Tag: Potato index

The Potato Index: UFC 164 and ‘Fight Night 28: Teixeira vs. Bader’


(“We’re not angry with you, Ryan. We’re just disappointed.” Photo via Getty.)

Since ReX was finally able to unearth the Potato Index Supercomputer from his “Rave Cave” last week — which, FYI, is just a storage bin packed to the brim with CP t-shirts, used glowsticks, regifted blenders and vintage German porno mags — we figured we might as well continue running with this outdated piece of technology for the sake of nostalgia. For CagePotato readers, if anything, are a nostalgic bunch. Stubbornly trapped in the past and all but refusing to accept change you might even go as far as to say, but I digress. In any case, here are the numbers the CP Supercomputer was able to churn out based on the results of UFC 164 and Fight Night 28.

Anthony Pettis +108 

Two promotions. Two title fights. Two clear cut victories. Not only did Pettis earn an eternal place in Ben Henderson’s nightmares with one kick during their first encounter, but now he done went and submitted him inside of 5 minutes in their second. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life. “Showtime” is back in town and he don’t mess around.

Bendo -47

Shit happens when you start talking about beating Anderson Silva’s title defense record with 0 finishes in 7 UFC fights. We don’t mean to kick a classy guy like “Smooth” while he’s down, so for now we’ll just say that it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting another crack at the new champ anytime soon. It’s called the Koscheck Rule of Twos.


(“We’re not angry with you, Ryan. We’re just disappointed.” Photo via Getty.)

Since ReX was finally able to unearth the Potato Index Supercomputer from his “Rave Cave” last week — which, FYI, is just a storage bin packed to the brim with CP t-shirts, used glowsticks, regifted blenders and vintage German porno mags — we figured we might as well continue running with this outdated piece of technology for the sake of nostalgia. For CagePotato readers, if anything, are a nostalgic bunch. Stubbornly trapped in the past and all but refusing to accept change you might even go as far as to say, but I digress. In any case, here are the numbers the CP Supercomputer was able to churn out based on the results of UFC 164 and Fight Night 28.

Anthony Pettis +108 

Two promotions. Two title fights. Two clear cut victories. Not only did Pettis earn an eternal place in Ben Henderson’s nightmares with one kick during their first encounter, but now he done went and submitted him inside of 5 minutes in their second. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life. “Showtime” is back in town and he don’t mess around.

Bendo -47

Shit happens when you start talking about beating Anderson Silva’s title defense record with 0 finishes in 7 UFC fights. We don’t mean to kick a classy guy like “Smooth” while he’s down, so for now we’ll just say that it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting another crack at the new champ anytime soon. It’s called the Koscheck Rule of Twos.

Josh Barnett +33

Regardless of whether or not his thrashing of Frank Mir could have gone on a little longer, “The Warmaster” made a huge statement in his return bout nonetheless. Perhaps a fight with Travis Browne is on the horizon? Indubitably, you guys. Now will someone give the poor bastard a lift to the bus stop? He’s got these cheeseburgers, man…

Frank Mir -86

He may still be an elite heavyweight by most standards, but ol’ Franky boy is a couple more beatdowns away from never being able to play Jenga with his kids again.

Chad Mendes +45

Fighting Clay Guida is like trying to wrangle a chicken in an amusement park while wearing a blindfold. Finishing the Energizer Blanket is even tougher. Clearly, smoking weed and watching fight videos with Duane Ludwig is paying off in spades for Team Alpha Male. But if we have to hear Chad talk about that dude in the bushes on the back of his twenties ONE MORE TIME.

Clay Guida -20

Another tough break for the UFC’s hardest working and hardest playing star doesn’t do much for Guida’s stock. He’s a tough son of a bitch, that’s for sure, and a guy who will probably never become a champion or even an outright contender while still remaining a legitimate threat to those who are. Not much else to say, really.

Ben Rothwell (on TRT) +71

+11 for chasing Brandon Vera around for two and a half rounds, +60 for the sweet ass dance moves that kickstarted his finishing flurry.

Brandon Vera -45

We don’t know if we’ve ever seen a fighter as visibly confused as Brandon Vera was in the moments before Rothwell uncorked that beating on him in the third round. Unless you count Brandon Vera in the moments after Shogun Rua uncorked that beating on him in the fourth round last year. Welcome to No Man’s Land, Brandon. The summers are nice but the employment opportunities are somewhat scarce.

