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The Ultimate Fighter Nations Finale: Bisping vs. Kennedy — Liveblogging the Fights You Actually Care About

(Yes Tim…good…let the trollface flow through you. Photo via Getty.)

Sheldon Westcott vs. Elias Theodorou. Chad Laprise vs. Olivier Aubin-Mercier. Richard Walsh vs. Chris Indich. These are just a few of the fights going down on today’s TUF Nations Finale: Bisping vs. Kennedy card that we will not be covering thanks to a combination of apathy, laziness, and bitterness over the current state of the UFC’s product (but mainly apathy and laziness). We will, however, be bringing you live, round-by-round results for the fights you’re actually interested in: Dustin Poirier vs. Akira Corassani, Patrick Cote vs. Kyle Noke, and Tim Kennedy vs. Michael Bisping, so let’s get this international battle underway! YEAH! MURICA!!

Quick results…

FIGHT PASS PRELIMS
-Mitch Gagnon def. Tim Gorman via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
-Richard Walsh def. Chris Indich via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
-Nordine Taleb def. Vic Grujic by unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
-Mark Bocek def. Mike de la Torre via split decision (29-28, 30-27, 28-29)

Uh oh, looks like it’s gonna be one of them nights.

(Yes Tim…good…let the trollface flow through you. Photo via Getty.)

Quick results…

Uh oh, looks like it’s gonna be one of them nights. And without even seeing the Bocek/Torre fight, I feel totally fine saying that someone needs to get the fuck out with those scores.

FOX SPORTS 1 PRELIMS
-George Roop def. Dustin Kimura via unanimous decision (30-27, 29-28, 29-26)
-Ryan Jimmo def. Sean O’Connell via KO(!), 4:27 of round 1
-Sarah Kaufman def. Leslie Smith via unanimous decision (30-27 x 3)
-KJ Noons def. Sam Stout via KO, 0:30 of round 1

Let’s do this!

Dustin Poirier vs. Akira Corissani

One of these guys almost got stabbed with a pen by Diego Brandao and is a frequent violator of the Chuck Liddell “no touching” rule of pre-fight staredowns. The other is a TUF alum most famous for wearing a fedora. I’m conflicted on who to root more against, to say the least.

Not that anyone cares, but my mega-super-buster parlay is one fight away from coming to fruition. Probably just jinxed it, but I don’t care. My status as a gambling savant has already been validated.

Round 1: Right hand Akira to start things off. Both men are landing, but Poirier clips Akira and the two battle for position along the fence. They separate and Poirier lands a jab. Then another. Poirier is leaping into his punches and gets dropped! Corassani has Poirier on the rebound but appears to be recovering, so Akira fires off some spinning shit that mostly misses. Akira goes body then head, then lands another right. Poirier with a stiff jab, and Akira wings a wild uppercut. Both men are trading and Corassani lands another big right. Akira attemps a takedown and Poirier immediately starts working a D’arce choke. Akira tries to work his way out but Poirier switches to a Peruvian necktie. Corassani is cut badly as both men get back to their feet, but lands another right. Great round.

Round 2: Akira again goes body-head, but Poirier responds with a beautiful combo ending with an uppercut. Corassani is hurt and Poirier swarms for the finish. Dunzo.

Poirier def. Corassani via TKO, 0:42 of round 2

Poirier really needs to work on his defensive boxing — he gets consistently rocked and has a tendency to leap into his punches — but I’ll be damned if he doesn’t always entertain. Another great fight in the books for “The Diamond” and a nice finish to boot.

Poirier tells Anik that he broke Corassani’s nose with that uppercut, according to Corassani. Couldn’t have happened to a nicer-MIKE BROWN SPOTTING!

Just one fight in and we’ve already come to our first break. I’ll see you guys after this TUF Nations rubbish unless something awesome happens…

Chad Laprise def. Olivier Aubin-Mercier via split decision (29-28, 30-27, 28-29)

Elias Theodorou def. Sheldon Westcott via TKO, 4:41 of round 2

Aaaaand we’re back!

Patrick Cote vs. Kyle Noke

This is a great fight for livebloggers. Both guys are finishers with four letter last names.

