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FoodPotato: The UFC Fighter Drinking Guide, Part 1

Lyoto Machida drinks urine
(“You’ve heard of a caipirinha, right? Well, this is nothing like that.” / Photo via Sherdog)

By Chris Morse, the artist formerly known as Viva Hate

As has been clear to fans of the UFC for some time now, the organization is holding more and more events every year. The problem with this over-saturation is that it can lead to some cards that lack the firepower of others. The best solution for such events is to drink your way through them, and that is where CagePotato has you covered. After considerable research, taste testing, and taking into account various factors such as nicknames, fighting styles, and personality traits, here are some drinks to enjoy based on the UFC fighters you support…

Lyoto Machida
Dragon Piss
1 ounce Cinnamon Schnapps
3/4 ounce Butterscotch Schnapps
4 ounces Mountain Dew

Mix all ingredients and drink as a LARGE shot. Act like it was no big deal.

Soa Palelei
Incredible Hulk
2 ounces Hypnotiq
2 ounces Cognac

Pour in a glass over ice, mix and watch the magical transformation. Down a few of these, and you’ll be kissing whoever’s closest to you.

Lyoto Machida drinks urine
(“You’ve heard of a caipirinha, right? Well, this is nothing like that.” / Photo via Sherdog)

By Chris Morse, the artist formerly known as Viva Hate

As has been clear to fans of the UFC for some time now, the organization is holding more and more events every year. The problem with this over-saturation is that it can lead to some cards that lack the firepower of others. The best solution for such events is to drink your way through them, and that is where CagePotato has you covered. After considerable research, taste testing, and taking into account various factors such as nicknames, fighting styles, and personality traits, here are 12 cocktail recipes to enjoy based on the UFC fighters you support…

Lyoto Machida
Dragon Piss
1 ounce Cinnamon Schnapps
3/4 ounce Butterscotch Schnapps
4 ounces Mountain Dew

Mix all ingredients and drink as a LARGE shot. Act like it was no big deal.

Soa Palelei
Incredible Hulk
2 ounces Hypnotiq
2 ounces Cognac

Pour in a glass over ice, mix and watch the magical transformation. Down a few of these, and you’ll be kissing whoever’s closest to you.

Ronda Rousey
The Bitch Slap
1 ounce Vodka
1 ounce Gin
1 ounce Everclear
1 ounce Light rum
Splash of 7-Up
Lemonade to fill.

Mix all ingredients together in a glass over ice. This drink may put you down and submit you, just like Rowdy.

Donald Cerrone
Boilermaker
12 ounces beer
2 ounces Whiskey

Fill a pint glass with the beer, drop the whiskey shot in and drink it immediately. Best enjoyed on a boat.

Nate Diaz
Cry Baby Blues
4  ounces strawberry guava juice
1 ounce blue curaçao
1 ounce vodka

Mix and serve over ice, while mean-mugging strangers.

Dominick Cruz
Big Bad Voodoo Cooler
2 ounces Malibu Rum
1 ounce RedRum or other tropical fruit rums
1 ounce melon liqueur
4 ounces orange juice
4 ounces pineapple juice
A splash of soda water

Pour the Malibu, RedRum, and melon liquor in a glass of ice, top with your juices and soda water. Stir with a swizzle stick and enjoy. Just don’t end up injuring yourself like Cruz.

Conor McGregor
Irish Car Bomb
3/4 pint of Guinness
1/2 ounce Irish cream
1/2 ounce Irish Whiskey

Pour the Guinness is a pint glass and the Irish Cream and whiskey in a shot glass, drop the shot in the Guinness, and enjoy!

Wanderlei Silva
The Axe Murderer
3/4 ounce rum
3/4 ounce apple juice
3/4 ounce gin
1 splash soda
1 splash tequila
1 splash orange liqueur
1 splash vodka
1 splash peach liqueur
1 splash amaretto
1 splash grenadine

Mix all ingredients in an old fashioned glass. Run out the side door when it’s time to close out your tab.

Alan Belcher
Johnny Cash
3 ounces bourbon
2 ounces beer
4 ounces Jack Daniel’s
1 ounce 7-Up

Shake ingredients and then strain into a glass. This drink will mess you up worse than his tattoo.

Robbie Lawler
Corpse Reviver
1 1/2 ounces brandy
1/2 ounce Fernet Branca
1 ounce White Creme de Menthe

In a mixing glass filled with ice, combine all ingredients, stir and strain into a cocktail glass. Talk wistfully about the old days. Fall asleep.

