’m 33 years old now, which isn’t the oldest for a fighter. But like I tell people, it’s not how old you are, but it’s how long you’ve been doing it. And I’ve been doing this game for quite a while.

I’ve got a lot of years ahead of me. I would like to still have my head on my shoulders and have a brain when I’m raising kids and doing all the other stuff that I want to be part of. I think it might just be time for me to gracefully bow out.”

Leben, who recently took a job as a coach at Victory MMA & Fitness in San Diego, discussed how his fight against Uriah Hall was a harsh reminder that he’d gone as far in the sport as his skills would allow him, and could no longer be competitive on toughness alone:


(Leben celebrates his knockout of Wanderlei Silva at UFC 132 in July 2011. It would be his last victory pose in the UFC. / Photo via Getty)

The last time we saw Chris Leben, he was telling his cornermen “I’m done” after a round’s worth of abuse by Uriah Hall at UFC 168. As it turns out, he wasn’t just done for the night — he was done, period. The TKO loss was Leben’s fourth straight defeat in the UFC, and it finally convinced him that there might be more to life than getting kicked in the head for a living.

On yesterday’s installment of The MMA Hour, Leben officially announced his retirement:

It’s been a fantastic, wonderful ride,” Leben said. “I’ve landed more strikes than anybody out there. Definitely highs and lows, ups and downs, but I think I’m starting to realize that, for me, it might be time to make that transition away from competing and get more on the coaching side of things.

After [UFC 168], I wanted to go back and re-evaluate things, make sure that the decision wasn’t based purely on emotion. That it was really what I wanted to do. And now, yes, I can say, I’ve really retired from competing in MMA…

I’m 33 years old now, which isn’t the oldest for a fighter. But like I tell people, it’s not how old you are, but it’s how long you’ve been doing it. And I’ve been doing this game for quite a while.

I’ve got a lot of years ahead of me. I would like to still have my head on my shoulders and have a brain when I’m raising kids and doing all the other stuff that I want to be part of. I think it might just be time for me to gracefully bow out.”

Leben, who recently took a job as a coach at Victory MMA & Fitness in San Diego, discussed how his fight against Uriah Hall was a harsh reminder that he’d gone as far in the sport as his skills would allow him, and could no longer be competitive on toughness alone:

That first five minutes was just absolutely horrible,” he said. “It was more of the same, as far as what my last couple opponents have been doing, to where nobody really wants to — and I understand why — but they’re not going to stand in front of me, toe to toe, and just swing like guys used to try before. Now I’ve got a guy with six or nine inches of reach advantage that’s definitely a better athlete than I am, that’s running away from me as fast as he can and is only going to hit me with these little shots. It was one of those things where, personally, I knew the only thing that was going to happen was two more rounds of that, until he really got me upset and I was rushing in and he hit me with that crazy spinning kick that he does…

“I really can’t be upset. I’ve had a wonderful career. And again, I didn’t start fighting until I was 21 years old. Back then you could actually get in the UFC, win and do well, just on being a tough guy. I was a tough guy, I had some techniques, and that always worked for me. But when you look at these guys now, like Uriah Hall, they’re just a different breed of athlete than I am. The game has been evolving and changing so much, so rapidly, that I’m actually pretty happy that I can say I was in it for as long as I was in it.”

Chris Leben’s lasting popularity is a lesson in what MMA fans value. He was a brawler, known for his powerful left hand, his granite chin, and his colorful hair. As the first “crazy drunk guy” on The Ultimate Fighter, he was arguably MMA’s first reality-television star, and the blueprint for all the inferior crazy drunk guys on TUF who followed him. (Sorry, but Junie Browning and Julian Lane aren’t fit to hold the Cat Smasher’s jock.)

If you only look at Leben’s highlights, his career comes damn near close to legendary. He was the first WEC middleweight champion, a title he earned by knocking out Mike Swick in 2004. He won his first five official fights in the UFC, then launched Anderson Silva’s career by getting his ass kicked by the Spider in a middleweight title eliminator. Leben appeared on the first six UFC Fight Night cards, helping to build that sub-brand on Spike TV. He knocked out Terry Martin while basically unconscious. He submitted Yoshiro Akiyama in an epic match at UFC 116, just two weeks after knocking out Aaron Simpson. He KO’d his hero Wanderlei Silva in just 27 seconds.

