Hope you jerks are having a better Father’s Day than some of us.
Yesterday didn’t just provide us with depressing fights from former contenders. We also got to witness a fight from former champion Tim Sylvia and Jong Dae Kim attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. Okay, so it was still somewhat depressing. But at least you won’t feel guilty for pointing and laughing at anyone involved, so what else can you ask for?
Tim Sylvia has been making a valiant effort to win fights and get back to the UFC as of late- although the overwhelming majority of his battles have taken place on Twitter and YouTube. Fresh off of back-to-back TKO losses to Patrick Cote and dignity, Tim Sylvia decided to do his fighting inside the cage last night against Randy Smith, a thirty-eight year old journeyman who entered the bout with a 13-10-1 professional record. A can of his caliber shouldn’t last ten seconds in the cage with a former UFC champion, yet Smith defied the odds by being knocked twelve seconds into the first round.
Impressive victory over a game opponent? Not so much. Will it take our minds off of his last effort, a forgettable decision over Andreas Kraniotakes at the abysmal Pro Elite 2: Big Guns? Trick question- we’ve blocked that fight from our memories a long time ago. Low-Quality to the point of being virtually unwatchable video after the jump? You betcha.
Hope you jerks are having a better Father’s Day than some of us.
Yesterday didn’t just provide us with depressing fights from former contenders. We also got to witness a fight from former champion Tim Sylvia and Jong Dae Kim attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. Okay, so it was still somewhat depressing. But at least you won’t feel guilty for pointing and laughing at anyone involved, so what else can you ask for?
Tim Sylvia has been making a valiant effort to win fights and get back to the UFC as of late- although the overwhelming majority of his battles have taken place on Twitter and YouTube. Fresh off of back-to-back TKO losses to Patrick Cote and dignity, Tim Sylvia decided to do his fighting inside the cage last night against Randy Smith, a thirty-eight year old journeyman who entered the bout with a 13-10-1 professional record. A can of his caliber shouldn’t last ten seconds in the cage with a former UFC champion, yet Smith defied the odds by being knocked out twelve seconds into the first round.
Impressive victory over a game opponent? Not so much. Will it take our minds off of his last effort, a forgettable decision over Andreas Kraniotakes at the abysmal Pro Elite 2: Big Guns? Trick question- we’ve blocked that fight from our memories a long time ago. Low-Quality to the point of being virtually unwatchable video after the jump? You betcha.
As for Jong Dae Kim? He fought Bob Sapp at last night’s Road FC 8 in Seoul, South Korea. And believe it or not, Bob Sapp actually fought back. For a few moments, it even looked like Bob Sapp would win. We’re only one week removed from Tölegen Akylbekov setting the bar for The Bob Sapp Challenge™ at one minute, twenty four seconds, yet the bar has already been raised to three minutes, fourteen seconds of round two. That’s not a typo. Enjoy.
Before we go any further, the answer is yes. That image is a real screenshot of Bob Sapp’s MMA record on both the English version of Wikipedia and its Italian counterpart, taken around 2:30 (CT) this afternoon. Those who follow MMA already know that Bob Sapp is nothing more than a joke and a disgrace, and with Wikipedia cracking down on UFC events that aren’t important enough to deserve their own pages, it should come as little surprise that yet another effortless loss from Bob Sapp has yet to be added to his fight record.
Friday night, Bob Sapp set out to mock our sport professional sports once again in Kazakhstan against Tölegen Akylbekov. Knowing that Bob Sapp was going to put up as much of a fight as The Brooklyn Brawler, Akylbekov decided that he was going to attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. For those uninitiated, the rules are simple: Rather than defeating Bob Sapp as quickly as possible, one must force Bob Sapp to actually put up something resembling a fight for as long as possible. Sounds easy enough…until you realize you’re attempting to make a guy who has tapped out to a double-leg takedown actually put up a fight.
Before we go any further, the answer is yes. That image is a real screenshot of Bob Sapp‘s MMA record on both the English version of Wikipedia and its Italian counterpart, taken around 2:30 (CT) this afternoon. Those who follow MMA already know that Bob Sapp is nothing more than a joke and a disgrace, and with Wikipedia cracking down on UFC events that aren’t important enough to deserve their own pages, it should come as little surprise that yet another effortless loss from Bob Sapp has yet to be added to his fight record.
