Tag: Throwback Thursday

Throwback Thursday: Five of Bas Rutten’s Greatest Pancrase Fights From the 90?s

I could not disagree more with Santino DeFranco’s assertion that Bas Rutten is the *worst* commentator currently working outside of the UFC. Honestly, it’s the most ludicrous statement I’ve heard in recent memory outside of “smear shit on yourself to prevent rape.”

Sure, Rutten may go off on his own tangents and botch a fighter’s name every now and again, but at least he isn’t force-feeding hackneyed catchphrases like “Goodnight Irene!” or “There is a cut on my anus” down our throats. And even if he was, Rutten’s a goddamn legend and one of the funniest sumbitches to ever strap on the 4 oz. gloves, so he’s earned the right to flub a line every now and again. I watch his street defense videos at least once a week, not just because they offer more plausible self-defense options than, say, smearing shit on yourself to prevent rape, but because they are good for a laugh every. single. time.

In any case, Rutten has decided to upload 1 fight from his illustrious 31 fight career to Youtube each day for the next month, along with his own commentary. From his early days in Pancrase to his brief run as UFC Heavyweight Champion to that time he fought Ruben Villareal for the title of “King of the Streets,” the fights themselves are sure to be only overshadowed by Rutten’s always insightful and hysterical commentary.

We’ve compiled all the videos that Rutten has released so far (along with a couple of our personal favorites) after the jump, so check them out and bask in the greatness of “El Guapo.”

I could not disagree more with Santino DeFranco’s assertion that Bas Rutten is the *worst* commentator currently working outside of the UFC. Honestly, it’s the most ludicrous statement I’ve heard in recent memory outside of “smear shit on yourself to prevent rape.”

Sure, Rutten may go off on his own tangents and botch a fighter’s name every now and again, but at least he isn’t force-feeding hackneyed catchphrases like “Goodnight Irene!” or “There is a cut on my anus” down our throats. And even if he was, Rutten’s a goddamn legend and one of the funniest sumbitches to ever strap on the 4 oz. gloves, so he’s earned the right to flub a line every now and again. I watch his street defense videos at least once a week, not just because they offer more plausible self-defense options than, say, smearing shit on yourself to prevent rape, but because they are good for a laugh every. single. time.

In any case, Rutten has decided to upload 1 fight from his illustrious 31 fight career to Youtube each day for the next month, along with his own commentary. From his early days in Pancrase to his brief run as UFC Heavyweight Champion to that time he fought Ruben Villareal for the title of “King of the Streets,” the fights themselves are sure to be only overshadowed by Rutten’s always insightful and hysterical commentary.

We’ve compiled all the videos that Rutten has released so far (along with a couple of our personal favorites) after the jump, so check them out and bask in the greatness of “El Guapo.”

Rutten vs. Ryushi Yanagisawa – Pancrase: Yes, We Are Hybrid Wrestlers 1

Rutten vs. Takaku Fuke: Pancrase: Yes, We Are Hybrid Wrestlers 2

Rutten vs. Masakatsu Funaki: Pancrase: Pancrash! 1

Rutten vs. Jason Delucia III: Pancrase: Truth 6

Rutten vs. Funaki II: Pancrase: 1996 Anniversary Show

Throwback Thursday: 15 Brutal IVC Fights That You Probably Haven’t Seen Before

(Gary Goodridge submits Augusto Menezes Santos with a reverse full-nelson at IVC 1, 7/6/97. Classic Big Daddy.)

Since our Throwback Thursday series is focusing on the ’90s this month, we decided to look back at an important (but mostly forgotten) promotion that was running no-holds-barred fights back then — the International Vale Tudo Championship.

Launched in Brazil in 1997, the IVC was like a grittier, nastier version of the UFC, featuring legal head-butts and groin-strikes, 30-minute marathon brawls, and a ring instead of a cage. It was old-school and ugly, just the way we liked it.

And now, through the magic of YouTube, it’s time to revisit those days. Here are 15 of our all-time favorite fights from the IVC’s first ten events, in loose chronological order. Enjoy.

(Dan Severn defeats Ebenezer Fontes Braga via doctor’s stoppage TKO at IVC 1.)