Round 1: Cote starts things off with a low shot. Noke lands a teep kick to the face. Leg kick Noke. Cote with a nice right over the top. They clinch along the fence. Noke lands a body kick after the break, but he appears to be cut above the left eye. Cote dives on a takedown and Noke tries for a guillotine but is denied. Cote landing some elbows and punches from full guard. Crowd cheering for Cote as he continues to work from guard and land hammerfists. Noke throws up a triangle that is also denied and Cote lands elbows until the bell sounds. Easy 10-9 Cote.

Round 2: Noke utilizing the front kicks early. Cote rushes in and gets dropped with a knee! Cote fails on a takedown and Noke is teeing off. Cote separates and despite being cut looks recovered. Hell of chin on this Canuck, as we’ve come to learn. Noke lands another left hook, then a front kick to the body. Cote rushes forward, grabs a single, and manages to get Noke down. Cote with some pitter-patter form the guard, as Noke’s sub attempts again come up short. Big elbow Cote, then another. Nice knee to the body from Cote as they separate. Both guys throw feints that mostly miss as the round ends. Another 10-9 for Cote.

Round 3: Noke still using his kicks to keep Cote at bay, but the Canadian lands a nice right. Cote rushes in for a takedown but gets stuffed. They break and Noke lands a left to the body. Left hand upstairs for Noke, then a kick to the body. Cote catches a kick and gets Noke to the mat. Cote moves to side mount for a moment but Noke regains guard. Elbow Cote. Then another that opens a cut on Noke’s hairline. Not looking good for the Aussie as the final 20 seconds expire with Cote controlling him against the fence. 10-9 Cote.

Patrick Cote def. Kyle Noke via unanimous decision (29-28 x 2, 30-27)

Michael Bisping vs. Tim Kennedy

Again I am conflicted. I want Tim Kennedy to win because ‘Murica, but a Bisping win will net me close to $40 on $5 alone. Ah fuck it. USA! USA!!!

Round 1: Kennedy almost immediately shoots on a single and gets Bisping down. Wow. Bisping trying to get to his knees but Kennedy gets to half guard. Nice right hand from Kennedy. Kennedy is surprisingly controlling Bisping here. Bisping tries to get to his feet again but Kennedy sucks them out from under him. Bisping finally to his feet and working a kimura, but gets taken down again. Left hand Kennedy from the top. Kennedy gets mount! Bisping trying to buck him but Kennedy is in control. Bisping gives up his back and Kennedy tries for a rear-naked. A scramble ensues and Kennedy winds up back in full guard throwing elbows until the round ends. 10-9 Kennedy.

Round 2: Bisping with a kick to the body. Kennedy wings an overhand right that misses. Bisping with a jab, but he’s coming up short on the majority of his punches. Kennedy with an uppercut in the scramble, then a body kick. Bisping finding his range with a few punches and Kennedy dives on a single. Bisping breaks a body lock and tries a flying knee. Bisping starting to counter Kennedy, who appears to be slowing a bit maybe? Left hand Bisping. Overhand right from Kennedy. Bisping is steadily outboxing Kennedy as the round ends. 10-9 Bisping.

Round 3: Bisping lands a right to start, but Kennedy takes him down. Kennedy working from half guard. Bisping trying to escape, but Kennedy is like a goddamn constrictor. Kennedy to side control now and landing a few lefts. Bisping latches onto a kimura but Kennedy ain’t having it. Body shots from Kennedy now. Kennedy from side control into mount, nice move there. Elbow Kennedy, and a nice pair of left hands to follow. Bisping wall walks and escapes, only to end up with Kennedy back in side control. 10-9 Kennedy as the tiny crowd showers (sprinkles) them in boos.

Round 4: Not much action to start. Kennedy attempts a takedown and has Bisping against the fence. Bisping escapes and the crowd goes mild (BA-DUM-TSH). Both men land right hands. Bisping is clearly the fresher fight, but he seems hesistant to pull the trigger. GO FIGURE, RIGHT?! Kennedy lands a right then grabs another body lock but is denied. Left hook lands for Kennedy. Bisping with a combo. Nice right hand from Kennedy and Bisping is wobbled. Left hand lands for Kennedy, who is cut on the bridge of his nose. Bisping with a right hand. Right Kennedy. Bisping with a right over the top. Close round, but I’d probably give it to Kennedy.

