Even the most diehard defender of all tings MMA will tell you that it’s become increasingly difficult to overlook the disturbing relationship (for lack of a better term) between those who compete in the sport professionally and domestic violence. It’s not that domestic violence isn’t a saddeningly regular occurrence across the board in professional sports, it’s that most sports don’t train their athletes to become trained killing machines in addition to hulking physical specimens, and as such, hearing of the atrocities that guys like Travis Browne, Anthony Johnson, and Thiago Silva have been linked to tends to perpetuate the stereotype about the sport and its fans tenfold.
So when it was announced that HBO’s Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel would be airing a feature-length investigation into “domestic violence in MMA” centering around War Machine’s abuse of Christy Mack, our reaction here at Castle CagePotato went something like this…
Details on the upcoming special/more clips of BG throwing up are after the jump.
Even the most diehard defender of all tings MMA will tell you that it’s become increasingly difficult to overlook the disturbing relationship (for lack of a better term) between those who compete in the sport professionally and domestic violence. It’s not that domestic violence isn’t a saddeningly regular occurrence across the board in professional sports, it’s that most sports don’t train their athletes to become trained killing machines in addition to hulking physical specimens, and as such, hearing of the atrocities that guys like Travis Browne, Anthony Johnson, and Thiago Silva have been linked to tends to perpetuate the stereotype about the sport and its fans tenfold.
So when it was announced that HBO’s Real Sports with Bryant Gumbel would be airing a feature-length investigation into “domestic violence in MMA” centering around War Machine’s abuse of Christy Mack, our reaction here at Castle CagePotato went something like this…
Which was then followed by this…
Because despite its increasing popularity and fancy apparel deals, MMA is very much still struggling to gain mainstream acceptance as “legitimate” sport, so the idea that an audience as large as HBO’s would be given a window into the sport through one of its most despicable figures is a sickening prospect to say the least.
Of course, this recently released preview of the special, in which Christy Mack details the night War Machine nearly beat her and her friend to death, is quite possibly the only thing more sickening.
Ugh. There is just no way that our sport comes out looking even remotely good after this, is there?
But then again, maybe this special will serve as the intervention that MMA has long needed regarding its fighters and violence outside of the cage. One needs to look no further than the UFC’s treatment of the Thiago Silva situation (or the Anthony Johnson situation, or the Jeremy Stephens one…) to see that a higher system of accountability needs to be established regarding domestic violence not just in MMA, but in all sports. In short, we are providing wingnut organizations like the Culinary Union with all the ammo they need to continue their war against MMA through sheer inconsistency and stupidity, and HBO is about to lay bare those inconsistencies for the world to see.
Real Sports debuts Tuesday, July 21 at 10pm ET on HBO. The official description for the episode is as follows.
Outside of the Cage. Last summer, just as news of Baltimore running back Ray Rice’s violent assault on his fiancée in a hotel elevator was about to make headlines, a far more brutal domestic violence attack involving a pro athlete had just taken place. But the beating that nearly killed former adult film star Christy Mack, allegedly at the hands of the MMA welterweight known as War Machine, flew largely under the radar.
High-profile sports like football and boxing, the father of all fight sports, have long dealt with athletes’ domestic violence toward women. But the newly minted American combat sport Mixed Martial Arts, which showcases the world’s most violent athletes, has largely escaped mainstream scrutiny of its fighters’ conduct. REAL SPORTS correspondent David Scott investigates domestic violence among pro MMA fighters and efforts by MMA organizations to address it, and talks to Christy Mack, who for the first time tells the harrowing story of what she says was an abusive relationship with a trained professional fighter and the assault that nearly took her life.
We now go to former CP managing editor, Ben Goldstein, for an official response…
(We tried to give the Potato Awards a classier vibe this year. We failed.)
By the CagePotato Staff
Look, you already know how we feel about MMA awards ceremonies: They’re meaningless exercises tainted by personal bias and stupidity, in equal measures. The only thing that makes the Potato Awards different is that we’re completely honest about the fact that our awards are biased and stupid. But it’s the end of the year, and we have to acknowledge that somehow, right?
