Perhaps the only thing more awkward than watching a recently separated couple fight in public is watching a recently separated couple fight on Twitter. Aside from the fact that the 140 character limit on Twitter usually causes the feuding pair to throw clumsily abbreviated insults at each other, there’s the whole “Why the hell didn’t these two just send each other private, direct messages and leave the rest of us out of it?” factor. Add on the mental image of the two screaming at – and eventually crying in front of – their laptops/smartphones in a dark room, and Twitter beefs between ex-lovers make Warcraft flirting sessions look like dignified, everyday conversations. I’ve personally unfollowed more than a few people who’ve decided that Twitter was the best place to vent over failed relationships – as I’m sure many of you have as well.
What I’m getting at is that Jason “Mayhem” Miller, who was recently cut from the UFC, just got done bickering at former employer Dana White on Twitter. No, it surprisingly wasn’t that funny. Yes, it was just as cringe-worthy and pathetic as these instances tend to be. And yes, screen shots are available after the jump.
As these situations usually do, it started off with the bitter one who was broken up with randomly, “innocently” tweeting to the ex:
This guy? Awkward? Who’da thunk it?
Perhaps the only thing more awkward than watching a recently separated couple fight in public is watching a recently separated couple fight on Twitter. Aside from the fact that the 140 character limit on Twitter usually causes the feuding pair to throw clumsily abbreviated insults at each other, there’s the whole “Why the hell didn’t these two just send each other private, direct messages and leave the rest of us out of it?” factor. Add on the mental image of the two screaming at – and eventually crying in front of – their laptops/smartphones in a dark room, and Twitter beefs between ex-lovers make Warcraft flirting sessions look like dignified, everyday conversations. I’ve personally unfollowed more than a few people who’ve decided that Twitter was the best place to vent over failed relationships – as I’m sure many of you have as well.
What I’m getting at is that Jason “Mayhem” Miller, who was recently cut from the UFC, just got done bickering at former employer Dana White on Twitter. No, it surprisingly wasn’t that funny. Yes, it was just as cringe-worthy and pathetic as these instances tend to be. And yes, screen shots are available after the jump.
As these situations usually do, it started off with the bitter one who was broken up with randomly, “innocently” tweeting to the ex:
Props to BloodyElbow for getting most of these captured.
Come on, bro: The only way you can be more pathetic and transparent is if you said something along the lines of “I’m glad you fired me after three unforgettably bad performances because I’m so much stronger now!” and broke into a verse of Survivor…
Face, meet palm.
Now, as any guy who has ever been in this situation knows, you never reply to tweets from a crazy ex or any of your crazy ex’s friends. At least every guy who isn’t Dana White…
Terrible move, bro. Your seemingly playful response is about to unleash a full-blown tantrum in three…two…one…
Hell hath no fury like a pink wearing ex-fighter scorned. The only way to make this thing more awkward is to add on comments about what his ex looked like naked or accusations of drug and/or alcohol abuse…
But at least Dana White has learned that you never respond to the crazy ex, right?
At this point, if you aren’t staring into a half-empty glass of Four Loko and Everclear just hoping that these two will knock it off soon, then what’s it like not to have a crippling drinking problem? Fortunately, Dana White attempts to end this mess for us:
But this brannigan ain’t over yet, as far as Mayhem is concerned. Try not to act too surprised, but now Mayhem wants to “make peace” with The Baldfather.
You know, something tells me this one ends with Mayhem Miller going on a cheap tequila bender, changing into an old wedding dress, curling up into a ball on the floor and screaming “WHY DOESN’T HE LOVE ME?!” over and over again. You know, just a hunch.
But fortunately, Dana White has learned to never reply to the crazy ex and the crazy ex’s friends on Twitter from all of this, so that’s something, right?
(Who knew that “The Dream” was actually short for “The Wet Dream Brought on by Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation”?)
After going 2-2 in his return to the welterweight division, which began back in 2010 and included wins over Paulo Thiago and Martin Kampmann, as well as a most recent loss to Jake Ellenberger at the inaugural UFC on FUEL event, it looks like Diego Sanchez is headed back down to lightweight. We have been told by an anonymous source that the move has nothing to do with the fact that B.J. Penn a.k.a the man who handed Sanchez the worst beating of his career has returned to the welterweight division, but rather because BJ Penn a.k.a the man who handed Sanchez the worst beating of his career has left the lightweight division. So rest assured, Sanchez is definitely not ducking B.J. Penn.
Sanchez made the announcement over his Twitter account earlier today in a conversation with UFC color commentator Joe Rogan:
@joerogan there isn’t anyone out there that understands Mma as a whole like you do! Thanks Joe, its back to 155 for me… Should be good!!