Round 5: Kennedy lands another hard right/teep. Kind of looked like the punch that Petruzelli dropped Kimbo with. Bisping with some pillow fist-I mean jabs. Takedown Kennedy. Bisping gets to his feet but is immediately tripped. Kennedy to mount. Bisping is running out of options here. Kennedy back to mount, then half guard. Lavigne stand ‘em up and Kennedy lands a body kick. Bisping ends a combo with a head kick that partially lands. Jab Bisping. Left Kennedy. One minute left and Bisping isn’t going for it. GO FIGURE RIGHT?!! Bisping with literally the worst spinning backfist I’ve ever seen. 10-9 Kennedy

Tim Kennedy def. Michael Bisping via unanimous decision (49-46 x 2, 50-45)

Some post-fight ass kissing from both guys, and so ends the lamest grudge match in UFC history.

That’s it for me, folks. It’s nights like these that really, really make me wish I could charge overtime.

With Comeback Looming, Can Michael Bisping Still Be the Man We Love to Loathe?

It’s been a minute since MMA fans have had the pleasure of Michael Bisping’s company.
The UFC’s original bad guy has been out of action for nearly a year recovering from a career-threatening eye injury. During his convalescence, he ke…

It’s been a minute since MMA fans have had the pleasure of Michael Bisping’s company.

The UFC’s original bad guy has been out of action for nearly a year recovering from a career-threatening eye injury. During his convalescence, he kept an uncharacteristically low profile, making sporadic media appearances wearing a pirate’s eye patch while spending the rest of his downtime taunting orphans and pulling the wings off butterflies.

OK, that last part was just a guess, but as one of the sport’s longest-standing (and perhaps most unfairly maligned) villains, would you really be surprised?

When Bisping returns on Wednesday at The Ultimate Fighter: Nations live finale, it will be to answer yet another challenge from his peers—this one from American hero Tim Kennedy—in a fight that seems like it could’ve been dreamed up in a professional wrestling writers’ room circa 1983.

Or, for that matter, in a Boston tavern circa 1783.

It’s an important comeback bout for the 35-year-old British star, as he seeks to string together two consecutive victories for the first time since 2011. After beginning his UFC career on a 12-3 tear, he’s been inconsistent of late, going just 2-2 during his four most recent appearances (though both losses came against TRT-enhanced fighters Vitor Belfort and Chael Sonnen).

More to the point, Bisping will be out to prove that he’s still worthy of being the man we love to loathe; one of the most hated-on and frequently called-out fighters on the UFC’s middleweight roster.

As usual, his timing is impeccable.

The 185-pound class experienced a sudden sea change during Bisping’s injury timeout, as Chris Weidman gave new life to contenders of all stripes when he unseated longtime champion Anderson Silva. With erstwhile No. 1 challenger Belfort facing an uncertain future, the race to be an upcoming dance partner for Weidman is wide open.

In other words, the time for Bisping to self-actualize is now. After spending years floating around the outskirts of the title picture without ever receiving a shot at the gold, the sudden absence of Silva could benefit him greatly.

He remains one of the UFC’s most polarizing attractions, after all. He’s the sort of guy who might actually sell a fight with the mild-mannered Weidman if you put them on opposite sides of a press conference dais. Bisping is arrogant, he struts—he’s an Englishman nicknamed “The Count,” for Pete’s sake—and when the percussion intro to Blur’s “Song 2” hits the PA, fans go crazy for him, one way or another.

He’s spent nearly his entire UFC career getting called out by guys like Kennedy. His high-profile status and reputation as an overhyped decision artist have made him a popular mark for upstart middleweights looking to improve their positions in life. Oddly, the fact that most of those challengers ended up receiving a 15-minute crash course in how good Bisping really is appears to have only encouraged additional suitors.

In order for him to take the next step and—gasp—actually become the contender he’s always wanted to be, he has precious little time to waste. If he means to shake our perception of him as a guy who fell short against top competition, his upcoming run of fights likely represents his last chance.

Obviously, all of that starts with beating Kennedy on Wednesday night. If he can do that, he’ll serve notice to fans and the new crop of contenders that—like it or not—the swaggering Brit is still among the toughest draws in the middleweight division.

Better that than just the guy we used to hate.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

Gambling Addiction Enabler Head-To-Head: April Edition

(Pictured above: A perfect example of the Easy Money/KILL IT WITH FIRE dichotomy of MMA gambling.)