But to say that Leben “had his demons” would be a profound understatement. He struggled with addiction, and managed to cross off almost every box on the MMA fuck-up checklist. DUIs? Yep. Steroids? Uh-huh. Unapproved painkillers? Indeed. Bizarre excuses related to candy consumption? Oh yeah. After every self-imposed setback, Leben would claim that he had finally matured and was now in the best physical and mental shape of his life, which would lead directly into the next fuck-up. It made him an incredibly frustrating fighter to be a fan of.

After Leben’s split-decision loss to Andrew Craig at UFC 162 last July, UFC president Dana White was unsure whether to keep him in the company or not. If Leben was just another mid-level 185′er, three straight losses would have almost guaranteed his release. But White felt a kind of paternalistic loyalty to Leben, along with some fear of what might happen to him if he lost his spot in the UFC:

I want Leben to get up everyday and be part of society and have to do something, whether it’s training or training other people, no matter what is” [White] said. “Chris Leben has the type of personality that can go off the deep very easily in a lot of negative ways. I really care about the kid. I like him a lot. I love him. So I’ve got to figure this thing out.

The UFC decided to give Leben one more match against Uriah Hall this past December, and the Crippler essentially quit mid-fight rather than absorb more brain trauma. As honorable and logical as that decision was, it’s something he never would have done five years ago. Clearly, Leben doesn’t want it anymore, which is the best reason to retire. And instead of forcing Dana White to publicly fire one of his most beloved employees, Leben is stepping away on his own terms.

With his UFC fame and reputation for hard-nosed performances, Chris Leben could have continued to draw crowds by sacrificing his body in smaller promotions; luckily, we don’t have to witness that. The era of getting by on toughness alone is over. Let’s remember it fondly.

Related: Chris Leben: The CagePotato Retrospective Interview

Ben Goldstein

And Now He’s Retired: Din Thomas, Veteran of the “Olden Age,” Steps Away After 15-Year MMA Career


(Thomas lands some leather on Josh Neer during their UFC Fight Night 13 bout in April 2008. / Photo via Getty)

When Din Thomas made his professional MMA debut in October 1998, Bill Clinton was president of the United States, Google had only existed for about a month, and Ronda Rousey and Jon Jones were both eleven years old. Over the course of his 15-year career, Thomas waged war with the biggest lightweight names of his era — including BJ Penn, Jens Pulver, Matt Serra, and Caol Uno — and re-launched himself into the MMA spotlight in 2006 with an appearance on TUF 4 and a subsequent string of wins over Rich Clementi, Clay Guida, and Jeremy Stephens.

After leaving the UFC in 2008, Thomas reinvented himself as a featherweight, winning his next three fights by stoppage. But in recent years, Thomas’s career momentum has ground to a halt. There was his canceled freak-show against Ricardo Mayorga in May 2010, followed by a car accident on the way to a scheduled match in October 2011. There was a suspension and no-contest after his win over Cody Bollinger in May 2012, and a decision loss to Georgi Karakhanyan at LFC 19 last April. But watching some of his old-school peers go down at UFC 168 was the last straw, and Din Thomas announced his retirement yesterday via the following press release:

UFC 168, Weidman vs Silva, could have driven the last nail in the coffin of any idea that anybody from my era could still be champion. Anderson Silva failed to re-claim his title after suffering the 2 [worst] losses of his career to the undefeated, Chris Weidman. Whether Silva manages to ever return to the Octagon or not, this fight was career ending. Josh Barnett, our last heavyweight hopeful was unsuccessful at moving closer to owning the UFC heavyweight title that he once owned. His plans were foiled by Travis Browne. This trend is not necessarily a testament of the evolution of the new UFC athlete, but provides further evidence that my colleagues from the Golden Age of MMA are now of the “Olden Age” of MMA.