Chan Sung Jung
The Walking Dead
2 ounces vodka
2 ounces scotch whisky
2 ounces Jim Beam bourbon whiskey
2 ounces Irish cream
2 ounces melon liqueur
2 ounces lager
2 ounces Jaegermeister
2 ounces absinthe
2 ounces Wild Turkey bourbon whiskey

Mix all ingredients in a large mug, drink as quickly as possible. Stumble home with your arms stretched in front of you.

Demetrious Johnson
The Mighty Mouse
3/4 ounce cinnamon schnapps
3/4 ounce Jaegermeister
1/4 ounce Everclear

In a 2 ounce shot glass start with the cinnamon schnapps, then pour in the Jaegermeister, top with Everclear, light on fire, then blow out the flame and drink the shot. Powerful but small, like Johnson himself.

Try out these drinks, leave your feedback in the comment section below, and of course drink responsibly, Potato Nation. Also, let me know your favorite fighters for future installments of the drinking guide.

FoodPotato: The 16 Buffalo Wild Wings Sauces and Their UFC Fighter Equivalents


(Believe it or not, this isn’t a sponsored post. It’s just one of those things that happens when it’s a slow news week and you’re desperate.)

By Ben Goldstein

If you’re a UFC fan who doesn’t live in a densely-populated urban area with multiple sports-bar options within walking distance, chances are you’ve spent some time in a Buffalo Wild Wings, since it’s one of the only chain restaurants that reliably shows UFC events. The food is almost beside the point, though BWW is known for its wings (obviously) and the 16 signature sauces you can put on them.

So as a tribute to everyone who’s ever waited an hour-and-a-half for a table at B-Dubs because you’re too cheap to order a pay-per-view at home, I humbly present one of the dumbest list ideas I’ve ever come up with. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the 16 Buffalo Wild Wings wing sauces and their UFC fighter equivalents. Just be grateful I didn’t arrange this in slideshow format.

Sweet BBQ
BWW description: “Traditional BBQ sauce: Satisfyingly sweet.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Non-threatening and vaguely Southern? I’m gonna go with Jessamyn Duke — but only because Bubba McDaniel isn’t on the UFC roster anymore.

Teriyaki
BWW description: “Terrifically tasty Teriyaki sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Takeya Mizugaki. He’s Japanese, he’s consistently good, but he’s not going to blow anybody’s mind, flavor-wise.

Mild
BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: High flavor, low heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Gleison Tibau, a guy who never made a major impact in the UFC and yet is tied for the most victories in UFC lightweight history. How the hell did that happen? Like mild sauce, he’s just always been around.


(Believe it or not, this isn’t a sponsored post. It’s just one of those things that happens when it’s a slow news week and you’re desperate.)

By Ben Goldstein

If you’re a UFC fan who doesn’t live in a densely-populated urban area with multiple sports-bar options within walking distance, chances are you’ve spent some time in a Buffalo Wild Wings, since it’s one of the only chain restaurants that reliably shows UFC events. The food is almost beside the point, though BWW is known for its wings (obviously) and the 16 signature sauces you can put on them.

So as a tribute to everyone who’s ever waited an hour-and-a-half for a table at B-Dubs because you’re too cheap to order a pay-per-view at home, I humbly present one of the dumbest list ideas I’ve ever come up with. Ladies and gentlemen, here are the 16 Buffalo Wild Wings wing sauces and their UFC fighter equivalents. Just be grateful I didn’t arrange this in slideshow format.

Sweet BBQ
BWW description: “Traditional BBQ sauce: Satisfyingly sweet.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Non-threatening and vaguely Southern? I’m gonna go with Jessamyn Duke — but only because Bubba McDaniel isn’t on the UFC roster anymore.

Teriyaki
BWW description: “Terrifically tasty Teriyaki sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Takeya Mizugaki. He’s Japanese, he’s consistently good, but he’s not going to blow anybody’s mind, flavor-wise.

Mild
BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: High flavor, low heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Gleison Tibau, a guy who never made a major impact in the UFC and yet is tied for the most victories in UFC lightweight history. How the hell did that happen? Like mild sauce, he’s just always been around.

Parmesan Garlic
BWW description: “Roasted garlic and Parmesan sauce with Italian herbs.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Safe, dependable, classic, Italian…definitely Frankie Edgar. Huh. This list is turning out to be way more racist than I was planning. Stop now if this sort of thing makes you uncomfortable, because it’s only going to get worse from here.

Medium
BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: Comfortably hot.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Medium sauce is for people who aren’t total pussies, but aren’t particularly brave either. It’s middle of the road. Popular by default. You order it when you don’t know what else to order — just like UFC fighters call out Michael Bisping when they don’t know who else to call out. Medium sauce is the perennial contender/gatekeeper of sauces.

