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Dream-Casting the Upcoming Ronda Rousey Porn Parody, ‘Ronda ArouseMe’

(via Getty Images/Instagram)

Following her superstar-making performance against Bethe Correia at UFC 190 last weekend, it was revealed that Ronda Rousey would be bestowed with the highest honor of celebrity achievable in today’s society: A porn parody based upon her life.

Entitled Ronda ArouseMe: Grounded and Pounded, the parody from Burning Angel productions will star Kleio Valentien (pictured above) in the titular role, as well as Sammie Six in the role of Rousey’s nemesis, “Miesha Taint.” But because this is the internet, and because the line between pornography and mixed martial arts has always been a thin one, we’ve decided to go ahead and play casting (couch) agent for this surefire AVN awards sweeper, along with some help from the UG.

The post Dream-Casting the Upcoming Ronda Rousey Porn Parody, ‘Ronda ArouseMe’ appeared first on Cagepotato.

(via Getty Images/Instagram)

Krissy Lynn as “Ronda ArouseMe”

With all due respect to Ms. (Mrs?) Valentien, who I’m sure is a lovely, incredibly capable performer, she does not look a thing like Ronda Rousey. Pornography is about nothing if not true-to-life accuracy — which, as a former pizza delivery boy, I can attest to personally — so to have a heavily-tattooed actress with no athletic background play Ronda in a movie about her life is as insulting as having, I dunno, Tom Cruise play Jack Reacher.

According to a biography of Ms. Valentien I found on a site that I cannot link to, she enjoys “when a man takes control and tells me what to do.” This is almost certainly not how Ronda Rousey gets down behind closed doors — she has sex with *you*, not the other way around. Krissy Lynn, however, both looks more like Rousey than Valentien and “enjoys hiking, exercising, and living a healthy lifestyle.” (source: IMDB) What else do you need to know? MAKE THE SWITCH, BURNING ANGEL.

Rachel Starr as “Miesha Taint”

Again, because we’re all about accuracy in cinema here at CagePotato, in order to cast an actress in the role of Miesha Tate, you must first get inside the head of Miesha Tate. Or at least, inside the head of her fans. Tell me, when you guys (and gals) think of Tate, what’s the first thing you think of? Her career-defining win over Marloes Coenen, maybe? Her relationship with notable d-bag Bryan Caraway, perhaps? Or is it DAT ASS?

The fact is, Ms. Tate has one of the finest keisters in the business, if not *the* finest, and she has never been afraid to use it as a marketing tool. Likewise, the woman cast in her likeness should probably be recognized for her posterior first and foremost. Enter Rachel Starr (phrasing), who according to her profile on TheRichest, “is known for her bubbly big butt.” (Well put, TheRichest. Well put indeed.) She is also known as one of the hardest working, biggest stars in the industry, with a professional career dating back to 2007. You know who else’s professional career dates back to 2007? Miesha Tate. I rest my case.

Will Powers as “Bangya Right”

FACT: Ronda Rousey would still be hip-tossing dude-bros inside strip mall movie theaters if it wasn’t for Dana White, the brash, cocky UFC president who once claimed that “women would never fight in the UFC.” That was until he laid eyes on Ronda Rousey, of course, and THE GAME DUN CHANGED. Within a couple years, White was calling Rousey “the biggest star we’ve ever had” and “a f*cking Diaz brother trapped in this beautiful body.” If that latter statement doesn’t scream Intro Line Before a Sex Scene, I don’t know what does.

Carmen Valentina as “Sara McGams”

What, you think we’re going to cast an adult film without including our resident expert in the field? A movie based on the life of one Ronda Rousey, pornographic or otherwise, would be inadequate without including the Olympian vs. Olympian battle that took place at UFC 170. Carmen is a more knowledgeable MMA fan than anyone else in the biz, she’s got an ass that men write symphonies about, and she’s a GSP fan, so you know her wrestling game is On. Point. I don’t care what kinda strings Burning Angel has to pull to sign Carmen, they need this bonafide authority on MMA if they ever hope to achieve a legitimate end product.

