As you all no doubt have heard, the International Olympic Committee has decreed that wrestling is no longer worthy of a place in the Summer Games, in order to make way for other, more lucrative events. I tell you now that this decision is the worst kind of folly, made for the worst reasons possible. I won’t rail about the corruption in the IOC, or the nepotism and naked commercialism that seems to hold sway in any of their decisions. I will point out that kicking wrestling out of the Olympics does seem rather…historically disconnected.
On the other hand, it’s possible that this is only a con from the IOC in order to drum up support (read: money) to get wrestling back into the Olympic arena where it belongs.
In any case, here is a list of ten sports that should be rightly removed from the Games, even if we weren’t talking about making room for an original Olympic event. Let’s just cut all this extra fat, and strip the Olympics down to the more raw athletic events. (And gymnastics. You have to keep gymnastics.)
The Modern Pentathlon
This was the ass-backwards event that everyone with a brain in their head assumed would get the axe, for two reasons. First, it’s an oddball series of activities based on an archaic skill set — cavalry officers still ride horses? — that is no longer relevant. Second, it’s redundant: Take this away, and athletes could still do the triathlon. Or the decathlon. Or just, you know, pick an event instead of being a scatterbrained dipshit.
Table Tennis
As you all no doubt have heard, the International Olympic Committee has decreed that wrestling is no longer worthy of a place in the Summer Games, in order to make way for other, more lucrative events. I tell you now that this decision is the worst kind of folly, made for the worst reasons possible. I won’t rail about the corruption in the IOC, or the nepotism and naked commercialism that seems to hold sway in any of their decisions. I will point out that kicking wrestling out of the Olympics does seem rather…historically disconnected.
On the other hand, it’s possible that this is only a con from the IOC in order to drum up support (read: money) to get wrestling back into the Olympic arena where it belongs.
In any case, here is a list of ten sports that should be rightly removed from the Games, even if we weren’t talking about making room for an original Olympic event. Let’s just cut all this extra fat, and strip the Olympics down to the more raw athletic events. (And gymnastics. You have to keep gymnastics.)
The Modern Pentathlon
This was the ass-backwards event that everyone with a brain in their head assumed would get the axe, for two reasons. First, it’s an oddball series of activities based on an archaic skill set — cavalry officers still ride horses? — that is no longer relevant. Second, it’s redundant: Take this away, and athletes could still do the triathlon. Or the decathlon. Or just, you know, pick an event instead of being a scatterbrained dipshit.
Table Tennis
First of all: It’s fucking ping pong. You want to get pissy because your “sport” doesn’t sound butch enough? I’m not entirely sure that “table tennis” is upping the intimidation factor, broseph. Secondly, dude, do you really need a sweatband to play? I understand that it takes laser-tuned hand-eye coordination and twitch reflexes, but you’re not fooling anyone into thinking you’re an elite athlete. It doesn’t work for pro HALO players, it won’t work for you.
Handball
This is actually an Olympic event? This is a game that is supposed to be played in the streets, across back yards, where bushes and cars are significant obstacles, with an object that need only be vaguely ball-like. I’m saying it’s a children’s game. We cannot continue to encourage these simpletons by allowing them to play soccer with their hands. They need to grow up and pick a real sport or come to terms with their own athletic failings.
Basketball
Basketball will never go away from the Olympics; I know that, it just generates too much revenue. But we already have an Olympic basketball organization, it’s called the NBA. (Stay gold, Sodak.)
Golf
The IOC looks to pick up golf in 2016, and these are the kinds of highlights you can look forward to. Joy? Look, as a game, golf should be played and not seen. Hell, most people can’t play golf without getting halfway-lit first, so that wandering around searching for a little white ball in the expanses of groomed wilderness and man-made constructs doesn’t become a depressing metaphor for their own accomplishments in life. If you actually seek out golf on television to watch, you are a boring human being, and no, I do not want to look at your coin collection.
On the next page: Field hockey, badminton, and all horse-related bullshit.
While there’s been no official confirmation — yet — the story goes that Strikeforce has one more show scheduled in January, after which Zuffa will shutter the whole operation and add another head in Dana White‘s trophy case. Presumably, the Baldfather has a triple-locked basement room where he goes to sip single-barrel bourbon and contemplate the zombified heads of his former competitors, a quiet time that allows him to reflect on his successes and find some measure of inner peace. You’d think doing the backstroke through piles of money a la Scrooge McDuck would be enough for that, but you’re just a stupid pleb without two nickels to rub together, so what the fuck do you know?