(Thomas lands some leather on Josh Neer during their UFC Fight Night 13 bout in April 2008. / Photo via Getty)

When Din Thomas made his professional MMA debut in October 1998, Bill Clinton was president of the United States, Google had only existed for about a month, and Ronda Rousey and Jon Jones were both eleven years old. Over the course of his 15-year career, Thomas waged war with the biggest lightweight names of his era — including BJ Penn, Jens Pulver, Matt Serra, and Caol Uno — and re-launched himself into the MMA spotlight in 2006 with an appearance on TUF 4 and a subsequent string of wins over Rich Clementi, Clay Guida, and Jeremy Stephens.

After leaving the UFC in 2008, Thomas reinvented himself as a featherweight, winning his next three fights by stoppage. But in recent years, Thomas’s career momentum has ground to a halt. There was his canceled freak-show against Ricardo Mayorga in May 2010, followed by a car accident on the way to a scheduled match in October 2011. There was a suspension and no-contest after his win over Cody Bollinger in May 2012, and a decision loss to Georgi Karakhanyan at LFC 19 last April. But watching some of his old-school peers go down at UFC 168 was the last straw, and Din Thomas announced his retirement yesterday via the following press release:

UFC 168, Weidman vs Silva, could have driven the last nail in the coffin of any idea that anybody from my era could still be champion. Anderson Silva failed to re-claim his title after suffering the 2 [worst] losses of his career to the undefeated, Chris Weidman. Whether Silva manages to ever return to the Octagon or not, this fight was career ending. Josh Barnett, our last heavyweight hopeful was unsuccessful at moving closer to owning the UFC heavyweight title that he once owned. His plans were foiled by Travis Browne. This trend is not necessarily a testament of the evolution of the new UFC athlete, but provides further evidence that my colleagues from the Golden Age of MMA are now of the “Olden Age” of MMA.

Despite the sorrow that this harsh reality brings to me, any relevant fighter from the 90s, or the old-school, genuine fans that supported us, it certainly brings comfort to my decision to officially retire over this monumental weekend. I suppose, misery does love company.

Yet instead of pondering over “what ifs”, “should’ves”, and “could’ves”, I appreciate and celebrate my time spent, devotion given, and influence I had on MMA. Fighting BJ Penn at the Meadowlands at UFC 32 in the UFC’s first show on Pay Per View since it had been banned for years, was an immeasurable experience. Being a part of the first ever sanctioned UFC fight in Las Vegas history against Fabiano Iha at UFC 33 is something that only Mr. Iha and I can claim (Dana White later joked to me that UFC 33 was the event that made him want to kill himself). Being invited to participate on The Ultimate Fighter season 4: The Comeback was life changing and I met some of the greatest guys I’ve ever known. My list goes on…

Reminiscing over a professional MMA career that has spanned close to 15 years, I acknowledge that none of it could have been as meaningful or possible without Dan Lambert, Dana White, the Fertitta Brothers, Joe Silva, Burt Watson, and the UFC. Their work, dedication, and vision has impacted and shaped the evolution of MMA on every level worldwide.

As I move forward and pursue other avenues of life, I will continue to support the UFC and their new, evolved athletes like Tyron Woodley and Dustin Poirier, and of course, perhaps our last great promising title contender from the Golden Age, Robbie Lawler. [Ed. note: I guess Vitor Belfort is chopped liver?]

Now 37 years old, Thomas leaves the sport with a career record of 26-9 and one no-contest. The longtime American Top Team member runs an ATT affiliate based in Port St. Lucie, Florida, so stop by if you’re in the area. The rest of you can just show Din some love on twitter.

Anderson Silva Must Consider Retirement After Gruesome Leg Injury

No esteemed athlete wants to call it quits on a low note, but Anderson Silva must consider ending his career after suffering a devastating leg injury at UFC 168. During his rematch against middleweight champion Chris Weidman, Silva’s leg snapped out of place during the second round. As a result, Silva suffered the second loss of […]

No esteemed athlete wants to call it quits on a low note, but Anderson Silva must consider ending his career after suffering a devastating leg injury at UFC 168. During his rematch against middleweight champion Chris Weidman, Silva’s leg snapped out of place during the second round. As a result, Silva suffered the second loss of […]

Hit the Ground Runnin’: Julie Kedzie Lands Gig As Invicta FC’s New Matchmaker


(No, we will *not* stop using this photo of Julie Kedzie, thank you very much. Via MMAFighting.)

