Author: J.Jones

And Now They’re Fired: Michihiro Omigawa, Walel Watson, & Others Receive Their Walking Papers


(The punch may have missed, but Dillishaw’s stank bref definitely found its mark.) 

It is not a good time of year to be a struggling UFC fighter, Potato Nation.

Just a day after it was made public that Charlie “Big Hair” Brenneman (nickname pending) had been released from the UFC following a pair of losses to Kyle Noke and Erick Silva, the UFC has announced that four more UFC fighters will have to significantly cut back on their children’s wish lists this Christmas. Spoiler alert: Most of the names will not surprise you, unless you were unaware that some of them were fighting in the UFC in the first place, or even a person at all, which is likely the case with a couple of these guys.

And the nominees for saddest fighter of the day are…

–Michihiro Omigawa: Following an 0-2 stint in the octagon between 2007-2008, the DREAM and DEEP veteran reentered the UFC in February of 2011. Unfortunately for him, his second run didn’t go much better than the first. He would drop his first fight to future title challenger Chad Mendes by way of unanimous decision at UFC 126 and get absolutely screwjobbed out of a victory in his second fight against Darren Elkins at UFC 131. A UD victory of his own over Jason Young at UFC 138 would be his first and his last under the Zuffa banner, as he would suffer back-to-back unanimous decision losses to Iuri Alcantara and former WEC featherweight title challenger Manny Gamburyen at UFC 142 and UFC on FOX 4, respectively. Omigawa’s record currently stands at 13-12.


(The punch may have missed, but Dillishaw’s stank bref definitely found its mark.) 

It is not a good time of year to be a struggling UFC fighter, Potato Nation.

Just a day after it was made public that Charlie “Big Hair” Brenneman (nickname pending) had been released from the UFC following a pair of losses to Kyle Noke and Erick Silva, the UFC has announced that four more UFC fighters will have to significantly cut back on their children’s wish lists this Christmas. Spoiler alert: Most of the names will not surprise you, unless you were unaware that some of them were fighting in the UFC in the first place, or even a person at all, which is likely the case with a couple of these guys.

And the nominees for saddest fighter of the day are…

–Michihiro Omigawa: Following an 0-2 stint in the octagon between 2007-2008, the DREAM and DEEP veteran reentered the UFC in February of 2011. Unfortunately for him, his second run didn’t go much better than the first. He would drop his first fight to future title challenger Chad Mendes by way of unanimous decision at UFC 126 and get absolutely screwjobbed out of a victory in his second fight against Darren Elkins at UFC 131. A UD victory of his own over Jason Young at UFC 138 would be his first and his last under the Zuffa banner, as he would suffer back-to-back unanimous decision losses to Iuri Alcantara and former WEC featherweight title challenger Manny Gamburyen at UFC 142 and UFC on FOX 4, respectively. Omigawa’s record currently stands at 13-12.

–Walel Watson: Sporting one of the most appropriate and catchy nicknames in the business, “The Gazelle” entered the UFC and immediately made big waves by thrashing Joseph Sandoval in just over a minute at UFC LIVE 6. The Corey Hill of the bantamweight division would not have such a good run in his next three contests, which consisted of a SD loss to Yves Jabouin, a UD loss to T.J. Dillishaw, and most recently a first round submission to Mitch Gagnon at UFC 152.

–Eiji Mitsuoka: We will follow up one of the cooler fighter nicknames with one of the most arrogant and contrived. A classic case of setting your standards way too high, ”The Heaven-Sent Child of the Cage” entered the UFC with a less than Godlike 18-7 record and immediately had the beJesus beat out of him by Takanori Gomi at UFC 144. The sacrificial lamb of God would be given a chance to rise from the dead at UFC 150, but would be straight up crucified (ARE YOU GETTING IT YET?) by Nik Lentz in the first round. Heavy lies the crown of thorns, Eiji.