(Gary Goodridge submits Pedro Otavio via strikes in the IVC 1 final, after 16 minutes of creative groin abuse.)


(Gary Goodridge submits Augusto Menezes Santos with a reverse full-nelson at IVC 1, 7/6/97. Classic Big Daddy.)

Since our Throwback Thursday series is focusing on the ’90s this month, we decided to look back at an important (but mostly forgotten) promotion that was running no-holds-barred fights back then — the International Vale Tudo Championship.

Launched in Brazil in 1997, the IVC was like a grittier, nastier version of the UFC, featuring legal head-butts and groin-strikes, 30-minute marathon brawls, and a ring instead of a cage. It was old-school and ugly, just the way we liked it.

And now, through the magic of YouTube, it’s time to revisit those days. Here are 15 of our all-time favorite fights from the IVC’s first ten events, in loose chronological order. Enjoy.


(Dan Severn defeats Ebenezer Fontes Braga via doctor’s stoppage TKO at IVC 1.)


(Gary Goodridge submits Pedro Otavio via strikes in the IVC 1 final, after 16 minutes of creative groin abuse.)


(Wanderlei Silva KO’s Sean Bormet with a head-kick at IVC 2, 9/15/97.)


(Wanderlei Silva suffers a doctor’s stoppage TKO loss to Artur Mariano in the finals of IVC 2. Crazy, bloody fight.)


(Wallid Ismail submits Johil de Oliveira via punches at IVC 3, 12/10/97.)




(Mike Van Arsdale runs through Francisco Nonato, Marcelo Barbosa, and Dario Amorim at IVC 4, 2/7/98.)


(Jose “Pele” Landi-Jons submits Milton Bahia via punches in the finals of IVC 5, 4/26/98. Landi-Jons had already fought for over 21 minutes that night, scoring doctor’s stoppage TKOs against Gerald Taylor and Jorge Pereira.)


(Chuck Liddell‘s epic 30-minute battle against Landi-Jons at IVC 6, 8/23/98.)


(Wanderlei Silva knocks out Mike Van Arsdale at IVC 6.)


(Renato Sobral KO’s Fernando “Bosco” Cerchiari at IVC 8, 1/20/99.)


(Wanderlei Silva shreds Adrian Serrano in 22 seconds at IVC 9…)


(…and stomps Eugene Jackson in 32 seconds at IVC 10.)

Throwback Thursday: Mark Schultz Grinds Out Gary Goodridge at UFC 9

(Mark Schultz vs. Gary Goodridge, UFC 9, 5/17/96)

For most old-school UFC fans, the name UFC 9: Motor City Madness conjures up bad memories of “the Dance in Detroit” — an excruciatingly boring 30-minute headlining match between Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn. (“Fans pelted the ring with garbage after Severn won a split decision in overtime.”) It wasn’t all Dan and Ken’s fault, though; due to a court ruling, fighters at UFC 9 were forbidden from using closed-fisted strikes — a rule that some of the participants broke without repercussions.

But while the UFC 9 main event was completely forgettable, one of its supporting bouts remains a part of combat-sports mythology: The unexpected appearance of Olympic gold medalist Mark Schultz, and his sole MMA fight against Gary Goodridge.

We’ve already told you about Schultz’s backstory — his incredible success in freestyle wrestling, his gold medal at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, and the murder of his older brother Dave Schultz, which forms the basis for the upcoming movie Foxcatcher. So how did Mark wind up in the cage that night in May 1996?

Sometime after the UFC’s debut in 1993, Schultz became interested in the new sport and began studying jiu-jitsu under Pedro Sauer in Utah. By 1996, Schultz was working with Canadian UFC old-schooler Dave Beneteau, helping to prepare Beneteau for a slated bout against Gary Goodridge at UFC 9. Less than a month before the event, Beneteau broke his hand. Figuring he could compete despite the injury, Beneteau decided to train through it — but plans changed at the last minute. Here’s what happened, according to a profile on Schultz that was published after the event:


(Mark Schultz vs. Gary Goodridge, UFC 9, 5/17/96)

For most old-school UFC fans, the name UFC 9: Motor City Madness conjures up bad memories of “the Dance in Detroit” — an excruciatingly boring 30-minute headlining match between Ken Shamrock and Dan Severn. (“Fans pelted the ring with garbage after Severn won a split decision in overtime.”) It wasn’t all Dan and Ken’s fault, though; due to a court ruling, fighters at UFC 9 were forbidden from using closed-fisted strikes — a rule that some of the participants broke without repercussions.

