(Three hours later, Thiago Alves weighed in at nearly 200 lbs. There’s no punchline coming, that just needed to be said.)
Tonight’s UFC on FUEL event marks a lot of firsts for the fighters involved. Guys like Joseph Benavidez, Cole Miller, and Demetrious Johnson will be testing the waters in new weight divisions, even if some were forced to violate a certain CagePotato ban whilst doing so. This evening will also mark the debut of not only the 125 pound flyweight division, but that of two possible future title contenders in said division, Ian “Uncle Creepy” McCall and Yasuhiro Urushitani. It’s amazing, no, inspiring to know that the rosy-cheeked, industrious members of the Lollipop Guild have finally reached Emerald City; they’re almost like people now. I salute their Herculean accomplishment, and encourage everyone reading this to follow your own yellow brick road, so to speak, in their honor.
Anyway, join me, Jared Jones, as I liveblog tonight’s event, starting at 9 p.m. ET/6 p.m. PT. Refresh your page every so often, and if I’m not piss drunk by the time this thing starts, we might just make it all the way to the end.
Preliminary Results
-Shawn Jordan def. Oli Thompson via TKO (strikes) – Round 2, 1:07
-T.J. Waldburger def. Jake Hecht via submission (armbar) – 0:55 of round 1
-Daniel Pineda def. Mackens Semerzier via submission (triangle armbar) – 2:05 of round 1
-Andrew Craig def. Kyle Noke via unanimous decision
– Steven Siler def. Cole Miller via unanimous decision
-Anthony Perosh def. Nick Penner via TKO (punches) – 4:59 of round 1
-James Te Huna def. Aaron Rosa via TKO (punches) – 2:08 of round 1
It’s Friday night, so let’s play a drinking game, Potato Nation. The rules are simple:
-If Mike Goldberg or Joe Rogan Kenny Florian or Jon Anik talk about Court McGee‘s battle with drugs and/or near death experience, drink. Matter of fact, same rules apply if they mention Ian McCall’s battle with drugs/near death experience. I wonder if they sponsor each other?
-Speaking of McCall, if he does anything remotely reminiscent of his nickname, drink for that too.
-And speaking of McGee, if he gets finished by way of (T)KO, finish your drink.
-Each time Demetrious Johnson completes a takedown, or is described as “explosive,” drink.
-If Joseph Benavidez’s win over Miguel Torres is mentioned, finish your drink.
-Each time one of Thiago Alves‘ leg kicks make you cry on the inside, drink twice to hide the fact that you are a little sissy bitch.
-If Kampmann loses by decision, order a round for the bar.
That should do it. Now, let’s get to the fights…
Court McGee vs. Constantinos Philippou
A couple notes from the prelims: Steve Siler is now 2-0 against the other Miller brothers, and fighters claiming to be 0-0 are now 0-2. That said, the fight was a war, and you should definitely check it out. Also, James Te Huna may throw the angriest punches in the entire sport. If his fight with Aaron Rosa had been stopped any later, we might have witnessed the first casualty in UFC History.
Round 1: One of the bad guys from the original Hills Have Eyes is our referee. McGee controlling the center to start. Court lands a right hook. Consta with a combo. Then a left. Then an uppercut and a left hook. McGee tries a head kick on the break. Consta with a straight right and an overhand right. McGee misses a kick and Consta goes to the body. Another right from Philippou. McGee still coming forward, but isn’t throwing much. McGee lands a left hook in a brief exchange, then tries a double leg which gets stuffed. McGee with a left that appeared to stun Consta as the round ends.
Round 2: McGee gets tagged with a left hook, then whiffs a combo. Consta is definitely landing the better punches, but they aren’t fazing Court all that much. McGee with a kick to the body, then tries another takedown which is stuffed. Consta with another nice 1-4 combo. McGee with a switch kick to the body. Consta lands a big uppercut and a knee and McGee presses him against the fence. A couple left hooks by Consta find their mark. Another uppercut lands on McGee. Then another. McGee tries a spinning elbow, then a takedown; neither are successful. Round ends on a nice exchange. I got Philippou up by 2 after 2.
Round 3: Consta with a left hook to the body. McGee needs to get aggressive fast. He lands an uppercut and a right hook, clearly heeding my words. A kick to the Consta’s groin stalls the action briefly. McGee with a kick to the body, then tries for a single. He gets Consta down for a moment, but can’t keep him there. Now Consta tries a takedown, but fails. Court lands a leg kick but gets tagged by a left. Court tries a wheel kick that misses, then another spinning elbow. Body kick McGee. Court needs a finish, but eats a nice leg kick. Court tries for another takedown, but Consta ain’t having it. Head kick blocked by Consta. Same for the takedown. McGee just misses a spinning backfist and this one will reach the judges scorecards.
Constantinos Philippou def. Court McGee via unanimous decision.
Ian McCall vs. Demetrious Johnson
And we are all set for the first flyweight fight in the history of the UFC.
Round 1: Leon Roberts is our referee. Inside leg kick Johnson. Then he goes outside. McCall gets a takedown on the trip, and quickly moves to half guard. Now in side guard, but Johnson reverses, and lands a left hook on the break. Now Johnson with a right, and McCall answers. Johnson with a double jab. McCall lands another trip takedown. Johnson gets up quickly, and lands a right hook. Johnson tries a spinning back kick. Stiff jab by Johnson who attempts a takedown and catches McCall with a right hook on the break that rocks McCall for a moment. McCall stuffs a takedown, then lands a nice inside leg kick. Johnson throws a high kick which is blocked. Close round, but McCall probably took it for the pair of takedowns.