Honey BBQ
BWW description: “A sweet, sassy sauce: Savor the flavor.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone, of course. Like a sweet/savory sauce, he’s versatile — a threat on the feet and on the ground — and there’s nothing abrasive about him. Cerrone is just a good-time, go-down-smooth kind of fighter.

Spicy Garlic
BWW description: “A tasty, spicy, garlicky good sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: “Hey Chrissy I brought the bucket of rigatoni, we gonna eat here or what?”

Jammin’ Jalapeño™
BWW description: “Spicy jalapeños, blended with a touch of tequila and hint of lime. Sweet heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: My first thought was Cain Velasquez, but that “blended with a touch of tequila” bit clearly makes this one Diego Sanchez.

Asian Zing®
BWW description: “Sweet meets heat: A chili pepper, soy and ginger sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: In other words, a highly-ranked Asian with decent power. Chan Sung Jung. Let’s move on.

Caribbean Jerk
BWW description: “Red peppers you love, island spices you crave: an exotic, delicious sauce.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Carribbean? Jerk? Gotta go with Cuban training-partner bully Hector Lombard.

Thai Curry
BWW description: “Herbs and spices combined with sweet chilies and a touch of curry flavor.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Ah yes, the [Muay] Thai wrecking machine of wing sauces. It’s a toss-up between Jose Aldo and Renan Barao. They’re homies, so they can share this one.

Hot BBQ
BWW description: “Rich BBQ sauce with a touch of heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Welterweight champion (and Oklahoma good ol’ boy) Johny Hendricks, who’s wayyyyy more dangerous than his squat, bearded frame would suggest. (See also: Roy Nelson)

Hot
BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: Delicious flavor, exhilarating heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: This is a no-brainer — Ronda Rousey, who’s a killer in the cage, and has the prickly personality to match. Plus she’s, you know, hot.

Mango Habanero™
BWW description: “Feel the burn, savor the sweet: Two sensations, one sauce”
UFC fighter equivalent: I once ordered this sauce in a moment of drunken confusion, and I can honestly say it was the hottest thing I’ve ever ingested — and the morning-after ring of fire situation was just brutal. Eating wings with Mango Habanero sauce is a test of will that you can’t possibly win. It is Matt Brown.

Wild®
BWW description: “Classic wing sauce: Big flavor, blisterin’ heat.”
UFC fighter equivalent: Lightweight champ Anthony Pettis, a totally unpredictable fight-finisher who’s as graceful as he is violent. Approach with extreme caution, or you’ll get styled on, son.

Blazin’®
BWW description: “Keep away from your eyes, pets, children: The hottest sauce we got. You’d BETTER-BE-READY BLAZIN’™”
UFC fighter equivalent: Well, it’s the most dangerous sauce on the menu, and you’re supposed to keep it away from your eyes. I think this one goes without saying…

Previously on FoodPotato: How to Pick the Right Meal for Each Level of UFC Fight Card

FoodPotato: Picking the Right Meal for Each Level of UFC Fight Card


(Gobbling down buffalo wings = UFC on FOX. Being excited about iceberg lettuce = watching Fight Pass GIFs on a late-’90s Toshiba Satellite.)

By Matt Saccaro

Food is the most underrated, undiscussed aspect of MMA fandom. Watching other people fight requires constant sustenance. The calories you burn shadowboxing with your shirt off during commercials don’t replenish themselves, you know.

As with other aspects of the sport, eating at a high level requires loads of nuance—more than many fans are aware of. We’re experts on the topic, though, so we figured we’d drop a little knowledge today.

First off, you should only eat certain kinds of food. I missed the Donald Cerrone punch that nearly KO’d Edson Barboza because I was cutting a chimichanga. The lesson learned? Do not eat food requiring too much attention.

Food is to enhance your MMA viewing, not replace it. The food makes the event festive, but is not the festivity in and of itself, like Thanksgiving turkey. The chimichanga I ate was delicious, but cumbersome and unwieldy. I had to spend time looking down—away from the computer and television—to cut it into a more manageable size. Even then, I had to be extremely careful when lifting it into my mouth with a fork. I didn’t want chicken, cheese, refried beans, and other greasy goodness spilling onto my keyboard.

Which reminds me, if you’re going to be live-tweeting or live-blogging a fight card, you can’t eat something that makes your fingers gross and sticky. That means no ribs, and no burgers that are dripping with ketchup or other condiments. I thought Cool Ranch Doritos Tacos might be safe one Bellator event, only to find that the Cool Ranch dust was all over my fingertips. My jokes were seconds late—an eternity on twitter—and the CagePotato twitter lost out on precious engagement statistics.

