Mention the name “Alberto Rodriguez” to the average MMA fan, and you’ll likely be met with a blank stare. Mention “Alberto Del Rio,” and there’s a distinct possibility that said fan will rant and rave about CM Punk, fake wrestling and the sanctity of guys with bad tattoos punching each other inside of a cage being destroyed. Mention “Dos Caras Jr,” and you’ll almost assuredly engage said fan in a discussion about the freak show awesomeness and/or awfulness of PRIDE.
That those three names all belong to the same person is almost irrelevant when compared to the reactions that those names bring out. That Bellator is rumored to be interested in signing the man shouldn’t surprise you slightly. Via The Wrestling Observer (by way of UPROXX):
“We can confirm that Bellator is looking to sign professional wrestlers to fighter contracts. Alberto Del Rio is one of their targets of interest.
As previously reported, WWE tried to include MMA in their no-compete clause when he was let go from the company. Del Rio reportedly agreed to certain parts of the no-compete clause; it isn’t known whether MMA was part of that. FOX Sports writer Damon Martin posted the following to Twitter, claiming that Del Rio is “itching for a fight”
“Sources within Spike TV and those close to Bellator MMA claim that the promotion has a plan to bring in professional wrestlers as MMA fighters. The company has what is described as a “gameplan” to bring in current and former wrestlers to bolster their roster. Bobby Lashley is currently part of the promotion.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “DOS CARAS JR. IS COMING TO BELLATOR! DOS CARAS JR. IS COMING TO BELLATOR! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!” But let’s over-analyze this rumor, shall we?
Mention the name “Alberto Rodriguez” to the average MMA fan, and you’ll likely be met with a blank stare. Mention “Alberto Del Rio,” and there’s a distinct possibility that said fan will rant and rave about CM Punk, fake wrestling and the sanctity of guys with bad tattoos punching each other inside of a cage being destroyed. Mention “Dos Caras Jr,” and you’ll almost assuredly engage said fan in a discussion about the freak show awesomeness and/or awfulness of PRIDE.
That those three names all belong to the same person is almost irrelevant when compared to the reactions that those names bring out. That Bellator is rumored to be interested in signing the man shouldn’t surprise you slightly. Via The Wrestling Observer (by way of UPROXX):
“We can confirm that Bellator is looking to sign professional wrestlers to fighter contracts. Alberto Del Rio is one of their targets of interest.
As previously reported, WWE tried to include MMA in their no-compete clause when he was let go from the company. Del Rio reportedly agreed to certain parts of the no-compete clause; it isn’t known whether MMA was part of that. FOX Sports writer Damon Martin posted the following to Twitter, claiming that Del Rio is “itching for a fight”
“Sources within Spike TV and those close to Bellator MMA claim that the promotion has a plan to bring in professional wrestlers as MMA fighters. The company has what is described as a “gameplan” to bring in current and former wrestlers to bolster their roster. Bobby Lashley is currently part of the promotion.”
Now, I know what you’re thinking: “DOS CARAS JR. IS COMING TO BELLATOR! DOS CARAS JR. IS COMING TO BELLATOR! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!” But let’s over-analyze this rumor, shall we?
Why It’s Potentially True: Unlike the UFC, Bellator isn’t flip-flopping on whether it wants to be the most credible major sports organization or the most credible celebrity boxing organization on a weekly basis. Bellator is brutally honest about what it’s trying to be: It’s trying to be the freak show promotion (with the occasional legitimate prospect) that modern MMA both needs and deserves. The UFC just signed a former WWE World Heavyweight Champion, so why wouldn’t Bellator want to sign a former WWE World Heavyweight Champion of their own?
Why It’s Potentially False: Rodriguez is arguably the hottest free agent in professional wrestling right now. Bellator’s quirky partnership with TNA Impact! Wrestling is dissolving, and something tells me that the suits at Viacom aren’t going to be okay with allowing him to wrestle on the independent circuit while under contract with Bellator. Unless Bellator signs Rodriguez to a big money contract – and not just “big by MMA’s standards” – it won’t financially make sense for him to sign on with Bellator.
The Case Against Alberto Rodriguez: He’s thirty-seven years old, and hasn’t had a professional MMA fight in nearly five years. Also, the whole “will probably want to keep wrestling professionally while under contract” thing.
So When Brock Lesnar Fights Bobby Lashley And Breaks All of the PPV Records…: Lesnar will be dominating Lashley, until one of the announcers shouts “WHAT ON EARTH IS ALBERTO RODRIGUEZ DOING IN THE BELLATOR ZONE?!” as Rodriguez makes his way to the cage, holding a steel chair. Rodriguez will tease hitting Lesnar with it, then turn and smack Lashley’s downed body. Will it be the beginning of an unstoppable heavyweight duo set on destroying Bellator once and for all? We’ll find out tomorrow night on Nitro Bellator!
(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…)
Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.
More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.
(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…)
Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.
