(It’s a classic battle of “BROWN PRIDE” vs. “KIND OF SELF-CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY RECEDING HAIRLINE” / Photo via CombatLifestyle.com. Check out more UFC 166 weigh-in photos here.)
Appropriately, the UFC’s latest visit to the fattest city in America is loaded with heavyweight talent. In addition to the highly anticipated trilogy match between current champion Cain Velasquez and former champ Junior Dos Santos, UFC 166‘s main card will also feature Daniel Cormier‘s allegedly final appearance at HW against Roy Nelson, as well as Gabriel Gonzaga‘s punch-out with Shawn Jordan. On the lighter end of the scale, lightweight Gilbert Melendez looks for his first UFC win against Octagon veteran Diego Sanchez, and former flyweight title challenger John Dodson welcomes Darrell Montague to the promotion.
Handling play-by-play for the “Velasquez vs. Dos Santos 3″ PPV broadcast is our buddy Anthony Gannon, who will be stacking live results after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and say whatever you feel like saying in our lawless cesspool of a comments section. Thanks for being here.
UFC 166 preliminary card results:
FOX Sports 1 Prelims
Tim Boetsch def. C.B. Dollaway via split decision (30-26, 27-29, 30-26).
Hector Lombard def. Nate Marquardt via KO, 1:48 round 1.
Jessica Eye def. Sarah Kaufman via split decision (29-28, 28-29, 29-28).
K.J. Noons def. George Sotiropoulos via unanimous decision (29-28, 29-28, 30-27).
Facebook Prelims
Adlan Amagov def. T.J. Waldburger via KO, 3:00 round 1.
Tony Ferguson def. Mike Rio via submission (d’arce choke), 1:52 round 1.
Andre Fili def. Jeremy Larsen via TKO, 0:53 round 2.
Kyogi Horiguchi def. Dustin Pague via TKO, 3:51 round 2.
Sup, bitches. It’s about that time again. For those of you too cheap or too furloughed to buy this event, we’re here, Potato Nation. For you. Because we give a shit. Hell, there’s a party going on up in my crib, free-loading sons-a-bitches are eating up all my food, drinking up all my booze, feeling up my filthy whore of a girlfriend, and I’m hiding in the cellar like a rat, just for you.
The heavyweights are showcased tonight and that’s a good thing, because both Cain Velasquez and Junior Dos Santos stoke about as much pre-fight excitement as the nasty lip cancer does for the prospect of hooking up with the chick you met standing outside the methadone clinic. They don’t need to sell this bitch though. The heavyweight championship sells itself.
In the first outing, JDS knocked Cain’s ass out in about a minute. In the second, Cain laid a 25 minute, systematic ass-whoopin’ on JDS that was universally condemned at the Geneva Convention. We could argue the merits of each guy’s win until our nuts explode. The bottom line is that Cain is the rightful favorite here for good reason: he got knocked out – big guys, little gloves, that shit happens. But he dominated every second of the rematch. The dude is just a friggin’ winner. And he’s not a winner cause he wants to be. He’s a winner cause he’s got strength and speed, and because back in high school he taped Larry Lester’s buns together. Bet ya didn’t know that.
We open as usual, with Rogan and Goldberg breaking down the event, and Goldy’s bottom teeth are whiter than Sarah Kaufman’s legs.
Getting things started is Jon Dodson vs. Darrell Montague
Ok, let’s just talk real quick about how dicked up it is to throw a guy to a Top 3 flyweight in his UFC debut. That’s the boat Darrell Montague finds himself in. Sure, at 13-2 he’s a highly touted prospect, but damn man, how about a tune up fight or some such shit. And I’d be remiss if I failed to mention that the great majority of his wins came against dudes with no Wikipedia pages. Mock that barometer at your peril, bitch. Although in fairness, Montague was both the Gladiator Challenge and TPF flyweight champion, so there’s that. And dammit, if Ben Rothwell can still claim validation for being the IFL champ then it’s only fair that Montague get some street cred for meaningless titles as well.