With the UFC alone churning out an event a week nowadays, there has never been a better time to be an MMA fan with a crippling gambling addiction. But being that we have neither the time nor the patience to dedicate an entire article to the moneymaking opportunities present in Richard Walsh vs. Chris Indich (<—actual fight happening this week), we’ve instead rounded up our two most compulsive gamblers, staff writers Jared Jones and Seth Falvo, and had them highlight the best fights to bet on this month, “versus” style, in a revamped version of the gambling addiction enabler you all know and love. Enjoy.

The Main Events
UFC TUF Nations Finale (April 16): Tim Kennedy (+155) vs. Michael Bisping (-175)

Seth: You really have to love the irony here: Jake Shields was released from the UFC because he’ll never be a contender. The next four guys to headline UFC cards? Big Nog, Roy Nelson, Tim Kennedy and Michael Bisping. Oh man, that’s good stuff.

Anyways, Bisping shall take the unanimous decision. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Jared: Ugh, another Michael Bisping fight featuring a heated build-up that is all but guaranteed to underwhelm once the actual cage door closes. I hate to agree with my fellow staffer, for he is a contemptuous scoundrel of the worst nature, but Bisping should use his length and endless gastank to jab and jog his way to another UD here. Kennedy may have been able to KO Rafael Natal (on few days notice) in front of his fellow rangers, but this fight should go down in incredibly similar fashion to his fight with Luke Rockhold, with Kennedy unable to secure a takedown and coming up short on the majority of his punches.

Bisping is being slightly undervalued here in my opinion, and at his current return is good enough to make a parlay. What? PATRIOTISM HAS NO PLACE IN THE GAMBLING SPECTRUM.

(Pictured above: A perfect example of the Easy Money/KILL IT WITH FIRE dichotomy of MMA gambling.)

The Main Events
UFC TUF Nations Finale (April 16): Tim Kennedy (+155) vs. Michael Bisping (-175)

Anyways, Bisping shall take the unanimous decision. There shall be weeping and gnashing of teeth.

Bisping is being slightly undervalued here in my opinion, and at his current return is good enough to make a parlay. What? PATRIOTISM HAS NO PLACE IN THE GAMBLING SPECTRUM.

UFC on Fox 11 (April 19): Fabricio Werdum (+170) vs. Travis Browne (-200)

Jared: It’s getting more and more difficult to bet against Browne at this point in his career. The man is coming off back-to-back-to-back Knockout of the Nights, each one more violent than the last, and has twice shown that he can finish a fight while fending off a takedown. He’s also never been submitted. Werdum’s striking is ever-improving, sure, but his only chance here is to get this thing to the ground early and hope that doesn’t wake up dead whilst attempting to do so. I wouldn’t suggest a straight bet here, but the +100 prop that Browne wins inside the distance is a solid gamble.

Seth: You know, I really have to disagree/agree with Jared here: Fabricio Werdum has been on top of his game since returning to the UFC and he should OH MY GOD THAT MAN IS DEAD! TRAVIS BROWNE IS THE FUTURE, I SAYS!”

UFC 172 (April 26): Glover Teixeira (+450) vs. Jon Jones (-600)

Seth: I’m putting this fight in “Stay the Hell Away From” territory, out of sheer principle. Teixeira is a beast, there’s no question about that. But after watching him get rocked by Fabio Maldonado during the first round of that massacre, I can’t in good conscience tell you guys to bet money on him being the guy to defeat Jon Jones. As for betting on Jones? If I advised you to place a bet that would pay you $1.60 for every ten bucks you wagered, I’d never be able to drink an EXTREME SPORTS ENERGY DRINK!!!1!one!!1! again without feeling like a fraud.

Look, if you really want to bet on this fight, the under on the prop that this fight lasts three and a half rounds (currently sitting at -155) is the way to go. I’d be surprised if this one makes it out of the first round.

Jared: Not only was Teixeira rocked by Fabio Maldonado, he was rocked by Ryan Bader, a.k.a the guy who never even touched Jon Jones in their fight at UFC 126 a.k.a Tito Ortiz‘s last victory. Teixeira hits hard, but so does Alexander Gustafsson, and the Brazilian is way too flat-footed to keep up with the champ. That said, I like the +255 prop that “Bones” wins by five round decision. Why? Because Jon Jones is easily ten times more arrogant than Anderson Silva ever was (I blame the surname), and it’s only a matter of time before he has his UFC 97/UFC 112 moment.