But while the UFC 9 main event was completely forgettable, one of its supporting bouts remains a part of combat-sports mythology: The unexpected appearance of Olympic gold medalist Mark Schultz, and his sole MMA fight against Gary Goodridge.

We’ve already told you about Schultz’s backstory — his incredible success in freestyle wrestling, his gold medal at the 1984 Olympics in Los Angeles, and the murder of his older brother Dave Schultz, which forms the basis for the upcoming movie Foxcatcher. So how did Mark wind up in the cage that night in May 1996?

Sometime after the UFC’s debut in 1993, Schultz became interested in the new sport and began studying jiu-jitsu under Pedro Sauer in Utah. By 1996, Schultz was working with Canadian UFC old-schooler Dave Beneteau, helping to prepare Beneteau for a slated bout against Gary Goodridge at UFC 9. Less than a month before the event, Beneteau broke his hand. Figuring he could compete despite the injury, Beneteau decided to train through it — but plans changed at the last minute. Here’s what happened, according to a profile on Schultz that was published after the event:

“[Beneteau] asked me to go to Detroit with him to be his personal corner man, or the guy to throw in the towel if necessary,” Schultz said.

“I went out there with the understanding that that’s what I was going to do. I didn’t take any work-out gear. All I brought was a suit and tie and one pair of shorts to do some training with some of the Brazilians that were going to be there.”

Immediately following a news conference that took place on the eve of the fight, Beneteau was looked over by a doctor and told that he would not be able to compete, Schultz said.

“After the doctor said that (Beneteau) was out of the tournament, everybody turned and looked at me,” he said. “So I went over to the head promoter…and told him that I was thinking about taking Dave’s place.”

The next step was to arrive at an agreement with promoters over details to be included in the last-minute contract, Schultz said.

“They called me at seven in the morning with an offer, requesting an answer, but I still needed time to think about it all,” he said. “I went over to a corner and sat down and I asked God what I should do. I felt that I had to do it — I knew I had to do it.”

“I walked back, signed the papers…had a physical, had an interview, went to the Octagon to feel the mat, then some guys went and bought all new equipment for me for the match,” he said. “Two hours later I was in the Octagon fighting.”

Simply stepping up for the fight was an incredibly badass move. But keep in mind, Schultz would be facing Gary Goodridge, who had nearly killed Paul Herrera just three months earlier. Despite his world-class pedigree, Schultz could have been another Fred Ettish, squashed on short notice, pushed into the Octagon before he was ready. Fortunately, Schultz rose to the challenge. Check out the complete fight video at the top of the post; the action begins at the 1:52 mark. Some highlights…

– Schultz tries a few Royce Gracie-style drifting front kicks to close distance, which get zero reaction from Big Daddy. Between Schultz’s lack of a striking background and the weird rule about no punching, it’s clear that he doesn’t really know what to do with his hands. But at the video’s 2:28 mark, Schultz shoots in, immediately dumps Goodridge on his back, and now it’s a wrestling match.

– At the 4:14 mark, Schultz finally pulls out of the headlock that Goodridge held him in from the moment they hit the canvas. Wisely, Goodridge locks Schultz down, while Schultz fires some short punches into Gary’s ribs, ditching the no-closed-fist rule. In the modern era, this stalemate would eventually provoke a standup from the ref. But Big John lets them fight through it.

– Around 6:39, we see that Goodridge is cut near his right eye, although it’s not clear what opened him up.

– Big John finally stands them up at 7:44. At 7:50, Goodridge’s cornerman sprays an unidentified substance into his mouth. Nobody says a word about it. Gotta love the ’90s.

– Schultz scores another effortless takedown at 8:16. Again, Goodridge does his best to lock Schultz down and cause another standup. Eventually, Schultz breaks his arms free and starts landing some punches. But just as he’s picking up some momentum, Big John stops the action to have Goodridge’s cut looked at. At 11:23, the fight is restarted on the feet — a lucky break for Goodridge.