Putting together this year’s Potato Awards list was a harrowing experience. Honestly, 2014 was an awful year for mixed martial arts. It was the year that the UFC’s pay-per-view business tanked due to injured stars and general disinterest among fans — what else is new, amirite? — while competing promotions stooped to terrifying depths in order to get your attention. (Not that the UFC didn’t do some of that, too.) 2014 answered the question “Could the UFC survive an entire year without Anderson Silva and GSP?”, and that answer was “yes, but just barely.” It was also a year in which domestic violence incidents involving MMA fighters became a tragic recurring theme (see: War Machine, Thiago Silva, Josh Grispi, Anthony Johnson, Michael Johnson).
But years from now, we may look back at 2014 as an important turning point, thanks to some major developments that took place near the end of the year. Notably, the UFC’s Reebok uniform deal is poised to transform the sponsorship landscape, while the Le/Quarry/Fitch class-action lawsuit and the related suits thatcame out in its wake could drag out some long-hidden truths about the UFC’s finances. We don’t yet know if these developments will turn out to be good or bad overall, but MMA could be a lot more interesting in 2015.
As we enter a new year, let’s look back at the past 12 months that got us here — the highs, the lows, and the moments that were so “WTF?!” that they defy all judgment. Use the page links below to peruse our mostly-chronological list of 38 award categories, and thanks so much for sticking with CagePotato for another year.
(We tried to give the Potato Awards a classier vibe this year. We failed.)
By the CagePotato Staff
Look, you already know how we feel about MMA awards ceremonies: They’re meaningless exercises tainted by personal bias and stupidity, in equal measures. The only thing that makes the Potato Awards different is that we’re completely honest about the fact that our awards are biased and stupid. But it’s the end of the year, and we have to acknowledge that somehow, right?
Putting together this year’s Potato Awards list was a harrowing experience. Honestly, 2014 was an awful year for mixed martial arts. It was the year that the UFC’s pay-per-view business tanked due to injured stars and general disinterest among fans — what else is new, amirite? — while competing promotions stooped to terrifying depths in order to get your attention. (Not that the UFC didn’t do some of that, too.) 2014 answered the question “Can the UFC survive an entire year without Anderson Silva and GSP?”, and that answer was “yes, but just barely.” It was also a year in which domestic violence incidents involving MMA fighters became a tragic recurring theme (see: War Machine, Thiago Silva, Josh Grispi, Anthony Johnson, Michael Johnson).
But years from now, we may look back at 2014 as an important turning point, thanks to some major developments that took place near the end of the year. Notably, the UFC’s Reebok uniform deal is poised to transform the sponsorship landscape, while the Le/Quarry/Fitch class-action lawsuit and the related suits thatcame out in its wake could drag out some long-hidden truths about the UFC’s finances. We don’t yet know if these developments will turn out to be positive or negative overall, but MMA could be a lot more interesting in 2015.
As we enter a new year, let’s look back at the past 12 months that got us here — the highs, the lows, and the moments that were so “WTF?!” that they defy all judgment. Use the page links below to peruse our mostly-chronological list of 38 award categories, and thanks so much for sticking with CagePotato for another year.
Despite the fact that their first encounter resulted in one of the greatest fights in UFC, nay, MMA history, there weren’t many of us who were chomping at the bit for a Dan Henderson vs. Mauricio Rua rematch when it was announced for Fight Night 38. Like Dumb and DumberTo, the bar had simply been set too high by the original for a sequel to ever live up to it, so fans approached the matchup with an overwhelming “meh.”
And through the first two rounds of the fight, our apathy seemed rightfully placed. Henderson looked every bit the 44 year-old fading legend that he was, getting flash KO’d by the 33 year-old Rua (who himself is approximately 85 in fight years) on no less than three separate occasions. We were watching a man’s career come to an end in real time, or so we thought, and the best thing that Henderson could do would be to just stay the f*ck down already and go out with some dignity.
