At UFC 168 on Saturday night, Miesha Tate will seek to close out an already chaotic year in MMA by dethroning UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey—in the process, somehow managing to avoid Rowdy’s infamous armbar. In theory, the task isn’t impossible. There is, after all, ample footage in existence thoroughly documenting Rousey‘s various methods of executing […]
At UFC 168 on Saturday night, Miesha Tate will seek to close out an already chaotic year in MMA by dethroning UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey—in the process, somehow managing to avoid Rowdy’s infamous armbar. In theory, the task isn’t impossible. There is, after all, ample footage in existence thoroughly documenting Rousey‘s various methods of executing […]
Like anyone, there are things that UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey isn’t good at, and there are things that she is. Apparently, being fake is something she’s not good at. Winning fights is. Being civil with rival Miesha Tate outside of the cage, apparently, is something she’s not good at either. Finishing fights by armbar is. The trend […]
Like anyone, there are things that UFC women’s bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey isn’t good at, and there are things that she is. Apparently, being fake is something she’s not good at. Winning fights is. Being civil with rival Miesha Tate outside of the cage, apparently, is something she’s not good at either. Finishing fights by armbar is. The trend […]
At UFC on Fuel 10, two of the best submission artists in the history of the heavyweight division met, but ultimately, it was Fabricio Werdum who came away with the victory. Facing former Pride champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira in a rematch from a fight…
At UFC on Fuel 10, two of the best submission artists in the history of the heavyweight division met, but ultimately, it was Fabricio Werdum who came away with the victory. Facing former Pride champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira in a rematch from a fight the pair had all the way back in 2006, Werdum was […]
We’re not even one week into 2013, yet we already have a strong candidate for CagePotato.com’s coveted MMA Fail of the Year at the year-ending Potato Awards. And yes, “coveted” is the right word here – with all of the ugly tattoos, terrible t-shirts, goofy haircuts and general jackassery in this great sport, it’s a legitimate honor to be recognized for failing harder than everyone else around you. Last year, the award went to a guy who dared his opponent to knock him out seconds before getting knocked out. Following in his footsteps, this instructor is so confident that he has discovered the “ultimate” way to defend against an armbar that you should really be expecting his demise well before it plays out.
This guy’s “Ultimate Armbar Defense” isn’t exactly scientific; it involves grabbing your own gi collar and holding on for dear life. Don’t ask me how a jiu-jitsu purple belt didn’t realize that he was setting himself up for a textbook gi choke, but he didn’t, and the inevitable happens by the end of the video. My favorite part of the video is the very end, when he wakes up, remembers where he is, puffs his chest out and looks into the camera with manly, Ronda Rousey-esque confidence.
We’re not even one week into 2013, yet we already have a strong candidate for CagePotato.com’s coveted MMA Fail of the Year at the year-ending Potato Awards. And yes, “coveted” is the right word here – with all of the ugly tattoos, terrible t-shirts, goofy haircuts and general jackassery in this great sport, it’s a legitimate honor to be recognized for failing harder than everyone else around you. Last year, the award went to a guy who dared his opponent to knock him out seconds before getting knocked out. Following in his footsteps, this instructor is so confident that he has discovered the “ultimate” way to defend against an armbar that you should really be expecting his demise well before it plays out.
This guy’s ”Ultimate Armbar Defense” isn’t exactly scientific; it involves grabbing your own gi collar and holding on for dear life. Don’t ask me how a jiu-jitsu purple belt didn’t realize that he was setting himself up for a textbook gi choke, but he didn’t, and the inevitable happens by the end of the video. My favorite part of the video is the very end, when he wakes up, remembers where he is, puffs his chest out and looks into the camera with manly, Ronda Rousey-esque confidence.
It’s sort-of brilliant – your opponent can’t kick your ass if you kick your own ass first, and even though you’d lose a grappling match if you choked yourself out to defend against an armbar, at least your opponent didn’t technically beat you. As long as you didn’t have an incompetent referee, you’d lose well before your opponent realizes you’re asleep and armbars you out of principle.
The bar has been set high in 2013, Taters. I don’t recommend trying to defeat this guy at his own game, but for those about to fail, I salute you.
(Perhaps “Professor X” should consider changing his nickname to “Mister Fantastic.”)
Since being ousted from the UFC following a pair of losses to Denis Kang and Drew McFedries in 2009, the times have been tough on Xavier “Professor X” Foupa-Pokam. He’s won just three out of his past twelve fights (which could be worse *cough* Sean Salmon *cough*) and he had to suffer through this hellacious armbar at the hands of Jack Marshman in his appearance at BAMMA 11 on December 1st just to walk away with a split decision victory.
