Author: J.Jones

9 Olympic Occurences More Likely to Happen Than Brandon Vera Beating Shogun Rua


(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today — it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.


(If you must ask, Dana, I believe my hype train was headed in that general direction. Then again, it’s been so long since I’ve seen it…) 

If you’re anything like us, you’ve more than likely spent your weekend drinking either Budweiser or Miller High Life cans in front of your television whilst watching various Olympic events and screaming “America!” on loop until your Canadian or Russian neighbors got jealous and called the police, who in turn tried to claim that you are somehow at fault if you like to watch TV in the nude and can’t afford curtains. And indeed, the Olympics have successfully managed to captivate and connect its viewing audience as it always does, uniting entire communities over a common passion. Except, oddly enough, in the case of this year’s host country, wherein failure apparently opens you up to disturbingly hateful critiques from your own countrymen.

Switching gears, it seems that one thing we can all agree on, regardless of our cultural divisions, is the inherent ridiculousness in the possibility that Brandon Vera could somehow receive a title shot if he is able to defeat Mauricio Rua in impressive fashion, or vice versa. We know we’ve been a little hard on him today – it’s not like it was his decision to overhype a fight by implying title implications only to be reamed out by fans for doing so shortly thereafter, that was Dana White — but on the short list of contenders currently in the Light Heavyweight Division, Vera is just a step above Mostapha al-Turk, whom you may recall is a retired heavyweight who was released from the UFC over two years ago. And he’s fighting Shogun f*cking Rua, aka the man who ended The Machida Era. Arguably twice. 

Spoiler: There is no way in hell that Vera is beating Shogun this Saturday, and we’d be willing to wager a bottle of ipecac on it, if you know what we mean. So in honor of what has been a highly competitive Olympic games thus far, and what will surely be a one sided ass whooping at UFC on FOX 4, here are 10 things, ranked in no particular order, we will more than likely see happen at this year’s Olympics than “The Truth” beating “Shogun” on Saturday.

1. The United States Basketball Team Losing to Tunisia

2. Trampoline Being Taken Seriously

3. Micheal Phelps Drowning in the Mens 4×200 Relay

4. Anybody Giving a Fuck About Race Walking

5. Michelle Jenneke accepting my back-massage offer. (I GIVE THE BEST ONES!)

6. North Korea Declaring War on England for Mixing Up Their Flag With South Korea’s

Honestly, this one is very, VERY likely to happen.

7. This Kid Winning Gold in Men’s Fencing

8. Ye Shiwen’s Steroid Tests Coming Back Absolutely, 100% Clean

9. Any “Fab Five”-Based Discussion Not Devolving Into a Pedophilia-Based One

Feel free to give us your own Olympic predictions that are more likely than a Vera upset in the comments section. 

–J. Jones

Even Jon Jones Can’t Make Sense of the Current Title Picture at 205

It’s good to know that we weren’t alone in our confusion when it was announced that the winner of either the Mauricio Rua/Brandon Vera or Lyoto Machida/Ryan Bader bouts, specifically the former, would be in line for the next title shot at 205 lbs. Given that current champion Jon Jones has walked through all four of those gentlemen before, we struggled to find the reasoning behind the alleged title shot that supposedly awaited the most impressive winner from this weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 event. Then again, Rich Franklin has decided to chase after middleweight gold and revenge for a third time (which totally wont end in his untimely death), so maybe we were too quick to write off these former champions, TUF winners, and hype machines. In either case, Bones took to his Twitter account to voice his frustration, sending out the above tweet yesterday which simply states “Scratching my head.”

But perhaps even more confounding than the UFC’s apparent apathy in regards to JBJ was the realization that the light heavyweight division, one of the most stacked and competitive divisions in the UFC for some time, has nearly been cleared out in a little over a year. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, something he obviously feels he is going to do as evidenced by the above tweet, there will arguably be only two viable candidates left for him to face: Alexander Gustafsson and Glover Teixeira.

Dana White has teased that the man known by the Potato Nation as “Bjones” is “ready for a big fight now”, leading us to believe that a meeting with Rashad Evans could be on the horizon. A victory over the former champ would all but cement the Swede’s position atop the division. As for Teixeira, it’s simply too early to tell. He looked great in his debut victory over Kyle Kingsbury, but needs to face at least one of the upper echelon fighters before we are convinced he is ready for a title shot. But for the moment, it appears that the LHW division needs an H-bomb like Nick Diaz needs a clue.