But there’s a reason Dan Henderson is, well, Dan Henderson, and the rest of us are Lewis Skolnick in comparison. It’s called the H-Bomb — a fabled right hand that was bestowed upon Hendo by Thor himself according to the ancient texts — and it essentially acts as a failsafe should Henderson ever find his back against a wall. It is the great equalizer, and roughly one and a half minutes into the third round, Henderson used it to equalize Shogun’s nose into a million pieces.
It was an absolutely insane comeback for Henderson, a lightning strike TKO that snapped an unprecedented three-fight skid and earned him unanimous praise from fans, fighters, and critics alike.
“Dan Henderson has just surpassed John Wayne, Chuck Norris, and Tom Selleck as the most American man in history.” – Tim Kennedy
“What a fight! Tune into UFC on FOX for my objective analysis!” – Ariel Helwani
“A punch so powerful that it made my jaw hurt. My jaw.” – Roger Ebert from beyond the grave
I would say that watching Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira vs. Roy Nelson was like spotting a car accident moments before it was about to happen, but that doesn’t quite do it justice. Because even if you happen to…er…happen upon the scenario I just mentioned, chances are that you only get a few second buffer before everything gets all-
Really, Nog vs. Nelson was more like watching a Paranormal Activity movie. You walked into it with a stomach-turning sense of trepidation, and knew from the moment that the opening credits rolled rolling that something terrible was going to happen to at least of the people on screen. From there, it was just an endurance test — an agonizing, dread-filled slog toward death where everything is silent and time seems to stand still.
Roy Nelson is called “Big Country” for a multitude of reasons, the least of which being that he has never been considered the fastest man at 265 lbs. But compared to Nogueira — who appeared to have dipped his gloves and legs in concrete before stepping into the Octagon that night — Nelson was nothing short of Usain Bolt with a beer gut. For three and a half excruciating minutes, we were forced to watch a PRIDE legend and former interim champion serve as target practice to an IFL champion and TUF winner, until it inevitably happened.
Us Nogueira fans have witnessed some heartbreaking moments in recent years — the Velasquez fight, the Mir fights, the Werdum fight — but nothing quite compares to the night our hero was mummified by Rubeus Hagrid. And while it’s true that Big Nog may not have actually died that night, I sure as hell did. On the inside.
Jesus Christ, take that thing back to Baltimore. By the time this surreal moment aired on TUF Brazil 3, BJJ champion Gabi Garcia had already failed a drug test for Clomiphene, confirming our suspicions that her 24-inch pythons were earned with a little hormonal help. A month later, Wanderlei Silva was surprised with a random drug test of his own and responded by fleeing out of the side door of his gym; as a result, he caught a lifetime ban from the NSAC. But here they are on the set of a reality show, having a conversation about drive, determination, and being a role model to women. And meanwhile, Gabi looks like she could crush an apple in either one of her hands. So yeah, it was a little ironic in retrospect.
“Just Bleed” MMA Superfan of the Year Award: Chuck Liddell Costume Guy (5/10/14)
It’s easy to be cynical about MMA. And it would be easy to be cynical about a guy who dresses up in a Chuck Liddell costume in an attempt to get on TV and meet Dana White and a bunch of fighters.
But look at that thing. It’s marvelous. And he times his Chuck Liddell victory pose perfectly with the crane camera that’s flying through.
Former MMA fighter Jonathan Paul Koppenhaver — better known to his fans as War Machine — plead not guilty yesterday to the 34 felony counts he is facing related to the August 8th beating of his ex-girlfriend Christy Mack and her friend Corey Thomas, as well as previous attacks on Mack dating back to May 2013. Koppenhaver entered his pleas at Nevada’s Clark County District Court, and will remain incarcerated until his trial begins in February.
Last month, Koppenhaver’s lawyer was looking to make a plea deal to avoid a life sentence. Then, Koppenhaver tried to kill himself in jail, and his defense strategy apparently changed. The charges that Koppenhaver currently faces include felony battery causing substantial bodily harm, sexual assault, burglary, strangulation, attempted sexual assault, and preventing or dissuading a witness or victim from reporting a crime.