–Tommy Hayden: File this one under the “Who?” category. Only forty seconds separated the pair of losses the undefeated Hayden would suffer upon entering the UFC. The first came to Fabricio Camoes at the inaugural UFC on FX event via rear-naked choke and the second would come at UFC 150 to Dennis Bermudez via guillotine. We hardly knew ye, Tommy. Seriously, who the hell were we talking about again?

–J. Jones

Knockout of the Day: The Somersault Axe Kick Has Finally Been Mastered

(When Bruno Carvalho told Marius Zaromskis about his secret foot fetish as a child, he never expected that it would be used against him some twenty years later.)

When you’ve followed MMA for as long as we have, you can’t help but often feel as if you’ve seen it all in terms of striking techniques in the ring. Sure, every now again some dude will nearly cartwheel kick some other dude’s face off, or springboard off the cage and almost kick some dude’s face off, but for the most part, it’s your standard display of roundhouse kicks, knees, and punches that do most of the damage come fight night (not that we’re complaining).

Until you come upon the somersault kick, that is, as demonstrated by Marius Zaromskis in the above video. You see, the somersault kick is a move so dangerous, so batshit insane, that you’d have to be high on bath salts to even consider attempting to pull it off. Hence why it was first popularized by Harold Howard and has been responsible for over 453 deaths worldwide since 1998.

So you’ll forgive us for acting a bit hysterical while delivering this news, but it appears as if someone out there was not only crazy enough to attempt this maneuver in competition on two separate occasions over the course of a month, but successfully landed the kick both times, knocking out both of his opponents in the process.

Those knockouts are after the jump.


(When Bruno Carvalho told Marius Zaromskis about his secret foot fetish as a child, he never expected that it would be used against him some twenty years later.)

When you’ve followed MMA for as long as we have, you can’t help but often feel as if you’ve seen it all in terms of striking techniques in the ring. Sure, every now again some dude will nearly cartwheel kick some other dude’s face off, or springboard off the cage and almost kick some dude’s face off, but for the most part, it’s your standard display of roundhouse kicks, knees, and punches that do most of the damage come fight night (not that we’re complaining).

Until you come upon the somersault kick, that is, as demonstrated by Marius Zaromskis in the above video. You see, the somersault kick is a move so dangerous, so batshit insane, that you’d have to be high on bath salts to even consider attempting to pull it off. Hence why it was first popularized by Harold Howard and has been responsible for over 453 deaths worldwide since 1998.

So you’ll forgive us for acting a bit hysterical while delivering this news, but it appears as if someone out there was not only crazy enough to attempt this maneuver in competition on two separate occasions over the course of a month, but successfully landed the kick both times, knocking out both of his opponents in the process.

See for yourself.

His name is Michael Balakirev. He’s Russian, obviously, because who else in their right mind would challenge death to a chess match twice?

This kick is the more gentle of the two — meaning it didn’t completely obliterate the victim’s face like Gallagher does a watermelon — and occurred at a Russian kickboxing/MMA event at the end of September. As you can see, although it is not a clean knockout, it still makes the victim go fetal before Balakirev can even land a follow up shot. It’s truly awe-inspiring, especially when you consider that just one month earlier, this 18 year old assassin pulled off an even better one…

Sir, you just got butt slammed. *cues manic monkey* 

Although you were likely caught up in the pure genius of the move (and trying to calm your half chub), rewind the video to the six second mark and pause it. Here you will see that not only did this kid attempt what we will now call “The Invincible Somersault Kick of Total Annihilation”, he was actually competent enough to grab his opponents ankle mid flip to ensure that he couldn’t back out of harm’s way. Brilliant. Absolutely brilliant. What was less than brilliant, however, was the ref’s insistence that the unconscious fighter walk it off before he actually could stand without assistance. Then again, the ref could have woke him up and told him to get ready for round 2.

–J. Jones

Five Reasons to Be Sort-Of Interested in ‘UFC on FX 5: Browne vs. Bigfoot’


(Reason #6: To get your lady in the mood, obviously.) 