Well that didn’t take long.

Just a few weeks after announcing her retirement from the sport following a split decision loss to UFC newcomer Bethe Correira at Fight Night 33, Julie Kedzie has already found a new gig. During an appearance on yesterday’s “MMA Hour,” the WMMA pioneer/adorable cat lady announced that she will be pulling double duty over at Invicta FC moving forward, serving as the promotion’s matchmaker in addition to continuing with the color commentating role she has held since last year. Said Kedzie in a press release:

I am excited about this incredible new opportunity that will allow me to remain as active and hands on as ever in contributing to the growth of women’s competition in our great sport, Shannon Knapp has done an unbelievable job at pushing the envelope and helping transform women’s MMA into an aggressively expanding enterprise, a development that will undoubtedly lead to increased participation in the sport by young women athletes who want to challenge themselves in the world’s fastest growing sport.

Whew. For a second there I thought Kedzie was going to announce that she, just now, had reached the peak of her physical prime and was unretiring. Crisis averted, Taters.

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited as all hell to see what kind of matchups Kedzie puts together in Invicta’s *stacked* strawweight division. The possibilities are endless: Thug Rose vs. Hyatt, Van Zant vs. Herrig, Esparza vs….what’s that you say?

J. Jones


(No, we will *not* stop using this photo of Julie Kedzie, thank you very much. Via MMAFighting.)

Well that didn’t take long.

Just a few weeks after announcing her retirement from the sport following a split decision loss to UFC newcomer Bethe Correira at Fight Night 33, Julie Kedzie has already found a new gig. During an appearance on yesterday’s “MMA Hour,” the WMMA pioneer/adorable cat lady announced that she will be pulling double duty over at Invicta FC moving forward, serving as the promotion’s matchmaker in addition to continuing with the color commentating role she has held since last year. Said Kedzie in a press release:

I am excited about this incredible new opportunity that will allow me to remain as active and hands on as ever in contributing to the growth of women’s competition in our great sport, Shannon Knapp has done an unbelievable job at pushing the envelope and helping transform women’s MMA into an aggressively expanding enterprise, a development that will undoubtedly lead to increased participation in the sport by young women athletes who want to challenge themselves in the world’s fastest growing sport.

Whew. For a second there I thought Kedzie was going to announce that she, just now, had reached the peak of her physical prime and was unretiring. Crisis averted, Taters.

I don’t know about you, but I’m excited as all hell to see what kind of matchups Kedzie puts together in Invicta’s *stacked* strawweight division. The possibilities are endless: Thug Rose vs. Hyatt, Van Zant vs. Herrig, Esparza vs….what’s that you say?

J. Jones

A Survivor in a Dangerous Game, GSP Finds the Exit Before It’s Too Late


(After 11 years in a sport marked by physical trauma, emotional turmoil, and financial misdealings, St-Pierre is beaten, but not broken. / Photo via Getty)

By Brian J. D’Souza

Last Friday, Georges St-Pierre confirmed what has been suspected since his emotional post-fight speech at UFC 167 — that he is vacating the UFC welterweight title. Some are calling it a temporary hiatus, others see GSP as being permanently retired. Either way, the manner in which these events have transpired is a worthy story in itself.

The key to understanding the way St-Pierre has conducted himself, both inside and outside the Octagon, goes back to his earliest origins growing up in the rural area of St. Isidore, Quebec, Canada:

“I went to a school where it was pretty rough — I’d get my clothes stolen, my cash. And at home life was pretty hard too. I had a difficult childhood,” said St-Pierre to an interviewer in 2006.

The upshot of these challenges translated into the single quality that defines GSP to this day — his relentless desire to please everybody around him. Not only was St-Pierre an absolute perfectionist with respect to his performance as a fighter, but he actively sought to cultivate positive relationships with all of the people he crossed paths with in life.