In other, alcohol-related Jon Jones news…

It’s good to know that we weren’t alone in our confusion when it was announced that the winner of either the Mauricio Rua/Brandon Vera or Lyoto Machida/Ryan Bader bouts, specifically the former, would be in line for the next title shot at 205 lbs. Given that current champion Jon Jones has walked through all four of those gentlemen before, we struggled to find the reasoning behind the alleged title shot that supposedly awaited the most impressive winner from this weekend’s UFC on FOX 4 event. Then again, Rich Franklin has decided to chase after middleweight gold and revenge for a third time (which totally wont end in his untimely death), so maybe we were too quick to write off these former champions, TUF winners, and hype machines. In either case, Bones took to his Twitter account to voice his frustration, sending out the above tweet yesterday which simply states “Scratching my head.”

But perhaps even more confounding than the UFC’s apparent apathy in regards to JBJ was the realization that the light heavyweight division, one of the most stacked and competitive divisions in the UFC for some time, has nearly been cleared out in a little over a year. If Jones gets past Dan Henderson at UFC 151, something he obviously feels he is going to do as evidenced by the above tweet, there will arguably be only two viable candidates left for him to face: Alexander Gustafsson and Glover Teixeira.

Dana White has teased that the man known by the Potato Nation as “Bjones” is “ready for a big fight now”, leading us to believe that a meeting with Rashad Evans could be on the horizon. A victory over the former champ would all but cement the Swede’s position atop the division. As for Teixeira, it’s simply too early to tell. He looked great in his debut victory over Kyle Kingsbury, but needs to face at least one of the upper echelon fighters before we are convinced he is ready for a title shot. But for the moment, it appears that the LHW division needs an H-bomb like Nick Diaz needs a clue.

In other, alcohol-related Jon Jones news…

A ruling has finally been handed down in Jones’ May 19th DUI arrest, which was delayed on several occasions to give Bones enough time to complete his whopping two day court-mandated alcohol abuse and dependency evaluation. The champion received a $1,000 fine and a six month license suspension, a fee that he more than likely carries around in his shoe on a daily basis considering he totaled a quarter million dollar Batmobile in the accident. Meanwhile, you could face a fine of up to $200 if you were caught selling someone a 17 ounce soda in New York City. Clearly lawmakers in this country are determining misdemeanor based fines in the same fashion that the United States Treasury determines the most prudent move for failing insurance companies.

–J. Jones

Barnburner Alert: Eddie Alvarez to Face Patricky “Pitbull” Freire in Final Bellator Appearance

Eddie Alvarez Bellator tk
(Suck it, Javier Sotomayor.) 

In what will either make for a triumphant or disastrous turning point in Eddie Alvarez’s career (specifically, his marketability), the former Bellator lightweight champion has been booked to take on Brazilian knockout artist Patricky “Pitbull” Freire at Bellator 75, which goes down on October 12th at Caesar’s Windsor in Canada.

After collecting seven straight wins under the Bellator banner (6 by way of stoppage), Alvarez lost his lightweight strap in dramatic fashion, falling prey to a fourth round submission in a battle for the ages at Bellator 58 to Michael Chandler. Most recently, Alvarez earned some much sought after revenge when he battered and dispatched Shinya Aoki in the first round of their Bellator 66 throwdown, and immediately began  making his case for a potential spot amongst the UFC’s ever growing lightweight roster thereafter. It just goes to show what beating up a man in multi-colored pastel tights can do for one’s confidence.

Eddie Alvarez Bellator tk
(Suck it, Javier Sotomayor.) 

In what will either make for a triumphant or disastrous turning point in Eddie Alvarez’s career (specifically, his marketability), the former Bellator lightweight champion has been booked to take on Brazilian knockout artist Patricky “Pitbull” Freire at Bellator 75, which goes down on October 12th at Caesar’s Windsor in Canada.

After collecting seven straight wins under the Bellator banner (6 by way of stoppage), Alvarez lost his lightweight strap in dramatic fashion, falling prey to a fourth round submission in a battle for the ages at Bellator 58 to Michael Chandler. Most recently, Alvarez earned some much sought after revenge when he battered and dispatched Shinya Aoki in the first round of their Bellator 66 throwdown, and immediately began  making his case for a potential spot amongst the UFC’s ever growing lightweight roster thereafter. It just goes to show what beating up a man in multi-colored pastel tights can do for one’s confidence.