(Who knew that “The Dream” was actually short for “The Wet Dream Brought on by Auto-Erotic Asphyxiation”?)
After going 2-2 in his return to the welterweight division, which began back in 2010 and included wins over Paulo Thiago and Martin Kampmann, as well as a most recent loss to Jake Ellenberger at the inaugural UFC on FUEL event, it looks like Diego Sanchez is headed back down to lightweight. We have been told by an anonymous source that the move has nothing to do with the fact that B.J. Penn a.k.a the man who handed Sanchez the worst beating of his career has returned to the welterweight division, but rather because BJ Penn a.k.a the man who handed Sanchez the worst beating of his career has left the lightweight division. So rest assured, Sanchez is definitely not ducking B.J. Penn.
Sanchez made the announcement over his Twitter account earlier today in a conversation with UFC color commentator Joe Rogan:
@joerogan there isn’t anyone out there that understands Mma as a whole like you do! Thanks Joe, its back to 155 for me… Should be good!!
There was little denying that, upon his return to welterweight, Sanchez looked a little doughy around the middle, so perhaps this move is for the best. Sanchez also hinted at the drop in weight and called out top contenders Nate Diaz and Anthony Pettis a couple of months ago, so expect him to announce his drop to featherweight in the near future if either of those matchups ever come to fruition*.
We’re obviously just having a little fun at Sanchez’s expense, because the man always makes for entertaining fights regardless of what weight said fights are held at. The power of crazy, and Jesus Christ, also allow Sanchez to absorb tremendous amounts of punishment without ever being knocked out, which is fun for us as well. But you gotta admit, keeping track of what weight Sanchez feels like fighting at these days is as easy as remembering the name of the Filipino prostitute you ordered while on vacation last weekend that turned out to be a dude who in turn refused to leave your hotel room and threatened to call “Big Ron” after that lemur you stole from the zoo bit his face off while he was “tripping balls.”
We’ve all been there, right?
Anyway, who would you like to see Diego face off against now that he’s a lightweight once again? Pettis? Lauzon? Big Ron?
*Clearly, the Pettis matchup is the more likely of the two considering Diaz is next in line for a title shot. But just go with it.
It’s good to know that we weren’t alone in our confusion when it was announced that the winner of either the Mauricio Rua/Brandon Vera or Lyoto Machida/Ryan Bader bouts, specifically the former, would be in line for the next title shot at 205 lbs. Given that current champion Jon Jones has walked through all four of those gentlemen before, we struggled to find the reasoning behind the alleged title shot that supposedly awaited the most impressive winner from this weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 event. Then again, Rich Franklin has decided to chase after middleweight gold and revenge for a third time (which totally wont end in his untimely death), so maybe we were too quick to write off these former champions, TUF winners, and hype machines. In either case, Bones took to his Twitter account to voice his frustration, sending out the above tweet yesterday which simply states “Scratching my head.”
But perhaps even more confounding than the UFC’s apparent apathy in regards to JBJ was the realization that the light heavyweight division, one of the most stacked and competitive divisions in the UFC for some time, has nearly been cleared out in a little over a year. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, something he obviously feels he is going to do as evidenced by the above tweet, there will arguably be only two viable candidates left for him to face: Alexander Gustafsson and Glover Teixeira.
Dana White has teased that the man known by the Potato Nation as “Bjones” is “ready for a big fight now”, leading us to believe that a meeting with Rashad Evans could be on the horizon. A victory over the former champ would all but cement the Swede’s position atop the division. As for Teixeira, it’s simply too early to tell. He looked great in his debut victory over Kyle Kingsbury, but needs to face at least one of the upper echelon fighters before we are convinced he is ready for a title shot. But for the moment, it appears that the LHW division needs an H-bomb like Nick Diaz needs a clue.
In other, alcohol-related Jon Jones news…
It’s good to know that we weren’t alone in our confusion when it was announced that the winner of either the Mauricio Rua/Brandon Vera or Lyoto Machida/Ryan Bader bouts, specifically the former, would be in line for the next title shot at 205 lbs. Given that current champion Jon Jones has walked through all four of those gentlemen before, we struggled to find the reasoning behind the alleged title shot that supposedly awaited the most impressive winner from this weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 event. Then again, Rich Franklin has decided to chase after middleweight gold and revenge for a third time (which totally wont end in his untimely death), so maybe we were too quick to write off these former champions, TUF winners, and hype machines. In either case, Bones took to his Twitter account to voice his frustration, sending out the above tweet yesterday which simply states “Scratching my head.”