Friday night, Bob Sapp set out to mock our sport professional sports once again in Kazakhstan against Tölegen Akylbekov. Knowing that Bob Sapp was going to put up as much of a fight as The Brooklyn Brawler, Akylbekov decided that he was going to attempt to win The Bob Sapp Challenge™. For those uninitiated, the rules are simple: Rather than defeating Bob Sapp as quickly as possible, one must force Bob Sapp to actually put up something resembling a fight for as long as possible. Sounds easy enough…until you realize you’re attempting to make a guy who has tapped out to a double-leg takedown actually put up a fight.
Once Tölegen Akylbekov got Bob Sapp to the ground, he threw some ground-and-pound that was so light that even Bob Sapp couldn’t tap out to it. Akylbekov has the right idea by standing up and backing away, but when Sapp refuses to stand back up, the Kazakhstan fighter threw some comically slow punches that would have made a real fighter do something other than turtle up and wait for the referee to stop the fight.
But it was all for nothing. Two minutes and twelve seconds into the video, we see the inevitable tapout from Bob Sapp due to hammerfists. Immediately after the Sappmission, the referee lands the most significant blow of the fight when he tackles Tölegen Akylbekov.
Okay, the bar for The Bob Sapp Challenge™ has been set at one minute, twenty four seconds. Your move, Jong Dae Kim.
Today on the CagePotato Roundtable, we’re taking a trip through the magical world of make-believe! Which MMA fighter would you scrap with if reality was no object? Would it be a hated heel? A personal idol? An undersized Japanese lady who you might actually have a puncher’s chance against? Joining us this week is Vince Mancini, the esteemed editor of FilmDrunk.com and occasionalCP commenter. Follow his shit @FilmDrunk, and if you have a topic idea for a future Roundtable column, please send it to [email protected].
Saying that I could fight any MMA fighter implies that I also have the option not to do so, and I would exercise that option. You see, I’m what scientists call “a pussy.” I don’t like my chances in a scrap against anyone, trained or not. In that way I’m kind of like the anti-Krazy Horse: I’ll back down from men, women, children, retarded people…
But if I had to throw down with an MMA fighter of my choosing, it’s going to be Bob Sapp, all day. The reasons are plentiful. As stated earlier, any trained fighter is going to wreck me, badly, so I’m certainly not going to pick someone smaller than me or a female — why give my detractors [friends] more to mock? No, I’m going to pick an intimidating juggernaut, and few fit that bill better than Bob Sapp. If I lose the fight — which is pretty much the only possibility — non-MMA fans [again, my friends] will look at pictures of him, then back at my unimposing frame, and accept the loss as a forgone conclusion while giving me eternal props for climbing into the cage with such a monstrosity.
Actual MMA fans tuning into the fight will already be expecting to see someone turtle-up and play dead before the first punch connects, so they won’t be disappointed if I take a page out of “The Beast’s” own playbook and hit the canvas prematurely. All of Sapp’s recent battles have been farces, so at least no one will be expecting a real fight; I’d hate to disappoint the crowd.
(I got winner.)
Today on the CagePotato Roundtable, we’re taking a trip through the magical world of make-believe! Which MMA fighter would you scrap with if reality was no object? Would it be a hated heel? A personal idol? An undersized Japanese lady who you might actually have a puncher’s chance against? Joining us this week is Vince Mancini, the esteemed editor of FilmDrunk.com and occasionalCP commenter. Follow his shit @FilmDrunk, and if you have a topic idea for a future Roundtable column, please send it to [email protected].