Patricky, on the other hand, will be looking to rebound from a huge upset he suffered in the quarterfinals of Bellator’s Season 6 lightweight tournament, where he was submitted in Frank Mir-esque fashion by Lloyd Woodward in the second round. Considering that Pitbull made it all the way to the finals of the previous season’s tournament, where he would be upended by, you guessed it, Michael Chandler, the defeat all but completely derailed his momentum train.

A win over Alvarez, however, would launch him right back into to the short list of contenders in Bellator’s moderately stacked (I’m feeling generous today) lightweight division. And given Alvarez’s tendency to get rocked at least once in most of his fights, Freire stands as good a chance as any of upsetting the 23-3 former champ. As we all know, Alvarez and the UFC have expressed a shared interest in one another in the near future, so a win over Pitbull would surely validate a possible signing. A loss, however, could cost him a chance to compete in the sport’s highest promotion altogether.

But hey, we’ve heard that the UFC is more than willing to sign a former Bellator champ with a considerable amount of hype behind him before, so as long as Alvarez doesn’t spend fifteen minutes imitating the striking attack of Marcus “Big Baby” Jones, he will more than likely be UFC bound. In either case, this match should make for one hell of a barnburner.

That being said, who do you like for this one?

–J. Jones

TUF 14 Winner Diego Brandao to Murder Joey Gambino at UFC 153


(Step 1: Combine equal parts Rage virus and Mr. Clean’s DNA. Step 2. ????????? Step 3. Profit.) 

We don’t mean to sound harsh, but come October 13th, the UFC will more than likely be severing its ties with 9-1 prospect Joey Gambino. As was the case with guys like Antonio Silva and the poor saps who made it onto our “Cursed From Birth” list, it seems that the UFC  doesn’t want to give “The Raging Warrior” a rebound match or a chance to develop in the organization, and will sit idly by as he is pummeled into mincemeat on two separate occasions.

We don’t want to write the guy off (but are doing exactly that), but to put it simply, Gambino was basically filleted then submitted by TUF 14 veteran Steve Siler in his UFC debut at UFC on FX 4. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, now he’s been booked to face not only the winner of that season in his sophomore appearance, but the man who absolutely annihilated Siler (among others) in Diego Brandao. The world is truly an unjust place.

Then again, it’s not like Brandao has looked bulletproof since entering the UFC. He will also be looking to bounce back from a loss, which came at the hands of Darren Elkins at UFC 146. Despite stomping Elkins in the first round, Brandao looked visibly sluggish in the second and third, allowing Elkins to use his superior grappling to keep Brandao on the bottom en route to a unanimous decision loss. So maybe, just maybe, Gambino stands a chance here.

But probably not.

Check out a shoddily filmed video of Gambino’s UFC 146 bout with Siler after the jump and let us know if you agree or disagree. 


(Step 1: Combine equal parts Rage virus and Mr. Clean’s DNA. Step 2. ????????? Step 3. Profit.) 

We don’t mean to sound harsh, but come October 13th, the UFC will more than likely be severing its ties with 9-1 prospect Joey Gambino. As was the case with guys like Antonio Silva and the poor saps who made it onto our “Cursed From Birth” list, it seems that the UFC  doesn’t want to give “The Raging Warrior” a rebound match or a chance to develop in the organization, and will sit idly by as he is pummeled into mincemeat on two separate occasions.

We don’t want to write the guy off (but are doing exactly that), but to put it simply, Gambino was basically filleted then submitted by TUF 14 veteran Steve Siler in his UFC debut at UFC on FX 4. And as if that wasn’t bad enough, now he’s been booked to face not only the winner of that season in his sophomore appearance, but the man who absolutely annihilated Siler (among others) in Diego Brandao. The world is truly an unjust place.

Then again, it’s not like Brandao has looked bulletproof since entering the UFC. He will also be looking to bounce back from a loss, which came at the hands of Darren Elkins at UFC 146. Despite stomping Elkins in the first round, Brandao looked visibly sluggish in the second and third, allowing Elkins to use his superior grappling to keep Brandao on the bottom en route to a unanimous decision loss. So maybe, just maybe, Gambino stands a chance here.

But probably not.

Check out a shoddily filmed video of Gambino’s UFC 146 bout with Siler below and let us know if you agree or disagree. 