In a non-corporate environment, that character trait might have gone over better. In the shark tank of pimps, hustlers and thieves who infest the fight game, it made St-Pierre an easy mark for managers who felt entitled to take his money.


(After 11 years in a sport marked by physical trauma, emotional turmoil, and financial misdealings, St-Pierre is beaten, but not broken. / Photo via Getty)

By Brian J. D’Souza

Last Friday, Georges St-Pierre confirmed what has been suspected since his emotional post-fight speech at UFC 167 — that he is vacating the UFC welterweight title. Some are calling it a temporary hiatus, others see GSP as being permanently retired. Either way, the manner in which these events have transpired is a worthy story in itself.

The key to understanding the way St-Pierre has conducted himself, both inside and outside the Octagon, goes back to his earliest origins growing up in the rural area of St. Isidore, Quebec, Canada:

“I went to a school where it was pretty rough — I’d get my clothes stolen, my cash. And at home life was pretty hard too. I had a difficult childhood,” said St-Pierre to an interviewer in 2006.

The upshot of these challenges translated into the single quality that defines GSP to this day — his relentless desire to please everybody around him. Not only was St-Pierre an absolute perfectionist with respect to his performance as a fighter, but he actively sought to cultivate positive relationships with all of the people he crossed paths with in life.

In a non-corporate environment, that character trait might have gone over better. In the shark tank of pimps, hustlers and thieves who infest the fight game, it made St-Pierre an easy mark for managers who felt entitled to take his money.

“People try to make money off of me all the time,” St-Pierre told me in a 2011 interview.

TMZ.com broke the story of St-Pierre being forced to pay out $737,066.35 — and counting — to his former manager Shari Spencer. In a similar vein, GSP’s first manager, Stephane Patry, earned some hard cash after St-Pierre settled over Patry’s lawsuit with him.

“Georges St-Pierre has a lot of money, and he could walk away forever if that’s what he chose to do,” said UFC president Dana White during Friday’s conference call where GSP’s departure was announced to the media.

This statement begs the question — while GSP certainly never banked Mayweather money, how much of a hit did St-Pierre take from paying out 20 percent commissions to Patry and Spencer simultaneously? Will the courts mandate that Spencer gets to swallow up another 20 percent of his revenue for a portion of the time period since St-Pierre’s new co-managers, Rodolphe Beaulie and Philippe Lepage, took over in 2011?

There’s always the possibility of the bottom dropping out due to unpaid taxes, an issue that has affected prizefighters throughout different eras from Joe Louis to Nick Diaz. Manny Pacquiao owes the IRS $18 million dollars according to another recently published report by TMZ — this on top of having his accounts frozen in the Philippines. GSP admitted to having tax problems to an interviewer back in 2008, but he’s likely corrected any past oversights.

Like Shakespeare’s King Lear, the UFC welterweight kingpin only seemed to discover just who he was dealing with by the time it was too late to do anything about it. Besides the transgressions from his managers, the UFC was happy to control many aspects of St-Pierre’s commercial deals from owning his video game likeness rights in perpetuity to refusing to allow St-Pierre to use UFC footage in the GSP documentary The Striking Truth. These were raw deals that will cost St-Pierre both in terms of his post-retirement earning potential and his reputation for decades to come.

It’s incredibly suspect that two days before GSP’s retirement announcement, Dana White told MMAFighting.com that St-Pierre was signing autographs at a mall. Was the financial hit the UFC would take from loss of pay-per-view, sponsors, and diminishment of the UFC brand in the eyes of television partners like Fox Sports incentive for the UFC to do everything in the organization’s power to retain GSP as champion? With Cain Velasquez out for a year, Chris Weidman as a new champion needing more build-up and lighter-weight champions not drawing big PPV numbers, St-Pierre’s exit couldn’t come at a worse time for the organization.

The most overlooked aspect of St-Pierre’s decision to retire comes down to risk of further traumatic brain injury (TBI). Tim Marchman of DeadSpin.com provided solid analysis that of the 875 strikes GSP has taken in his career, 412 have come in his last three fights. An athlete doesn’t need to be slurring their words or have a poor memory to be suffering the effects of repeated head trauma; depression, bouts of anger, and mood swings can be among the symptoms of TBI.