A credit is due to Pokam for gritting it out through such a dicey moment, but he should also be thanking his lucky stars that he was fighting a relatively inexperienced ground fighter in Marshman, who has apparently yet to learn what even Jim Norton could tell you: The key to a solid armbar comes from elevating the hips, not going palm-to-palm like Frank Mir on an inside shoulder lock. It was a nasty hold, no doubt, but Ronda Rousey would have finished that shit. Just sayin’.
(Perhaps “Professor X” should consider changing his nickname to “Mister Fantastic.”)
Since being ousted from the UFC following a pair of losses to Denis Kang and Drew McFedries in 2009, the times have been tough on Xavier “Professor X” Foupa-Pokam. He’s won just three out of his past twelve fights (which could be worse *cough* Sean Salmon *cough*) and he had to suffer through this hellacious armbar at the hands of Jack Marshman in his appearance at BAMMA 11 on December 1st just to walk away with a split decision victory.
A credit is due to Pokam for gritting it out through such a dicey moment, but he should also be thanking his lucky stars that he was fighting a relatively inexperienced ground fighter in Marshman, who has apparently yet to learn what even Jim Norton could tell you: The key to a solid armbar comes from elevating the hips, not going palm-to-palm like Frank Mir on an inside shoulder lock. It was a nasty hold, no doubt, but Ronda Rousey would have finished that shit. Just sayin’.
On a side note, can I ask what is with all of the limb-punching going on in MMA lately? First Marshman tries to Hulk-smash through Pokam’s only remaining ligaments that haven’t been shredded like a Julienne salad, then Ben Henderson spends half his fight treating Nate Diaz’s thigh like it was Kyle Maynard’s face. Temporary fad or TECHNIQUE OF THE FUTURE?
Let’s be real, no matter how trendy, no matter how played out, we all still fantasize about the zombie apocalypse on a daily basis. While there will always be the NRA member who has a weapons cache in their basement, some won’t be so fortunate. This one goes out to them.
Let’s be real, no matter how trendy, no matter how played out, we all still fantasize about the zombie apocalypse on a daily basis. While there will always be the NRA member who has a weapons cache in their basement, some won’t be so fortunate. This one goes out to them.
HONORABLE MENTION- Running Away
It didn’t work so well for Kalib Starnes when he fought Zombie Cage Fighter, Nate Quarry, but you don’t have to worry about scoring points when your judges are undead monsters. Get the hell out of there and save yourself!
AVOID- Crucifix
While this move has proven golden for “Big Country” Roy Nelson, he hasn’t fought with a flesh eating mongoloid since coming up short against Jeff Monson. The last thing you’ll want to do is give your zombie nemesis an all-you-can-eat-buffet for a few punches and elbows. Your instincts for the headshots are good, but there are better ways.
USE- Plum Clinch
More commonly known as the “Muay Thai Clinch,” this move is an indispensable article in your arsenal. This clinch allows you to control the zombie’s head, avoiding those dastardly dentils.
AVOID- Armbar
While virtually any submission maneuver would be a foolhardy idea, laying your leg across the mouth of a ghoul is just plain stupid.
USE- Guillotine
To entirely contradict my last slide, the guillotine is a pretty golden move. If sunk in properly, you can clasp the undead’s mouth shut and torque that neck until it snaps like a Kit Kat Bar.
What sets this move apart from other chokes like the rear-naked choke is that it offers better maneuverability and keeps you on your feet. The last thing you want is a recently decapitated zombie pinning you to the ground while the horde approaches.
AVOID- Takedowns
There’s a two in six billion chance that you, the reader, are Matt Hughes or Randy Couture, and thusly you shouldn’t be using the majority of MMA takedowns. I concede, it might be thrilling to splatter a zombie into the ground, but you never really know how decomposed your competition is, they might survive. Hopefully when the world ends so will the rules. Spiking and piledriving your undead foe won’t get you disqualified, and could save your life.
USE- Front Kick
Risking balancing on one foot might be precarious, but once you’ve sent a zombie fiend’s head soaring with a geyser of gook, you’ll thank me.
AVOID- Dirty Boxing
Snuggling up against a zombie is a bad idea no matter how many punches you land. Create distance.
USE- Showtime Kick
You are going to be aiming for the head and any help you can get, take it.
Launching yourself off of the rubble of civilization isn’t fail-safe; you might eat crap. Thankfully with a zombie’s delayed reaction time you could probably try three or four times before it even catches on.
AVOID- Triangle Choke
Yes, zombies like hot dogs. Beware.
USE- Superman Punch
I give you, Zombie Kryptonite.
Sport Science once measured Georges St. Pierre’s Superman Punch at a speed of 15 FPS. The time it would take for your fist to mash the mandible of the man-eating monster would be virtually instantaneous.
Another key factor in the Superman Punch’s effectiveness is the feint kick. While your zombie opponent probably won’t fall for it, the leg extension behind you will act like a blind man’s cane ensuring you won’t give up your back to a zombie goon.