But perhaps even more confounding than the UFC’s apparent apathy in regards to JBJ was the realization that the light heavyweight division, one of the most stacked and competitive divisions in the UFC for some time, has nearly been cleared out in a little over a year. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, something he obviously feels he is going to do as evidenced by the above tweet, there will arguably be only two viable candidates left for him to face: Alexander Gustafsson and Glover Teixeira.
Dana White has teased that the man known by the Potato Nation as “Bjones” is “ready for a big fight now”, leading us to believe that a meeting with Rashad Evans could be on the horizon. A victory over the former champ would all but cement the Swede’s position atop the division. As for Teixeira, it’s simply too early to tell. He looked great in his debut victory over Kyle Kingsbury, but needs to face at least one of the upper echelon fighters before we are convinced he is ready for a title shot. But for the moment, it appears that the LHW division needs an H-bomb like Nick Diaz needs a clue.
Why would you use Twitter to get attention when you can use it to get paid? That is a rhetorical question that Miesha Tate must have been pondering before the decision to use the social media tool to attract sponsors came to her. On July 26, …
Why would you use Twitter to get attention when you can use it to get paid? That is a rhetorical question that Miesha Tate must have been pondering before the decision to use the social media tool to attract sponsors came to her. On July 26, Tate posted the following on he Twitter account: Hey if any1 […]
Twitter holds an interesting place in the MMA landscape. On one hand, it often comes across as little more than a medium for fighters to venttheir frustrations with the foresight and competency of a middle school dropout, or to aid in the ongoing series of endless, needless arguments that constitute 90% of the internet nowadays. Seriously, I was on one of those porn sites that allow comments the other day and stumbled across a heated argument concerning what the woman fellating the donkey onscreen was probably thinking. My guess was that she was reconsidering her choice to forgo those online courses for some quick cash and a shot at Fame (which coincidentally was the horse’s name), but the two (probable) gentlemen involved in said dispute seemed to think she was trying to determine the ethnicity of said horse (if that’s a thing), and which race she likely decided upon. Did I mention she was blindfolded? She was blindfolded.
On the other hand, “The Twitter” has shown on several occasions that it can serve as more than a battleground for our petty arguments, and can actually be used as a tool to unite people from opposite ends of the planet over a given cause. Although it failed in the end, Twitter was almost solely responsible for giving Mark Hunt the opportunity of a lifetime, or bringing Tim Sylvia back to the UFC to dominate 85% of the promotion’s heavyweights like we all know he would (I mean, have you even seenhis workout regimen?).
And one thing that the collective minds of Twitter seemed to reach an agreement on was that UFC 149, to put it professionally, sucked major donkey dick (see how I brought that all together? I’m less a writer, more a prophet). So in order to bid what will ultimately go down as one of the most disappointing main cards in UFC history adieu, we’ve collected some of the funniest tweets from around the Twittersphere, some from actual fighters, others from random jagoffs with the simple ability to hashtag UFC 149 after their comment, for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
(Well said.)
Twitter holds an interesting place in the MMA landscape. On one hand, it often comes across as little more than a medium for fighters to venttheir frustrations with the foresight and competency of a middle school dropout, or to aid in the ongoing series of endless, needless arguments that constitute 90% of the internet nowadays. Seriously, I was on one of those porn sites that allow comments the other day and stumbled across a heated argument concerning what the woman fellating the donkey onscreen was probably thinking. My guess was that she was reconsidering her choice to forgo those online courses for some quick cash and a shot at Fame (which coincidentally was the horse’s name), but the two (probable) gentlemen involved in said dispute seemed to think she was trying to determine the ethnicity of said horse (if that’s a thing), and which race she likely decided upon. Did I mention she was blindfolded? She was blindfolded.
On the other hand, “The Twitter” has shown on several occasions that it can serve as more than a battleground for our petty arguments, and can actually be used as a tool to unite people from opposite ends of the planet over a given cause. Although it failed in the end, Twitter was almost solely responsible for giving Mark Hunt the opportunity of a lifetime, or bringing Tim Sylvia back to the UFC to dominate 85% of the promotion’s heavyweights like we all know he would (I mean, have you even seenhis workout regimen?).
And one thing that the collective minds of Twitter seemed to reach an agreement on was that UFC 149, to put it professionally, sucked major donkey dick (see how I brought that all together? I’m less a writer, more a prophet). So in order to bid what will ultimately go down as one of the most disappointing main cards in UFC history adieu, we’ve collected some of the funniest tweets from around the Twittersphere, some from actual fighters, others from random jagoffs with the simple ability to hashtag UFC 149 after their comment, for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.