Click the “next page” tab to see who we cast as Arianny Celeste, Gene Lebell, Gina Carano + more

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Ronda Rousey Losing UFC Fans’ Interest, Claims Confident Miesha Tate

Ronda Rousey’s punishing displays in the Octagon may have made her instantly recognisable for casual sports fans across the globe, but according to Miesha Tate, a lot of UFC fanatics are becoming a little disinterested by her dominant displays.
I…

In her latest lopsided bout, Rousey took a meagre 34 seconds to beat Bethe Correia, asserting her already dominant position as the woman to beat in the bantamweight division. But Tate, tipped to go up against Rousey next, told Lance Pugmire of the Los Angeles Times it’s time for her opponents to improve in order to preserve interest levels:

It was so fascinating to see that happen — domination like that in any division, that’s exciting — but then it gets to some point where people start losing interest, like, ‘Well, there’s no one who can give her a run for her money … we’re not going to spend 50 bucks for 54 seconds, there’s no one who can hang …’

It’s getting to a point where the [UFC] girls need to step up and prove it’s not a one-woman division, that others are pretty close, or on the same level, or potentially better. That’s what I see my role in this. I just know I have what it takes and I want to show the world that I can become a world champion.

Here’s a reminder of just how impressive Rousey’s latest knockout victory was, courtesy of BT Sport UFC:

After taking just 130 seconds to win her last four fights, it’s no surprise Tate is being tipped to go up against Ronda next. Although Rousey has won on the two previous occasions they have fought, the second bout was a pretty even affair, with Tate eventually succumbing to an armbar.

However, Chamatkar Sandhu doesn’t think Tate would be able to do much against Rousey, who seems to add new facets to her skill set every time she fights:

At the moment, the interest in Ronda seems to be unyielding. Her displays in the Octagon have catapulted her brand to stratospheric heights, and there has already been talk about the American sensation making a movie, per Nicholas Godden of the MailOnline. She also appeared as The Rock’s special guest at WrestleMania earlier in 2015.

But if Rousey was to swat aside Tate next and go on to topple someone like Cris Cyborg, the point about interest levels in the sport plummeting is certainly a pertinent one. After all, if Ronda was to pick up emphatic wins in those two fights, where on earth would she turn then?

There’s a long road ahead before that scenario arises, though, and with potential cards such as this one to come, for the immediate future the hype around the UFC is only going to get bigger and bigger, per Cageside Seats:

As Tate noted, the rest of the division is going to have to stand up and make an impression. Rousey is a force of nature in the sport at the moment and carries a deserved aura; but no fighter is infallible. Whether it’s Tate, Cyborg or someone else, if Ronda is to be nudged from the summit, it’s imperative someone halts her momentum quickly.

At this juncture, that looks unlikely to happen and there may be long-term connotations to consider. But the UFC and Ronda are currently riding the crest of a wave and should Rousey-Tate III go ahead on the same card as Jose Aldo-Conor McGregor, passion for the sport would surge to unprecedented levels. For a discipline that has had it’s ups and downs in recent years, that’s something which should be celebrated.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

Ronda Rousey’s Next Fight: Breaking Down the Trilogy with Miesha Tate

Ronda Rousey continued her stretch of utter domination at UFC 190. Facing bitter rival Bethe Correia, the UFC champion stalked forward and slung heavy leather, a strategy never before employed by Rousey. It worked brilliantly, too, as she pressured Correia to the cage, unleashed a devastating series of punches and knees that sent the Brazilian faceplanting to the mat in front of a raucous Brazilian crowd.

It’s a kind of domination rarely seen in MMA, and it’s a kind that has made selecting next opponents in advance an almost standard maneuver.

Rousey will next face her old foe, Miesha Tate. The two have fought twice before, with Rousey taking both wins via her signature armbar. With that in mind, it’s worth taking a close look at their previous fights in order to determine if the third outcome will be any different.

Strikeforce: Tate vs. Rousey

It’s easy to forget how much negativity was going on surrounding the first fight between Tate and Rousey. The losses of legends like Fedor Emelianenko and Randy Couture were still fresh. Jon Jones was not yet a mainstream attraction. Conor McGregor was still working towards the CWFC featherweight title.