Anywho, while some would say that Strikeforce has hung around long past its expiration date, I’m here to tell you that turning off the lights and canceling Scott Coker’s credit line is just the latest of Zuffa’s missteps when dealing with Strikeforce. Dana White bought a goose that laid golden eggs, killed it to get the magic gold-producing gland, taxidermied the corpse when that didn’t work, stuck his dick in the lukewarm cadaver because Ronda Rousey, and is now looking to decorate his mantle with blood-stained goose down because what are you going to do, this stupid goose is broken.
Brand Recognition
First of all, it bears repeating that Strikeforce pre-dates the UFC (not just Zuffa) by eight years. Strikeforce was putting on kickboxing shows when Dana White was still using GLH after his boxercise classes. This is a brand that’s been established for two decades, and fans, athletes, managers, and athletic commissions knew the brand. Now, the long-acknowledged #2 name in combat sports (at least in North America) is being thrown to the scrap heap because Zuffa was unable or unwilling to use it properly. Silver lining: maybe your Strikeforce merch will be collector’s items?
(Oh for God’s sake, Scott. You can put those things down now.)
While there’s been no official confirmation — yet — the story goes that Strikeforce has one more show scheduled in January, after which Zuffa will shutter the whole operation and add another head in Dana White‘s trophy case. Presumably, the Baldfather has a triple-locked basement room where he goes to sip single-barrel bourbon and contemplate the zombified heads of his former competitors, a quiet time that allows him to reflect on his successes and find some measure of inner peace. You’d think doing the backstroke through piles of money a la Scrooge McDuck would be enough for that, but you’re just a stupid pleb without two nickels to rub together, so what the fuck do you know?
Anywho, while some would say that Strikeforce has hung around long past its expiration date, I’m here to tell you that turning off the lights and canceling Scott Coker’s credit line is just the latest of Zuffa’s missteps when dealing with Strikeforce. Dana White bought a goose that laid golden eggs, killed it to get the magic gold-producing gland, taxidermied the corpse when that didn’t work, stuck his dick in the lukewarm cadaver because Ronda Rousey, and is now looking to decorate his mantle with blood-stained goose down because what are you going to do, this stupid goose is broken.
Brand Recognition
First of all, it bears repeating that Strikeforce pre-dates the UFC (not just Zuffa) by eight years. Strikeforce was putting on kickboxing shows when Dana White was still using GLH after his boxercise classes. This is a brand that’s been established for two decades, and fans, athletes, managers, and athletic commissions knew the brand. Now, the long-acknowledged #2 name in combat sports (at least in North America) is being thrown to the scrap heap because Zuffa was unable or unwilling to use it properly. Silver lining: maybe your Strikeforce merch will be collector’s items?
Roster Control
Let’s face it: no one can keep up with the UFC roster anymore. Joe Silva will occasionally run into a fighter in the Zuffa cafeteria, and will be unable to recognize said fighter’s belly button and clavicle contour. (Silva is 34 inches tall and faces are useless to him for recognition purposes with most human beings. UFC flyweights were added purely because Joe Silva wanted “his people” to be in the show). This is because Zuffa now employs eleventy-hundred fighters and no human brain can contain all that information.
The UFC roster should have ceased getting larger sometime in 2002, solidifying it as a promotion for only the cream of the crop in combat. If they’d had one damn lick of sense at all, the UFC organization would have only kept the top ten or fifteen fighters under contract at the absolute maximum. This way, you could have had six or eight stacked, no-way-you’d-miss-that-show PPV events every year, and every UFC fighter would be a household name. Kids would be collecting and trading UFC cards today, instead of me using them as flashcards to try to keep it straight in my head who these dipshits are.
Side benefit: Zuffa would never have to release a big-name fighter that shows up in Bellator’s next tournament, when they could simply send them down to the D-League. Speaking of which…
Strikeforce (Would Have) Killed the Bellator Star
Bellator is now the consensus pick for the #2 spot in American MMA, and the move to a weekly timeslot at the UFC’s old girlfriend’s place will only help burnish the reputation of Bjorn Rebney‘s little organization that could. Given enough time and resources, Bellator could turn into a legitimate threat to Zuffa, or at least a constant thorn in White’s side — if only by making contract negotiations more complicated. If Dana White’s giant-baby ego hadn’t dictated that Strikeforce be kept away from all things good and right, he could have had a very powerful weapon against any organization trying to steal his thunder, or sign his leftovers.