Georges St-Pierre’s tremendous desire for public validation of his talents was both his greatest strength as a fighter and his greatest weakness in terms of his personal health. He put it on the line for fans, media, and a promoter who were all just as likely to offer scathing criticism as they were to give him praise.

It’s possible that St-Pierre returns to MMA, just as so many other fighters have returned from retirement. In fact, it’s likely that GSP will go stir-crazy on the sidelines and want to restore his past status. St-Pierre will need a strong network of friends and family to pull him back from the brink — but no amount of external validation will overcome any internal dissonance within his soul.

A final note: Kenny Florian wrote a terrific piece for FoxSports.com praising GSP in the wake of his potential retirement. Florian is no stranger to the issues at play as chronic back problems forced him to announce his retirement in 2012. St-Pierre didn’t just inspire Florian to be his best — GSP was my primary motivation to write Pound for Pound: The Modern Gladiators of Mixed Martial Arts, a book where a behind-the-scenes look at his career was one of the main subjects.

We owe it to Georges St-Pierre to remember his life, career, and legacy as it happened, and not the revisionist or politically correct history that certain stakeholders in MMA might be selling. GSP needs to be remembered exactly as he the person he was: one of the greatest — if not the greatest — MMA fighter of all time.

The Four Most Likely Scenarios to Emerge From Georges St. Pierre’s Upcoming Press Conference


(In a shocking turn of events, St. Pierre announces that he will be retiring from MMA to replace A.J. Pierzynski’s catcher’s mitt in the 2014 season. Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.)

As it has been ever since UFC 167, the MMA blogosphere is currently abuzz with speculation regarding the future of welterweight kingpin Georges St. Pierre. Amidst (hopefully) false rumors pertaining to his father’s illness, an unplanned pregnancy, and a multi-million dollar lawsuit with his former manager, St. Pierre announced his semi-retirement from the sport immediately following his controversial split decision win over Johny Hendricks, only to be buried by Dana White for having the gall to worry about his own health and personal life thereafter.

According to the Journal de Montreal, St. Pierre plans on holding a press conference this Friday to address his future in the UFC and clear the air regarding the multitude of rumors surrounding him. But being that sports journalism thrives on speculation, we’ve decided to go ahead and predict the four most likely reasons for GSP’s upcoming presser, as well as what the MMA world will be facing come Saturday morning.

Scenario #1:  Retirement


(In a shocking turn of events, St. Pierre announces that he will be retiring from MMA to replace A.J. Pierzynski’s catcher’s mitt in the 2014 season. Photo via Esther Lin/MMAFighting.)

As it has been ever since UFC 167, the MMA blogosphere is currently abuzz with speculation regarding the future of welterweight kingpin Georges St. Pierre. Amidst (hopefully) false rumors pertaining to his father’s illness, an unplanned pregnancy, and a multi-million dollar lawsuit with his former manager, St. Pierre announced his semi-retirement from the sport immediately following his controversial split decision win over Johny Hendricks, only to be buried by Dana White for having the gall to worry about his own health and personal life thereafter.

According to the Journal de Montreal, St. Pierre plans on holding a press conference this Friday to address his future in the UFC and clear the air regarding the multitude of rumors surrounding him. But being that sports journalism thrives on speculation, we’ve decided to go ahead and predict the four most likely reasons for GSP’s upcoming presser, as well as what the MMA world will be facing come Saturday morning.

Scenario #1:  Retirement

Easily the biggest reason fans (and Dana White) turned against St. Pierre following UFC 167 was not due to the belief that he was ducking a Hendricks rematch, but rather that the champ was so ambiguous about the terms of his retirement. “I need to hang up my gloves for a little bit,” said St. Pierre during his post-fight interview, leading many of us to question just how long he planned on stepping away, and whether or not he planned on relinquishing his title in order to do so.

If St. Pierre simply needs a few months away from the public eye to remedy some personal issues, it would be hard to find anyone who would truly take him to task for his decision. But if St. Pierre needs a Dominick Cruz-length break from the sport without truly retiring, he would essentially be holding the welterweight division hostage until his return, a grim scenario especially in light of how controversial his final fight was.