– At 11:31, Goodridge throws what might be the first oblique kick in UFC history. Schultz responds with a slow inside leg kick, then actually throws a lead hook — and that’s about as much standup fighting as he’ll show us tonight. Schultz goes back to his bread-and-butter, securing another takedown then finding spots to sneak his fists in.

– Goodridge tries to set up a clever ankle-lock at 13:41, but loses it, and Schultz is back to grinding him out. Blood starts to accumulate underneath the fighters. It’s getting ugly now.

– At 14:46, Schultz postures up in mount, and starts slugging. Only a few of the shots land cleanly, but remember, this is a bare-knuckle fight. Goodridge is getting torn up. Goodridge spits out his mouthpiece. Schultz covers Goodridge’s mouth with his hand.

– Another barrage of punches from Schultz at 15:09. Schultz looks for an armlock as time runs out in the 12-minute regulation period of the fight. The fighters go back to their corners. A photographer drifts into the Octagon, thinking the match is over, but actually the fight is supposed to enter a three-minute overtime at this point.

– At 16:22, Dave Beneteau and the crowd start cheering at something the commentators aren’t aware of yet — that the fight has been stopped by the doctors due to Goodridge’s cut. “IT’S OVER,” Big John barks at Goodridge, who doesn’t want to hear it. Mark Schultz wins.

Mark Schultz called the victory “the most significant achievement of my life,” and yet he never set foot in the Octagon ever again. Two months later, Mark Coleman won the eight-man tournament at UFC 10, and became the standard-bearer for hulking American wrestlers in the Octagon; Mark Kerr and Randy Couture would make their own UFC debuts in 1997.

But what would have happened if Schultz stuck around and made a career out of it? His physical talents were unparalleled, and he had already spent a couple years learning jiu-jitsu, trying to become a complete fighter. Guys like Coleman and Couture could have been mere footnotes in the hypothetical story of Mark Schultz, First Heavyweight Champion of the UFC.

Instead, Schultz went back to coaching wrestling at Brigham Young University, unsure that being a professional fighter would give him the kind of financial security he needed. “I had three kids and no health insurance,” Schultz said. “I could have gone to the UFC, but the money wasn’t great.”

As it turned out, civilian life has been anything but secure for Mark Schultz. He has battled back problems, a nasty staph infection that almost claimed his arm in 1999, a divorce and subsequent child-custody dispute, and a controversial 2003 fight against Leopoldo Montenegro in Brazil, in which a pro wrestling match became a real fight at the last minute. (You can read the whole sordid story here.) As of 2008, Schultz was working at a masonry contracting company in Denver, far from the spotlight, decades removed from his career peak as the best wrestler in the world.

Until this year, the story of Mark Schultz had been virtually forgotten in the American consciousness. Now, a dark chapter of his life is being adapted into a Channing Tatum movie. Maybe it’s not exactly the way he’d like to be remembered. Then again, if there’s anybody who deserves his own movie, it’s Mark Schultz.

–BG

#ThrowbackThursday: 25 Rare and Classic UFC Photos From the ’90s


(Marco Ruas and Paul Varelans: When men were men, knuckles were bare, and wearing a singlet was totally acceptable.)

As thrilling as the UFC can be in the 21st century — with its well-rounded, well-conditioned fighters and deep talent pools — there’s something special about the Wild West days of the 1990s. Back then, the UFC featured a motley crew of martial artists of varying skill levels, some of whom didn’t really look like professional athletes. This was the era of single-night tournaments, non-existent weight classes, and burping into microphones. It’s hard not to miss those days.

Today we pay tribute to the old-school with some of our favorite rare and classic UFC photos from the ’90s. Check ’em out in the gallery after the jump, and if we’ve left out any of your favorites, let us know in the comments section or on twitter.

As thrilling as the UFC can be in the 21st century — with its well-rounded, well-conditioned fighters and deep talent pools — there’s something special about the Wild West days of the 1990s. Back then, the UFC featured a motley crew of martial artists of varying skill levels, some of whom didn’t really look like professional athletes. This was the era of single-night tournaments, non-existent weight classes, and burping into microphones. It’s hard not to miss those days.