Imagine this: Bellator announces that they will be moving back to a Wednesday evening timeslot, where fight fans can catch them on Spike to get their weekly fix of KOs and limb-torquing. Zuffa releases a statement within 24 hours that they too will have a weekly show for punchy-kicky-grapplefun, and son of a bitch if it’s not going to be a Wednesday evening program on basic cable. Call it Strikeforce: Bodyblow, and stock that program with guys like BJ Penn, Cung Le, Wanderlei Silva, Frank Mir — the kind of guys who won’t take a belt in the UFC, but fans know and love and love to watch — and suddenly we’d be writing about how Bjorn is old and busted and living in a Winnebago with his dad somewhere in the Dakotas.
Obviously, this works for XFC, Shark Fights, RFA, and whatever the newest kid on the block is calling itself.
Strikeforce is the Best Hype Machine the UFC Could Ask For
A decently-informed MMA fan should never look at a UFC card and say “That fight looks cool, I’m looking forward to seeing this dude back, but who the fuck is this guy?” Any fighter making his UFC debut should have at least three wins in Strikeforce before he has to face the dreaded Octagon-jitters, so at least the fighter has some buzz and the production team has some decent highlights to incoporate while they play that goddamn “Face the Pain” abortion.
Dana White has made it crystal-fucking-clear that he just wants to put the tip of his penis somewhere near Ronda Rousey’s fun place, and it’s a bonus that she’s the most accomplished female fighter that would wreck him, you, and your dad in the cage. Yes, there’s a lot to be desired in Strikeforce’s treatment of women — mostly an extra zero in their paychecks — but Coker and company have been supporting those ladies far longer and far better than Dana White will. If that sounds harsh, I’ll retract this statement if Dana White can name three female fighters that he doesn’t fantasize about facializing.
What up, Potato Nation, it’s your boy ReX13 here at the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall in Kansas City, ready to watch some ladies fight. I realize some of you have dirty-ass opinions about women’s MMA, and to you assholes I say this: I think there’s an NBA game on or something. Is the NFL draft still on? How’d my Carolina Panthers do? Actually, don’t answer that, just exit stage left. For the rest of you, let’s party: we got a badass card to watch.
Since the whole thing is streaming for free right here, I’m going to forego an actual play-by-play and just drop observations as the night goes on. I’m also ready to grab snapshots and video of the things you can’t see, so expect butt shots of Natasha Wicks. I’m all for girl power, but I also know what my Nation likes.
One more note: they are trying to disable the media with a light show and deafening dubstep. Pray for me.
Come on in, the show starts at 8pm ET. Until then, feel free to tweet your best #BadPickUpLinesAtInvictaFC at me, because I’m immature.
No way I’m not using this picture again.
What up, Potato Nation, it’s your boy ReX13 here at the Soldiers and Sailors Memorial Hall in Kansas City, ready to watch some ladies fight. I realize some of you have dirty-ass opinions about women’s MMA, and to you assholes I say this: I think there’s an NBA game on or something. Is the NFL draft still on? How’d my Carolina Panthers do? Actually, don’t answer that, just exit stage left. For the rest of you, let’s party: we got a badass card to watch.
Since the whole thing is streaming for free right here, I’m going to forego an actual play-by-play and just drop observations as the night goes on. I’m also ready to grab snapshots and video of the things you can’t see, so expect butt shots of Natasha Wicks. I’m all for girl power, but I also know what my Nation likes.
One more note: they are trying to disable the media with a light show and deafening dubstep. Pray for me.
Come on in, the show starts at 8pm ET. Until then, feel free to tweet your best #BadPickUpLinesAtInvictaFC at me, because I’m immature.
“Sassy” Cassie Rodish vs Meghan “The Babe” Wright
Getting started with some undercard action at 105 pounds, a class we call “atomweight”. I think atomweight sounds pretty damn cool.
No glove touch, they mean business. A few hooks thrown but Rodish wades in for a front headlock and ragdolls Wright to the ground, up against the cage. It takes all of thirty-sex seconds for Cassie Rodish to secure a guillotine and get the tap.