Keeping in line with last weekend’s UFC on FUEL 5 event, the UFC is casually dropping off another heavyweight sure-to-be-slugfest in our laps with this Friday’s UFC on FX: Browne vs. Bigfoot card, which, while not as stacked as the Nottingham affair, does provide plenty of reasons to tune in to a channel that half the country actually has. Plus, it goes down in the state who once had the balls to elect this man Governor, so even if the fights somehow end up sucking, there’s a good chance that the crowd will make up for it in the stands. Opal’s Glamorama, motherfuckers!

Let’s get started.

#1 – Fists Will Fly, Titans Will Fall

Yeah, we know it sounds cheesy, but there is simply no better way to describe the likelihood of extreme violence that Friday’s main event will bring. Antonio Silva has served little more purpose than a 265-pound punching back in his last two performances, dropping brutal losses to Daniel Cormier and Cain Velasquez under the Strikeforce and UFC banners. We’re not sure how a chin straight out of Tango and Cash is somehow being questioned, but needless to say, “Bigfoot” is probably going to be looking to utilize his BJJ background and devastating ground and pound to secure a victory against an undefeated KO artist like “Hapa.” The question is, will he be able to take it to the ground? Browne is no slouch on the mat, and has picked up nine of his thirteen victories in the first round, including five in the first minute(!!!!), so Silva better look for the takedown early if he values life on the outside of Dr. Moreau’s island.


(Reason #6: To get your lady in the mood, obviously.) 

Keeping in line with last weekend’s UFC on FUEL 5 event, the UFC is casually dropping off another heavyweight sure-to-be-slugfest in our laps with this Friday’s UFC on FX: Browne vs. Bigfoot card, which, while not as stacked as the Nottingham affair, does provide plenty of reasons to tune in to a channel that half the country actually has. Plus, it goes down in the state who once had the balls to elect this man Governor, so even if the fights somehow end up sucking, there’s a good chance that the crowd will make up for it in the stands. Opal’s Glamorama, motherfuckers!

Let’s get started.

#1 – Fists Will Fly, Titans Will Fall

Yeah, we know it sounds cheesy, but there is simply no better way to describe the likelihood of extreme violence that Friday’s main event will bring. Antonio Silva has served little more purpose than a 265-pound punching back in his last two performances, dropping brutal losses to Daniel Cormier and Cain Velasquez under the Strikeforce and UFC banners. We’re not sure how a chin straight out of Tango and Cash is somehow being questioned, but needless to say, “Bigfoot” is probably going to be looking to utilize his BJJ background and devastating ground and pound to secure a victory against an undefeated KO artist like “Hapa.” The question is, will he be able to take it to the ground? Browne is no slouch on the mat, and has picked up nine of his thirteen victories in the first round, including five in the first minute(!!!!), so Silva better look for the takedown early if he values life on the outside of Dr. Moreau’s island.

If you’ve got an extra ten seconds on you, we suggest you check out Browne’s destruction of UFC vet/porn star Aaron Brink. Word has it that Brink claims he could totally take Browne 10 out of 10 times in a rematch, though.

#2 – The Next Flyweight Title Challenger Will Be Decided

John Dodson is the closest thing the UFC has to a walking cartoon character. Specifically, Roger Rabbit. And now he’s knocking on the door of a title shot. It’s hard to believe that the TUF 14 bantamweight winner could already be considered a top contender, but given the slim pickings of the weight class, we could easily get behind a Dodson/Johnson title fight if he is able to defeat Jussier da Silva. That’s no easy task, however, as da Silva has been on an absolute tear since dropping his only loss to Ian McCall back in February of 2011: five wins, four submission stoppages. In a division that is already facing criticism for it’s “lack of exciting finishes” (criticism that we think is for the birds), the Dodson/da Silva fight looks like it will easily quell that walla for the time being.

#3 – At Last, At Last, Jay Hieron is Back

We’ve talked a lot about curses these past few months, thanks in no part to the never-ending string of injuries that have all but made the conspiracy theory a scientific fact. But you want to talk about cursed? Look no further than Jay Hieron. First, he was screwed out of a Bellator title when he fought Ben Askren. Then, got stuck in contract limbo with Bellator for the remainder of the year. Then, he was finally set to make his UFC return, only to have an unprecedented event cancellation dash those plans before his likely tear-filled eyes.