Dustin Poirier +28

Another fantastic fight punctuated with violent exchanges is in the books for “Diamond,” who is quickly becoming one of the most exciting fighters at 145. At just 24 years old, he’s got a long UFC career ahead of him.

Erik Koch -13

Can you believe that this guy was slated to face Jose Aldo at one point? What a slaughter that would’ve been.

Click on the “next page” tab for a by-the-numbers breakdown of yesterday’s Fight Night event…

The Potato Index: UFC 164 and ‘Fight Night 28: Teixeira vs. Bader’


(“We’re not angry with you, Ryan. We’re just disappointed.” Photo via Getty.)

Since ReX was finally able to unearth the Potato Index Supercomputer from his “Rave Cave” last week — which, FYI, is just a storage bin packed to the brim with CP t-shirts, used glowsticks, regifted blenders and vintage German porno mags — we figured we might as well continue running with this outdated piece of technology for the sake of nostalgia. For CagePotato readers, if anything, are a nostalgic bunch. Stubbornly trapped in the past and all but refusing to accept change you might even go as far as to say, but I digress. In any case, here are the numbers the CP Supercomputer was able to churn out based on the results of UFC 164 and Fight Night 28.

Anthony Pettis +108 

Two promotions. Two title fights. Two clear cut victories. Not only did Pettis earn an eternal place in Ben Henderson’s nightmares with one kick during their first encounter, but now he done went and submitted him inside of 5 minutes in their second. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life. “Showtime” is back in town and he don’t mess around.

Bendo -47

Shit happens when you start talking about beating Anderson Silva’s title defense record with 0 finishes in 7 UFC fights. We don’t mean to kick a classy guy like “Smooth” while he’s down, so for now we’ll just say that it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting another crack at the new champ anytime soon. It’s called the Koscheck Rule of Twos.


(“We’re not angry with you, Ryan. We’re just disappointed.” Photo via Getty.)

Since ReX was finally able to unearth the Potato Index Supercomputer from his “Rave Cave” last week — which, FYI, is just a storage bin packed to the brim with CP t-shirts, used glowsticks, regifted blenders and vintage German porno mags — we figured we might as well continue running with this outdated piece of technology for the sake of nostalgia. For CagePotato readers, if anything, are a nostalgic bunch. Stubbornly trapped in the past and all but refusing to accept change you might even go as far as to say, but I digress. In any case, here are the numbers the CP Supercomputer was able to churn out based on the results of UFC 164 and Fight Night 28.

Anthony Pettis +108 

Two promotions. Two title fights. Two clear cut victories. Not only did Pettis earn an eternal place in Ben Henderson’s nightmares with one kick during their first encounter, but now he done went and submitted him inside of 5 minutes in their second. Lock up your daughters, lock up your wife, lock up your back door and run for your life. “Showtime” is back in town and he don’t mess around.

Bendo -47

Shit happens when you start talking about beating Anderson Silva’s title defense record with 0 finishes in 7 UFC fights. We don’t mean to kick a classy guy like “Smooth” while he’s down, so for now we’ll just say that it doesn’t look like he’ll be getting another crack at the new champ anytime soon. It’s called the Koscheck Rule of Twos.

Josh Barnett +33

Regardless of whether or not his thrashing of Frank Mir could have gone on a little longer, “The Warmaster” made a huge statement in his return bout nonetheless. Perhaps a fight with Travis Browne is on the horizon? Indubitably, you guys. Now will someone give the poor bastard a lift to the bus stop? He’s got these cheeseburgers, man…

Frank Mir -86

He may still be an elite heavyweight by most standards, but ol’ Franky boy is a couple more beatdowns away from never being able to play Jenga with his kids again.

Chad Mendes +45

Fighting Clay Guida is like trying to wrangle a chicken in an amusement park while wearing a blindfold. Finishing the Energizer Blanket is even tougher. Clearly, smoking weed and watching fight videos with Duane Ludwig is paying off in spades for Team Alpha Male. But if we have to hear Chad talk about that dude in the bushes on the back of his twenties ONE MORE TIME.

Clay Guida -20

Another tough break for the UFC’s hardest working and hardest playing star doesn’t do much for Guida’s stock. He’s a tough son of a bitch, that’s for sure, and a guy who will probably never become a champion or even an outright contender while still remaining a legitimate threat to those who are. Not much else to say, really.

