Remember when we told you that Paul Daley was scheduled to slaughter some poor Polack at Cage Warriors 57 last weekend? Well, as luck would have it, he all but slaughtered some poor Polack at Cage Warriors 57 last weekend. Crazy, right?
To his credit, +800 underdog Lukasz Chlewicki didn’t seem too afraid to stand and bang with “Semtex,” which when you look at Daley’s highlight reel, is akin to sticking your foot in a bear trap and hoping to win the Boston Marathon. Unfortunately, Chlewicki’s persistent clinch work would turn out to be the cause of his demise, as the visibly larger Daley would use the opportunities to put on a Muay Thai clinic. Punishing elbows and vicious knees befell Chlewicki until a Marvin Eastman-esque goat vagina was opened up on the right side of his shiny, bald head, forcing the ringside physician to call the fight between the first and second round.
Chin up, Lukasz. You might have had your ass kicked by one of the best ass-kickers outside of the UFC, but let’s look at the positives:
1) You ended the fight in the same state of matter as you began it in.
2) You were able to chew solid foods the next day.
Remember when we told you that Paul Daley was scheduled to slaughter some poor Polack at Cage Warriors 57 last weekend? Well, as luck would have it, he all but slaughtered some poor Polack at Cage Warriors 57 last weekend. Crazy, right?
To his credit, +800 underdog Lukasz Chlewicki didn’t seem too afraid to stand and bang with “Semtex,” which when you look at Daley’s highlight reel, is akin to sticking your foot in a bear trap and hoping to win the Boston Marathon. Unfortunately, Chlewicki’s persistent clinch work would turn out to be the cause of his demise, as the visibly larger Daley would use the opportunities to put on a Muay Thai clinic. Punishing elbows and vicious knees befell Chlewicki until a Marvin Eastman-esque goat vagina was opened up on the right side of his shiny, bald head, forcing the ringside physician to call the fight between the first and second round.
Chin up, Lukasz. You might have had your ass kicked by one of the best ass-kickers outside of the UFC, but let’s look at the positives:
1) You ended the fight in the same state of matter as you began it in.
2) You were able to chew solid foods the next day.
Perhaps all the years spent covering the travesty that is Bob Sapp have desensitized us to the art of the flop. Perhaps we’re just getting too old for this shit. But in all of Sapp’s positively miserable performances, we never once saw him, as our buddies over at MiddleEasy so eloquently put it, “tap to a sprawl.” Sure, he’s tapped to strikes, a takedown, and been knocked out by a phantom punch or two in his time, but this…this is somehow worse.
Perhaps all the years spent covering the travesty that is Bob Sapp have desensitized us to the art of the flop. Perhaps we’re just getting too old for this shit. But in all of Sapp’s positively miserable performances, we never once saw him, as our buddies over at MiddleEasy so eloquently put it, “tap to a sprawl.” Sure, he’s tapped to strikes, a takedown, and been knocked out by a phantom punch or two in his time, but this…this is somehow worse.
For starters, this was a title fight, which presumably means that David “The Can” Correa actually beat somebody to warrant his place in the ring. If anyone can find of a video of that fight (if it even exists), we are prepared to pay upwards of two shirts to obtain exclusive rights to it.
Further distinguishing this charade as the pinnacle of pathetic MMA fights is the fact that Correa’s opponent, Aaron Downey, becomes so bewildered by Correa’s strategy — which appears to operate under the belief that a thigh can be strangled into submission — that he seemingly forgets that Jiu-Jitsu is a thing and opts to stare on in awe while his cornermen verbally berate Correa from ringside until he mercifully calls it quits. Hopefully forever.
You remember how earlier, we were listing everything that was wrong with The Blackzilians while simultaneously stating that not everything is wrong with The Blackzilians? Case in point: Tyrone Spong, the world-renowned kickboxing powerhouse who joined the Florida-based camp prior to his successful MMA debut at World Series of Fighting 1. Given The Blackzilians “you are your own coach” philosophy, one could not ask for a better striker to spar with on a daily basis than Spong, who showcased his skills last Saturday by knocking out kickboxing legend Remy Bonjasky in the second round of their headlining bout at GLORY 5.
In the first round, Spong was content to take the lengthy Bonjasky’s legs out from under him with a series of punishing low kicks. Luckily, judges in the kickboxing world view leg kicks as something other than an annoyance, so Spong was awarded the round unanimously. The second round was an entirely different story, however, as both men opted to throw the kitchen sink at one another until one of them fell over. That man was Bonjasky, who crumbled to the mat following a vicious right hook by Spong. And just like that, it was good night my anus Irene, and another win for Spong over one of kickboxing’s greatest fighters.