Dodson is making his return after getting outworked by Demetrious Johnson in his quest for the title, although he did perform quite well until the tank ran low. He’s a rare commodity at 125 – a guy with some nasty punching power. But for Christ’s sake, he needs a new nickname. “The Magician” is downright silly. Or, and here’s a novel concept, how about no nickname? It passes understanding how guys don’t grasp the fact that no nickname is far better than a stupid one. Matt Hughes didn’t have a nickname, and aside from being an insufferable prick, he’s one of the all-time greats.
Darrell is “The Mongoose.” Ugh. Uuuuggggghhhhhhh!
Round 1: Dodson starts with a big overhand that misses. Montague with an inside leg kick. Oof, Dodson just landed a big left. Montague jabbing, not really landing any of them, but sticks a leg kick. Dodson answers with one of his own. Dodson lands a nice right. Dodson punches Montague’s thigh. The Houston fans are getting restless with the quickness. Dodson drops Montague with a left, then descends on him. Montague hanging onto a leg for dear life, manages to survive. And he gets rocked again. Dodson goes hard to the body. Montague looks shaky. Body, then head, Dodson continues to land shots at will. Another one to the body. Montague has a very solid chin and seems to be recovered. Jesus, Dodson drops him again, and gets the KO. That was a vicious beating.
Jon Dodson does a few celebratory flips, then starts laughing for no apparent reason. God this dude is weird.
It’s official, at 4:13 of round 1 Jon Dodson gets the KO.
Gabe Gonzaga and Shawn Jordan are up next.
Gonzaga was looking mean and focused at the weigh-ins, although the hair on his back has reached a point of unruliness rivaled only by Ron Jeremy’s pubic region. Gabe, dog, that’s a problem with a cheap, highly efficient solution. Clippers, baby, clippers. They’re about $15 at Walgreens.
Jordan has quietly amassed a 3-1 resume in the Octagon, with all wins coming via violent stoppage. His last fight, an awesome knockout over Pat Barry in just under a minute, earned him Knockout of the Night honors. Gonzaga may not carry the rep he did back when he damn near decapitated CroCop, but it’s still a nice notch to have in your headboard. Let’s see if Jordan can make Gonzaga that notch, horrifying as that mental image is.
Damn, Gonzaga comes out to “Mother” by Danzig. Respect.
Round 1: Gonzaga opens up with a leg kick, lands a decent straight right. Jordan, jabs, Gonzaga goes to the body. Hard inside leg kick by Gonzaga. Jordan with a left. Charges in and Gonzaga drops him, jumps on him with some hammer fists, and ends it.
The official decision is in, and it’s a TKO at 1:33 of round 1.
Next up is Diego Sanchez vs. Gilbert Melendez
In Gil’s last outing the only thing that prevented him from getting the belt was that he basically stopped fighting in the final round. Maybe he was tired, or maybe he bought into the bizarre cornering philosophy of the Cesar Gracie camp, which dictates they tell their guy he absolutely won every single round even when the rounds are razor thin. Then when the decision comes back against them, all they have to do is call shenanigans and in some alternate universe they declare total victory. After all, there is a well known judging conspiracy when it comes to the Diaz brothers and anyone who associates with them.
Diego seems to be one of those guys stuck in-between weight classes, spending the last four years bouncing from welterweight to lightweight, then back again, to both. Now 1-0 since returning to 155 – a tepid win again Takanori Gomi where Diego missed weight by three pounds – “The Dream” has a wonderful opportunity to catapult himself into the conversation against Top 3 lightweight, Gilbert Melendez. Only problem: Diego is probably going to be outclassed in every single area of the fight – except, perhaps, in heart and the ability to endure a savage beating and keep coming like a Zen Terminator. After squandering his past earnings on hookers and booze, as well as shitty friends, Diego is looking to get back on track here. The question is: Has the top level of the sport passed him by?
Diego busts out a cartwheel and then does his now famous “YUS!” routine.