Today we pay tribute to the old-school with some of our favorite rare and classic UFC photos from the ’90s. Check ‘em out in the gallery above, and if we’ve left out any of your favorites, let us know in the comments section or on twitter.

#ThrowbackThursday: Nate Marquardt Halts the Rise of Demian Maia Via Tailspin KO

(Marquardt vs. Maia via the UFC’s Youtube page.)

Throwback Thursday is a new recurring column that pays tribute to the stars of an upcoming UFC event by taking a look back at some of their greatest defining moments. This week, we look back at the night Nate Marquardt ended Demian Maia’s undefeated MMA career in emphatic fashion ahead of his do-or-die fight against James Te Huna at Fight Night 43 this weekend. 

Despite being brutally knocked out twice in 3 minutes or less since returning to the UFC, former Strikeforce welterweight champion Nate Marquardt will be headlining the Fight Pass card (Fight Night 43) of this weekend’s Fight Night doubleheader. Paired against yet another knockout artist in James Te Huna, Marquardt will need to show some flashes of his old self if he is to defeat the game New Zealander and remain employed with the UFC.

Prior to his past two contests, however, Marquardt had only been stopped once by strikes in some 45 fights, and had actually been building a reputation as a rather fierce striker in his own right with his wins over Martin Kampmann and Wilson Gouveia. Of course, it was his 21-second whoopin’ of the then undefeated Jiu-Jitsu master Demian Maia at UFC 102 that truly opened our eyes to the destructive power “The Great” possessed when he was on his game.


(Marquardt vs. Maia via the UFC’s Youtube page.)

Throwback Thursday is a new recurring column that pays tribute to the stars of an upcoming UFC event by taking a look back at some of their greatest defining moments. This week, we look back at the night Nate Marquardt ended Demian Maia’s undefeated MMA career in emphatic fashion ahead of his do-or-die fight against James Te Huna at Fight Night 43 this weekend. 

Despite being brutally knocked out twice in 3 minutes or less since returning to the UFC, former Strikeforce welterweight champion Nate Marquardt will be headlining the Fight Pass card (Fight Night 43) of this weekend’s Fight Night doubleheader. Paired against yet another knockout artist in James Te Huna, Marquardt will need to show some flashes of his old self if he is to defeat the game New Zealander and remain employed with the UFC.

Prior to his past two contests, however, Marquardt had only been stopped once by strikes in some 45 fights, and had actually been building a reputation as a rather fierce striker in his own right with his wins over Martin Kampmann and Wilson Gouveia. Of course, it was his 21-second whoopin’ of the then undefeated Jiu-Jitsu master Demian Maia at UFC 102 that truly opened our eyes to the destructive power “The Great” possessed when he was on his game.

Allow me to set the scene for you: The year was 2009, and one of the most credentialed BJJ fighters to ever enter the UFC had racked up five straight submission wins in the promotion (and four “Sub of the Night” awards) over the likes Nate Quarry, Chael Sonnen, and Ed Herman. All of them decisive, all of them dominant. Yes, Maia was on a roll as they say, already being heralded as the next middleweight title challenger if not the next champion for his ground prowess alone. We were so young.

Matched up against Marquardt, a former title challenger with outstanding wrestling skills and proven power in his hands, Maia realized that he would need to hone his striking skills if he was ever going to get within arm’s reach of his well-rounded opponent.

“He’s been working his striking with Wanderlei Silva,” Mike Goldberg informed us in the opening seconds of the fight. Joe Rogan seemed to be in agreement for once, but before he could even reassure the viewing audience of Maia’s true intentions, Marquardt caught Maia charging in with his hands down. The shot he landed was an earth-shattering, first punch KO that quite literally sent Maia into a tailspin.

Maia’s face bounced off the canvas like a basketball with a sickening thud. Thankfully, Marquardt realized that Maia was out cold mid-follow up punch and opted against inflicting any further damage.

“Every fight starts standing,” declared Mike Goldberg, with yet another astute observation.

In less time than it takes Rin Nakai to strike the fear of God into my erection, Maia’s undefeated ascension had suddenly come to a crashing halt.