We’ve thrown a full video of the fight above, so check it out if you get your jollies watching legends fall from grace. I’m going to go have a good cry.
You remember how earlier, we were listing everything that was wrong with The Blackzilians while simultaneously stating that not everything is wrong with The Blackzilians? Case in point: Tyrone Spong, the world-renowned kickboxing powerhouse who joined the Florida-based camp prior to his successful MMA debut at World Series of Fighting 1. Given The Blackzilians “you are your own coach” philosophy, one could not ask for a better striker to spar with on a daily basis than Spong, who showcased his skills last Saturday by knocking out kickboxing legend Remy Bonjasky in the second round of their headlining bout at GLORY 5.
In the first round, Spong was content to take the lengthy Bonjasky’s legs out from under him with a series of punishing low kicks. Luckily, judges in the kickboxing world view leg kicks as something other than an annoyance, so Spong was awarded the round unanimously. The second round was an entirely different story, however, as both men opted to throw the kitchen sink at one another until one of them fell over. That man was Bonjasky, who crumbled to the mat following a vicious right hook by Spong. And just like that, it was good night my anus Irene, and another win for Spong over one of kickboxing’s greatest fighters.
We’ve thrown a full video of the fight above, so check it out if you get your jollies watching legends fall from grace. I’m going to go have a good cry.
(Palelei vs. McCorkle, as reenacted by The Incredible Hulk and the mythical God Loki, respectively. The actual video is after the jump, but this is basically what happened.)
When we last checked in on Sean “Big Sexy” McCorkle, he had just lost a cardio battle to an amorphous blob and vowed to retire from the sport if he ever gave such a pathetic showing again. Unfortunately for Sean, his next scheduled fight was against Soa “The Hulk” Palelei — a fellow UFC veteran who was far more dangerous than the tomato cans McCorkle has padded his record with over the years — at AFC 4 last weekend. Fortunately for Sean, his piss poor cardio had absolutely nothing to do with his downfall this time out, so at least he won’t have to go back on his word. It’s a small victory, sure, but one that most of us would probably cherish if we flew all the way to Australia to land roughly zero punches and get smashed through the canvas by Palelei’s megaton fists of fury like McCorkle did.
Video after the jump.
(Palelei vs. McCorkle, as reenacted by The Incredible Hulk and the mythical God Loki, respectively. The actual video is after the jump, but this is basically what happened.)
When we last checked in on Sean “Big Sexy” McCorkle, he had just lost a cardio battle to an amorphous blob and vowed to retire from the sport if he ever gave such a pathetic showing again. Unfortunately for Sean, his next scheduled fight was against Soa “The Hulk” Palelei — a fellow UFC veteran who was far more dangerous than the tomato cans McCorkle has padded his record with over the years — at AFC 4 last weekend. Fortunately for Sean, his piss poor cardio had absolutely nothing to do with his downfall this time out, so at least he won’t have to go back on his word. It’s a small victory, sure, but one that most of us would probably cherish if we flew all the way to Australia to land roughly zero punches and get smashed through the canvas by Palelei’s megaton fists of fury like McCorkle did.
In the past two years, Palelei has scored eight straight victories via TKO, with only one of those victories making it out of the first two minutes. Granted, he hasn’t exactly been fighting any world-beaters, but still, his penchant for obliterating dudes in a hurry is pretty gosh darn impressive. Unfortunately, there are no heavyweights competing at next weekend’s UFC on FX: Sotiropolous vs. Pearson card in Queensland, Australia, so unless Palelei can get himself down to 205 in time to replace one of the LHW’s that will inevitably suffer some sort of last second, debilitating freak accident, it looks like it will still be awhile before we see Soa in the UFC. Personally, I’d say he’s earned another shot, so let’s hope it won’t be too long.
And in case you’re wondering, one of the announcers definitely said “It’s time to shut up and BRO down” at the 35 second mark. Say what you want about Mike Goldberg’s many, many shortcomings as a commentator, but I don’t think he’d ever purposely drop a line as garbage-ass as that one on us. Please don’t prove me wrong on this one, Mike.
