MMA: The 25 Worst Nicknames in History

Is it really possible to have too much of a good thing? Yes. Peoples’ Exhibit A: MMA fighter nicknames.Once a fun novelty or a clever handle, nicknames have spiraled wildly out of control. Like some kind of low-grade autoimmune disorder, nicknames seem…

Is it really possible to have too much of a good thing?

Yes. Peoples’ Exhibit A: MMA fighter nicknames.

Once a fun novelty or a clever handle, nicknames have spiraled wildly out of control.

Like some kind of low-grade autoimmune disorder, nicknames seem to be reproducing out of control and smothering everything in their paths. At this point, it’s almost taboo not to have one. Like if you don’t have one, all the other fighters wonder “what’s wrong with him?” behind your back.

When do we, as a society, say enough is enough? For me, that time is now. Maybe this cause is not as important as, say, fighting a real disease, but it’s close enough so that I don’t think we need to quibble about it.

In any event, these 25 nicknames are an example of forcing a square (sometimes very square) nickname into a round hole. Whether it’s bad puns or bad advice, these are the worst of the worst. And I, for one, am not going to take it any more.

Begin Slideshow

Fedor Emelianenko vs. Dan Henderson: An Early Head-to-Toe Breakdown

UFC 131 is water under the bridge. But that doesn’t mean the MMA summer is over. Far from it.At the Strikeforce event on July 30, Fedor Emelianenko will try to find that misplaced cloak of invincibility he dropped somewhere along the way several months…

UFC 131 is water under the bridge. But that doesn’t mean the MMA summer is over. Far from it.

At the Strikeforce event on July 30, Fedor Emelianenko will try to find that misplaced cloak of invincibility he dropped somewhere along the way several months back. His opponent, Strikeforce Light Heavyweight champion Dan Henderson, is looking to reaffirm his importance in the face of Father Time and a changing sport.

Though there’s nothing on the line in this heavyweight matchup, and a win may not vault either man into any new title conversations, it is still a hotly anticipated clash between two old lions of the sport, each looking to prove he can still hunt with the alpha males.

Here’s a head-to-toe breakdown of this red-letter date on the MMA calendar.

Begin Slideshow

UFC: Junior Dos Santos vs. Cain Velasquez Could Be Best Heavyweight Fight Ever

The phrase “best ever” is thrown around a lot these days. I should know. I just did it.Sometimes, though, it’s a phrase worth bouncing off the proverbial wall. With dominant UFC heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez set to take on an equally dominant top…

The phrase “best ever” is thrown around a lot these days. I should know. I just did it.

Sometimes, though, it’s a phrase worth bouncing off the proverbial wall. With dominant UFC heavyweight champion Cain Velasquez set to take on an equally dominant top contender in Junior dos Santos, now would appear to be one of those times.

If any serious conversation containing the words “best ever” is to take place, we should first define our terms. Does best mean the most closely contested?  Most contentious? Most hyped?  Most lucrative? 

For my purposes today, I’ll use the fourth definition of “best” listed on TheFreeDictionary.com, which is, quite simply, “most highly skilled.”

There are a lot of great heavyweight fights in UFC history, and in MMA history. Randy Couture, Mirko Cro Cop and Igor come to mind, as does this guy I once heard of, name of Fedor. And yet, when applying the term as defined above and when considering both combatants, I believe the looming battle between Velasquez and dos Santos could indeed take the cake. Here are five reasons why.

Begin Slideshow

UFC 131 Fight Card: Junior Dos Santos’ Blueprint for Victory over Shane Carwin

Talk about starting the summer off with a bang.This Saturday at UFC 131, Junior dos Santos and Shane Carwin square off to see who will get the next shot at the UFC heavyweight title.For Carwin’s part, he knows that cardio is his Achilles heel. So he cl…

Talk about starting the summer off with a bang.

This Saturday at UFC 131, Junior dos Santos and Shane Carwin square off to see who will get the next shot at the UFC heavyweight title.

For Carwin’s part, he knows that cardio is his Achilles heel. So he cleaned up his diet and will come in about 20 pounds lighter.

Presumably, however, none of that weight came out of those 5X fists. So while his cardio may have improved, Carwin’s strategy will likely be the same as it ever was: knock. him. out.

Known as a standup artist himself, dos Santos may nevertheless be looking for something else besides a toe-to-toe war. According to the Las Vegas Sun, by way of Bleacher Report, dos Santos noted, “The strategy is the only thing that’s changed…Against a guy like Brock, I would feel a little more comfortable on my feet. Fighting a guy like Shane, I’m going to have to be a little more cautious.”

So what does that mean, exactly? Are we going to see dos Santos test his jiu-jitsu? The guess here is, not quite. Rather, El Cigano’s blueprint will be to test the endurance of the new and improved—but untested—Shane Carwin.

But let’s back up for a quick second. Back to the ground game, where both men are pretty darned talented. Carwin was a D-II wrestler and a jiu-jitsu purple belt, while dos Santos is a BJJ brown belt under the Nogueira brothers. Both fighters have pulled submissions in their career, but Carwin has a 4-1 edge there. Carwin has also scored takedowns, while dos Santos’ bona fides there are minimal. 