We shall begin with the far and away greatest tweet of the night, which surprisingly enough came from Bellator welterweight champion and Ambien substitute Ben Askren, who you may recall suffered a first round TKO at the hands of Dana White the last time we saw him on Twitter:
Self deprecating humor? Check. A rip on the UFC? Check double plus. Adhering to the classic “This is more______ than _____”, Family Guy cutaway formula? Check fuckin’ mate.
The second best fighter tweet of the night went to the Thugjitsu Master himself, Yves Edwards, for this simple, yet effective burn:
Lord knows I love me a movie reference, and although Gladiator was a somewhat obvious choice, it fits the mood of whatever the hell Boetsch/Lombard was supposed to be like a glove.
Joe Rogan, who told it like it is (as we’ve come to expect): “Well ladies and gentlemen, that was not a good fight card. I enjoyed the prelims and the main event had it’s moments but overall not so good.”
Siyar Bahadurzada, for his on-point judging abilities: “Both lost this fight… The referee lost too! Fuck, even the crowd lost… And the viewers back home too. You get paid to fight!!!!!!!”
George Roop, for being a Debbie Downer during Barao’s entrance: “Barao comes out to all I do is win. Sadly his entrance already has more action then the rest of the card.”
Our boys over atMiddleEasy, for their time tested eloquence when evaluating Hector Lombard‘s performance: “That screech you hear in the distance is the Hector Lombard Frate Trane crashing and igniting in a fiery blaze.”
MMAWeekly’s Damon Martin also hopped on the Lombard Frate Hate Trane: “‘Hector Lombard is the man to challenge Anderson Silva!’ said no one ever after watching that fight.”
Ariel Helwani, for riding the wave of awesomeness that was every fight before Ebersole/Head, then crashing back to earth during the main card until he could tweet no more:
“Whoa? Matt Riddle showing some pretty great technique. This card really is a blessing!”
“Hold the phone on those blessing tweets.”
“Gulp.”
And finally, AJ Hoffman, a sports radio host, MMA writer, and self-described “all around good guy”, for pleading his case to DirecTV: “Fight of the Night= Me and my cable company when I try to convince them a homeless guy broke in and ordered that BS PPV.”
So, Potato Nation, were there any other notable tweets/complaints that tickled your funny bone last Saturday? Or were you too bogged down by self loathing and the depression that comes with essentially having flushed a 50 dollar bill down the toilet to even notice?
When we launched our Twitter account in February 2009, we had to choose the name @CagePotatoMMA, because @CagePotato had already been claimed. (I’m not gonna name names, but I’m pretty sure a disgruntled former co-worker was behind the poaching.) It didn’t really matter, though, because @CagePotato was basically just a holding page that directed people to our real account. No harm done.
Last night, @SethFalvo noticed that @CagePotato has turned into a fake spam account that auto-posts our headlines (as well as stories from FightPromo; very suspicious). This fake account has managed to trick about 5,700 users into following them instead of us, which sucks because those users have subscribed to an inferior product. Sure, they’re getting links to our articles, but they’re missing out on all of our great MMA dick jokes, brain-busting trivia, bonus liveblog observations, and constructive criticism — you know, the good stuff.
Seth suggested that we do this post because the headline will be automatically tweeted to @CagePotato’s followers. (Clever, right?) So if you’re reading this and are following @CagePotato by mistake, please unfollow them, report them for spam, then follow us instead. Thanks for your support.
Update: Step one of the plan was a success — @cagepotato was indeed dumb enough to tweet this headline out to their followers. Screen-cap after the jump, via @JamesSchipper.
(Twitter: Serious business.)
When we launched our Twitter account in February 2009, we had to choose the name @CagePotatoMMA, because @CagePotato had already been claimed. (I’m not gonna name names, but I’m pretty sure a disgruntled former co-worker was behind the poaching.) It didn’t really matter, though, because @CagePotato was basically just a holding page that directed people to our real account. No harm done.
Last night, @SethFalvo noticed that @CagePotato has turned into a fake spam account that auto-posts our headlines (as well as stories from FightPromo; very suspicious). This fake account has managed to trick about 5,700 users into following them instead of us, which sucks because those users have subscribed to an inferior product. Sure, they’re getting links to our articles, but they’re missing out on all of our great MMA dick jokes, brain-busting trivia, bonus liveblog observations, and constructive criticism — you know, the good stuff.
Seth suggested that we do this post because the headline will be automatically tweeted to @CagePotato’s followers. (Clever, right?) So if you’re reading this and are following @CagePotato by mistake, please unfollow them, report them for spam, then follow us instead. Thanks for your support.
Update: Step one of the plan was a success — @cagepotato was indeed dumb enough to tweet this headline out to their followers. Screen-cap after the jump, via @JamesSchipper.