Saying that I could fight any MMA fighter implies that I also have the option not to do so, and I would exercise that option. You see, I’m what scientists call “a pussy.” I don’t like my chances in a scrap against anyone, trained or not. In that way I’m kind of like the anti-Krazy Horse: I’ll back down from men, women, children, retarded people…
But if I had to throw down with an MMA fighter of my choosing, it’s going to be Bob Sapp, all day. The reasons are plentiful. As stated earlier, any trained fighter is going to wreck me, badly, so I’m certainly not going to pick someone smaller than me or a female — why give my detractors [friends] more to mock? No, I’m going to pick an intimidating juggernaut, and few fit that bill better than Bob Sapp. If I lose the fight — which is pretty much the only possibility — non-MMA fans [again, my friends] will look at pictures of him, then back at my unimposing frame, and accept the loss as a forgone conclusion while giving me eternal props for climbing into the cage with such a monstrosity.
Actual MMA fans tuning into the fight will already be expecting to see someone turtle-up and play dead before the first punch connects, so they won’t be disappointed if I take a page out of “The Beast’s” own playbook and hit the canvas prematurely. All of Sapp’s recent battles have been farces, so at least no one will be expecting a real fight; I’d hate to disappoint the crowd.
The other benefit of course is that any other fighter would be trying to, you know, win. That would entail hurting me in some manner, and frankly I don’t care for that. With Sapp I’m running a low risk of him coming out with any intention of actually fighting, and since cardio would be my only advantage, I’d hope to run around long enough for him to double over in exhaustion and tap out from the thought of taking a punch.
So assuming I had to climb into the cage with anyone it would definitely be Anderson Silva. Am I crazy? Yes, but that is a different story for me to work out with my family and friends. I would fight “The Spider” because, simply put, there is no one on the face of the earth who has fucked people up in so many creative and head-scratching ways. If I am to be remembered for anything in the fight game, it will be for getting my ass kicked, so why not do it in style? I can’t imagine a better dance partner for that than Anderson Silva.
But let’s be real, Anderson would enter the ring, bow all over the place, and then probably get super angry at the insulting level of competition placed before him (putting me in elite company with Patrick Cote, Thales Leites, and Demian Maia). Perhaps he would call back one of his kicks from the Leites fight that would humiliate me even further. He might go into his Keanu Reeves “Matrix”-mode and clown me that way. Even if I shot testosterone directly into my balls for weeks on end, it still might not help me out too much.
In conclusion, if I’m going to fight an MMA fighter, I want to lose in epic fashion, and as the record number of hyperlinks above shows, ain’t no one better to order up a beating from than Anderson “The Spider” Silva.
As a big fan of Fight Club, hardly a day goes by that I don’t think about the eternal question, “if you could fight anyone, who would it be?” The contents of my list changes, but it’s rarely less than ten people, and always includes Ted Nugent (that stupid soul patch, GAAAH!), Screech, and someone from the DMV. But when Goldstein asked me if I could fight any MMA FIGHTER in the world who would it be, the new modifier threw me for a loop. After all, I fantasize about punching people, not getting my ass kicked. And while I’m pretty sure I could take most aging musicians, former child actors, and overweight city employees, I’d probably be out of my league against any fighter approaching professional level.
I started thinking of a fighter you’ve heard of that I might conceivably beat. Bob Sapp? Great if he’s taking his usual dive, but if he changes his mind, or if he even accidentally falls on me, I’m screwed. Out of all the seasons of The Ultimate Fighter, there has to be one dude I could take, so who was the worst? Andy Wang? Allen “Monstah Lobstah” Berube? Those guys would probably be my bottom two, but even then, my chances of actually winning would be 50-50 at best (and that’s being wildly generous). And even if I did win, so what? I’d either prove that I could hang with the worst or get beaten up by a guy everyone thinks is a bum, neither of which option sounds particularly attractive.
Point is, if you’re me, you’re probably going to get beaten up in any fantasy MMA match-up. So what you really want is someone you wouldn’t mind getting beaten up by. And I think the obvious choice here is Gina Carano, because she’s super pretty.
Provided she didn’t pull out at the last minute for some never-revealed lady troubles, here’s how I see the fight going down: I keep my guard high to weather her striking. At some point, she over-commits on a punch and I slip it and bull rush her, using my size advantage and rugby experience to drag her to the ground. From there, I’d posture up in her guard, using the palms of my hands cupped against her ample breasts to support my weight. Being careful not to give up an arm bar, I’d rain down kisses from the top and grind my boner into her crotch until the cops came. I’m telling you, Penthouse, it was the craziest night of my life. Wait, what were talking about again?
