In the Inferno, poet Dante Alighieri stands on the precipice of hell itself. Soon he will travel deep into the underworld, encountering the worst of humanity and witnessing their punishments. But before he begins this epic journey, he encounters three mythical beasts. The lion, representing violence and pride. A lynx, symbolizing lust and sins of the flesh.
But worst of all was the she-wolf. The she-wolf was greed. Ravenously hungry, the more she had, the more she wanted. There was no end to her desires. Man, the poet was saying, once victim to the paralyzing power of avarice, can be consumed with wanting more.
Strangely enough, I understand people trapped in this spiral of despair. Not because of money, sex, or any otherworldly vice. My product is violence. Hardcore MMA fans call it the V. And I can’t get enough. Maybe that’s why the UFC’s long absence has sent me into a downward spin?
Years ago, the UFC was essentially a quarterly event. Every few months, the best fighters in the world would gather together in a small market city and try to do each other irreparable harm. And we loved it. It gave us our fill.
As the years went by, the UFC grew. Dana White and the Fertittas found ways to bring the V we needed, a supply by then we couldn’t do without, to the masses. They upped the ante in a major way. And we consumed it all. Reality shows, numbered events, Spike TV specials—we loved them all. It was the violence business and business was good.
Last year, now running on all cylinders, the UFC promoted 27 mixed martial arts events. Twenty-seven! The most addicted were in a heavenly trance. You couldn’t go more than a couple of weeks without that boom, that pow, that punch, kick, wow! Life was good.
This year the UFC plans to promote more than 30 shows. It’s a golden age of mixed martial arts. But it comes with a catch. Between March 3, 2012 and April 14, 2012, there were no scheduled UFC events. None!
Now imagine my pain. It’s probably not hard if you are a fan. This is how football fans feel in the off season, but multiplied by 100. Because football fans are used to an off season. It’s par for the course. Sure, it’s a crushing disappointment, but one that comes every year. You can prepare for it.
Jonathan, you might say, why not fill the void with Bellator or another local event? And that makes sense. But once you’ve been mainlining heroin, can you really give yourself a high with some over the counter cold medicine?
I am here to speak out, as loudly as I can, about the lack of UFC in my life. I need that good V, the kind only the world’s best fighters can provide. Dana White—don’t let this happen again. You’ve made monsters of us all. Please never go away.
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