Round 1: Diego charges out like an animal. Gil starts off with a leg kick. Gil missed a head kick, Diego takes his down. Gil is up, but Diego is on his back. Gil gets Diego off, then goes hard to the body. Nice start. Gil goes to the body again. Diego with a leg kick, east a punch to the chops for it. Diego misses a hook. Then misses a head kick. Diego shoots, Gil stuffs. Gil lands a nice shot to the face. Diego shoots again, stuffed. Diego charges in, gets punched in the face. Diego lands a jab, Gil responds with a big right. Body kick is caught by Gil, goes for a takedown, cannot get it. Gil with another good right. Diego with a hook, misses by a mile. Diego is cut above his left eye. Shoots again, Gil defends it. Gil lands a jab, then sticks a body shot. Diego lands a nice kick to the body. They trade punches, and Diego goes for another body kick, misses. Now they’re going toe to toe busting each other up. Gil drops Diego, but he gets right back up and into the slugfest. The round ends that way. Good round, close, but 10-9 Melendez
Round 2:Gil opens with a straight right. Diego with a leg kick. Gil doing a good job keeping his jab in Diego’s face. They trade shots center cage again, both land good shots. Gil with a leg kick. The ref stops the action to check out Diego’s cut. It’s a real nasty one but it’s not bleeding that badly. They start it up again. Gil with a right that sneaks through. Diego goes for a flying knee, misses. Diego lands a nice one to the beard, Gil responds with a head shot and a body shot. Good jab by Gil, Diego charges in wildly, lands a couple glancing shots. Diego misses a hook, Gil sticks a good right. Big body kick by Diego. Gil goes head body. Diego shoots, gets the takedown, but Gil pops right back up. Now that cut is starting to flow. Diego lands a right, Gil with an uppercut and a hook. Diego shoots, Gil sprawls and delivers a knee on the break. Diego charges in yet again, eats a shot for it. Another good round, 10-9 Melendez
Round 3: Front kick misses by Gil, as well as a body shot. Diego sticks an uppercut. Gil lands a left hook. They trade hard again, both land but Gil looks to have gotten the better of it. Damn, they’re going toe to toe, this is fucking great! They both landed a bunch of solid shots there. And man, Diego is busted up. Diego charges in again, Gil smacks him a couple good ones. They stop it again to look at that cut. It’s bleeding like a sumbitch, but it’s flowing around the side of the eye. They start it up again. Diego’s a mess, but he’s ready to roll man, very intense. Gil with a body shot, Diego with a good leg kick. Toe to toe again, Gil lands three to Diego’s two. Oh a couple real good shots landed by Diego, rocks Gil and drops him, now he’s on his back. Gil switches, takes Diego down, Diego going for a guillotine, Gil escapes, this is insanity. Gil lands a knee, and an elbow off the break. Diego with a body kick. Gil takes Diego down, now he’s up, and Diego hits a switch. They seterape, and Diego goes with a couple more body kicks. They end it up toe to toe kicking the shit out of each other. Awesome!!!!!! 10-9 Diego
The official decision is in and it’s Gil Melendez via unanimous decision (29-28, 30-27, 29-28) .
Definite Fight of the Night, could be Fight of the Year.
Diego gets a standing ovation from the Houston fans. His face is a wreck, looks like someone hit him in the face with a hatchet.
They’re going to the undercard to fill some time.
Roy Nelson and Daniel Cormier are next
Speaking with the media this week Dana White said of his favorite employee, “Roy’s just stupid and says stupid things, and I gotta deal with the stupid shit that he says.” That pretty much sums up Roy’s UFC career. Well that and showing up for fights looking a hot mess. But that’s just Roy, man. He’s misunderstood, kind of like the heal on a loaf of white bread. It’s stigmatized to the point where people either discard it immediately or just keep pushing it aside in favor of the choice slices.
It’s the story of Big Country’s life. Mocked by assholes like us, constantly insulted by his employer, Roy Nelson perseveres the only way he can – by appealing to the fans through his attempted common man persona. But like many a desperate plea for acceptance, he takes it too far. With his cumbersome hair, seemingly lice-infested beard, and greasy floppers, Roy would probably be in violation of even SAMCRO’s lenient grooming standards. One can even picture a teenage Roy, marginalized by his merciless classmates, spending evenings in his bedroom, housing cheese balls and sobbing into his loving dog’s non-judgmental mane,” They just don’t understand, Biscuit. No one understands!”