There have only been a few times in my life that I wanted to jump into my television to join the broadcast and kick somebody’s ass. When I was a kid, it happened during the movie Bloodsport when Ogre Ray Jackson got his ass handed to him by Chong Li. Not that I was going to be able to help him since I was a child, but dammit I was going to try. Another instance of my warped suspended reality happens practically every other weekend because Top Gun is a staple on all syndicated channels. Each time the volleyball scene comes on, I want to step through my TV screen and knock everybody out. Not just Cruise or Kilmer or the guy that lowered the net so 5’ 2” Maverick would look like he could actually spike the ball. I want to throw haymakers on all the extras, cameramen and even the craft services personnel for being part of that steaming pile of elephant shit.
Though both instances have made we want to enter the boob-tube, I have never had the feeling overwhelm me like it did while watching UFC 83 during the Nate Quarry vs. Kalib Starnes fight. If you don’t remember that contest, Starnes basically back-pedaled at a brisk pace for the entire 15 minutes and (much like Maverick after he killed Goose) he refused to engage. It got to the point that Quarry was high-step running in comedic fashion and even went “full retard” by crossing his arms in front of his head while punching himself in the face. That is why, if I could fight any MMA athlete, I would pick Kalib Starnes.
For any of the CP writers to say we would stand a snowball’s chance in hell of coming out victorious against a professional mixed martial artist — with the exceptions of Karma, Elias Cepeda, and Chris Colemon’s upcoming bout against Bob Sapp — is crazy talk. However, if Starnes showed up for a reverse track meet while I was across the cage, I might have a chance. I, too, have the ability to jog at a mediocre pace for five minutes per round, and I could totally do that with a one-minute rest in between. Though most likely he would turn my face into goulash.
I initially wanted to fight Georges St. Pierre because I am pretty sure he smells excellent and his skin is silky smooth from all the moisturizing, but upon further review, I think I may just ask GSP if he wants to play some beach volleyball. In the meantime, I will be vigorously training five minutes at a time for my anticipated scrap with Kalib Starnes.
Completely unrelated, but you know what I’d ban if I could? Well, duh: Putting your organization’s champion in non-title fights in his weight class. But you know what else I’d ban? Fighters who justify picking easy fights by rambling on about “how much it would mean to fight a legend,” or “because he was my hero and it would be an honor to fight him,” or any similar nonsense. Just admit it: You aren’t out to prove how much you’ve progressed by beating your hero when he’s past his prime; if anything, you’re regressing by fighting an older, less-diverse fighter than your last opponent. You don’t see your childhood hero — you see an easy W.
Rather, I would fight Ken Shamrock because the fight would be special for me. See, the first MMA article I ever published was a guest contribution to CagePotato on October 18, 2010, about Ken Shamrock’s victory over Jonathan Ivey in my current city of Lafayette, Louisiana. That article was my first step towards eventually getting hired, where I’ve quietly been ruining your opinions of this website ever since. Because of that, Shamrock will always hold a special place in my heart, and it would be an honor and a privilege to be in the cage with him.
Oh, and one more thing: I am exempt from my opening rant because I clearly said fighter, not writer. Suck it, Dan Hardy. *drops microphone*
Josh Hutchinson
I’m going to be completely honest with you guys right now. “Do I want to be a fucking fighter?” Shit no. It looks like a lot of work, and that’s not really my bag. Now, had this question been asked to me in my late teens or early twenties, I probably would have said Fedor, Hendo, or something as equally stupid. You see, in those days I wouldn’t have turned down a fight with any living creature on the planet, be it an MMA champ, a grizzly bear, or God damn Superman. At that point in my life there was no such thing as kryptonite for this guy. Well, I was wrong. Two construction injuries requiring surgery later, and I’m less of a Spartan and more of a walking bag of meat just trying to survive another alcohol fueled week. What I’m trying to say is, I’ve learned my limits and that has certainly helped to fuel my decision for this week’s Roundtable.