An additional thing to consider: Never eat something that will give you diarrhea. I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to spend $60 on a PPV just to wind up giving the bathroom a new paint job and missing all the in-cage action.

So what foods are safe?


(Gobbling down buffalo wings = UFC on FOX. Being excited about iceberg lettuce = watching Fight Pass GIFs on a late-’90s Toshiba Satellite.)

By Matt Saccaro

Food is the most underrated, undiscussed aspect of MMA fandom. Watching other people fight requires constant sustenance. The calories you burn shadowboxing with your shirt off during commercials don’t replenish themselves, you know.

As with other aspects of the sport, eating at a high level requires loads of nuance—more than many fans are aware of. We’re experts on the topic, though, so we figured we’d drop a little knowledge today.

First off, you should only eat certain kinds of food. I missed the Donald Cerrone punch that nearly KO’d Edson Barboza because I was cutting a chimichanga. The lesson learned? Do not eat food requiring too much attention.

Food is to enhance your MMA viewing, not replace it. The food makes the event festive, but is not the festivity in and of itself, like Thanksgiving turkey. The chimichanga I ate was delicious, but cumbersome and unwieldy. I had to spend time looking down—away from the computer and television—to cut it into a more manageable size. Even then, I had to be extremely careful when lifting it into my mouth with a fork. I didn’t want chicken, cheese, refried beans, and other greasy goodness spilling onto my keyboard.

Which reminds me, if you’re going to be live-tweeting or live-blogging a fight card, you can’t eat something that makes your fingers gross and sticky. That means no ribs, and no burgers that are dripping with ketchup or other condiments. I thought Cool Ranch Doritos Tacos might be safe one Bellator event, only to find that the Cool Ranch dust was all over my fingertips. My jokes were seconds late—an eternity on twitter—and the CagePotato twitter lost out on precious engagement statistics.

An additional thing to consider: Never eat something that will give you diarrhea. I can’t stress that enough. You don’t want to spend $60 on a PPV just to wind up giving the bathroom a new paint job and missing all the in-cage action.

So what foods are safe?

We at CagePotato prefer simple sandwiches from local reputable delicatessens. A turkey sandwich with pepper jack cheese can be eaten while you look forwards at the TV screen. Pizza is alright too, though if your “ristorante” uses sauce that’s a little too acidic, you might find yourself with heart burn or indigestion while you watch the fights. Chinese? It depends. We’re not partial to anything that requires consistent looking down. If you’re eating chicken and broccoli, you have to keep looking down to put some on your fork. The more times you look down, the more likely it is you’ll miss something spectacular. Burgers can be alright so long as they’re not big and messy, though we’re not terribly partial to them. If you’re a skilled burger eater though, maybe you could give them a shot.

But we’ve only just scratched the surface. There’s still another layer of analysis and thought that must go into your choice of MMA food: What kind of card are you watching?

In the early days of MMA, you could splurge when a PPV came around because they were an event rather than a nuisance. In 2014, when oversaturation has plagued the sport to the point where the UFC holds two cards in the same day, you can’t splurge. You must consider your options carefully, and purchase food according to the level of what you’re watching. We’ve separated it into tiers.

Fight Pass Exclusive Card: DiGiorno, Tombstone, or Red Barron frozen pizzas. Yes, Fight Pass cards are usually this bad.

UFC on FOX Sports 2 Card: Dominoes, Papa John’s, Little Caesar’s, or other cardboard but still fun pizzas. Subway for sandwiches. McDonald’s or any of the usual suspects if you insist on burgers.

UFC on FOX Sports 1 Card: Five Guys, Smash Burger, or any other “real” burger chain. The “real” pizza place that sucks but stays in business because they deliver and the good pizza place doesn’t. If you’re going to deploy Chinese food, do it on a card like this. Go to the deli but get a standard sandwich lacking grandeur.

PPV with a garbage-ass main card: Save your fucking money and don’t buy any special or fun food to celebrate. Maybe get some ice cream if there’s a parlor near you and the weather permits it. Don’t spend extra cash on toppings unless you’re bringing six figures to the bank every year.

PPV with a worthy main card: Splurge. Experiment. Do whatever the hell you want. Maybe get a specialty sandwich at the deli that you normally wouldn’t get. Maybe try some Mexican takeout so long as it’s not too complicated to eat or will make you crap. It’s rare enough to have a great PPV these days, so go wild but please try to stay within the above guidelines to optimize enjoyment of the UFC PPV.

Next on FoodPotato — The 22 Buffalo Wild Wings Sauces, And Their UFC Fighter Equivalents