Like Nelson, Cormier dropped a few as well. He weighed in at 224 pounds, 11 less than his last fight against Frank Mur. He said he was on his way to 205, so this is a good start. Cormier at any weight is awesome, but at 205, with the strong possibility of a fight against Jon Jones somewhere in the near future, hopefully, it’s downright boner inducing.
Round 1: Here we go. Roy opens up with a lazy left, goes nowhere with it. Cormier grabs a leg, dumps Roy on his back. Roy with butterfly guard, Cormier is having none of it, puts Roy in a cradle, now working some body shots from top position. Roy gives up his back to stand up, Cormier drags him back down. Roy desperately tries to latch onto a leg. Cormier delivers a knee. Roy working a Kimura. Lets it go. Another single leg takedown by Cormier, Roy stands back up. Now Cormier has Roy pressed against the cage, administers a knee to the gut. Uppercut to the body by Cormier. Oh damn, huge knee to the body, then another that may have caught Roy in the sack. Big Country is taking a minute. Back to the action. High kick misses by Cormier. Roy goes for an overhand right, skims it. Cormier answers with a big right. Nice left lands by Cormier. Roy ends it with a huge miss. 10-9 Cormier
Round 2: Roy opens the round by missing about eight punches in a row. Cormier fakes a takedown, misses a shot of his own. Front kick to the body lands by Cormier. Cormier charges in, lands a good hook, pushes Roy into the cage. Knee to the body, grabs a leg and plants Roy yet again. Big Country doing a very good job of bouncing right back up though. Cormier has him against the cage again. He delivers a couple decent punches from the clinch. Roy escapes. The statisticians have it 40-9 significant strikes for Cormier. Cormier misses a huge overhand right, Roy sticks a jab. Switch kick by Cormier, blocked, then unloads a few shots to Roy’s head. 10-9 Cormier
Round 3: Cormier opens with a front kick, blocked by Roy. Good right hand landed by Cormier. Cormier with a jab, and they trade overhand rights. Inside leg kick by Cormier. Cormier fakes a takedown, misses a spinning kick, then lands a high kick. Roy eats it like it aint no thang. Three kicks in succession by Cormier, the body kick was the only one that landed. Left hook lands by Cormier. Roy skims a left. Cormier sticks a big straight right, then takes Roy down. And he’s up again. High kick by Cormier, blocked by Roy. Roy is calling his in, has his hands down. Cormier isn’t biting. Roy lands a left, Cormier responds with a right. They end the round with Roy missing a whole mess of punches, Cormier landing a few, and Roy almost dropping Cormier with a leg kick. That’s that, 10-9 Cormier, and should be an easy unanimous decision.
The decision is in and it’s a unanimous decision (30-27 x 3) for Daniel Cormier.
Main event time, Cain Velasquez vs Junior Dos Santos
Some mock Cain as a man of zero personality few words. But these people are ignant sons-a-bitches who lack the mental capacity to comprehend the true meaning behind “Brown Pride.” It’s not about being loud and obnoxious, despite the loud and obnoxious mariachi music Cain walks out to. It’s about hard work, honor, and the fact that the other carnales used to tease Cain for being so light-skinned – kind of like Miklo – so he did what any level-minded individual would do, he got a big-ass tat across his chest proclaiming his brownness. Hey, beats becoming the one-legged leader of a vicious prison gang.
Junior is fired up that nobody is taking seriously his argument that he over-trained and peaked early leading up to his loss to Cain at UFC 155. To Dos Santos, that loss was the likely result of a scientific training error, not the 25 minute, systematic ass-whooping by the night’s better man that the rest of the world witnessed. But what do we know about the nuances of high level training? Shit, many of us claim to understand the ground game because of that half season of JV wrestling all those years ago. Maybe Junior’s got a point, despite it sounding about as ridiculous as Shane Carwin’s loss to Brock Lesnar being caused by an “adrenaline dump.” We just don’t know.
JDS rolls out to the Rocky theme. Goldy says it’s a true Rocky story even though it’s really nothing like that.
A’ight, let’s do this shit!