Other Fights Worth Investing In
UFC TUF Nations Finale (April 26): Sam Stout (-115) vs. KJ Noons (-105)
UFC TUF Nations Finale (April 26): Sarah Kaufman (-240) vs. Leslie Smith (+200)
UFC 172 (April 26): Anthony Johnson (+160) vs. Phil Davis (-185)
UFC 172 (April 26): Tim Elliott (+305) vs. Joseph Benavidez (-365)

Seth: Call me crazy, but Sam Stout at -115 against KJ Noons is a downright steal, and even though their first contest was close, I fully expect Sarah Kaufman to walk away victorious against Leslie Smith again. You may want to lock in Phil Davis at -185, because I sincerely doubt he’s staying under -200 by the time fight week comes around (I’m also pretty confident he’ll win, in case it isn’t obvious). Benavidez at -365 is barely worth the risk as a parlay addition, so go ahead and lock that up before it spirals toward -500 territory.

Jared: Sam Stout couldn’t finish a Cody McKenzie in basketball shorts who might’ve been drunk at the time and has gone win-loss since 2012. Noons to win via superior boxing. And as far as parlay bets go, it would be wise to lock down Mitch Gagnon at -285 over Tim Gorman, as it’s arguably the easiest money on the TUF Nations card.

Honestly, one of the best lines I’ve seen out there is Dustin Kimura vs. George Roop-JUST HEAR ME OUT FOR A SECOND. Roop may be one of the most inconsistent fighters in the UFC, but when he’s on, he’s on. Listed as just a -120 favorite over Kimura, an up-and-comer with decent submission skills and an unpolished striking game, a small bet on a veteran like Roop wouldn’t be the dumbest thing you could ever do. I know, I’ll see myself out.

The Good Dogs
UFC 172 (April 26): Tim Boetsch (+650) vs. Luke Rockhold (-1000)

True story: I made $80 betting on a fighter I’ve never heard of during UFC Fight Night 38. I knew absolutely nothing about Thiago Santos, other than he was a +800 underdog (?!) against -700 favorite (?!?!) Ronny Markes (?!?!?!). “There are very few fighters who should ever be -700 favorites in the UFC,” I thought before betting ten bucks on Santos. “Ronny Markes sure as hell isn’t one of them.”

I’m using the exact same school of thought here by advising you to bet on Tim Boetsch. Luke Rockhold at -1000 is ri-goddamn-diculous.

Jared: I wholeheartedly agree with your logic here, as you’d think Rockhold was fighting a UFC newb specializing in R.I.P, not a legitimate veteran who is 6-3 in his past 9 UFC contests, based on that absolutely insane line. Tim Boetsch has shown in the past that he can pull victory from the jaws of defeat, and while I think Rockhold holds an advantage in pretty much every conceivable category here, there’s no way I’d pass up a 5 dollar wager on a gritty sumbitch like Boetsch to make 32ish back.

Stay the Hell Away From
UFC TUF Nations Finale (April 16): Kyle Noke (-105) vs. Patrick Cote (-115)
UFC TUF Nations Finale (April 16): Mark Bocek (-485) vs. Mike de la Torre (+350)

Seth: I can’t think of a single reason why Mike de la Torre has a chance at winning this fight, but then again, I also can’t think of a single reason why Mark Bocek is at -495 BOOKIES WHAT ARE YOU DOING THIS ISN’T FUNNY. As for the co-main event that at least seven people are talking about? I’ll probably make a prediction for that fight by flipping a coin while they’re touching gloves before the start of round one. Just sit these two out.

Jared: Your lack of respect for Canada’s first Jiu Jitsu black belt is upsetting, to say the least. A quick look over Bocek’s record reveals that his only losses in the past 4 years have come to top contenders and future champions, and all by way of decision. Throw in the fact that he’s facing a late-replacement opponent, a UFC newcomer, nicknamed “El Cucuy,” and you’ve got all the justification for that line you will ever need.

And that co-main event you speak of? Noke’s to lose, in my opinion. Patrick Cote may have been a one-time title challenger at 185, but his only win at welterweight was a squeaker over Bobby Voelker back in March of 2013. While Noke has been on the shelf for even longer than his Canadian counterpart, I fully expect him to utilize his long jab and mix in some takedowns en route to a UD victory.