Ashley “Smashley” Cummins vs Sofia Bagherdai
Bagherdai was unable to make weight yesterday, and she’s visibly larger and stronger today. Smashley ain’t care; she’s got my favorite mean mug since ever and she’s got the tenacity of a pit bull. Bagherdai has reach and strength, but Cummins just doesn’t stop, uh, comin’. Bagherdai’s accuracy leaves something to be desired, and I have a feeling no one really hits her hard in the gym. Cummins stays in her face through three, working for takedowns and returning fire with four and five-punch combos. I’ve got Smashley for all three rounds, but I’m still partially blind and deaf from the light show and club music. The judges mostly agree with me though: Cummins takes a unanimous decision.
Randi Miller vs “Miss” Mollie Estes
Pay attention, Nation: this is an Olympic athlete making her debut. Miller has postponed her first match a few times, but she’s here to frate train some local talent. If she does well, we’ll try to figure out a nickname.
Ok, maybe I sold Estes short — the fight doesn’t end as soon as the fighters clinch. Estes does a fantastic job of staying on her feet, working short elbows and a series of knees in the clinch. Meanwhile, Miller tries to finish a takedown, and she looks like she should just roll over her like a tank. She manages to get the fight to the canvas in the second, but she’s unable to finish Estes, who manages to neutralize much of Miller’s offense until the last thirty seconds of the round. Miller finishes to round in full mount on Estes, but can’t finish. Round three starts with two exhausted fighters going on heart. Estes has turned bright red, and Miller eventually manages to secure the takedown, and rains down some hammerfists. Estes is wiped out, and the ref has seen enough. Randi Miller wins her debut at 3:24 of the third via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes).
Sarah “The KO Kid” Maloy vs Michele “Diablita” Gutierrez
These women want to throw leather — from Missouri. (It’s across the river.) Lot of fighting at looooooong range through the first two rounds, while my laptop says “fuckitall” and starts looking up computer porn or something. I have a 10-10 first and a Maloy second. Third round is fought a little closer, but mostly they seem hesitant to engage. They wait for the ten-second warning, then start scrapping. For reals? Probably Maloy by a hair, but I think they shouldn’t keep fighting until one of these ladies gets hit. Judges see it unanimously for Sarah “The KO Kid” Maloy, and I hate the DJ SO HARD. Music just got stupid loud for no apparent reason, and I’m going to dropkick the speaker array next to press row.
Nicdali “The Night Queen” Rivera-Calanoc vs Amy “Little Dynamite” Davis
These two took that cute “just a couple of BFFs” weigh-in picture, but they waste no time getting to business. Davis threatens with a triangle early, but can’t finish. She’s got some good boxing, but nothing big happens outside of messing up Rivera-Calanoc’s hair. They continue the grappling contest in the second, and the end starts with Rivera-Calanoc hitting a takedown against the cage. Davis manages to snare her opponent in a crucifix and throw some punches, loses it, and notices an arm just hanging out there. With Rivera-Calanoc’s elbows so far from her body, it’s easy work for Davis to get wrist control and torque out for a kimura, getting the tap. Amy Davis defeats Nicdali Rivera-Calanoc via submission (which the announcer calls a kimura choke — awesome?) at 3:47 of round 2.
“Slick” Sally Krumdiack vs Sarah “The White Tiger” Schneider
Schneider comes out to a song she wrote and performed herself, so keep your comments to yourself, ALF. Wow. Schneider was motivated to fight in her hometwon, and she never gave Krumdiack a chance. Schneider popped her right off the bat, and pulled guard after a bit of clinchwork in the Krumdiack corner. Schneider throws a beautiful triangle-armbar combo, and Krumdiack has no choice but to tap. That is a Tiger not to fuck with. Sarah “The White Tiger” Schneider defeats “Slick” Sally Krumdiack via submission (armbar) at 3:01 of the first round.
Sarah “The Monster” D’Alelio vs Vanessa Mariscal
Fuck yes Vanessa Mariscal is coming out to “The Shortest Straw”, and while I’m supposed to be neutral, I hope she rips off D’Alelio’s head off and shits down her neck. Then I change my mind because TOOL YOU GUYS HOLY FUCK THESE CHICKS ARE BADASS. Insiders think this one will be bananas. First round is a lot of D’Alelio on Mariscal’s back. Mariscal, a short-notice injury replacement, stays cool and plays defense, and lasts out the round. Round two starts with some stand and wang, but D’Alelio gets Mariscal’s back again, looking for a way to put the fight away. She looks for an RNC, but decides just ground and pound will do. The ref agrees, apparently, stopping the fight — perhaps a bit early, but Mariscal doesn’t seem too upset with the stoppage. Sarah “The Monster” D’Alelio defeats Vanessa Mariscal via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes) at 3:19 of round 2.