Round 1: Right off the bat JDS lands a good shot and staggers Cain. Then Cain sticks a takedown, JDS up, catches Cain again. Furious pace to start off. Cain is pushing JDS against the cage, landing short shots and working for a takedown. JDS free. Cain pressing the action, pushes JDS to the cage again, looking to wear JDS down. And they separate. Cain shoots, JDS stuffs. Cain pushes it back against the cage, and Cain lands a takedown, ends up in half guard. Elbow from the bottom from JDS. Cain delivers an elbow, ad another. Cain takes the back, now side, JDS is up again, but Cain is on his again, pushing him against the cage and landing short shots, trying for a trip. Cain lands a good left, and a couple more short ones. He’s just not giving JDS an inch. He’s all over him. A left from Cain, then a knee to the thigh from the clinch. They separate and JDS misses a spinning kick. 10-9 Cain
Round 2: They trade jabs to open things up. Left hook by JDS, Cain grabs a leg and takes JDS down, but he pops right back up. Cain pushing it to the cage again, working some knees to the thighs that look real sucky. Cain lands a couple shots on the separation, Cain clinches again. JDS pushes Cain away. Cain charges back in with a hook that misses ,but he manages to clinch it up again. Good knee to the thigh, and they separate again. Cain shoots, JDS defends, but he’s got his back against the cage again with Cain working those legs. JDS goes for a trip, Cain up, lands a good right. Clinches again. Cain is pushing a brutal fight, clearly looking to wear JDS out. Huge knee to the thigh, followed by a short hook to the grill. They separate and JDS lands a good right, Cain aint having it and clinches again. Cain with a few left hooks, then JDS lands a nice right. Good shot but it’s still all Cain 10-9
Round 3: Overhand right lands by JDS. Cain shoots, stuffed, pushes it to the cage instead. Cain lands a big right, clinches up again, and working those knees to the thigh. Cain with a few short shots, then an uppercut. JDS sticks a nice elbow, Cain still pressing the action. Knee to the body of Cain, while Cain continues to work the legs. Jab by Cain lands. JDS lifts a knee, Cain catches it and goes for a takedown, stuffed. Cain drops JDS with a huge right and is pounding on him. Herb Dean damn near stopped it, but allows it to go on. JDS is rocked, and Cain is so relentless. Lands a couple more. And another. Now Cain pushes him into the fence again, working some dirty boxing. Cain backs off, look to land again and does. Uppercut to the body, and Cain catches him again with an overhand right. And again. JDS is taking a beating here, but he’s staying upright. Incredible heart. 10-9 Cain
Round 3: JDS is looking rough. Cain looks like he just went for a walk. Cain opens things up by landing another big right. Cain clinches up again, backs off and is landing more big shots. JDS still standing. Cain working for a takedown, cannot get it. Elbow off the break by JDS, and Cain answers with two good shots. Cain has JDS against the cage, looking for a trip. They separate briefly and Cain lands a hook. JDS lands a good elbow. JDS lands a good right, Cain with a body kick. Oh, nice uppercut by JDS, and as banged up as he is he’s still got some sting on those shots. Herb Dean stops the action to check JDS’s cuts. His face is jacked and he has a cut over his right eye. Here we go again. JDS swings wildly, misses. Cain charges in, JDS sticks a real good elbow, and Cain responds with a good right. Another elbow, and a left hook by JDS. Cain clinches and lands an elbow of his own. Cain sticks a straight right to end the round. 10-9 Cain
Round 5: JDS’s left eye is swollen completely shut and he still comes out firing. Cain lands a takedown in the middle of the cage. JDS gets to his back, now working to get back up to his feet. Cain is all over him, but he manages to get up. Cain clinches him into the cage. Lands two nasty punches to the neck. Cain working that dirty boxing, lands about seven shots to the neck and body. JDS tries to push off, lands an elbow, but Cain punches him in the face then clinches him again. More knees to the thighs. They separate and Cain hits another right, clinches it again. JDS falls down, Cain bashes him and the fight is stopped. Wow, dominating performance.
The official decision is in, and it’s a TKO at 3:09 of round 5 for Cain Velasquez.
Another amazing performance by Cain. Awesome card top to bottom. I got to roll. Thanks for hanging with us. We’ll analyze this shit tomorrow.