So in summary, Carwin has a small edge on the mat, but in real time they are probably even enough to cancel each other out. So while some are calling for Carwin to take it horizontal, I imagine Dos Santos poses juuuust enough of a ground threat to keep it standing, with a takedown serving as Carwin’s escape valve.

In other words, I see this one staying upright. But I don’t see it being a hang-in-the-pocket-and-bang fest, either. And that brings us back to El Cigano’s quote from above.

To reiterate, everyone on planet Earth who cares about such information knows that Carwin’s weakness is his cardio. Everyone also knows dos Santos is relatively solid in this area. On paper, this is the biggest mismatch between the two fighters.

Why wouldn’t Dos Santos look to exploit that by moving around in the Octagon, scoring points while drawing out the contest, avoiding Carwin’s devastating power and using his razor-sharp jab from the outside to set up his finishing uppercut?

To answer my own rhetorical question, I don’t know why he wouldn’t. I guess that’s why I think he will.

Though I believe Carwin’s cardio may have improved, the onus is on him to prove that. Dos Santos would be right not to simply assume Carwin’s cardio is no longer an issue; to force him to prove it, in other words.

And while dos Santos looking for points over the highlight-reel knockout (at least initially) may not be what a lot of fans want, it is what will give him the best shot to win this fight.

Stay tuned to Bleacher Report for all things UFC 131, including the latest UFC 131 results, fight card analysis, UFC 131 news and live reaction from Vancouver.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

UFC 131 Fight Card: What Dave Herman Must Do To Beat Jon Olav Einemo

Dave “Pee Wee” Herman is making his Octagon debut this Saturday against Jon Olav Einemo at UFC 131. There is a fair bit of excitement around this entrance because Herman, 26, has for years been considered a very pro…

Dave “Pee Wee” Herman is making his Octagon debut this Saturday against Jon Olav Einemo at UFC 131. There is a fair bit of excitement around this entrance because Herman, 26, has for years been considered a very promising prospect at heavyweight.

So why, then, did it take him 22 fights to get here?

Much like the inspiration behind his nickname namesake, Herman (20-2) is a tale of two people, and you’re never really sure which one you’re going to see. Will he apply all his unusual talents to create an entertaining and successful product that fans will want to see again? Or will he be caught in a seedy theater of disappointment, repulsive to those who believed in him and banished back to the sideshow hinterlands?

UFC 131 should finally provide a definitive answer. And judging by his actions of late, Herman knows the expectation is there.

To draw another analogy, Herman is a bit like the Allen Iverson of MMA. He has historically relied on brute strength and athleticism to win fights, and after the bell rings, he’s back in the bar and out of the gym.

I don’t know Herman personally, but this has always been the book on him. 

However, like Iverson, Herman seems to have learned that the highest levels force you to evolve or perish. In order for the sport to take you seriously, you must first take it seriously. Hence the potential reason for his relatively long wait for a shot in the UFC, as well as the fact that his biggest win to date was over a 43-year-old Don Frye.

The student has signaled his willingness to learn by finally casting his lot with respected teachers, namely Dan Henderson and Team Quest. This should improve his grappling, most specifically his takedown defense, which is critical given that his favorite weapons in the cage are his left and right fists.

But grappling is just what the fight doctor ordered against Einemo, a 35-year-old grappler extraordinaire.

His jiu-jitsu bona fides are solid and above reproach, and he’ll no doubt be looking to force the fight to the ground so he can tap Herman out. Then again, he’s coming back to MMA after an eternal five-year layoff. Point jiu-jitsu matches are challenging in their own right, but they’re a different animal than mixed martial arts 100 times out of 100.

But back to Herman. What does he need to do to win? Stuff takedowns? Sure. Punish Einemo from his back as the need arises? Absoutely. Avoid sloppy ground technique while using his power to neutralize submission attempts? Indubitably.

But there’s a larger, more fundamental key to victory for Pee Wee, and it won’t unfold in the course of the fight. It will have been predetermined by those long days in Temecula and whether he brought enough concentration and commitment to the hard training, self-discipline and other not-so-fun stuff he’ll need to do to compete against world-class combat experts.

If he was willing and able to do that, he will have the tools to defeat the jiu-jitsu specialist. But if the dog ate his homework, we’ll see a quick failure, for sure.

Stay tuned to Bleacher Report for all things UFC 131, including the latest UFC 131 results, fight card analysis, UFC 131 news and live reaction from Vancouver.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

MMA: The 15 Must-Watch Fights on the Summer Calendar

The NBA, NHL and college sports seasons will soon be in the books. Baseball’s in the dog days. And Gosh only knows when we’ll catch a glimpse of the NFL again. Thank goodness for MMA, which always delivers the summer sports refreshment. Inj…

The NBA, NHL and college sports seasons will soon be in the books. Baseball’s in the dog days. And Gosh only knows when we’ll catch a glimpse of the NFL again.

Thank goodness for MMA, which always delivers the summer sports refreshment.

Injuries and other factors have put stars like Georges St. Pierre, Jon Jones, Brock Lesnar, Jose Aldo, Cain Velasquez and Jayson “Mayhem” Miller on ice into the fall and beyond. But believe you me: there’s still plenty of mixed martial arts action this summer for grizzled fans and newcomers alike.

Here’s a list of the 15 must-watch fights on tap for the next three months. And in several instances, you don’t even need to shell out for a pay-per-view.

Please enjoy.

Begin Slideshow