Kaitlin Young vs Leslie “The Peacemaker” Smith
It’s two rounds of kickboxing so far, and these women are throwing ten-piece combos like they’re KFC. Yes, i’m getting lazy. Whatever, I wasn’t supposed to be doing a play by play anyway. (five minutes later…) That was three rounds of throwdown, ladies and gentlemen, now somebody tell me how chicks are boring again. Amazing showing by both fighters. Wish they could both win, but Kaitlin Young vs Leslie “Peacemaker” Smith is declared a SPLIT DRAW. I had Smith winning, but I guess I can watch it again to decide later. What say you, Nation?
Liz “The Girl-Rilla” Carmouche vs Ashleigh Curry
Bell rings, and it looks like Carmouche sticks Curry with a long straight punch before cramming her against the cage and taking her down. It doesn’t take long for Carmouche to work to mount, and lays down the ground and pound. Curry is completely lost on the ground, and the ref cuts the fight shortly after. Liz “The Girl-Rilla” Carmouche defeats Ashleigh Curry via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strike) at 1:58 of the first round.
Side note: Ran into Cris Cyborg during the intermission. He’s really nice when he’s not roiding his tits off.
Jessica Penne vs Lisa Ellis
This is a fight that should have happened in Bellator, but Zoila Frausto fucked it all up. Should be good. Winner here makes a good argument for a top spot at 105. Penne has skills, but she seems lacking in killer instinct. She is the only person I’ve seen secure a crucifix from the bottom like that, though. My god, this back and forth. As they start the third, it’s an even fight until Ellis catches a knee on the nose coming out of a clinch, and blood starts pouring like a faucet. Ellis does her best to fight, but the blood is affecting her vision, plus I bet that hurts like a bitch. Once Penne gets a superior position, it’s pretty much over. Jessica Penne defeats Lisa Ellis via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes) at 2:48 of the third round.
Now being announced:Shayna Baszler vs Sarah McMann at the next Invicta card. That’s some good matchmaking, kids.
Side note: I’m ready to burn down this DJ’s house, with her and her cats in it.
Time for the main event!
Marloes “Rumina” Coenen vs Romy Ruyssen
Coenen is hyped and ready to fight coming into the cage. These two appear to dislike one another a bit. They start with a little rangefinding, and clinch against the fence for some knees. Referee stops the action to dock Ruyssen a point for grabbing the cage (?). Ruyssen seems angry and willing to scrap, but I’m not seeing her as the high-level competition that Coenen deserves. I say that, but after three rounds Coenen has been unable to put her opponent away, so what the fuck do I know? Certainly, Ruyssen’s standup leaves much to be desired. We’ll go top the judges for a decision: Marloes “Rumina” Coenen defeats Romy Ruyssen via unanimous decision. Who’s next for the default 145 champ?
Ok, Nation, I’m off to get some interviews (hopefully) and whatever kind of post-fight presser I can find. Thanks for coming up, ya’ll, I’ll holler.
I don’t know how you have a staredown with a French accent, but I’m pretty sure Romy Ruyssen (right) is doing it.
So let’s get this out of the way: I live in Kansas.
No, I don’t know what the hell a jayhawk is. I’m not actually from here.
Anyways, Invicta Fighting Championships is going down just a short drive away in Kansas City, so I was quick to accept when I was offered a chance to be a member of the fight media for the inaugural Invicta FC card.
There were a few hiccups at the weigh-ins: for some reason, they did not set up a raised platform for me to set up upon. As a result my pictures and video were of decidedly low quality. (As a recompense, please enjoy a few pictures courtesy of Invicta’s own photographer, Esther Lin.)
I don’t know how you have a staredown with a French accent, but I’m pretty sure Romy Ruyssen (right) is doing it.
So let’s get this out of the way: I live in Kansas.
No, I don’t know what the hell a jayhawk is. I’m not actually from here.
Anyways, Invicta Fighting Championships is going down just a short drive away in Kansas City, so I was quick to accept when I was offered a chance to be a member of the fight media for the inaugural Invicta FC card.