–J. Jones

WTF?! of the Day: Shogun Rua to Receive a Title Shot With a Win Over Brandon Vera?


(In order to cut company expenditures, the UFC recently fired Joe Silva in favor of the new, cost-efficient method of matchmaking seen above.) 

If you are the type of person who is quick to pick up on patterns, you may have noticed that more than a couple of our articles today have featured a headline ending in either the cynical question mark or even the full-on flabbergasted question mark followed by an exclamation point. And indeed, everything from Frank Mir’s temporary descent into the Strikeforce ranks to the idea that a Los Angeles hockey team did something worth writing about has left us nearly speechless. But this one tops them all, Potato Nation.

According to a recent interview that FOX Sports conducted with Dana White, if Mauricio “Shogun” Rua manages to defeat Brandon Vera impressively at UFC on FOX 4, he will have earned a title shot against the very same man that took his title, Jon Jones.

Wait, WHAT?!

Besides the fact that Shogun was, at the risk of receiving even more hate mail than usual, owned by Jones at UFC 128, the man has gone win-loss in his past six fights for Christ’s sake. Can we at least let him collect two wins in a row before we declare him the top contender in the division? And the last we checked, it isn’t 2006 anymore, so how a win over Vera justifies a title shot is simply beyond any measure of sound reasoning that we could possibly offer you. Is this just a ploy by The Baldfather to try and hype the hype-less card that is UFC on FOX 4, or is the UFC’s matchmaking department on a permanent lunch break? As if the Mendes/McKenzie pairing wasn’t odd enough, now this nonsense happens.

And if you think that was the only baffling decision made by the UFC that we’re going to cover in this article, join us after the jump for an equally ridiculous potential matchup at 205 lbs.


(In order to cut company expenditures, the UFC recently fired Joe Silva in favor of the new, cost-efficient method of matchmaking seen above.) 

If you are the type of person who is quick to pick up on patterns, you may have noticed that more than a couple of our articles today have featured a headline ending in either the cynical question mark or even the full-on flabbergasted question mark followed by an exclamation point. And indeed, everything from Frank Mir’s temporary descent into the Strikeforce ranks to the idea that a Los Angeles hockey team did something worth writing about has left us nearly speechless. But this one tops them all, Potato Nation.

According to a recent interview that FOX Sports conducted with Dana White, if Mauricio “Shogun” Rua manages to defeat Brandon Vera impressively at UFC on FOX 4, he will have earned a title shot against the very same man that took his title, Jon Jones.

Wait, WHAT?!

Besides the fact that Shogun was, at the risk of receiving even more hate mail than usual, owned by Jones at UFC 128, the man has gone win-loss in his past six fights for Christ’s sake. Can we at least let him collect two wins in a row before we declare him the top contender in the division? And the last we checked, it isn’t 2006 anymore, so how a win over Vera justifies a title shot is simply beyond any measure of sound reasoning that we could possibly offer you. Is this just a ploy by The Baldfather to try and hype the hype-less card that is UFC on FOX 4, or is the UFC’s matchmaking department on a permanent lunch break? As if the Mendes/McKenzie pairing wasn’t odd enough, now this nonsense happens.

Apparently attempting to soften the blow of such a ridiculous statement by following it up with an equally insane one, White also stated that, were Shogun to lose (or win in unimpressive fashion), then the winner of the Machida/Bader fight would receive the next title shot.

…

I now know what Bill Murray’s character felt like in Groundhog Day, because I am either reliving the same dream over and over again, or the UFC matchmakers have seemingly forgotten that Lyoto Machida was just choked unconscious by Jones at UFC 140, or that Bader was taken to lunch by Jones at UFC 126. What I’m saying is…

Now, whereas one could possibly see how Bader has earned a shot if he gets past Machida — he will have knocked off two straight ex-champions in as many fights — he also outgrappled an overweight and apathetic Rampage Jackson in one of those wins. And unless Machida is able to defeat Bader by flying crescent Shaolin monk kick, it will be hard to understand why he’s earned another shot so quickly. Meanwhile, Alexander Gustafsson has put together a five fight win streak (and not to mention, hasn’t already faced Jones and lost in dramatic fashion before) and wasn’t so much as mentioned in the list of potential contenders.