If history is any indication, Hieron will likely slip on a pipe backstage and knock himself unconscious come Friday night, but on the off chance he doesn’t, we will finally get to see “The Thoroughbred” test himself against one of the best welterweights in the division in Jake Ellenberger. “The Juggernaut (bitch!)” is coming off a tough loss to streaking comeback artist Martin Kampmann at the TUF 15 Finale and will clearly be looking for an impressive win over Hieron to launch himself right back into the list of contenders. Expect fireworks here, folks.

#4 – Somebody’s Getting Dicknailed

What UFC on FX: Browne vs. Bigfoot lacks in name power, it makes up for in the chance to witness a good old fashioned dicknailing. You know what we’re talking about, and so does Josh Neer, who was viciously dicknailed by Mike Pyle in his last appearance at UFC on FX 3. Suffice it to say, with matchups like Jeremy Stephens vs. Yves Edwards, Ellenberger vs. Hieron, the presence of Josh Neer (who could be on either end of the equation), and of course our main event, somebody is going to get dicknailed tomorrow night. We just hope that whoever’s running the liveblog has the good sense to use the term when the moment arrives.

#5 – The Comedic Stylings of This Man

Your response, Mr. President?

UFC on FX: Browne vs. Bigfoot kicks off live this Friday from the Target Center in Minneapolis starting at 5 p.m. EST.

–J. Jones

Brace Yourselves, Griffin Bonnar a.k.a MMA’s Future Savior Is on the Way


(Well, at least he’ll be really funny!) 

It’s no understatement to say that the fight between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar at the TUF 1 Finale basically saved the sport of MMA from those damned dirty machines. What machines are we referring to? These machines. But as you all know, our ambitiously misguided Skynet overlords have continued forward in their quest to replace man on the top of the food chain nonetheless. Lucky for us, the universe is about give birth to the John Connor that will eventually save the sport of MMA, nay, the world, from the cold, lifeless grip of the cyborgs. And by “universe” we mean Stephan Bonnar’s wife, Andrea, and by John Connor we mean Griffin Bonnar, a name so coincidentally similar slash awesome that only this man could have come up with it.

Yahoo! Sports has the details:

UFC fighter Stephan Bonnar will become a first-time father sometime in October. Bonnar and his wife, Andrea, haven’t decided definitively upon a name for their unborn son, but one name they’ve kicked around is Griffin. As in, Griffin Bonnar.


(Well, at least he’ll be really funny!) 

It’s no understatement to say that the fight between Forrest Griffin and Stephan Bonnar at the TUF 1 Finale basically saved the sport of MMA from those damned dirty machines. What machines are we referring to? These machines. But as you all know, our ambitiously misguided Skynet overlords have continued forward in their quest to replace man on the top of the food chain nonetheless. Lucky for us, the universe is about give birth to the John Connor that will eventually save the sport of MMA, nay, the world, from the cold, lifeless grip of the cyborgs. And by “universe” we mean Stephan Bonnar’s wife, Andrea, and by John Connor we mean Griffin Bonnar, a name so coincidentally similar slash awesome that only this man could have come up with it.

Yahoo! Sports has the details:

UFC fighter Stephan Bonnar will become a first-time father sometime in October. Bonnar and his wife, Andrea, haven’t decided definitively upon a name for their unborn son, but one name they’ve kicked around is Griffin. As in, Griffin Bonnar.

They’ve talked about naming him Brandon, in memory of Andrea’s late brother, Brandon Brown. But Griffin remains seriously in the hunt as a very real, and cool, possibility for the baby’s name.

“It started as a joke, but it kind of grew on us, to name him Griffin,” Andrea Bonnar said. “Then he’d be Griffin Bonnar. It would be such a cute name and it would kind of create a tie to his dad. We’ve got a couple of good ones in the bank, and we’ll look at him when he comes out and decide,” she said, laughing.