There were a few hiccups at the weigh-ins: for some reason, they did not set up a raised platform for me to set up upon. As a result my pictures and video were of decidedly low quality. (As a recompense, please enjoy a few pictures courtesy of Invicta’s own guest photographer, Esther Lin.)
Nicdali Rivera-Calanoc and Amy Davis are going to the death, bro.
Four of twenty-two fighters missed weight, despite the emphasis Invicta co-founders Shannon Knapp and Janet Martin have have placed on establishing weight classes and staying away from catchweights. Notably, Romy Ruyssen had a brutal cut, weighing in first at 150.4 pounds for her featherweight bout with Marloes Coenen.
Randi Miller, an Olympic wrestling medalist making her debut, also missed weight, also coming in five pounds (4.8, whatever) for a 145 pound bout. For full results, check out my boy Rob Sargent at MMARising.com.
Hopefully, with a little stability in weight classes the women will be able to stop yo-yoing their body weights in order to get fights, and reliably make weight.
Liz “The Girl-Rilla” Carmouche vs vs Ashleigh Curry, photobomb by Manolo Hernandez, coach of Team Hurricane Awesome.
“is watching an all lady Weigh-in Hot?” Yes if you’re the type to get a holocaust boner.
There, now you’re going to Hell, too.
Now, maybe Sarah “Big Monster” D’Alelio had a calculated makeover to make her appear more likely to sting you with a left jab and punt you in the neck — but it’s kinda working.
Best #BadPickUpLinesAtInvictaFC (so far):
@12ozCurls: You look really good after you’ve cut all that weight, can I buy you a glass of water?
@Jay_Spaceman: You’ve got great hands. I bet they make a mean sandwich.
Looks like a fun night of fights tomorrow. Make sure you tune-in; I might do something crazy and wind up in the broadcast.
Zoila Frausto Gurgel is the goddamn champion of the world, and don’t you forget it. PicProps: Zoila’s FaceBook, because we’re down like that.
Bellator 66 went down in Cleveland, Ohio last night, and I assume someone here will recap it for you, because it was the usual entertaining show from Bellator. We saw some great tournament action at lightweight and middleweight, plus the Alvarez-Aoki rematch that I’ve been waiting for, and all I had to do was watch MTV2. Remember when MTV2 was started as the station for music 24/7? **sigh**
Something you didn’t see on the broadcast last night was an interview with reigning women’s 115 champion Zoila Frausto Gurgel. You didn’t see it, because it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen, because everyone would rather pretend that the entire women’s tournament didn’t happen. Everyone, that is, except for Zoila Frausto Gurgel herself. Zoila Frausto Gurgel wants you to remember it, and give her a high-five when you see her, too. And if you don’t, Zoila Frausto Gurgel will go on social media and complain about it.
Zoila Frausto Gurgel is the goddamn champion of the world, and don’t you forget it. PicProps: Zoila’s FaceBook, because we’re down like that.
Bellator 66 went down in Cleveland, Ohio last night, and I assume someone here will recap it for you, because it was the usual entertaining show from Bellator. We saw some great tournament action at lightweight and middleweight, plus the Alvarez-Aoki rematch that I’ve been waiting for, and all I had to do was watch MTV2. Remember when MTV2 was started as the station for music 24/7? **sigh**
Something you didn’t see on the broadcast last night was an interview with reigning women’s 115 champion Zoila Frausto Gurgel. You didn’t see it, because it didn’t happen. It didn’t happen, because everyone would rather pretend that the entire women’s tournament didn’t happen. Everyone, that is, except for Zoila Frausto Gurgel herself. Zoila Frausto Gurgel wants you to remember it, and give her a high-five when you see her, too. And if you don’t, Zoila Frausto Gurgel will go on social media and complain about it.
Quick recap:
* Zoila is fucking huge at 115. It’s understandable that she cut down for the only tournament for women in 2010, but she was obviously the Rumble Johnson of the women’s division.
* She got a gift decision over Jessica Aguilar. Don’t argue that with me, or I’ll punch you in all twelve of your kidneys.
* Since winning the 115 pound tournament, Zoila has had exactly one (1) fight, at 125 pounds. She then tore her knee because one of those Fujii fans I mentioned a second ago finally succeeded in their voodoo experiments. Apparently it has to be a chicken with all-white feathers.
* Gurgel started a collection to cover her medical bills from aforementioned effed-up knee. Fans did not react well.