Which brings me to my choice in Dana White. Yes, the question was “which MMA Fighter do you want to fight,” but as I illustrated above I’ve got around the same chance of winning a fight against an actual MMA fighter as Bob Sapp does. [Ed. note: And that’s Sapp reference #4, which means we’ve met our quota.] Beyond that, as General Douglas MacArthur famously said, “Rules are mostly made to be broken and are too often for the lazy to hide behind”. See, I’m just trying not to be lazy. Also, as the face of the biggest MMA promotion in the world, he should be eligible for this type of list in my opinion.
Why Dana White? Is it because he wants to “fuck” my favorite comedic MMA site, because he plays favorites with fighters (see: Dan Hardy, Jon Jones, etc.), because he is single handedly the worst ambassador for our beloved sport, that stupid smug face he always has, or a combination of those, and many more reasons? I’m leaning toward the latter. Do I think I would win? Highly doubtful, but I’d give it a try.
In the vein of breaking down this non-fictional fight, I have an inch or two on him, but he has at least 50-60 pounds on me. I’m lanky as they come so he would have the reach, but when we look at styles, I would give his elite pedigree in boxerciseing the nod over my semi-pro style of bar-fighting. Endurance is a bitch.
So yes, my choice is Dana White, if only because he is the biggest name that I might have a chance against, and he pisses me off. While this would probably turn out to be a regrettable statement, I’d even fight just to get Cage Potato’s short-lived press credentials back. Although, I would settle for him just making all main events five rounds, and not just a select few. The ball’s in your court, Mr. President.
(Seen here: Bob Sapp’s most legit fight in the past five years.)
If you’ve followed this thing we call MMA for even a couple years now, then you’ve undoubtedly heard of the travesty to the sport that is Bob Sapp. If he were a band, the boys over at MetalSucks would refer to him as “A Shitstain on the Ass of the Universe,” which is perhaps the most appropriate label to place on someone who seems to be doing his damnedest to soil the metaphorical trousers of the sport we hold dear.
Possibly sent on a mission of mercy by the fellas over at Mitch and Murray, Ariel Helwani decided to bring Sapp onto his show, “The MMA Hour,” to dispel or confirm the general consensus that he has thrown most, if not all of his fights over the past four or five years. What started off as at least a coherent defense on Sapp’s part quickly spiraled into a smorgasbord of nonsensical rants and accusations punctuated by creepy, baritone laughter, before concluding with several futile attempts by “The Beast” to justify his pathetic existence through Youtube hits, or something like that. In other words, it was typical Bob Sapp.
Just take this gem, for instance, which actually came before Sapp decided to go full retard:
I will receive no damage to my body that will be long lasting for a small insignificant amount of cash. I think we’ve seen that now with examples with the NFL and the fact that some of these guys are coming back and saying, “Hey we want some money, we have brain damage.” I’m getting paid well underneath what a professional boxer would, or Manny Pacquiao. So I will, in no means ever, will I sustain long-lasting damage for a small paycheck. Never will that happen, never will “The Beast” ever have that happen.
Join us after the jump for the whole interview.
(Seen here: Bob Sapp‘s most legit fight in the past five years.)
If you’ve followed this thing we call MMA for even a couple years now, then you’ve undoubtedly heard of the travesty to the sport that is Bob Sapp. If he were a band, the boys over at MetalSucks would refer to him as “A Shitstain on the Ass of the Universe,” which is perhaps the most appropriate label to place on someone who seems to be doing his damnedest to soil the metaphorical trousers of the sport we hold dear.
Possibly sent on a mission of mercy by the fellas over at Mitch and Murray, Ariel Helwani decided to bring Sapp onto his show, “The MMA Hour,” to dispel or confirm the general consensus that he has thrown most, if not all of his fights over the past four or five years. What started off as at least a coherent defense on Sapp’s part quickly spiraled into a smorgasbord of nonsensical rants and accusations punctuated by creepy, baritone laughter, before concluding with several futile attempts by “The Beast” to justify his pathetic existence through Youtube hits, or something like that. In other words, it was typical Bob Sapp.