Former MMA fighter Jonathan Paul Koppenhaver — better known to his fans as War Machine — plead not guilty yesterday to the 34 felony counts he is facing related to the August 8th beating of his ex-girlfriend Christy Mack and her friend Corey Thomas, as well as previous attacks on Mack dating back to May 2013. Koppenhaver entered his pleas at Nevada’s Clark County District Court, and will remain incarcerated until his trial begins in February.
Last month, Koppenhaver’s lawyer was looking to make a plea deal to avoid a life sentence. Then, Koppenhaver tried to kill himself in jail, and his defense strategy apparently changed. The charges that Koppenhaver currently faces include felony battery causing substantial bodily harm, sexual assault, burglary, strangulation, attempted sexual assault, and preventing or dissuading a witness or victim from reporting a crime.
It’s been nearly a month since War Machine (fka Jon Koppenhaver) attempted to hang himself in his jail cell at the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, and a few of you might be wondering what the former UFC/Bellator fighter has been up to. Short version: He’s alive, and taking it one day at a time.
BloodyElbow passed along a letter that Koppenhaver posted to twitter two weeks ago, describing his suicide attempt and his subsequent lockup in solitary. We’ve re-printed that below, along with his latest update, in which War Machine discusses how his extradition from California to Las Vegas was one of the worst experiences of his life…though it contained a moment of true beauty and revelation.
Well, the only thing that sucks more than waking up (when you expect to be dead) has got to be the letters that you have to read from your loved ones…ugh. Should be the other way around, right? Knowing that people care should make one want to live, you’d think, unfortunately it’s still possible to feel very alone even when you’re in a room surrounded by people. Now if I kill myself I’ll feel even more guilty about it.
Life is a bitch, and do you know what they do to the most depressed/miserable inmates? They locked me up for an entire week, butt naked, in an even deeper, darker hole than the one I was already in: no phone, no mail, no books, no toothbrush, no snacks, nothing! Makes sense right? “How long had you been thinking of suicide? That long, why didn’t you tell us?” Yeah, let them know that I’m suicidal so that they can lock me up and treat me like that?! That shit right there would make even the happiest person suicidal, most miserable week of my life. When you complain about it they threaten to keep you longer, and ask, “Well, what did you expect would happen when you did this?” Uh…I thought I’d be a baby again or some shit??? Be, uh, dead?!
It’s been nearly a month since War Machine (fka Jon Koppenhaver) attempted to hang himself in his jail cell at the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, and a few of you might be wondering what the former UFC/Bellator fighter has been up to. Short version: He’s alive, and taking it one day at a time.
BloodyElbow passed along a letter that Koppenhaver posted to twitter two weeks ago, describing his suicide attempt and his subsequent lockup in solitary. We’ve re-printed that below, along with his latest update, in which War Machine discusses how his extradition from California to Las Vegas was one of the worst experiences of his life…though it contained a moment of true beauty and revelation.
Well, the only thing that sucks more than waking up (when you expect to be dead) has got to be the letters that you have to read from your loved ones…ugh. Should be the other way around, right? Knowing that people care should make one want to live, you’d think, unfortunately it’s still possible to feel very alone even when you’re in a room surrounded by people. Now if I kill myself I’ll feel even more guilty about it.
Life is a bitch, and do you know what they do to the most depressed/miserable inmates? They locked me up for an entire week, butt naked, in an even deeper, darker hole than the one I was already in: no phone, no mail, no books, no toothbrush, no snacks, nothing! Makes sense right? “How long had you been thinking of suicide? That long, why didn’t you tell us?” Yeah, let them know that I’m suicidal so that they can lock me up and treat me like that?! That shit right there would make even the happiest person suicidal, most miserable week of my life. When you complain about it they threaten to keep you longer, and ask, “Well, what did you expect would happen when you did this?” Uh…I thought I’d be a baby again or some shit??? Be, uh, dead?!
I’ve had a killer headache and my hands/feet have felt kinda weird ever since, “lucky to be alive” they say, I still can’t believe it. It was an extremely hard thing to bring myself to do, guard walks by every 30 mins, still unsure as to what brought him up again early, wasn’t my time I guess. A few very nice officers came and spoke to me while I was on suicide watch, made me realize a few things, mostly that I called it quits too early. Never in my life have I been a quitter, and I know that my perseverance is the main quality which makes me appealing to fans…and I’ll be the first to say that I bitched out way too prematurely.
I’m sorry to all of my loved ones and supporters, this ordeal has just been hell on me. Everything was going so well and this shit just blindsided me. I guess I’ve just been fighting my entire life, and this time I just don’t want to, I just want to be happy and relaxed for once…Fuck, I feel like I was right there, so close.
Alright, I don’t want to think/talk about that subject anymore. So, it sucks ass in here, just how I remembered it! I’m locked in solitary 23hr/day M-F, my cell is like 7′x12′, and the food sucks! The worst part is the lack of nutrients and the tiny portions, thats what really kills you. I got here 195lbs ripped and I’m down to 175, and all I do is sit/lay 24/7 so it isn’t like I’m burning mad calories or some shit. They feed us at 4am, 10am and 4pm…wtf? Each night by 10pm I’m so starved that I swear I look for crumbs on the floor from earlier…we only get 2 pieces of fruit/week, oranges, and I’m so hungry that I eat the peel!
I’m kept in solitary so they limit the amount of commissary I can purchase, as well as stamps. I can only buy 15 stamps/week and I receive like 15 letters/day, so sorry in advance if I am unable to respond to you, I try, and I do appreciate all of the mail, books and $, a lot! If you want to write or send me anything just go to the Clark County Detention Center website and you can find instructions there. Thank again for all the support, sorry again for letting you down, I promised a few people that I’ll stick around for a bit longer, so don’t worry about me.
**********
Thanks for all the letters and books guys; if I haven’t replied to you, I apologize, the jail has been out of stamps for two weeks, don’t ask me how/why. Today is Halloween, it’s kind of depressing, I had a good Halloween and Thanksgiving last year, I wish I could rewind time. What a useless waste of time/ energy it is playing the “if only I could rewind time…” game, right? Very hard to resist playing it though, especially when you’re locked in a box with no distractions. I get pissed off at myself every time I do it, ugh.
I gave myself a haircut last night, not gonna quit my day job, but it turned out pretty decent. It’s actually my second one since I’ve been here, my hair grows like crazy and they don’t allow us guys in “the hole” to get haircuts from the jail barber, again, don’t ask me why. They also don’t let us, back here, attend anger management classes or substance abuse classes, none of that. Makes a lot of sense, right? Shit, they even make us wear shackles in the shower! Lol.
I rarely come out of my cell though, we’re allowed out 1hr/day M-F to shower, use the phone, or the just wander the tier and talk to other guys at their cell doors, but it always seems to be at an inconvenient time. Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “wtf are you busy doing?” But, I sleep 12hrs/day, so if I’m asked for free time then, I always refuse. I’m pretty sure the guards have realized this and purposely ask me if I want my hour when I’m asleep, so they can work their way though the free time list faster. And I never complain, so I guess they assume that I don’t care, and I guess I don’t. Other guys will get in trouble for some lil old dumb shit and the guard will take their hour of free time and they flip out,
I dunno, I guess living life in a bubble is easier for me than for others. I wish they’d let me trade/sell my free time to other inmates, they did in San Diego. I remember not coming out for weeks one time, lol, just kept selling my hour for snacks, envelopes, heroin, w/e…lol jk, about the heroin part. I may have traded a couple hours for pain pills though :p it’s like in them old war movies, where the guy never responds to any of his loved ones letters, because, “in order to survive here, I can’t think about home, that world can’t exist for me.” I never understood that, until I came to jail, now it makes perfect sense. Last time that I had to do a year here, I think I used the phone 5 times total, even getting visits kinda sucks. It’s like, yeah, it’s great to see people and talk to them, but then you get locked back in your cage, and it all come crashing down.