Unfortunately for those of us expecting a rematch, the fact that St. Pierre is holding a non-UFC organized press conference in his native Canada seems to indicate that he has made up his mind regarding the length of his retirement: FOR-EV-ER.

Semi-related prediction: Following St. Pierre’s retirement, White will hold a press conference of his own in which he declares that St. Pierre was “always overrated” and “a cowardly champion” who “turned his back on the sport and its fans.” The camera will then pan 180 degrees, revealing that White is actually standing alone in his living room and shouting a GSP Fathead.

Scenario #2: A Hendricks Rematch

When speaking/spewing flames at the UFC 167 post-fight press conference, White stated the following about the likelihood of Hendricks receiving his much-deserved rematch:

 As far as a rematch, we’re on schedule and I’ll have a date within a couple weeks. I feel confident that Georges is fine with that and all is on track.

To state the obvious, it has been nearly a month since this claim was made and we have yet to hear a word from Dana White or anyone in the UFC regarding said rematch. That Lorenzo Ferttita has publicly walked back White’s criticism of GSP further indicates the possibility of the champ retiring over accepting a Hendricks rematch.

But then again, the UFC is nothing if not a shady crafty organization. Perhaps by getting St. Pierre to personally announce his interest in a rematch, the UFC is hoping to shed the idea that it is somehow forcing his hand in the matter. If that turns out to be the case, look for St. Pierre to half-heartedly remind us of how “dark” he is and how he will use his recent personal troubles as motivation to finish Hendricks in the rematch. Neither will ever come to fruition.

Scenario #3: A Nick Diaz Rematch (!!) 

Speaking of dark places, there isn’t a fighter out there who managed to bring out the dark side of GSP more than Nick Diaz. Or so we were told.

Georges St. Pierre is loved by fans far and wide for his humility, class, and poise both inside and outside of the octagon. Nick Diaz is loved by fans for being the anti-bullshit superhero and not knowing what three of the four qualities I just listed even mean. St. Pierre vs. Diaz is the kind of good vs. evil matchup that fans of the sport simply cannot turn away from, no matter how contrived or unnecessary it may be. While being the corn-husking, dip-spitting American answer to GSP’s fine wine-sipping, poutine-eating Canadian self, Johny Hendricks simply does not hold up to the evil archetype created by Diaz. And by that, I mean he has never chased St. Pierre around a hotel looking for a fight.

Some of you might counter, “But St. Pierre totally dominated Diaz, so why would we be interested in a rematch?” Well, did you honestly expect Diaz to go in and dominate GSP before? And have his chances of KOing St. Pierre with a miracle shot decreased since then? Diaz had no business being in the octagon with St. Pierre in the first place, but over a million of us purchased those wolf tickets. Fans will come in droves for the chance to see Diaz give St. Pierre another Stockton Heybuddy; it’s as simple as that. St. Pierre knows this, and is looking for one last big paycheck (and a winnable fight) before he truly retires.

Scenario #4: St. Pierre Joins Season 18 of Dancing With the Stars

gsp georges st. pierre dancing tv show funny mma gifs gif gallery

gsp georges st. pierre break dancing gifs gif funny

We all know that Dancing With the Stars has become a haven for post-prime athletes in any sport, but none have failed more spectacularly on the reality competition show than Chuck Liddell and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Angered by the stereotype that all fighters are bad dancers, St. Pierre will announce that he is joining season 18 of DWtS to put an end to these hurtful beliefs once and for all. He will be joined by: Scott Bakula, Paula Deen, Chelsea Handler, Wesley Warren Jr. (a.k.a the guy with 140-pound testicles), Dan Marino, and Bobby Kimball of Toto among others. Upon winning the Mirror Ball trophy, St. Pierre will return to the UFC and defeat interim champ Johny Hendricks via Paso-Doble-Foxtrot-Whiskey-Sour KO.

Come to think of it, this scenario is far more likely to happen than a GSP-Hendricks rematch. Start setting your DVRs, Nation.

J. Jones