Marquardt’s third straight TKO win earned him a #1 contender’s match against Chael Sonnen at UFC 109, where he would be treated to a good old fashioned grapplefucking by the Gangster from West Lynn. Despite going 3-1 in his next 4 fights, Marquardt would be unexpectedly axed by the UFC when his UFC on Versus 4 pre-fight medical exam revealed that he had elevated levels of testosterone running through his system.

Marquardt’s positive test served as the precursor to the TRT-riddled landscape the UFC would soon become, and according to his Wikipedia page, was the result of a variety of contributing factors. Aren’t they always.

On June 28, 2011, Nate appeared on MMA Hour with Ariel Helwani and stated that in August 2010 he felt tired and moody and his doctor discovered he had low testosterone levels. That doctor put Nate on hormone replacement therapy, and when Nate applied for a Therapeutic Use Exemption with the New Jersey state commission, they allowed it but declared that he must go off the therapy for ten weeks, then have his levels retested by a specialist to determine if he really needs to be on the therapy or not.

At the end of that period, both the specialist and Nate’s primary doctor agreed his levels really were low and he was a candidate for replacement therapy. Nate’s primary doctor injected him with testosterone to quickly get his levels back up in time for his scheduled fight against Story. The Pennsylvania commission had set standards for what his testosterone levels could be at fight time and Nate’s levels, though trending down over the last week before the fight, still failed to fall to within the range required in time for him to be cleared to fight. Nate claimed that he retook tests on the day of the fight and was actually within qualifying limits, thus having his suspension lifted by the commission.

Following a two-fight stint in Strikeforce that saw “The Great” capture the welterweight title via an absolutely terrifying knockout of Tyron Woodley, then lose that title via a leg-kick blitzkrieging to Tarec Saffiedine, Marquardt would be invited back to the UFC to face Jake Ellenberger. It did not end well. Nor did his follow up fight with Hector Lombard.

Which brings us to this weekend, where Marquardt will arguably be fighting for his career against Te Huna (who is in similar territory himself). I only say “arguably” because the non-firings of guys like Charlie Brenneman have only further diluted my understanding of the UFC’s hiring and firing policies. I mean, have you heard that Sexyama and Kid Yamamoto are being booked for the UFC’s return to Japan? Despite the fact that neither of them have fought in 2 years and have combined for a UFC record of 1-7? Sheesh.

–J. Jones

#ThrowbackThursday: Andrei Arlovski Does the Unthinkable, KO’s “Big Country” at EliteXC: Heat


(Photo via Sherdog.)

Throwback Thursday is a new recurring column that pays tribute to the stars of an upcoming UFC event by taking a look back at some of their greatest defining moments. This week, we recollect Andrei Arlovski vs. Roy Nelson ahead of the former’s clash with Brendan Schaub this Saturday. 

UFC 174: Dagestani Revolution marks the glorious (and somewhat unexpected) promotional return of former heavyweight champion Andrei Arlovski. I could literally not be more excited. Also nervous, but mostly excited.

I imagine that I’m not alone in this feeling, as Arlovski has become one of those fighters who it seems harder and harder to root against these days. He’s seen some decent highs and the lowest of lows in the six years since we last saw him stomp out Jake O’Brien at UFC 82. I bet you thought I was going to link to the Fedor knockout in the “lowest of lows”, didn’t you? The Brett Rogers one, maybe? My hyperlink-based wit will not be contained.

But oh yes, Arlovski. Scheduled to face Brendan Schaub in a featured bout this weekend, Arlovksi is once again having to defend the absurd notion that he lacks a chin, because if Court McGee’s heroin overdose has taught us anything, it’s that most MMA journalists are unoriginal hacks content to repeat the same tired cliches and dusty anecdotes ad nauseum until they are eroded of all meaning. Stand and bang, you guys. Stand and bang.

Regardless, if Arlvoski fighting Anthony Johnson for two rounds with a broken jaw didn’t convince you that he does in fact have a chin at the end of his face, then perhaps we should go back a bit further…to the night when Arlovski traded hands with Roy Nelson and came out the conscious one, blowing everyone’s minds through the back of their goddamn cornholes in the process.

Cue the dream sequence harp!


(Photo via Sherdog.)

Throwback Thursday is a new recurring column that pays tribute to the stars of an upcoming UFC event by taking a look back at some of their greatest defining moments. This week, we recollect Andrei Arlovski vs. Roy Nelson ahead of the former’s clash with Brendan Schaub this Saturday. 

