Don’t Worry, You Guys, Chael Sonnen is At Least Two Wins Away From a Title Shot at 205


(Realizing his impending doom, Chael signaled to his wife that her weekly sandwich quota would be doubling in the near future.) 

When it was originally announced that Chael Sonnen would be returning to the light heavyweight division to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 155, we took it as a classic case of a fighter changing weight classes in order to save his career. He had come up short in both his title shots at middleweight, and as Josh Koscheck would tell you if he was aware of it, the chances of any 0-2 fighter receiving a third shot against the same champion is next to impossible. And being that Chael fraking Sonnen is not a man who fights anything but marquee fights these days, his chances to make waves at 205 were clearly better than his chances at 185. The fact that he could barely even make the announcement without drawing Jon Jones into a Twitter war only confirms Sonnen’s devious intentions.

And as is usually the case, Chael was successful in drawing us out of the woodwork to throw his name in with the phrase “title shot,” whether it was in agreement or bitter disapproval of the idea. Because Sonnen is like the entire cast of a heist movie packed into one person when it comes to hustling in the MMA game, capable of releasing more red herrings, smoke signals, and false MacGuffins than Ocean’s Eleven through Thirteen combined. Hell, I immediately launched into a vast conspiracy theory in which Sonnen became the number one contender and Jones possibly faked injury in order to set up a fight between them down the line.

But I live in a world of paranoia, delusion, and fear. One that apparently many of you are living in as well, because in a recent appearance on Las Vegas’ “Dave and Mahoney” show, Dana White addressed the concerns that a lot of us are sharing, another undeserved title shot for Sonnen.

Dana’s remarks are after the jump. 


(Realizing his impending doom, Chael signaled to his wife that her weekly sandwich quota would be doubling in the near future.) 

When it was originally announced that Chael Sonnen would be returning to the light heavyweight division to face Forrest Griffin at UFC 155, we took it as a classic case of a fighter changing weight classes in order to save his career. He had come up short in both his title shots at middleweight, and as Josh Koscheck would tell you if he was aware of it, the chances of any 0-2 fighter receiving a third shot against the same champion is next to impossible. And being that Chael fraking Sonnen is not a man who fights anything but marquee fights these days, his chances to make waves at 205 were clearly better than his chances at 185. The fact that he could barely even make the announcement without drawing Jon Jones into a Twitter war only confirms Sonnen’s devious intentions.

And as is usually the case, Chael was successful in drawing us out of the woodwork to throw his name in with the phrase “title shot,” whether it was in agreement or bitter disapproval of the idea. Because Sonnen is like the entire cast of a heist movie packed into one person when it comes to hustling in the MMA game, capable of releasing more red herrings, smoke signals, and false MacGuffins than Ocean’s Eleven through Thirteen combined. Hell, I immediately launched into a vast conspiracy theory in which Sonnen became the number one contender and Jones possibly faked injury in order to set up a fight between them down the line.

But I live in a world of paranoia, delusion, and fear. One that apparently many of you are living in as well, because in a recent appearance on Las Vegas’ “Dave and Mahoney” show, Dana White addressed the concerns that a lot of us are sharing, another undeserved title shot for Sonnen.

Well, we can all rest assured that it will be at least two more fights before rumors of Sonnen vs. Jones gain any ground, at least according to The Baldfather:

He’s a long way away. He’s not coming off the (Anderson) Silva fight and just talking his way into a 205-pound world title shot. [Sonnen] is going to have to beat a couple of the best in the world.

If he beats Forrest Griffin, we’ll shoot him right into the top five and let him fight some of those guys there, and we’ll see what happens.

Although I’m relatively surprised that a win over Griffin nets you a top five spot these days, this revelation shouldn’t catch many of us off guard considering how desolate the light heavyweight division has become. We’ve already used the latest scientific technology to predetermine the outcome of Sonnen vs. Griffin, but the fact that Sonnen is currently listed as a 3-1 favorite over the former light heavyweight champ doesn’t exactly agree with what Dana is saying.

It’s a minute issue, I understand, but it’s also an unfortunately slow news day, and I can’t be here all fraking day. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, he’ll have ridden the division of all the challengers he actually wants to face at the moment, so with that, I’ll turn the question to you. What does Sonnen have to do at 205 to rightfully earn a title shot in your eyes?

Granted, Jones hasn’t even gotten past Hendo yet, or Lyoto for a second time, but fevered speculation is basically all that keeps us MMA diehards entertained in between fight cards, so just get wild with it.

J. Jones

9 Olympic Occurences More Likely to Happen Than Brandon Vera Beating Shogun Rua


(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today — it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.


(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today – it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.

1. The United States Basketball Team Losing to Tunisia

2. Trampoline Being Taken Seriously

3. Micheal Phelps Drowning in the Mens 4×200 Relay

4. Anybody Giving a Fuck About Race Walking

5. Michelle Jenneke accepting my back-massage offer. (I GIVE THE BEST ONES!)

6. North Korea Declaring War on England for Mixing Up Their Flag With South Korea’s

Honestly, this one is very, VERY likely to happen.

7. This Kid Winning Gold in Men’s Fencing

8. Ye Shiwen’s Steroid Tests Coming Back Absolutely, 100% Clean

9. Any “Fab Five”-Based Discussion Not Devolving Into a Pedophilia-Based One

Feel free to give us your own Olympic predictions that are more likely than a Vera upset in the comments section. 

J. Jones