Just take this gem, for instance, which actually came before Sapp decided to go full retard:
I will receive no damage to my body that will be long lasting for a small insignificant amount of cash. I think we’ve seen that now with examples with the NFL and the fact that some of these guys are coming back and saying, “Hey we want some money, we have brain damage.” I’m getting paid well underneath what a professional boxer would, or Manny Pacquiao. So I will, in no means ever, will I sustain long-lasting damage for a small paycheck. Never will that happen, never will “The Beast” ever have that happen.
(The interview starts around the 2:13:00 mark.)
Some notable quotes from Sapp include:
On his appearance fee: On average, it’s roughly around that $30,000 to $40,000 a fight range. And that can be a bit misleading because in between time, I am doing the television shows and commercials and things of this nature and so when you say on average, that’s what it is. Obviously it calculates to be significant more between three to five times that, yes that is correct. However, when you talk about just the fights, with me, you have to worry about the schedule commercials and stuff like that, but just the fights right now, you are looking at basically $30,000 to $40,000.
On whether or not he is throwing fights: Am I throwing these fights? No. Will I go into that ring and receive large amounts of damage for small paychecks? No. When it came to K-1, at the time, when everyone at K-1 was doing well they get paid significantly enough to have you go into that ring, and hey, any kind of injury you get, they are going to pay. Let me give you an example: Mirko Cro Cop, he cracked my eye socket. Mirko Cro Cop, he received his paycheck, I received my paycheck and they also paid for my entire hospital bill. These small organizations that you see that look so wonderful, they pay none of your bills if you get hurt, period. If you want to get hurt for a small amount of money in a fight, we call that the military. If you would like to get hurt in an arena where it is supposed to be sanctioned and it is supposed to be safe and their supposed to pay for at least your medical bills if you get hurt, then we call that entertainment. If you want to see two strangers fight for free, you can do that. We will give you seven dollars and go in a night club and you can see two drunks getting it on in the corner, fighting. You have no idea who they are and you can do that for free. My fans and my family they will stand by me and behind me, win or lose. So, Bob Sapp, I guess it is easy to love a winner.
On how he justifies his increasingly terrible performances: One thing that I say, is let’s take a look and rewind back. You saw some historical and difficult fights that I fought with Ernesto Hoost and with Antonio Noguiera, this is correct. If you were to take a look at what recently has happened with K-1 and the fact that you had wonderful, great, strong fighters such as Ray Sefo fight for K-1 and then K-1 leaves and they were left without collecting a paycheck. So, when “The Beast” enters the ring, is he in there to collect a paycheck? The answer is hell yes! You’re asking, “Bob you are receiving less damage, there is no amount of damage that you are receiving and sometimes these fights are being lost.” Well, if you would want to put numbers on my record, whether they be a zero or number one, you will be doing so on my paycheck. That is what it is, plain and simple. The Beast is number one in the media for every 12 fights, that is correct. We see this and we know this. I’m number one in every media category. Number one in the entertainment, number one for the views, I am number one and I have a losing record. So, if I was to come in on a winning record, these small organizations, the last thing they would be able to do is afford my services and on top of it, what am I going to do? Be number one and number one? If I am, they are no longer going to be able to afford me. So I just won myself out of a job.
Other interesting things of note:
-After Helwani begs Sapp to stop with his “shtick” and just answer his questions honestly, Sapp more or less agrees to have sex with Ariel on pay-per-view if the price is right. We’ve never seen a moose impregnate a chickadee before, but we imagine that it would at the minimum last longer than twelve seconds.
-Sapp also tries to justify his loss to Minowaman as legit because Minowaman won the Super Hulk Tournament for Christ’s sake, and is therefore a champion. Technically, we must agree with him.
-Ariel makes a challenge to Sapp, not unlike our own, to see if he can last until exactly the one minute mark of his next fight, which is scheduled to take place in Kazakhstan. Clearly Ariel is not aware that Sapp can not count past eleventeen.
-Around the 2:50:00 mark, Sapp’s mind apparently short-circuits, and he launches into a series of bizarre accents and incoherent dialogue that no human on this planet including Sapp himself could even begin to understand. Helwani proceeds to hand him a verbal beatdown worse than any actual beatdown he has received in the past few years.
