Martial Arts Fail of the Week: Balinese White Magic Is the Best Base for MMA

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail of the Week. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out after the jump…

Remember when we said nobody on Martial Arts Fail of the Week could possibly be worse than Ashida Kim?

We might’ve been wrong.

Enter Yellow Bamboo, a martial art based on “Balinese White Magic” which promises to create “the necessary power within you to achieve whatever positive outcome you desire.”

In the case of the above video, the outcome most people desire is apparently being able to send legions of defrauded fools into spasms by posing and screaming as loud as you possibly can like you’re on Dragon Ball Z.

What’s even better is that these Jedi Knight-like powers can be yours, FREE! All you have to do is send the school an email and they’ll send you the download link. Fortunately for the Potato Nation, someone linked their training on YouTube. It’s as laughable as you might expect. There’s crazy, rice-related initiation ceremonies, holy water, singing, full moons, fasting, energy beams, and other insanity. This might be the most cult-like martial art we’ve ever seen.


(Fast forward to about 50 minutes in to see him do some pretty terrible katas, if you can even call them that. And these katas get BAT SHIT CRAZY around 1:20:00)

The best part of all this, though, is that some of these Yellow Bamboo guys were officially exposed in a real fight, not unlike the Finnish Ki master who was featured on CagePotato’s first-ever Martial Arts Fail. Check out these Yellow Bamboo scrubs getting choked out:

Of course, like with every bullshit martial art, there’s an in-built excuse. “Yellow Bamboo can only be used for good purpose,” the website says. “If one tries to use it for a bad purpose either nothing will happen or the magick [sic] will have a boomerang effect back on the sender.”

To clarify, it’ll work when you’re using it on other people who are spending money to learn it. It never works in competition though because that’s not a “pure” purpose.

So what do you say, Potato Nation? Are these jokers worse than Ashida Kim?

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].

Martial Arts Fail of the Week: “27 of the Deadliest Poison-Hand Techniques Ever Devised”

This is the jackpot, Potato Nation. It’s the most god-awful Martial Arts Fail we’ve ever seen.

Before you keep reading, watch the video. Our words can’t do it justice. It epitomizes the unfortunate but ever-present fraudulent side of martial arts. For every legitimate school teaching people how to defend themselves, there are 1,000 schools teaching the kind of complete crap in the video.

Did you watch it yet? Because you really need to.

The guy in the video is no martial artist. He’s a conman who calls himself Ashida Kim. Bullshido.net, a website dedicated to exposing martial arts fraud, performed an in-depth investigation on Kim, who’s real name is Radford W. Davis. In addition to peddling this deadly ninja master bullshit, Kim/Davis also mails out phony martial arts certifications. An investigator from Bullshido even managed to get a certificate saying he was a black belt in Vale Tudo from Kim/Davis.

Feeling like you wanna punch this guy yet? Well, he’s got a plan for that. It’s called the $10,000 Challenge, which includes such stipulations as posting a $25,000 “appearance bond” to make sure you don’t skip town as well as paying Kim $10,000 to show, as well as footing the bill for his lodging and food. Nice.

Oh, and this guy also claims he can levitate. Watch the video of him attempting to do so after the jump.

This is the jackpot, Potato Nation. It’s the most god-awful Martial Arts Fail we’ve ever seen.

Before you keep reading, watch the video. Our words can’t do it justice. It epitomizes the unfortunate but ever-present fraudulent side of martial arts. For every legitimate school teaching people how to defend themselves, there are 1,000 schools teaching the kind of complete crap in the video.

Did you watch it yet? Because you really need to.

The guy in the video is no martial artist. He’s a conman who calls himself Ashida Kim. Bullshido.net, a website dedicated to exposing martial arts fraud, performed an in-depth investigation on Kim, who’s real name is Radford W. Davis. In addition to peddling this deadly ninja master bullshit, Kim/Davis also mails out phony martial arts certifications. An investigator from Bullshido even managed to get a certificate saying he was a black belt in Vale Tudo from Kim/Davis.

Feeling like you wanna punch this guy yet? Well, he’s got a plan for that. It’s called the $10,000 Challenge, which includes such stipulations as posting a $25,000 “appearance bond” to make sure you don’t skip town as well as paying Kim $10,000 to show, and also footing the bill for his lodging and food. Nice.

Oh, and this guy also claims he can levitate:

Can it possibly get worse than this?

If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected].