(“Brock, I want to trust you, I really do. But I’ve seen The Jeffersons before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you fix my bad back.”)
I might not follow professional wrestling anymore, but I’ve started to notice a pattern of sorts in regards to Brock Lesnar’s relationship with the WWE, which has to be the easiest job that anyone could ever ask for. Seriously, Lesnar shows up once every year or so, says less than a sentence, F-5’s whoever the hell is standing across the ring from him, and then stands menacingly over the victim’s body until they cut to commercial. He’s like the Mongo of the WWE, only instead of punching horses, Lesnar takes out his frustrations on genetically-enhanced geriatrics like Vince McMahon, who the announcers hilariously reminded us was in fact a grandfather while Lesnar was tossing him through the air like a bag of garbage during last night’s Monday Night Raw as the dude from Hardcore Pawn stared on in horror. Pretty sweet gig if you ask me.
We probably should’ve seen something like this coming when it was reported that Lesnar had signed a two year extension with the wrestling promotion, but the exact same routine, down to the sleeveless black tee and breakaway pants? Methinks the WWE is running out of ideas. I mean, they could’ve at least gone the Shooterroute and had Lesnar show up sporting some camo pants and an unkempt beard before declaring that McMahon had double-crossed/left him for dead at last year’s SummerSlam. Seriously, Vince, if you’re looking for a writer with a penchant for abortion jokes and hyperbole, I’m your guy.
Video after the jump.
(“Brock, I want to trust you, I really do. But I’ve seen The Jeffersons before and I’m pretty sure this isn’t how you fix my bad back.”)
I might not follow professional wrestling anymore, but I’ve started to notice a pattern of sorts in regards to Brock Lesnar’s relationship with the WWE, which has to be the easiest job that anyone could ever ask for. Seriously, Lesnar shows up once every year or so, says less than a sentence, F-5′s whoever the hell is standing across the ring from him, and then stands menacingly over the victim’s body until they cut to commercial. He’s like the Mongo of the WWE, only instead of punching horses, Lesnar takes out his frustrations on genetically-enhanced geriatrics like Vince McMahon, who the announcers hilariously reminded us was in fact a grandfather while Lesnar was tossing him through the air like a bag of garbage during last night’s Monday Night Raw as the dude from Hardcore Pawn stared on in horror. Pretty sweet gig if you ask me.
We probably should’ve seen something like this coming when it was reported that Lesnar had signed a two year extension with the wrestling promotion, but the exact same routine, down to the sleeveless black tee and breakaway pants? Methinks the WWE is running out of ideas. I mean, they could’ve at least gone the Shooterroute and had Lesnar show up sporting some camo pants and an unkempt beard before declaring that McMahon had double-crossed/left him for dead at last year’s SummerSlam. Seriously, Vince, if you’re looking for a writer with a penchant for abortion jokes and hyperbole, I’m your guy.
Video below.
(Skip to the 4:30 mark for the action.)
Adding to the embarrassment of Lesnar’s return was the fact that Erik Koch had apparently stolen most of the former heavyweight champ’s spray tan before he could complete his transformation into Cinderella’s pumpkin carriage like he always wanted, resulting in the disconcerting hue of red-orange that took center stage last night. Truly a sad day in the world of fantasy fiction, and it’s a shame what happened to Cinderella as well. BA-DUM-TSH!
(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!)
My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?
Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:
I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.
(How many times do I have to tell you people this? I HAVE COMMITMENT ISSUES!)
My grandfather always told me “Believe half of what you see and none of what you hear,” a statement that would in turn lead to a lifetime’s worth of cynicism. So perhaps it’s just my general misanthropy rearing its ugly head, but when former UFC heavyweight champ Brock Lesnar released a video last night declaring that he was “never coming back” to the WWE, I was a bit skeptical. After all, Lesnar just returned to the promotion in April, and I may not follow the WWE anymore, but I’m pretty sure that Vince McMahon doesn’t hand out many five month contracts. For Christ’s sake, isn’t Ric Flair’s decomposing corpse still fighting for a retirement check that will never come?