And after all that, Zoila wants to complain because no one gives her the respect she deserves for being a champ.
WHY DOESN”T SOMEONE TALK TO HER ABOUT HER BELT FOR BEING CHAMP AT 115 POUNDS?
In the Southern Hemisphere, decisions go down the opposite way. PicProps: MMAJunkie
Despite the most carefully laid plans of UFC officials, a rematch will be necessary to determine a finalist in the UFC’s tournament to crown its first 125 pound champion, and an Aussie official has stepped up to take the blame.
Demetrious Johnson and Ian McCall battled to a draw through three rounds, and would have gone to a sudden victory fourth-round because Zuffa was Batman-prepared and made sure they had a way to settle such an unsatisfying outcome. But a tabulation error by Craig Waller — the Executive Director of the Combat Sports Authority of New South Wales — mistakenly crowned Johnson the winner, “and turned the whole banger right poofter-saucy,” according to Waller, adding that he felt like “a right frumious Bandersnatch.”
It’s unclear what was written on Bruce Buffer’s cards, but he initially announced “29-28 McCall, 29-28 Johnson, and 29-28 for the winner by majority decision,” Johnson. McCall lost his shit and ran out of the cage, and Johnson screamed like a virgin, touched for the very first time.
Now, those announced scores would equal a split decision victory for Johnson — a majority decision would have meant two judges for Johnson and one judge seeing a draw. And it turned out that one judge did see it a draw. Then it turned out that, in fact, two judges (Sal D’Amato and Anthony Dimitriou) had seen the fight a draw after three rounds, and had wanted to see a fourth round. Waller had managed to miss a 10-8 round for McCall on D’Amato’s card, even though paying attention to such things is kinda important.
In the Southern Hemisphere, decisions go down the opposite way. PicProps: MMAJunkie
Despite the most carefully laid plans of UFC officials, a rematch will be necessary to determine a finalist in the UFC’s tournament to crown its first 125 pound champion, and an Aussie official has stepped up to take the blame.
Demetrious Johnson and Ian McCall battled to a draw through three rounds, and would have gone to a sudden victory fourth-round because Zuffa was Batman-prepared and made sure they had a way to settle such an unsatisfying outcome. But a tabulation error by Craig Waller — the Executive Director of the Combat Sports Authority of New South Wales — mistakenly crowned Johnson the winner, “and turned the whole banger right poofter-saucy,” according to Waller, adding that he felt like “a right frumious Bandersnatch.”
It’s unclear what was written on Bruce Buffer’s cards, but he initially announced ”29-28 McCall, 29-28 Johnson, and 29-28 for the winner by majority decision,” Johnson. McCall lost his shit and ran out of the cage, and Johnson screamed like a virgin, touched for the very first time.
Now, those announced scores would equal a split decision victory for Johnson — a majority decision would have meant two judges for Johnson and one judge seeing a draw. And it turned out that one judge did see it a draw. Then it turned out that, in fact, two judges (Sal D’Amato and Anthony Dimitriou) had seen the fight a draw after three rounds, and had wanted to see a fourth round. Waller had managed to miss a 10-8 round for McCall on D’Amato’s card, even though paying attention to such things is kinda important.
The third judge, Kon Papai [Ed Note: actually his name] scored the fight 29-28 for Johnson. That’s what you call a “majority draw”, and “let’s get ready to sudden death, bitches”, but somehow Johnny Koalapunter over here managed to screw up his main job of transcribing and tabulating scores.
“I feel like a right dinkie-donger,” said Waller. ”Make no mistake, Sal’s score was a kinky dingo’s breakfast, but it was my mullyshonky. And that Buffer bloke is jakes to a kookaburra, as far as I’m concerned.”
Dana White was understandably upset by the outcome, saying “[Expletive] this [expletive], I [expletive]the whole[expletive] [expletive],” and explained that a rematch would happen at a date to be determined soon, saying they’d “[expletive] that [expletive] when they [expletive] [expletive].”
Zuffa has tended to avoid the tournament system in the UFC due to just these kinds of snags, but had elected to hold a four-man bracket to inaugurate its first flyweight champion, signing two of the top-ranked fighters in the weight class (McCall and Yasuhiro Urushitani), and inviting two top-flight bantamweights to drop down (Johnson and Joe Benavidez). It was the first time that the UFC has put on a tournament since 1982, when Jean Claude van Damme won the whole thing via flying holy shit did you see that bro.