Oh, and Cris “Cyborg” Justino? A failed drug test robbed women’s MMA of its only star, making it unclear whether women’s MMA would still exist by 2013. Tate, remember, was still largely unknown at that point, having spent almost her entire career in regional promotions or fighting on the barely watched Strikeforce Challengers cards. Rousey was gaining momentum, but many were questioning whether an armbar specialist with a Judo base had any real staying power.

Showtime didn’t quite know what to make of either woman and fell back on their sex appeal to push the fight. Come Sunday, however, it wasn’t Rousey‘s looks that everyone was talking about. It was her pure ferocity.

Rousey did not look especially brilliant in her first fight with Tate. Tate swung wild against Rousey, and the Judoka was visibly flustered.

Eventually, however, Rousey found her groove. She nailed a picture-perfect throw. She isolated the arm. She straightened it and then folded it backwards over her thigh.

The fight was a sloppy affair from a technical standpoint. Both ladies’ striking shone a vivid green, and neither looked like a complete MMA package. That didn’t matter, though. What mattered was that Rousey looked like the WWE version of Ken Shamrock: a vicious, merciless, limb-destroying machine. Style has always been more important than substance when it comes to combat sports and boy, did Rousey have style.

UFC 168

UFC 168 was the point where the steak started to catch up to the sizzle for both Rousey and Tate. Following a contentious season of The Ultimate Fighter, both fighters upped their game in a big way.

Rousey began to display much more confidence in her striking and showed a new discipline and poise in her attack. While she was visibly uncomfortable in Strikeforce whenever Tate was on offense, at UFC 168 she did great work controlling when and where the action took place. Tate showed off some new skills of her own, surviving numerous grappling exchanges with one of the best submission artists in the game.

Unfortunately, the one thing Tate couldn’t do was work her wrestling. While the matchup of Judoka vs. Wrestler typically breaks in favor of the wrestler, Rousey‘s perfectly solid base allowed her to repeatedly use Tate’s momentum against her, resulting in takedown after takedown. Eventually, Rousey found a way to lock in the armbar and that, as they say, was that.

Both had clearly grown, but in very different ways. Rousey‘s repertoire was expanding in a focused direction, which complimented her established Judo base. Tate, on the other hand, was sharpening the tools she already had and specifically working to counteract Rousey.

Was that the right approach for Tate? Maybe. Maybe not. Either way, she was clearly a better fighter than she was 20 months earlier.

Rousey vs. Tate 3

Neither Rousey nor Tate have plateaued since 2013, and both have continued improving.

Rousey has debuted a devastating clinch striking game perfectly suited to soften up opponents for a big throw. Not only that, but she has shown an almost veteran savvy that allows her to deal damage in the frantic scrambles along the cage.

Tate, unfortunately, hasn’t had as much opportunity to grow and actually seemed to regress for a time. Since joining the remodeled Xtreme Couture team, however, she has polished her striking in a big way and put on an amazing performance against a solid Jessica Eye last month. While it’s impossible to pick against Rousey at this point, Tate looks better than ever.

For Tate, the key to victory is keeping Rousey at a distance and landing that much-improved right hand. For Rousey, she just needs to stay in her comfort zone and control the pace of the fight.

Will the outcome be any different than their first two fights? Maybe. Maybe not. However, it’s hard to deny that Tate isn’t the greatest threat to defeat Rousey at 135 pounds today.

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UFC 190: The Opportunity to Promote Rousey vs. ‘Cyborg’ Was Missed

UFC 190 was a major event that should be considered a success for the Ultimate Fighting Championship. Ronda Rousey further cemented her position as a great star for the sport and demolished another challenger to her throne.
However, the organization mi…

However, the organization missed the boat in one key area. Cristiane ‘Cyborg’ Justino was in the crowd, but she was not brought in to stake her claim as the top contender to Rousey’s title. Setting up that moment would have created a huge opportunity in the future for both fighters and the UFC as a whole.

Justino is perhaps the last hurdle Rousey must leap in order to call her mixed martial arts career “complete.” The former Strikeforce and current Invicta champion has dominated all the competition that has been put in her way, much in the same way Rousey has done during her climb to fame.