ERMAHGERD. GRERTEST. NERM. ERVER.

While this is undoubtedly a fantastic bit of news for human kind, this obviously means that an indestructible cyborg has already been sent back in time to eliminate any chance of Griffin Bonnar being born. Come to think of it, we’ve got a good guess as to who it could be…

–J. Jones

Bold Insane Statement of the Day: Cub Swanson Could Beat Jose Aldo “10 Out of 10 Times”…In a Rematch

I’m a bit puzzled, Potato Nation.

You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.

Confused? Well just listen to what Cub told Sherdog’s “Beatdown” radio show and prepare to be even more bewildered:

I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.

Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHEREVER YOU WANT.

But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games. 

I’m a bit puzzled, Potato Nation.

You see, when I sat down at my computer after lunch, I was under the assumption that I was still participating in this thing we call Planet Earth. Little did I know that, while reheating the few scraps of ground beef that managed to survive Meatloaf Monday, I had apparently been thrust into some sort of magical UNICEF fantasy world in which everyone was twelve stories high and made of radiation and Cub Swanson can claim that he would kick Jose Aldo‘s ass 10 times out of 10.

Confused? Well just listen to what Cub told Sherdog’s “Beatdown” radio show and prepare to be even more bewildered:

I know that I could win that fight 10 out of 10 times if we did it again. It’s not even an issue to me anymore. I’d actually like my brother — would love for my brother — to fight him, who’s an up-and-comer, which I feel is more of a fair fight. I don’t really feel like [himself vs. Aldo] would be a fair fight at all.

Call me old fashioned, but when I make some contrived, ridiculous, he’s-got-to-be-joking statement, I’d like to think I did the math right when making said statement. This isn’t Vietnam, Cub, there are rules here. AND YOU CAN’T JUST START THE FIGHT COUNTER WHENEVER YOU WANT.

But since you’re a man of numbers, allow me to throw one at you. Eight. You lasted eight seconds with the dude the last time around. According to Michael Bisping, that is 14 minutes and 52 seconds less than a typical virgin lasts on prom night. And now you want your brother to be next in line at the slaughterhouse? It looks to me like somebody completely missed the point of The Hunger Games. 

Honestly, I don’t even know what to make of a notion so ridiculous, except to say that I now sympathize with Mitt Romney more than I previously thought possible. At least he didn’t attempt to open a window on a plane — coincidentally causing that plane to crash into a mountain — and then declare that opening a window on a plane would definitely never cause a plane to crash into a mountain. Yeah, I know that makes no sense, but apparently we’re living in a world where we can make these kind of logical leaps without repercussion.

And while there’s little denying that Swanson has clearly elevated his game since the loss to Aldo at WEC 41, we can’t exactly condone the spewing of such mathematically retarded points as the one he is trying to make. We’ve heard of poking the bull, but Swanson sounds like he’s trying to jam his thumb right up the bull’s butt hole. 

But on the off chance that Swanson is not next for a featherweight sacrifice title shot after his beatdown of Charles Oliveira at UFC 152 (because who really knows what the hell is happening at 145 anyway), he has offered up several options for Sean Shelby to consider.

The Koch fight, I think he’s a real tough kid. I was supposed to fight him twice and I feel terrible that I wasn’t able to follow through with that for the fans and for him. That’s something I want back. The Zombie is just somebody who everybody loves. Everyone thinks he’s the best up-and-comer, and I don’t think so. That’s somebody I would love to throw down with. Lamas, he’s a stud and I felt like that was my fight and I messed up and I would like to give it another shot.

Well, for once we’re in agreement. Swanson has more than earned a shot at some top-level competition, the question is, who would you like to see him fight next?

–J. Jones

Dave Bautista Gets New, Incredibly Beatable Opponent For Oct. 6 MMA Debut

(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…) 

Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.

More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.

So when it was announced that Bautista would be debuting against a guy who was clearly picked because his name resembled a certain former UFC champion, the world reacted with a collective “ugh.” But if you think that’s bad , just wait until you hear the story that led to Bautista’s new opponent, the 22-22 Vince Lucero you were introduced to in the above video.