UFC 174: Dagestani Revolution marks the glorious (and somewhat unexpected) promotional return of former heavyweight champion Andrei Arlovski. I could literally not be more excited. Also nervous, but mostly excited.

I imagine that I’m not alone in this feeling, as Arlovski has become one of those fighters who it seems harder and harder to root against these days. He’s seen some decent highs and the lowest of lows in the six years since we last saw him stomp out Jake O’Brien at UFC 82. I bet you thought I was going to link to the Fedor knockout in the “lowest of lows”, didn’t you? The Brett Rogers one, maybe? My hyperlink-based wit will not be contained.

But oh yes, Arlovski. Scheduled to face Brendan Schaub in a featured bout this weekend, Arlovksi is once again having to defend the absurd notion that he lacks a chin, because if Court McGee’s heroin overdose has taught us anything, it’s that most MMA journalists are unoriginal hacks content to repeat the same tired cliches and dusty anecdotes ad nauseum until they are eroded of all meaning. Stand and bang, you guys. Stand and bang.

Regardless, if Arlvoski fighting Anthony Johnson for two rounds with a broken jaw didn’t convince you that he does in fact have a chin at the end of his face, then perhaps we should go back a bit further…to the night when Arlovski traded hands with Roy Nelson and came out the conscious one, blowing everyone’s minds through the back of their goddamn cornholes in the process.

Cue the dream sequence harp!

It was October 4th, 2008, a night that will forever live in MMA infamy as “That Time Seth Petruzelli Killed EliteXC.” Gina Carano had defeated Kelly Kobold via unanimous decision earlier in the evening, and in just his second match following an 8-year UFC run, Arlovski was paired against former/final IFL heavyweight champion and future subject of the Norwegian documentary Trollhunter, Roy Nelson.

Fresh off a first round knockout of TUF 2 finalist Brad Imes in his second IFL title defense, Nelson was riding a big wave of confidence into his bout with the former champion, and it showed early. For the first half of the round, Nelson thoroughly controlled Arlovski on the ground, passing his guard multiple times and cycling between armlocks while on top. This of course came to a screeching halt when referee Iam DumAss stood the two up at the midway point of the round with Nelson in side control. Classic DumAss.

Arlovski’s speed advantage in the standup department was evident, however, as “the Pit Bull” (not to be confused with this “Pitbull” or that “Pitbull”. Or that one.) was able to take advantage of the controversial stand up and unleash a brief flurry that like won him the round according to the Diego Sanchez Principle of Come At Me Bro.

Since we’re taking a little stroll down memory lane, does anyone remember when Tito Ortiz used to have hair like this? Because EliteXC remembers…


Looks like someone finally got around to renting The Jackal and loooovvedd itttt!!

The second round would see Nelson rock Arlovski early with a left hook, then shoot for a takedown that resulted in a minute of stalling against the fence. I’ll never understand why some fighters opt for this strategy when they’ve got their opponent on wobbly legs, but hey, that’s why I smash keys, not knees for a living (Obama3pointer.gif). In any case, Arlovski would eventually wiggle free and unleash an absolute clinic of knees, uppercuts, and hooks that even Nelson’s mighty beard could not withstand. In a blink, Arlovski accomplished a feat that no man could do before or has done since.

To be fair, Arlovski’s beatdown of Nelson at EliteXC: Heat came just prior to the rash of KO losses that nearly ended with him dining on a bullet, and Nelson had not yet truly earned his granite chin status via legendary beatdowns at the hands of Junior Dos Santos, Fabricio Werdum, and Stipe Miocic. But looking back, who in their right minds would have thought that Arlovski would become the only man to ever stop Nelson inside the distance? Put your goddamn hands down, liars.

Currently a slight underdog against Schaub — who has something of a notorious chin in his own right (where is the roof on this hyperlink gag!) — Arlovski has nothing left to prove and has stated as much. But if he can stay away from the right hand of Schaub long enough to land some leather of his own, there’s a good chance that the former champion will finish things in the same fashion he did against Nelson on the humid Florida night so many, many years ago… (*sips brandy and stares out window*)

–J. Jones