Being happy/content is, perhaps, relative, just a comparison to another time. For example, my extradition from California to Nevada was fucking miserable, horrible really. They had 12 men and 1 woman crammed into the back of a jury-rigged “transport van”, shackled. You have to picture it accurately, I’m talking, thigh to thigh, shoulder to shoulder and knee to knee with somebody facing you…CRAMMED. We took a circuitous route, stopping every 6 hours at a new jail, to either drop someone off, pick someone up, or try to use the restroom. Yes, TRY, because not every jail would allow us in. If you had to piss, or shit, at anytime along the way you had to do so in empty bottles or empty food bags, even the girl! My trip took just shy of 3 days, the girl’s trip was planned for 12! Don’t believe me? Don’t care, fuck you. Extradition companies are privately owned, non-government, and apparently there are ZERO regulations, none being followed at least.
Anyway, it was so miserable, that I swear to God, I almost cried a couple of times. Serious discomfort, anger, sleep depravation, etc., but, even in the midst of all the suffering, there was a short period of bliss. Bliss, I tell you, lost in a moment of camaraderie and magic, and I’ll never forget it. We were all there, heads hung low, suffering in the dark, when this Mexican kid from San Fernando Valley, his name was Bouncer, asked if we wanted to hear a song that he wrote. It was in Spanish, and 90% of us couldn’t understand it, but it was the most beautiful song I have ever heard. For the 3 minutes it took to sing, it was as if all of our spirits had united into one, I felt more content than any other time I could recall, it was like a glimpse into heaven. I know it may sound weird, and maybe I’m not describing it well enough, but there was magic in that van, even if just for a few minutes.
Anyway, I lost course, and didn’t even explain what I first meant to explain, about happiness being relative…GRR. It’s like, some days I’m real content in my cell; they served a decent meal at chow, I have a good book to read, I have a little snack, I’m “happy.” In that instant, I’m happier than many a times where I’ve been FREE, with a wallet full of money and a tank full of gas. But, if I teleported my bored, unsatisfied, free self into the “happy” day in jail, I wouldn’t be happy at all! Same goes for the opposite. Teleport me to a “boring” day in the free world and it’d be like Disneyland! This all goes back to phone calls/visits while being in jail. You’re content, you’re “jail happy”, then you get a visit/call and you’re reminded of “free happy”, and now you’re depressed. See, you can find contentment in any shit circumstance, you just can’t mix the two. I hope I made sense/ didn’t confuse anyone! Lol, I think you’ll get it. Speaking of “jail happy”, 24hrs until STORE NIGHT!
As you may have heard, the MMA fighter known as War Machine attempted suicide last Tuesday night at the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, where he is being held on dozens of charges related to assaults on ex-girlfriend Christy Mack. According to TMZ’s initial report, War Machine was found unresponsive on the floor of his cell with a piece of linen tied around his neck, and is currently on suicide watch. A suicide note was recovered from the cell, and somehow, TMZ got its hands on that, too.
You can see the scanned three-page letter right here, or read our transcription below. Short version: War Machine quotes Friedrich Nietzsche, professes his undying love for Christy Mack, says goodbye to his family and friends, and laments that he just wasn’t made for these times.
*******
“To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.” -Nietzsche-
If you are reading this then it must be a rap. I refuse to live a parasitic life, relying on taxes and the generosity of friends for food and shelter, while never being able to give back. I always used to say, “You gotta know when the gig is up.” I had a good run. I experienced more in my short life than 5 avg. men combined.
To: Christy, my one: I truly love you and planned on being with you forever. I know that I had many flaws and that I wasn’t the best BF at times. [Ed. note: Dude.] When I left you in May it didn’t take me long to realize my mistake. I loved you more than freedom.