Ben Rothwell (on TRT) +71

+11 for chasing Brandon Vera around for two and a half rounds, +60 for the sweet ass dance moves that kickstarted his finishing flurry.

Brandon Vera -45

We don’t know if we’ve ever seen a fighter as visibly confused as Brandon Vera was in the moments before Rothwell uncorked that beating on him in the third round. Unless you count Brandon Vera in the moments after Shogun Rua uncorked that beating on him in the fourth round last year. Welcome to No Man’s Land, Brandon. The summers are nice but the employment opportunities are somewhat scarce.

Dustin Poirier +28

Another fantastic fight punctuated with violent exchanges is in the books for “Diamond,” who is quickly becoming one of the most exciting fighters at 145. At just 24 years old, he’s got a long UFC career ahead of him.

Erik Koch -13

Can you believe that this guy was slated to face Jose Aldo at one point? What a slaughter that would’ve been.

Click on the “next page” tab for a by-the-numbers breakdown of yesterday’s Fight Night event…

The Potato Index: UFC 131, TUF 13 Finale, and UFC 130 Edition

Clay Guida pool party MMA photos girls bikini
(Clay Guida’s party-animal status: Unchanged. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com)

Now that we’re halfway through a six-week stretch featuring a UFC or Strikeforce event every weekend, it might be time to take a deep breath, drag out a semi-retired recurring feature, and assign some totally meaningless scores to some of the notable trends and fighters we’ve seen lately. Who’s up, who’s down, and by how much? Well…

The UFC heavyweight division +113
Some have already labeled Shane Carwin’s loss at UFC 131 the “end of an era” for gargantuan heavyweights. (Didn’t last long, did it?) At the top of the division, we’re left with two guys who are smaller, faster, and better-conditioned than their predecessors; Velasquez vs. Dos Santos could be an all-time classic. Meanwhile, prospects like Travis Browne and Dave Herman continue to add depth at 265.

Cageside monitors -98
Nope, the judging in this sport still sucks, and the problem doesn’t appear to be technological. When you have shit for brains, every angle is a bad angle.

Clay Guida pool party MMA photos girls bikini
(Clay Guida’s party-animal status: Unchanged. Photo courtesy of CombatLifestyle.com)

Now that we’re halfway through a six-week stretch featuring a UFC or Strikeforce event every weekend, it might be time to take a deep breath, drag out a semi-retired recurring feature, and assign some totally meaningless scores to some of the notable trends and fighters we’ve seen lately. Who’s up, who’s down, and by how much? Well…

The UFC heavyweight division +113
Some have already labeled Shane Carwin’s loss at UFC 131 the “end of an era” for gargantuan heavyweights. (Didn’t last long, did it?) At the top of the division, we’re left with two guys who are smaller, faster, and better-conditioned than their predecessors; Velasquez vs. Dos Santos could be an all-time classic. Meanwhile, prospects like Travis Browne and Dave Herman continue to add depth at 265.

Cageside monitors -98
Nope, the judging in this sport still sucks, and the problem doesn’t appear to be technological. When you have shit for brains, every angle is a bad angle.

Demian Maia -184
Ugh. Bro, nobody wants to see you kickbox your way to another decision. Submitting people used to be Demian’s gimmick — and it was a great one. But he hasn’t been able to do that since UFC events were still numbered in the double-digits. Maia is officially a stepping stone in the middleweight division, and it’s a shame to see it.

Sam Stout +250
Meanwhile, Hands of Stone scored the first stoppage victory of his five-year, 11-fight UFC career at “Dos Santos vs. Carwin,” snapped a seven-fight decision streak in the process, and gobbled up his sixth performance bonus, like a boss.

Meaningless rumors -322
That’s the last time you fool us, Internet. THE LAST TIME.

Michihiro Omigawa -62
Yeah, he got his win bonus, but officially he’s 0-4 in the Octagon now. You know who else went 0-4 in the Octagon? Tiki Ghosn. You’re in good company, Michi.

The Ultimate Fighter +138
Season 13 might have been a drag, but with the booking of Bisping vs. Mayhem in the coaching slots and the debut of bantamweights and featherweights on the show, we’ll actually have a reason to watch this thing again.