If there is some sort of Purple Heart handed out for MMA journalism, Helwani just earned it for suffering through that mind-numbing interview.
There’s nothing new about Bob Sapp losing a fight without dignity, but every week he seems to hone his craft as an MMA-Theatre master thespian. A typical Sapp fight consists of him lumbering in toward his opponent, waiting until he feels incidental contact, then feigning a tko until the ref halts the bout. Wash–Rinse–Repeat. But last night he may have sunk to a new low in his bout against Soa Palelei at Cage Fighting Championship 21.
Sapp starts off the bout by touching gloves —just like they do in *real* MMA bouts! Too cute!–then he ducks his head and charges meanders forward toward “The Hulk”. This is his opponent’s cue to tag him with something—anything–that could count as a landed blow and explain his fall to the canvas. To his surprise, Sapp makes it all the way to the opposite side of the cage with Palelei nowhere to be found. Stupefied, he does the only thing he knows how: he teeters over.
As a real fighter with real intentions of fighting, Palelei tries to partake in the ‘takedown’ but his help is completely unnecessary. Sapp is all too happy to let gravity ease his menacing frame down to the canvas. And so the Australian does his thing, pounding away at a turtled-up Sapp, while Sapp does his thing, turtling-up while getting pounded. Although this isn’t the first bout where Sapp has succumbed to a phantom punch, at least his previous opponents were somewhere in the general vicinity when he fell.
The new rules of the Bob Sapp Challenge™ await you after the jump.
There’s nothing new about Bob Sapp losing a fight without dignity, but every week he seems to hone his craft as an MMA-Theatre master thespian. A typical Sapp fight consists of him lumbering in toward his opponent, waiting until he feels incidental contact, then feigning a tko until the ref halts the bout. Wash–Rinse–Repeat. But last night he may have sunk to a new low in his bout against Soa Palelei at Cage Fighting Championship 21.
Sapp starts off the bout by touching gloves –just like *real* fighters do, too cute!–then he ducks his head and charges meanders forward toward “The Hulk”. This is his opponent’s cue to tag him with something—anything–that could count as a landed blow and explain his fall to the canvas. To his surprise, Sapp makes it all the way to the opposite side of the cage with Palelei nowhere to be found. Stupefied, he does the only thing he knows how: he teeters over.
As a real fighter with real intentions of fighting, Palelei tries to partake in the ‘takedown’ but his help is completely unnecessary. Sapp is all too happy to let gravity ease his menacing frame down to the canvas. And so the Australian does his thing, pounding away at a turtled-up Sapp, while Sapp does his thing, turtling-up while getting pounded. Although this isn’t the first bout where Sapp has succumbed to a phantom punch, at least his previous opponents were somewhere in the general vicinity when he fell.
The new rules of the Bob Sapp Challenge™ await you after the jump.
Even though he willingly signed on for this farce, you’ve almost got to feel sorry for Palelei. The former UFC and Pride competitor got caught up in the emotional rush of a quick victory before coming to his senses on top of the cage–you can literally see the embarrassment for his involvement in this charade sweep over him in mid-celebration. Only Bob Sapp can muster up ‘winners regret’ in his opponent.
Now that the bar for defeating Sapp has been set at 12-seconds, it’s time to usher in the new Bob Sapp Challenge™. No longer should fighters strive to defeat him faster than ever before with fewer punches than previously thought possible. No, the new Bob Sapp Challenge™ should be to see how long you can force him to fight you. Who can drag him into the deep waters of minutes three or four of a fight? Who can land enough punches to leave a mark before he channels his inner-Greg Louganis. Future opponents: when Sapp falls down of his own accord, don’t swarm. Calmly back away and either force him to stand and continue the fight or shield himself from punches that will never arrive. I won’t chastise you for taking an easy payday with plenty of media attention, but don’t wallow in shame beside him. Make him fight you or make a display of his cowardice–whatever you do, don’t give his tired act a shred of legitimacy by giving him an easy way out.