Seth: So you’d place a straight bet on him to win?

Jared: Fuck no!

Suggested Stakes for a $50 Wager
Seth: $20 on Bisping+Stout+Kaufman parlay
$20 on Davis+Benavidez parlay (yes, you should lock up those odds now)
$10 on Tim Boetsch

Jared: $20 on a Bisping+Kaufman+Gagnon
$20 on Davis+Benavidez+Miller
$5 on “The Barbarian”
$5 on a mega-super-buster parlay of Bisping+Kaufman+Gagnon+Noons+Roop

Michael Bisping Seemed Rather Upset During Today’s Staredown With Tim Kennedy [VIDEO]

(Props: UFC on Instagram)

Michael Bisping was his usual snarling-mad self while facing off with Tim Kennedy today, in advance of their meeting at Wednesday’s TUF Nations Finale. Kennedy decided to hold his tongue during the verbal assault — he’s a strong, silent type, who prefers to do his talking on the Internet — but that point-and-head-shake gesture at the end definitely got his point across. Anyway, this fight is in two days. Get excited.

(Props: UFC on Instagram)

Michael Bisping vs. Tim Kennedy: Breaking Down the TUF Nations Finale’s Main Event

(Skilled martial artists *and* masters of disguise.)

By Santino DeFranco

Fortunately for us MMA fans, watching The Ultimate Fighter Nations finale — which goes down this coming Wednesday, April 16th, in Quebec City — is a much better way to spend your time than watching the actual TUF Nations TV series. And fortunately for the UFC, it has exactly a 100% chance of receiving better TV ratings too. Continuing with the “Nations” theme, the card is headlined by a Redcoat Brit named Michael Bisping and an American Green Beret, Tim Kennedy. Wait, wasn’t this supposed to be Australia vs. Canada? Close enough, eh.

Although Joe Silva’s geography may not be the greatest, he sure as hell knows how to make an interesting match up with this main event. Not only could this fight have title implications down the road, each of these fine fellows has a few different ways to win the match, making it much more interesting to break down from a technical standpoint. Not to mention, I always enjoy a scrap built upon a foundation of shit-talking, even if it did start as little more than Twitter quips and bizarre short videos of a bad impersonation of The Count by a clothing company.

Either way, there’s animosity — fabricated or real, I don’t really care. I want to see these two men punch each other repeatedly. Maybe we’ll even be lucky enough to see Bisping spit on random people outside of the cage and land multiple illegal blows. That stuff may be against the rules, but it always makes the post-fight-interwebers implode with hyperbolic rage, and that can be just as entertaining as the fights themselves.

(Skilled martial artists *and* masters of disguise.)

By Santino DeFranco

What Kennedy needs to do to ensure victory is first, drop his feeble attempts at trash-talk. Not only is he going up against a formidable opponent in the game of verbal jousting, but also he has most likely killed people. I mean, literally. The man is a U.S. Green Beret. The odds of him having actually killed another living human is as great as Chael Sonnen talking his way into an undeserved title match after a loss. Kennedy, shhh. You needn’t sell your fights with trash-talking, though we all appreciate the effort. What you need to do is follow a carefully scripted game plan by the master planner himself, Greg Jackson.

Kennedy is going to want to keep those karate-style front snapping kicks to a minimum, along with the little foot jabs to the thigh and knee. The reason? He’s going to want to have his footing to catch kicks from Bisping and get inside. If Kennedy stays on the outside and plays the “technique” game with his British foe, he’s going to have a long night. He needs to walk forward in a “V” to force The Count to fight with his back against the cage. Once Bisping has no more space to retreat, Kennedy can really apply the pressure, which is one of his strong points: chain wrestling. He’s not an NCAA all-American, but when he pressures people his cardio usually outlasts theirs and he comes out the victor. (See his twenty-eight takedown attempts that finally resulted in top position over a more experienced MMA wrestler in Robbie Lawler.)

He’s also going to want to brawl the Brit, get in his face, and hope The Count gets sleepy — like Bisping’s done in the past during his snooze-fest against Jason Miller. Another key: throw a lot of overhands and looping hooks. Bisping tends to reach forward with his hands both defensively, anytime a punch is thrown, and offensively — he tends to reach with his right hand as if parrying when he jabs, like an amateur-style boxer — which opens him up for looping punches. Opening combinations with a jab, level change, or feint is one way to get The Count to reach, then follow it with an overhand.