Trying to win a fight off your back -241
Miguel Torres couldn’t do it against Demetrious Johnson, and Anthony Pettis couldn’t do it against Clay Guida. Top-game rules in this sport. Resistance is futile.

Joe Rogan +300/-300
…depending on your feelings about the word “cunty.”

Quinton Jackson +276
Beats up Matt Hamill, earns a title shot, and mock-motorboats Karyn Bryant without getting pepper-sprayed. Alpha.

Brian Stann +437
An American hero who’s now a legit threat at middleweight. Stann TKO’d former Top-10 fighter Jorge Santiago on Memorial Day, picking up his second Fight of the Night bonus in his last three fights.

Guys who get ranked in the Top 10 by dominating local talent in Japan, then get squashed the first time they fight in (or return to) the Octagon -602
See above.

(BG)

The Potato Index — ‘Strikeforce: Fedor vs. Werdum’ Edition

(Okay Cung, you got your revenge on Scott Smith. We all saw it. There’s no need to rub it in by levitating. Photo courtesy of the "Fedor vs. Werdum Photos" gallery on MMAFighting.com.)
The Potato Index has been chewing its nails and tapping…

Cung Le Scott Smith Strikeforce
(Okay Cung, you got your revenge on Scott Smith. We all saw it. There’s no need to rub it in by levitating. Photo courtesy of the "Fedor vs. Werdum Photos" gallery on MMAFighting.com.)

The Potato Index has been chewing its nails and tapping its feet since Saturday night, just waiting for the chance to throw out some arbitrary numerical rankings at Fedor vs. Werdum. And now, the moment has arrived. Don’t mess it up, Potato Index. Please, for the love of God, act like you’ve been there before.

Fabricio Werdum +1,089
Any time you can accomplish something that’s never been done before, it’s a good day. Werdum stopped an unbeatable legend — quickly, we might add — and brought some glory back to BJJ. No matter what happens next in his career, Vai Cavalo will go down in history. And honestly, it couldn’t have happened to a nicer guy. Look how happy he is!

Fedor Emelianeko -113 
Fedor’s fight instincts are what set him apart from mere mortals, and have gotten him out of many a jam during his career, but they failed him on Saturday. He thought he had Werdum hurt and went in for the kill, but Werdum was playing possum, and seized on his first opportunity to hit the mat. Fedor could have played it safe against a superior grappler — he could have let Fabricio up so he could slug him some more — but that’s not what Fedor does, and that’s not why we love him. The loss only proves that Emelianenko is not literally invincible. It doesn’t affect his status as the greatest heavyweight of all time.

Brock Lesnar and Shane Carwin +99, each
I know, these guys weren’t even at the show. But now their fight at UFC 116 will determine the #1 heavyweight fighter in the world on most ranking lists, simply by default. Next step: Unifying the WAMMA title.

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The Potato Index: TUF 11 Finale + WEC 49

(Keith "Necro Reaper" Jardine, after his barbed-wire and fluorescent-light-tube death-match against Matt "Da Def Syco" Hamill. / Photo courtesy of the TUF 11 Finale gallery on MMAFighting.com)
Because you pansies get all red-faced…

Keith Jardine TUF 11 Finale UFC Matt Hamill cuts blood
(Keith "Necro Reaper" Jardine, after his barbed-wire and fluorescent-light-tube death-match against Matt "Da Def Syco" Hamill. / Photo courtesy of the TUF 11 Finale gallery on MMAFighting.com)

Because you pansies get all red-faced when the Potato Index skips an event, we’ve brought back the beloved arbitrary numerical ranking system for a special two-fer installment. As for the recent complaints that the Potato Index’s scores have gotten less arbitrary, we have passed the feedback onto the Index and hope that the scores are now sufficiently chaotic while still maintaining their accuracy and integrity…

Court McGee +518
Going from pantsless meth addict to Ultimate Fighter winner? Yeah, we’d call that an upgrade. But Court McGee is more than just an inspirational story. With his endless heart and skill with a choke-hold, he’s a legitimately valuable acquisition for the UFC. If they bring him along slowly, he could become a factor in the middleweight division someday.

Kris McCray -33.333 [repeating]
Sometimes, tough ain’t enough. McCray may be a little too green to compete at the UFC level, but as a season runner-up, he deserves one more fight — ideally, against one of the TUF guys that scored victories on Saturday, like Chris Camozzi or Rich Attonito.

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