During said climb, Rousey and Justino have been in each other’s crosshairs for years. She was immediately brought up during the post-fight press conference, and both Rousey and UFC President Dana White had to comment on the situation.

“I prefer [to fight] who makes weight and doesn’t do drugs. The fight’s there for Cyborg. She can make 145 pumped full of steroids; she can move down without them,” Rousey said. “I’m not going anywhere. I don’t see why everyone acts like I have so much to prove when she has to prove she can actually fight legitimately.”

White immediately followed up Rousey with his own comments on the action.

“She didn’t make the weight yet. The day she makes the weight and does what she’s supposed to do, that fight is on,” White said. “You think I don’t want that fight? Now I’m changing my mind on that fight. I think that fight does 2.5 million [pay-per-view] buys. That fight is massive.”

“Massive” is the right word to use. On an edition of the Jim Rome Show, White mentioned he believed the fight would do a very large pay-per-view buy rate.

“It’s one of those fights that’s very intriguing. When that fight happens, I guarantee that thing does over 2 million pay-per-view buys.”

UFC 190 was a moment in which the organization should have brought Justino into the cage to have her face off against Rousey. Conor McGregor took the moment into his own hands when he jumped over the cage after defeating Dennis Siver to face off against featherweight champion, Jose Aldo.

That set the stage for the successful UFC 189 event, even though Aldo was not present on the card. Using a similar approach between these two women would have created an immediate hype around the event well beyond what is currently going on in the mixed martial arts world.

Damon Martin of Fox Sports is reporting that the UFC is interested in putting the third fight between Rousey and Miesha Tate on the card that features the McGregor-Aldo matchup. While that would be a strong event if pulled off, the UFC should look at having Justino on that card instead of Tate. The groundwork for such a major fight should have kicked off at UFC 190. Mainstream and hardcore fans can only hope this bout happens while interest is still high.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

Ronda Rousey’s Plan: Beat Up Bethe Correia and Miesha Tate, Then Go Film a Movie

The hustle doesn’t stop in Ronda Rousey’s world.
The women’s bantamweight phenom has been on a run of dominance since entering the UFC ranks back in 2012, where the Rowdy one has steamrolled every opponent who has shared the Octagon with her. Furthermo…

The hustle doesn’t stop in Ronda Rousey‘s world.

The women’s bantamweight phenom has been on a run of dominance since entering the UFC ranks back in 2012, where the Rowdy one has steamrolled every opponent who has shared the Octagon with her. Furthermore, Rousey has not only risen to become the biggest star under the UFC banner, but her status has gone stratospheric in the world of mainstream entertainment as well.

From working the talk show circuit, to roles in major motion picture franchises, the nonstop grind that has become the former Olympian’s life moves at an incredible rate these days.

And from the sound of things in her interview with Damon Martin of Fox Sports ahead of her upcoming main event tilt against Bethe Correia at UFC 190, Rousey isn’t planning on slowing things down anytime soon.

The women’s 135-pound champion laid out her plan for the next few months, and did so with her signature brand of confidence as she publicly stated her intentions of defeating the Brazilian title challenger this Saturday night, then putting a third beating on Miesha Tate before diving into her upcoming movie project Mile 22 with Mark Wahlberg.

While knocking out a list of lofty accomplishments of that caliber would be a career for some, just like everything else she has her hand in, Rousey makes it all seem like a foregone conclusion.

“Here’s pretty much the plan,” Rousey said. “I’m going to beat up Bethe, then I’m going to take a couple of weeks to rest, and then I’m going to go beat up Miesha, and then I’m going to go to like Thailand or wherever we decide to film (“Mile 22″) and prep for like a month, and then start filming for like eight to 10 weeks, and then go beat up the next chick. That’s pretty much my plan.”

Although the undefeated phenom has her next challenge inside the cage happening this weekend in Brazil, talk of her next bout against Tate has already generated a bit of buzz. Cupcake was deemed the next contender to the women’s bantamweight crown last Saturday night after she bested a game Jessica Eye to pick up her third straight victory at UFC on Fox 16 in Chicago.