Now, if your goal is to gain vengeance on America for ousting the redcoats 200+ years ago, and your name happens to be Michael Bisping, you are going to want a battle like those the Brits hoped for when engaging in the Revolutionary War: a respectable, gentleman’s war. Stay on the outside, see your enemy, and fire an arsenal at his head while gazing into his eyes. Good night sweet prince. Oh, and keep the trash-talk coming. But relax, Michael; when you get too wired, bad things happen. Remember the H-Bomb? Remember getting dropped by Dennis Kang early in the first round of that fight? No? Those have been erased from your memory? Well, I do. And they happened because you were too amped up.

One of The Count’s greatest strengths is his ability to regulate distance and to only “fight” when he wants to. As his opponents move forward, like a cheetah in the Serengeti, he’s backing off or moving laterally to keep the range he’s comfortable with. That type of fighting doesn’t always equal an exciting affair, but it’s one way to victory for the Brit, especially if he hasn’t been keeping up with his cardio. He needs to keep his jab in front of him to hold Kennedy on the outside. Bisping’s one of the few fighters that successfully utilizes the jab for distance in MMA, as opposed to just using it to set up an overhand. The only issue with that game plan is that it offers Kennedy the opportunity to capitalize on the areas mentioned above.

Now, I may sound a bit crazy here, but if the Geico-lizard-voice-over-stunt-double has the cardio to maintain a grappling affair, he could pressure Kennedy to the cage and put the Green Beret on his back. Bisping’s wrestling is truly underrated — especially his defensive wrestling — and he could quite possibly out-wrestle Kennedy. I’m not sure he will turn this war of pillow-fists and weird Ranger Up promo videos into a grappling extravaganza, but if he does, and can maintain the blood coursing through his veins, as opposed to the usual spotted dick, he could make his fellow Brits proud with a victory over a highly trained killing machine.

Again, I think we’ll see more of the touch-and-go Bisping we’re used to, and I’m not sure that Kennedy will be smothering the Brit like he should, but either way, all of the fans in Montreal for the TUF Nations Finale will be asking themselves, “Why the hell are these two headlining here?”

Update: Werdum vs. Browne to Headline UFC on FOX 11, Bisping vs. Kennedy Cleared for ‘TUF Nations’ Finale

(Ugh. It’s like the UFC poster-designers don’t even *care* anymore. / Actual props: MMAHeat)

UFC president Dana White confirmed today that the heavyweight title eliminator between Fabricio Werdum and Travis Browne will serve as the main event for UFC on FOX 11 (April 19th, Orlando). Reportedly, the UFC was trying to find an even bigger fight to headline the card, but they couldn’t make it happen, so Vai Cavalho vs. Hapa will have to do. For a free show, we ain’t complaining.

Werdum has gone 3-0 since returning to the UFC in 2012, racking up wins over Roy Nelson, Mike Russow, and Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Browne has his own three-fight win streak going, with consecutive knockouts of Gabriel Gonzaga, Alistair Overeem, and Josh Barnett, all in the first round. The winner will face reigning heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez at the end of this year, assuming his shoulder heals according to schedule.

In semi-related news, beloved middleweight heel Michael Bisping has finally been cleared to compete again, after spending some time being jerked around by eye-doctors. Due to complications from a detached retina, Bisping has been inactive since his gouge-powered TKO win against Alan Belcher in April. Now, the Count will finally get to face off against his American nemesis Tim Kennedy at the Ultimate Fighter Nations: Canada vs. Australia live finale, April 16th at the Colisee Pepsi in Quebec City.

(Question for all my fellow Patrick Cote superfans in the house: How crazy was the last episode of TUF Nations? I mean, when the one guy and the other guy started shoving each other, and the first guy was like “I came here to win bro,” and the other guy just started screaming in French and threw a chair through a glass door? And later, when those other two guys fought and the Australian almost hit that flying armbar, then…you know what, I’ll stop. I don’t want to spoil it for the rest of you. You’ve been DVR’ing the show, right?)

(Ugh. It’s like the UFC poster-designers don’t even *care* anymore. / Actual props: MMAHeat)