(Image via TMZ)
As you may have heard, the MMA fighter known as War Machine attempted suicide last Tuesday night at the Clark County Detention Center in Las Vegas, where he is being held on dozens of charges related to assaults on ex-girlfriend Christy Mack. According to TMZ’s initial report, War Machine was found unresponsive on the floor of his cell with a piece of linen tied around his neck, and is currently on suicide watch. A suicide note was recovered from the cell, and somehow, TMZ got its hands on that, too.
You can see the scanned three-page letter right here, or read our transcription below. Short version: War Machine quotes Friedrich Nietzsche, professes his undying love for Christy Mack, says goodbye to his family and friends, and laments that he just wasn’t made for these times.
*******
“To die proudly when it is no longer possible to live proudly.” -Nietzsche-
If you are reading this then it must be a rap. I refuse to live a parasitic life, relying on taxes and the generosity of friends for food and shelter, while never being able to give back. I always used to say, “You gotta know when the gig is up.” I had a good run. I experienced more in my short life than 5 avg. men combined.
To: Christy, my one: I truly love you and planned on being with you forever. I know that I had many flaws and that I wasn’t the best BF at times. [Ed. note: Dude.] When I left you in May it didn’t take me long to realize my mistake. I loved you more than freedom. When we re-united I was 100% dedicated, I know you felt it. I guess it was too little, too late though because something seemed different about you. It drove me crazy, but I knew that you still loved me because you kept telling me to get you the ring. Looking back on it, I guess you wanted security before you “put all of your eggs in one basket” again. That night I was so excited to see you. Finding what I found that night was devastating to me, more than you will ever know. Not just the unfaithfulness, but the way U cared for him and protected him. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish that you weren’t hurt that night, I hope you know that. If I could do it all over again I’d just have laid down and let him beat me up. Maybe you still loved me enough to stop him and make him leave. Maybe I could have just laid on our bed and cried and you’d have held me. Maybe you still loved me enough to end that fling and re-commit to me…I’ll never know. I forgive you, please forgive me, I love you. In hard times know that I am there to lean on.
Ryan: I love you brother, long live the circle. Keep Alpha Male Shit alive.
Zsanett: You were a wonderful wife and stronger than you know, I was always proud of you. Szeretlek.
Michael, Shannah, Melissa: I love you all so much, sorry I wasn’t a better brother. Don’t let the Koppenhaver name die Mike, it’s all you.
Papa: You were the best grandfather a guy could ask for, I love you. Sorry to let you down.
NYBA, R1, Kendall, 9MM, Wadad, Doodoo, Julio, Heather, Trae, JD, Baret, Herman, Pav, Duza, Vitelli, Sua, Matt, D, J.R., Daniel, Fritz: My great friends, oh how I love you all, may my strength be with you.
Amanda: Thank you for your love and support, it meant the world to me. I hope you find your Tristan. I will watch over you.
Oh man, writing all of this has me crying like a lil’ bitch! I still don’t understand how I got into this mess, I don’t know why this had to happen. My life was going so well. I know that I made mistakes in the past but I had corrected that and was living life correctly. It is one thing to catch a case when you set out to commit a crime, but catching a case when you have nothing but good intentions in your heart is just so hard to accept. The severity of the charges makes it that much worse. They wanna charge me with battery and DV? Fine, do it, but don’t railroad me with B.S. fantasy charges like: Rape! Attempted murder! Kidnapping! And burglary! It’s fucking ridiculous and it’s making it impossible for justice. I’m a good person with a huge heart and everyone who knows me knows that, especially Christy. I don’t know what has happened to her but I’m not gonna watch the woman I love go on the stand and tell painful lies about me. I don’t know if her scumbag agent is making her do this for $/publicity, or if the D.A. is just pressuring her/scaring her, or what. Anyway, thank you to all who have supported me over the years, I appreciate you all, sorry if I’ve let you down. I hope you choose to remember me for my times of strength and not for this. Society has killed men. I was never meant to live in this era anyway. Follow your dreams and think for yourselves.
“Verily, I often laugh at the weaklings who think themselves good because they have no claws.” -Nietzsche-