(Vince Lucero vs. Tim Sylvia at a 2010 CFX event. We’re not sure if we’ve ever seen a more pathetic ending to a fight in our lives. On second thought…) 

Like many MMA fans out there, we are of two minds when it comes to Dave Bautista. On one hand, we should be applauding the former WWE star for having the cojones to step into the cage and give a sport as laborious and intense as MMA a try despite both his age and experience level saying that he should do just the opposite. On the other hand, he represents little more than another splash in the recent wave of professional wrestlers looking to exploit a sport they have little experience in and little desire to actually further.

More often than not, guys like Bautista, Bobby Lashley, and Brock Lesnar to a degree (TO A DEGREE) are not professional fighters in the purest sense of the word; they are opportunists who crossover to MMA looking to make a decent buck and get out before they hurt themselves too badly. For if they were seriously seeking a new career path, they would logically test themselves on the amateur circuit before diving head first into a sport in which ill preparation can lead to serious health issues in both the immediate and distant future. Although their participation in MMA in turn draws legions of new fans to the sport, it also cheapens the value of what it means to call oneself “a professional fighter.” Not to get on our soapbox here, but that is a title that should be earned through hard work and dedication, not a few months of sparring and pure name value.

So when it was announced that Bautista would be debuting against a guy who was clearly picked because his name resembled a certain former UFC champion, the world reacted with a collective “ugh.” But if you think that’s bad , just wait until you hear the story that led to Bautista’s new opponent, the 22-22 Vince Lucero you were introduced to in the above video.

According to MMAFighting, it was revealed that Evans had not been training for Bautista in the weeks prior to the bout — unless you consider fending off knife fights in the yard and gang rape in the shower “training” – because he was in jail while the fight was being promoted. So clearly, we’re looking at a fighter and a promotion primarily focused on achieving MMA legitimacy here people. After Evans was temporarily released from his stay, it seemed as if things were back on schedule. But unfortunately for “The Animal” (as well as Evans), it turns out that when you hand pick an opponent based on their complete lack of anything resembling competence, it could end up biting you in the ass. Evans was pulled over just a few days after his release and promptly thrown back in the hoosegow for driving without a valid license and therefore violating his parole. And so the great superfight of 2012 was off.

The promotion that we have the decency not to name then decided to pair Bautista against Bruno McKee, who, like Bautista and Evans, had zero professional experience. Unfortunately, McKee would also drop out, claiming that he did not have enough time to prepare for whatever skill set Bautista apparently brings to the table (Author’s note: there seems to be a lot of that going around lately).

When the promotion was made aware that Chael Sonnen would not in fact be stepping in to fight Bautista, who Sonnen described as “a freakish, musclebound dolt who hasn’t earned the right to peruse my hamper of dirty gym shorts*,” they once again found themselves in panic mode, which is how they came upon the 40 year old Lucero to fill in on just five days notice.

And once again, we are of two minds when it comes to Bautista. On one hand, at least he’s willing to fight an incredibly experienced IFL and Bellator veteran for his professional debut. On the other, he is fighting a man whose most notable win came over Josh Haynes back in 2004 and who is 2-9-1 in his last twelve. BUT HE’S WON HIS LAST TWO, YOU GUYS.

Who are we kidding, this is going to be a shitshow.

We’ve managed to scour the Internet and find a video of Lucero’s performance against Roy Nelson, which we’ve added below. If you feel the desire to watch his performance against Ron Sparks, go here.

OK, that may have been the most pathetic ending to a fight we have ever witnessed. At least this time it wasn’t Lucero’s fault, we guess.

This sure-to-be FOTY goes down on October 6th from the Dunkin Donuts Center in Providence, R.I. To find out how to purchase tickets, first pick up a phone, dial 911, and then beat yourself over the head with that phone until the ambulance arrives.

*Chael Sonnen has never made such a statement, but we imagine he’d say something incredibly similar if given the opportunity. 

–J. Jones