(So, you’re telling me marijuana just makes you hungry and interested in conspiracies?/Photo By Getty Images)
UFC Hall of Famer Stephan Bonnar hasn’t made it easy for himself departing the largest MMA organization in the world. Apart from drug test woes and being involved in one of the most masochistic segments we’ve ever had to witness on broadcast television before his Bellator 131 snorefest of the year battle against Tito Ortiz (which he lost by split decision), “The American Psycho” surprised and saddened many followers over the weekend into thinking he was live-tweeting an arrest for DUI.
Unlike Renzo Gracie’s inspiring beatdown of alleged muggers, Bonnar was on the verge of inducting himself into the cesspool of idiotic fighters that gave play-by-play coverage of their disgusting actions and unfortunate mishaps in the past.
Below are some of the UFC legend’s fighter’s tweets, mentioning he was pulled over and broke his nine-month reign of sobriety (the tweets have been deleted, so props to MMA Junkie for the transcriptions):
9 months sober ..till tonight. Sorry God
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
Holy shit…don’t text and drive. I just got pulled over and said..” Sorry occifer..I had a few beers this morning”.
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
Well dipshit me is getting his first DUI an and going to jail…should’ve had at least a dozen by now, so be it
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
The suspense is killing me…Please arrest me already. I’m gonna tweet AMAP before getting cuffed. This cop is taking forever w my reg
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
Wow…still sitting here. Just left my wife the, “you’re gonna need to bail me out message”.- I’m so f-ed
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
I just noticed my mirror is dangling off the side of my car. F- booze!!!!
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
No, @Rubble70 wish I was. I’m half retarded…half genius
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
Arrest me already. This cop is trying to make me shit myself. I did piss in my beer bottle. Congrats Lawler
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
I’m the anrithesis of a role model @lnewlf1325
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
Wow! He just told me to try to be safe…I hung my head out the window and said, “I can really just go?”.-God bless America. My (1/2)
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
wife’s gonna kill me (2/2)
— Stephan Bonnar (@StephanBonnar) December 7, 2014
Bonnar later admitted during Sunday afternoon that this was an “April Fool’s Joke,” and that his run-in with the police was in fact a true story from college.
I’m not sure what’s worse: giving us a rundown of how you beat the cops during your wasted youth at Purdue University in 1998, or joking about a pretty serious matter that takes the lives of innocent people every day.
Yeah…they’re both pretty nauseating. Bonnar also realized his jokes were tasteless, yet he joked about that, too.
At this point in his career, it’s not exactly the time to make funnies coming off a loss to the most injury-prone fighter in the universe, more or less wasting a golden opportunity to stay relevant. Did someone tell Bonnar that we drank a boatload of alcohol while watching his main event fight this past November, and that sometimes, substances don’t solve all your problems?
– Alex G.