Anyway, Lesnar released the video that awaits you after the jump, stating:
I came here and I accomplished everything that I said I was going to do. There’s nothing left for me here to conquer. I’m leaving the WWE and I’m never coming back.
Typical to Lesnar’s character, his message was succinct and to the point. Atypical of Lesnar, however, was his ability to string two sentences together without mentioning chicken salad or chicken shit.
Before you even mention it (although you undoubtedly will), I get it, Lesnar is no longer of our concern, wrestling is gay, etc. And in a way, I agree with you, homophobic notions aside of course. I haven’t watched a professional wrestling match since I was in 7th grade aside from the occasional Youtube tribute to the Stone Cold Stunner, and whatever Lesnar decides to do with his career from this point on is completely up to him. But to act as if there is no crossover between MMA and professional wrestling is blindingly ignorant, and there is little denying that Lesnar is one of the most polarizing, not to mention diverse, figures in both worlds. He converted legions of fans over to the world of MMA, and retired from the sport almost as quickly as he made an impact on it. Following the path of his career may seem as frivolous as following Gina Carano’s these days, but I don’t think we should completely turn our back on anyone who has done as much for the sport as either of those two have.
According to an article by Bleacher Report, however, which broke down last weekend’s Summerslam event, the main event bout between Lesnar and “rival” Triple H was basically a shitshow. Marred by inactivity and repetition, not to mention Lesnar breaking Triple H’s arm with a kimuraagain, author Tim Keeney called for an end to the feud once and for all. This could be just a case of a kneejerk overreaction to an event that failed to live up to the hype, or it could be an honest assessment of how quickly Lesnar’s flame has burned out in the WWE. Lesnar retired at the exact moment he became aware of his fleeting relevance in the UFC, and this video seems to be an acknowledgement of a similar mindset regarding his career in professional wrestling. But perhaps I am just reading too far into things.
This leads me to ask: Has Lesnar truly reached the end of the road as far as his sporting career is concerned, or is this just another ploy by the WWE to boost his popularity? Or will we see Lesnar attempt to recapture NFL glory next?
After some awful soap opera bullshit involving Paul Heyman and Triple H, former cage-fighter Brock Lesnar showed up on the historic 1,000th episode of WWE Raw last night to save his manager from getting slapped to death by Stephanie McMahon. Though his last run-in with Triple H ended in a Submission of the Night performance, Brock got the short end of the script this time, and was clotheslined directly out of the ring. (Perfect execution on that fall, by the way. The man’s still got it.)
After some awful soap opera bullshit involving Paul Heyman and Triple H, former cage-fighter Brock Lesnar showed up on the historic 1,000th episode of WWE Raw last night to save his manager from getting slapped to death by Stephanie McMahon. Though his last run-in with Triple H ended in a Submission of the Night performance, Brock got the short end of the script this time, and was clotheslined directly out of the ring. (Perfect execution on that fall, by the way. The man’s still got it.)
Brock Lesnar‘s latest Monday Night Raw appearance ended in a brawl with Triple H and a kimura that appeared to snap the WWE COO‘s arm. (Don’t worry guys, I think some of this wrestling stuff is fake.) Lesnar also used a kimura in his “Extreme Rules” match against John Cena on Sunday night — which was set up to look like a legit MMA bout, right down to the gash on Cena’s head — but wound up losing via pin. You can watch highlights from that wild performance after the jump.
Wrestling ripping off MMA, MMA ripping off wrestling…can’t we all just admit that we love each other?
Brock Lesnar‘s latest Monday Night Raw appearance ended in a brawl with Triple H and a kimura that appeared to snap the WWE COO‘s arm. (Don’t worry guys, I think some of this wrestling stuff is fake.) Lesnar also used a kimura in his “Extreme Rules” match against John Cena on Sunday night — which was set up to look like a legit MMA bout, right down to the gash on Cena’s head — but wound up losing via pin. You can watch highlights from that wild performance after the jump.
Wrestling ripping off MMA, MMA ripping off wrestling…can’t we all just admit that we love each other?