Round 2: Johnson grabs a single. Both men swinging away now along the fence. Johnson lands a left hook charging in. A couple of rights land for Johnson. A McCall kick goes South and we take a break. Johnson lands a kick to the body. Nice exchange, but Johnson seems to be the wicker man. Kind of surprising considering it’s his first fight at 125. McCall lands with a kick to the body. They clinch and McCall lands some knees. Johnson tries a head kick which is blocked. McCall clinches and lands a couple more knees. Body kick Johnson. Nice jab by Johnson, who clinches to bring the round to an end.
Round 3: Leg kick McCall. Johnson whiffs a front kick and a 1-2 combo. McCall appears to get hit in the groin, but the fight continues. Johnson tries a takedown, but eats a knee to the body. Nice inside leg kick by Johnson. Mighty Mouse tries a flying knee but winds up on his back. McCall in half guard, then tries for mount, but Johnson rolls out. McCall with a nice slam, and now he’s got Johnson’s back! McCall has him flattened out and is landing some nice punches. McCall tries to crossface Johnson, who springs up and out of trouble. McCall tries a front choke, but gets Johnson on his back and moves into mount again. McCall trying to finish Sakuraba style with some double hammerfists, and finishes the round putting a beating on Johnson. Good fight. I think it goes to Johnson McCall, but it’s close.
Demetrious Johnson wins by split decision, the crowd is not happy. McCall storms off.
Miguel Torres just tweeted, and I quote, “Holy fuck, Demetrious Johnson must have Santa Clause in his corner, he keeps on getting gifts.” ZING! The FX sound crew just had to mute the audience to quell the cries of “Bullshit.” So much for the sudden death round…
Joseph Benavidez vs. Yasuhiro Urushitani
Can I ask what the deal is with these GoDaddy.com commercials? Is it a porn site? A domain name website? Both? Maybe if Danica Patrick spent a little less time not sucking at Nascar she could explain these things to me.
Round 1: “Uru” misses a leg kick to star, and Benavidez lands one to the outside. A pair of rights lands for Joe. Body kick Benavidez. Nice right hook by Uru. Benavidez clinches and throws a few knees to Uru’s legs. Another body kick from team Alpha Male, and he clinches again and works a single leg. Uru tries to fend it off but gets taken down. Benavidez moves to half guard, then mount. He’s got Uru’s back now, working a rear-naked choke with 10 seconds to go. The bell saves Uru.
Round 2: OOOOOOHHHH!! A BIG counter right drops Uru, and Benavidez swarms for the finish. We needed that. It’s gonna be Johnson vs. Benavidez for the UFC’s first ever flyweight crown…er…belt.
Joseph Benavidez def. Yasuhiro Urushitani via TKO (punches) 0:11 of round 2
They’re interviewing Dominick Cruz and Urijah Faber now. My God, Faber’s cleft seems to be expanding like some kind of black hole. You could EASILY hold a roll of quarters in that sum bitch is all I’m saying. If he isn’t careful, his chin is going to eat his entire face.
Time for our main event.
Martin Kampmann vs. Thiago Alves
Kampmann has said he plans to stand and trade with Alves, which makes sense, given Kampmann’s penchant for playing to his opponents strengths. Either he’s just bullshitting, or he simply didn’t learn anything from trying to submit Jake Shields or KO Paul Daley. He did beat Diego Sanchez though. I don’t care what anyone says.
And the award for most badass security guards goes to Thiago Alves. I DARE someone to try and steal a hat in Australia.
Jesus Christ, Thiago Alves looks fucking huge.
Round 1: Leg kick Alves, drink. Drink again. Uppercut Hitman, who shoots for a single. He gets Alves down, but not for long. A teep kick rocks Alves! Kampmann takes him down, then hits him with a knee on the way up. Alves is cut over his left eye, but stuffs a single and takes Martin down. Interesting. Kampmann working a guillotine. Alves passes to side control, but Martin gets it back to half guard. Alves mounts! He isn’t able to do much with it, however, and Kampmann escapes just before the bell.
Round 2: Right hook Alves. Kampmann misses a knee and Alves lands a 1-2. Alves is getting the better of the stand up, so Kampmann goes for a takedown, but gets stuffed. Kampmann’s cut in a couple places. Hitman tries another teep that misses this time. Nice right hand by Alves. Short left hook by Kampmann lands, but Alves lands a bigger one. Kampmann ends a two punch combo with a knee, then shoots for a takedown as the bell rings.
Round 3: Drink worthy leg kick by Alves. Alves pushes forward and tries for a takedown, but Kampmann reverses him. Kampmann lands a nice three punch combo and goes for his own takedown. Kampmann lands a kick to the body but eats a left. Alves whiffs a kick, then lands a nice inside one. Martin tries a head kick that’s blocked. Nice right hand by Alves hurts Kampmann. Alves tries for a double leg, but winds up with Kampmann on top of him in a mounted guillotine! Alves taps! Wow, brilliant turn of events by Kampmann, who probably would’ve lost the decision. That was eerily reminiscent of Lytle/Hardy. What a huge mistake by Alves.
Martin Kampmann def. Thiago Alves via submission (guillotine) 4:30ish of round 3
Kampmann calls out Carlos Condit in his post fight interview. Jon Anik says his second win in a row could have just as easily been his sixth. Ballsy statement, but he makes a point.
Well, that’s all for me, folks. Thanks for joining me, and I’ll catch y’all on Monday.
Defeating Thiago “Pitbull” Alves without a precise and tenacious grappling-oriented game plan is like taking on Superman, but leaving the kryptonite at home. Even with your best foot forward, you better have the wrestling chops and steel will to to push through his formidable takedown defense.