Granted, Jones has yet to defeat Dan Henderson, but if he does, is this really where the UFC wants their champion to go from here? Essentially, Jones will be returning to the scene of a rape to give one of his victims another go-around on the off chance that they still wont identify him this time. While we’re at it, why not give Travis Lutter another shot at Anderson Silva?

It may sound a bit dramatic, but if Jones beats Hendo at UFC 150, we will officially have crossed over into some alternate universe where Eric Koch is the most deserving fighter currently receiving a title shot, outside of the interim champs at bantamweight and welterweight. Think about that for a second.

–J. Jones

TFC 24: Anthony Johnson to Debut at 205, Braulio Estima to Just Plain Debut


(Why yes, Bas, I *will* have another bear claw.) 

Fresh off a unanimous decision victory over a Carl’s Jr., wait, I meant Dave Branch at Titan Fighting Championship 22, it looks like an opponent, date, and location has been set for Anthony Johnson’s light heavyweight debut. Johnson will be squaring off against 8-3 KOTC veteran Esteves Jones on August 24th at the Memorial Hall in Kansas City, Kansas, at Titan Fighting Championships 24. The chance to finally see Johnson fighting somewhere around his actual weight has to inspire confidence that he will actually make weight this time, a feat in and of itself that “Rumble” has failed to do in his past two fights, and about every other fight before that.

When asked to comment on his newfound diet, Johnson could only mumble “It’s great” through a mouthful of Steak-umms.

Regardless of his training/diet regimen, Johnson should have little trouble putting away Jones, who holds a notable win over Darrill “Titties” Schoonover and no one else. Then again, his nickname is “Quiet Riot”, who were arguably one of the better mainstream metal bands of the 80’s, so…honestly, I don’t really know where I was going with that. Jones is a dead man.

But even better than the news that Johnson may actually defeat an opponent without having to hand over 20% of his purse afterward is the fact that also on the card, a certain BJJ legend will be making his MMA debut.

Details are after the jump. 


(Why yes, Bas, I *will* have another bear claw.) 

Fresh off a unanimous decision victory over a Carl’s Jr., wait, I meant Dave Branch at Titan Fighting Championship 22, it looks like an opponent, date, and location has been set for Anthony Johnson’s light heavyweight debut. Johnson will be squaring off against 8-3 KOTC veteran Esteves Jones on August 24th at the Memorial Hall in Kansas City, Kansas, at Titan Fighting Championships 24. The chance to finally see Johnson fighting somewhere around his actual weight has to inspire confidence that he will actually make weight this time, a feat in and of itself that “Rumble” has failed to do in his past two fights, and about every other fight before that.

When asked to comment on his newfound diet, Johnson could only mumble “It’s great” through a mouthful of Steak-umms.

Regardless of his training/diet regimen, Johnson should have little trouble putting away Jones, who holds a notable win over Darrill “Titties” Schoonover and no one else. Then again, his nickname is “Quiet Riot”, who were arguably one of the better mainstream metal bands of the 80′s, so…honestly, I don’t really know where I was going with that. Jones is a dead man.

But even better than the news that Johnson may actually defeat an opponent without having to hand over 20% of his purse afterward is the fact that also on the card, a certain BJJ legend will be making his MMA debut.

Possibly in an effort to finally get that match with Nick Diaz, two time ADCC champion (among many, many other things) Braulio Estima will be making his MMA debut at TFC 24 as well. Fighting at 170 lbs., Estima will try to avoid the powerful hands of Chris Holland, a 5-3 knockout artist who most recently dispatched Phil Baroni in the second round of their ROF 43 scrap back in June. Estima, who last competed and defeated former Strikeforce middleweight champion Ronaldo Souza at the 2011 ADCC Absolute Trials, stated that his debut is less about achieving a title and all the glory that comes with it, and more about testing the waters of a whole new sport:

Georges St-Pierre is at the top of this weight class. But still, I like the challenge. I’m already very successful in other areas, I have a successful gym in Birmingham, and I do very well with my grappling career, so this move to MMA is not about the money. It is not about fame. It is about pushing myself and seeing how far I can go in this new area. I am having fun training with the Blackzilians and learning MMA. I want to enjoy the ride, and keep moving forward. 

As long as Estima can develop some solid striking skills, or at least defense, he could find himself in the sport’s highest promotion before too long. The man’s ground game is second to none, and at only 32 years of age, Estima also has a little bit of time on his side to work on his standup and takedowns. Agree or disagree?

–J. Jones