You guys remember when Jordan Meinelbow-raped Evangelista Santos like a God damned Papau New Guinea savage back at Strikeforce: Kharitonov vs. Barnett? Well, he did the same thing again last weekend to Forrest Petz, who is kind of like the poor man’s Jay Hieron, meaning that he is damn near flawless on the local circuit, yet falls apart every time we see him under the bright lights. To be fair, Petz can actually claim a UFC victory under his belt (he’s actually 2-5 lifetime), but Jordan Mein gives not a shit about where you’ve been. He only cares about where you are going to be, which, should you decided to scrap with him, will be crumpled against the cage beneath a hellstorm of elbows that would send Kenny Florian into a jealous, baby-kicking tantrum.
Not unlike Sensodyne’s rapport with American dentists, 9 out of Mein’s last 10 opponents would recommend him to anyone seeking to get their ass kicked. Now that he’s managed to successfully separate himself from Strikeforce’s sinking ship, how long do you think it will be until we see this kid in the UFC?
You guys remember when Jordan Meinelbow-raped Evangelista Santos like a God damned Papau New Guinea savage back at Strikeforce: Kharitonov vs. Barnett? Well, he did the same thing again last weekend to Forrest Petz, who is kind of like the poor man’s Jay Hieron, meaning that he is damn near flawless on the local circuit, yet falls apart every time we see him under the bright lights. To be fair, Petz can actually claim a UFC victory under his belt (he’s actually 2-5 lifetime), but Jordan Mein gives not a shit about where you’ve been. He only cares about where you are going to be, which, should you decided to scrap with him, will be crumpled against the cage beneath a hellstorm of elbows that would send Kenny Florian into a jealous, baby-kicking tantrum.
Not unlike Sensodyne’s rapport with American dentists, 9 out of Mein’s last 10 opponents would recommend him to anyone seeking to get their ass kicked. Now that he’s managed to successfully separate himself from Strikeforce’s sinking ship, how long do you think it will be until we see this kid in the UFC?
An absolute must see bantamweight battle from last weekend’s “Shoot the Shooto 2011” card, which transpired in Tokyo, Japan and featured none other than Shooto legend Rumina Sato facing off with Belgian born fighter Nico Veressen. Sato, who you may remember as our Technique of the Year holder for 1999, has built his name off legendary battles with top competition like Takanori Gomi, Caol Uno (at the time), Joachim Hansen (again), and Hatsu Hioki. Veressan was 1-0 heading into the bout, with his lone win coming against a fellow 1-0 fighter. Think you know how this one went down? Well, you’d be wrong.
From the start, Sato showcases the mix of mindfuckery and vicious leg attacks that he has become known for, first trying to goad the younger man into a ground match with the infamous Fireside Pose Manuever popularized by Fabricio Werdum before launching into a series of submissions that is nothing short of dazzling. I counted three or four toe holds, an inverted triangle ala Braulio Estima, and maybe a calf slicer attempt thrown in just for fun.
An absolute must see bantamweight battle from last weekend’s “Shoot the Shooto 2011″ card, which transpired in Tokyo, Japan and featured none other than Shooto legend Rumina Sato facing off with Belgian born fighter Nico Veressen. Sato, who you may remember as our Technique of the Year holder for 1999, has built his name off legendary battles with top competition like Takanori Gomi, Caol Uno (at the time), Joachim Hansen (again), and Hatsu Hioki. Veressan was 1-0 heading into the bout, with his lone win coming against a fellow 1-0 fighter. Think you know how this one went down? Well, you’d be wrong.
From the start, Sato showcases the mix of mindfuckery and vicious leg attacks that he has become known for, first trying to goad the younger man into a ground match with the infamous Fireside Pose Manuever popularized by Fabricio Werdum before launching into a series of submissions that is nothing short of dazzling. I counted three or four toe holds, an inverted triangle ala Braulio Estima, and maybe a calf slicer attempt thrown in just for fun.
But Veressen is no slouch, offering some solid submission defense, some nasty ground-and-pound, and a Brazilian kick for good measure. At one point, he literally has Sato on the ropes, performing a spot on impersonation of Jackson/Silva 2 in order to evade Veressen’s punches.
Once the fight gets back to the feet, however, Veressen is clearly the fresher of the two. A straight right later and this baby is all over. With the loss, Sato drops to just 2-6 in his last 8 fights, with 4 of those losses coming by way of (T)KO.
As a bonus, I’ve posted the rarely seen match between Sato and Isamu Osugi from an early Shooto event all the way back in 1995, featuring a finish that would make Toby Imada flush with jealousy. Enjoy.