With Rousey already having defeated Tate on two previous occasions, and having done so dominant fashion, questions lingered to how much interest a trilogy fight would generate with Rousey. The no-nonsense-talking superstar addressed those matters in the interview as well and made it clear she’s up for one more tussle with her longtime rival.

“There’s fan interest, so there’s my interest,” Rousey said. “I’m interested in defending my title as many times as I need to before I feel like I’m done. If she’s the best competitor and she’s who the fans want to see, then yeah, I’m extremely interested in doing it.”

Duane Finley is a featured columnist for Bleacher Report. All quotes are obtained firsthand unless noted otherwise.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

UFC on FOX 16 Highlights/Results: Dillashaw Puts the Stamp on Barao, Tate Earns Another Shot at Rousey + More

(via UFC on FOX)

It’s hard to a remember a more meteoric rise to absolute dominance than that of TJ Dillashaw, the TUF 14 runner up who will almost certainly find himself in those ever-coveted “pound-for-pound” talks following his brilliant performance against Renan Barao at UFC on FOX 16 last Saturday.

To think that, a little over a year ago, Dillashaw was being given no chance against the former “pound-for-pound” king when they first clashed in the cage is almost absurd given his pair of performances against Barao. And in the rematch, Dillashaw was arguably even more impressive, eating almost everything his Brazilian rival could throw at him while returning fire with a fury. Dillashaw’s footwork was incredible, his combinations video game-esque, and his accuracy reminiscent of early Anderson Silva. How Barao was able to withstand the final flurry that came in the 4th round was a credit to his chin, his heart, and the abnormally slow hand of Herb Dean.

Elsewhere on the FOX 16 card, Miesha Tate overcame an early onslaught, Edson Barboza and Paul Felder threw spinning sh*t, and Joe Lauzon auditioned for his post-fight career as a referee, so check out all the highlights after the jump.

The post UFC on FOX 16 Highlights/Results: Dillashaw Puts the Stamp on Barao, Tate Earns Another Shot at Rousey + More appeared first on Cagepotato.

(via UFC on FOX)

Miesha Tate may be a notoriously slow starter, but God damn if she doesn’t have resilience in spades. Against Jessica Eye, “Cupcake” appeared to be fighting on a time delay early, eating a hellacious series of right hands and offering next to nothing in return. But then, late in the round, Miesha seemed to decide on a dime that she was capable of doing something other than taking her opponents down. Tate landed a MONSTER right hand that floored Eye and set the tone for the rest of the fight, which Tate dominated both in the standup and grappling departments.

With the victory, Tate has once again earned the opportunity to be thrashed by Ronda Rousey at some point in the future, so, uh, yeah for that.

In the co-co main event of the evening, Edson Barboza and Paul Felder engaged in one of the most technical displays of spinning sh*t ever documented. Though Barboza’s speed advantage and hellacious shot to Felder’s testicles in the first round would ultimately lead him to victory, the fight undoubtedly earned both guys a heap of new fans.

In one of the more interesting moments of UFC on FOX 16, Joe Lauzon kicked off the main card by taking Takanori Gomi down, pounding him out, then doing Herb Dean’s job for him and calling off the fight mid-ass kicking. The resulting memes have been kind to J-Lau.

Oh right, and in judging news, no one still knows what the f*ck they’re doing.

Main card
T.J. Dillashaw def. Renan Barao via fourth-round TKO
Miesha Tate def. Jessica Eye via unanimous decision
Edson Barboza def. Paul Felder via unanimous decision
Joe Lauzon def. Takanori Gomi via first-round TKO

Undercard
Tom Lawlor def. Gian Villante via second-round KO
Jim Miller def. Danny Castillo via split decision
Ben Saunders def. Kenny Robertson via split decision
Bryan Caraway def. Eddie Wineland via unanimous decision
James Krause def. Daron Cruickshank via submission (rear-naked choke)
Andrew Holbrook def. Ramsey Nijem via split decision
Elizabeth Phillips def. Jessamyn Duke via unanimous decision
Zak Cummings def. Dominique Steele via first-round TKO (0:43)

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