More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.
According to MMAFighting, it was revealed that Evans had not been training for Bautista in the weeks prior to the bout — unless you consider fending off knife fights in the yard and gang rape in the shower “training” – because he was in jail while the fight was being promoted. So clearly, we’re looking at a fighter and a promotion primarily focused on achieving MMA legitimacy here people. After Evans was temporarily released from his stay, it seemed as if things were back on schedule. But unfortunately for “The Animal” (as well as Evans), it turns out that when you hand pick an opponent based on their complete lack of anything resembling competence, it could end up biting you in the ass. Evans was pulled over just a few days after his release and promptly thrown back in the hoosegow for driving without a valid license and therefore violating his parole. And so the great superfight of 2012 was off.
The promotion that we have the decency not to name then decided to pair Bautista against Bruno McKee, who, like Bautista and Evans, had zero professional experience. Unfortunately, McKee would also drop out, claiming that he did not have enough time to prepare for whatever skill set Bautista apparently brings to the table (Author’s note: there seems to be a lot of that going around lately).
When the promotion was made aware that Chael Sonnen would not in fact be stepping in to fight Bautista, who Sonnen described as “a freakish, musclebound dolt who hasn’t earned the right to peruse my hamper of dirty gym shorts*,” they once again found themselves in panic mode, which is how they came upon the 40 year old Lucero to fill in on just five days notice.
And once again, we are of two minds when it comes to Bautista. On one hand, at least he’s willing to fight an incredibly experienced IFL and Bellator veteran for his professional debut. On the other, he is fighting a man whose most notable win came over Josh Haynes back in 2004 and who is 2-9-1 in his last twelve. BUT HE’S WON HIS LAST TWO, YOU GUYS.
Who are we kidding, this is going to be a shitshow.
We’ve managed to scour the Internet and find a video of Lucero’s performance against Roy Nelson, which we’ve added below. If you feel the desire to watch his performance against Ron Sparks, go here.
OK, that may have been the most pathetic ending to a fight we have ever witnessed. At least this time it wasn’t Lucero’s fault, we guess.
This sure-to-be FOTY goes down on October 6th from the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence, R.I. To find out how to purchase tickets, first pick up a phone, dial 911, and then beat yourself over the head with that phone until the ambulance arrives.
*Chael Sonnen has never made such a statement, but we imagine he’d say something incredibly similar if given the opportunity.
It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.
But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!
It should come as no surprise then that we’ve seen our share of professional fighters attempting honest-to-God professional wrestling moves in real fights. We know, we know: We’re totally not supposed to be trying this stuff at home. But fortunately for us, the following brave men have ignored the countless warnings, the advice of their trainers and their own common sense to provide us with the most entertainingly reckless ways to injure their fellow men.
But before we break out the face paint and spandex, let’s establish how I’ll be ranking such absurd maneuvers. The moves will be ranked based on their immediate effectiveness, how true to form they stay to their kayfabe counterparts, and the competence of their opponents. Let’s face it: Even if you do something insanely cool and difficult from professional wrestling in an MMA fight, if you then get knocked out, you still look like a chump. Let’s also acknowledge that a punch to a downed opponent has no business being called The Worm without the accompanying theatrics. Finally, it’s a lot easier to pull off a complex move in a fight when your opponent totally sucks at fighting. Those are my rules, and if you’re not down with that, I got two words for ya: LET’S BEGIN!
14.) Bob Sapp Piledrives Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira at PRIDE Shockwave, 8/28/2002.
For those of you who are new here, believe it or not Bob Sapp used to actually try during his fights. After crushing two straight foes while looking absolutely terrifying in the process, ”The Beast” found himself across the ring from PRIDE heavyweight champion Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira. Right from the start, Big Nog shoots for a takedown and immediately gets caught between Sapp’s monstrous legs. What follows is one of both men’s most iconic moments: Sapp pulls Nogueira up and piledrives him straight to the canvas.
Either that piledriver wasn’t nearly as effective as it looked, or it was far too effective and had zombified Big Nog, because Nogueira refused to stay down afterwards. Well damn, dropping the guy straight on his neck didn’t work. Now what? If you’re Bob Sapp, you respond by unsuccessfully attempting more piledrivers while your Brazilian foe mounts what I’m on record calling the greatest comeback in MMA history, eventually securing a fight ending armbar.
While this fight established Antonio Rodrigo Nogueira as a bonafide badass, it also proved once and for all that one should bring a more diverse strategy into a bout against a top heavyweight fighter than “repeatedly attempt to break his neck with a professional wrestling move.” Attempting to break his shoulder with a jiu-jitsu hold, however…
13.) Charles “Krazy Horse” Bennett Uses the Airplane Spin Against Anthony McDavitt at King of the Cage: Legends, 6/6/2009.
Let’s pretend you’re a cocky journeyman with nothing resembling a ground game. Some punk tries to lock in an armbar against you, not realizing that you are Krazy with a capital K. How do you handle this?
If you answered “spin him around like I’m a coked up 80′s wrestler and slam him head first into the cage on my way to a split-decision loss,” then accept my condolences: you and Bennett have the exact same problem solving skills. I’d advise you to stay in school and keep away from drugs, but apparently that’s what got you in this mess in the first place. So drop out and do a lot of meth, I guess.
12.) Houston Alexander Chokeslams Thiago Silva at UFC 78, 11/17/2007.
(The slam comes at the 1:23 mark.)
When then-feared knockout artist Houston “The Assassin” Alexander (Ah, how nostalgic that felt to type) found himself across the cage from Thiago Silva, he knew he’d have to break out something extra special to keep the suspiciously burly Brazilian down. Taking a cue from the giants of professional wrestling that came before him, Alexander decided that the easiest way to knock out Silva was to use a straight-up chokeslam on him.
Unfortunately for Alexander, it turns out that them pro wrasslers is lyin’ to us: A chokeslam is no more devastating than any other takedown. Especially when you’re a fish out of water on the ground and your opponent is a Brazilian Jiu-Jitsu black belt. Alexander would go on to get knocked out in the first round by Silva, end up on the wrong end of what was then the UFC’s fastest knockout, get choked out by Eric Schafer and released from the UFC, brought back to job to Kimbo Slice and has currently lost two straight fights by way of vicious knockout. But other than that, his life is just wonderful.
11.) Mark Hunt Leg Drops Wanderlei Silva at PRIDE Shockwave 2004, 12/31/2004.
(Leg drop comes around 6:45)
It’s no secret that Mark Hunt was as one-dimensional as they came when he first started competing in MMA. When the Samoan kickboxer found himself staring at a grounded Wanderlei Silva, he wisely decided that a grappling match was not in his best interest. Rather, Mark Hunt figured that attempting a giant leg drop was his best option in this situation. Hey, it worked for Hulk Hogan, right?
Even though Hunt would have only connected with Silva’s stomach if it landed cleanly, and ended up with a pissed off Axe Murderer in his guard, it technically still worked: Super Samoan walked away with a split-decision victory that night.
10.) Ikuhisa Minowa Dropkicks Butterbean at PRIDE Bushido 12, 8/26/2006
For those who have never seen “Minowaman” fight, allow me to break down a typical fight of his for you in four easy steps:
Step One: Sign up to fight someone who is more than twice your size yet only half as skilled. Step Two: Do something weird to train, like ask your sparring partners to sit on each others’ shoulders while poking at you with sticks. Step Three: Attempt a professional wrestling move at some point during your fight. Step Four: Either submit your oversized grappling dummy, or get beaten to a pulp by the much larger foe.
Any questions?
9.) Jon Jones Suplexes Stephan Bonnar at UFC 94, 1/31/2009 + 8.) Jon Jones Suplexes Brad Bernard at Full Force Productions: Untamed 20, 4/12/2008.
Yes, nerds: I’m well aware that suplexes are legitimate wrestling takedowns. Well la-dee-frickin’-da. Let me guess, you also call rappers by their real names instead of their stage names, complain about the “unrealistic” parts of science fiction movies and just can’t enjoy a hilarious YouTube video because of all the bad grammar in the comments section.
Now, if you’re looking for an MMA bout that will more than likely produce a German suplex that would make Chris Benoit blush, put the arrogant hotshot who would go on to be the youngest champion in UFC history (and arguably the greatest American MMA fighter in the brief history of our sport) in the cage with an aging veteran and let nature take its course. If you’re looking for one that is practically guaranteed to produce a wild double underhook suplex, lock said hotshot in the cage with an unathletic looking self-described “bar room brawler” who is 0-2 in cage fights and keep a camera on them at all times.
7.) Jonathan Ivey Uses The People’s Elbow on Some Fatty (Event and Date Unknown)
I have no idea who the tubby in the yellow trunks is that’s doing his best Bob Sapp impression. I have no idea what event this went down at, or even what year this fight took place during. What I do know is that the fighter in black trunks is none other than heavyweight journeyman Jonathan Ivey, who upon seeing that for once he’s actually the guy doing the damage, decides to use The People’s Elbow against that disgusting fatbody.
Technically, you’re right: I have no idea if Jonathan Ivey actually won this fight, so it shouldn’t really be this high up on the list. But come on, once you allow someone to use The People’s Elbow on you in a real fight – most of the theatrics included – you automatically lose. In a just world (i.e. my mind), the referee watched Ivey dance his way into The People’s Elbow and immediately stopped the contest. Ivey celebrated, while chunky decided to retire from the sport, grow a killer mustache, adopt a beagle and never speak of his career as one of them Vale Tudo fellers again.
Hit that “next page” link for another example of PRIDE being awesome, a throwback clip of the WEC imitating WCW, and the perfect way to finish an opponent…
