(We can pay for your elbow surgery, Rampage, but the UFC’s insurance policy does not cover gonorrhea.)
In the past few years, we have seen former light heavyweight champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson turn from a Ricardo Arona-powerbombing, Chuck Liddell-stomping, Southern California freeway-racing SOB into a tirelessly complaining, terrible rapping, transsexual raping shell of his former self. His ongoing war with the UFC and their insistence on giving him “boring fights” has grown tired to even the biggest Rampage fan at this point, and regardless of how hard he has tried to convince us that “big fights” are waiting for him outside of the UFC, most of us just assumed that once he got the tar beat out of him by Glover Teixeira at UFC 153, he would abandon MMA altogether, star in a series of direct-to-DVD films in the vein of Blood and Bone, and fade into obscurity until 2025, when he will be arrested for binging on 5 hour energy drinks, stripping down to his birthday suit, and destroying a magazine kiosk in New York City because “my neighbors demon-possessed dog told me to.” Or something like that.
In either case, it seemed as if we would finally reach the light at the end of the figurative tunnel at UFC 153, and could bid Jackson adieu once and for all. Because clearly, his passion for the sport had dwindled beyond the point of return.
(We can pay for your elbow surgery, Rampage, but the UFC’s insurance policy does not cover gonorrhea.)
In the past few years, we have seen former light heavyweight champion Quinton “Rampage” Jackson turn from a Ricardo Arona-powerbombing, Chuck Liddell-stomping, Southern California freeway-racing SOB into a tirelessly complaining, terrible rapping, transsexual raping shell of his former self. His ongoing war with the UFC and their insistence on giving him “boring fights” has grown tired to even the biggest Rampage fan at this point, and regardless of how hard he has tried to convince us that “big fights” are waiting for him outside of the UFC, most of us just assumed that once he got the tar beat out of him by Glover Teixeira at UFC 153, he would abandon MMA altogether, star in a series of direct-to-DVD films in the vein of Blood and Bone, and fade into obscurity until 2025, when he will be arrested for binging on 5 hour energy drinks, stripping down to his birthday suit, and destroying a magazine kiosk in New York City because “my neighbors demon-possessed dog told me to.” Or something like that.
In either case, it seemed as if we would finally reach the light at the end of the figurative tunnel at UFC 153, and could bid Jackson adieu once and for all. Because clearly, his passion for the sport had dwindled beyond the point of return.
(Seen here: The WMMA fight that men and women around the world would *definitely* tune in to.)
If we know anything about Strikeforce female bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey, it’s that she is not one to let go of a grudge. On the heels of yet another dominant armbar finish over Sarah Kaufman in August, Rousey was quick to call out the roided-up thorn in her side that the general public knows as Cris Cyborg. As it turned out, Cyborg had been removed from the building beforehand, but the table was nonetheless set for possibly the biggest fight in WMMA history. The only problem with this matchup appeared to be Cyborg’s insistence that she simply could not cut the weight necessary to challenge Rousey for her title. Rousey was also adamant about her desire to stay at 135, and the two have been locked in a stalemate ever since.
But that hasn’t stopped either party from continuing the endless war of words with one another. True to form, Rousey has lobbed significantly more verbal bombs at Cyborg as of late, mainly in regard to her past steroid use. Her most recent attacks took place on The MMA Hour:
If you can make 145 [pounds] while you’re super juiced out, you can make 135 if you’re clean.
Cyborg has never had a fair fight. If you really look at it, she’s had fights where she came in and outweighed the other girl by 12 pounds and then they still fought. This girl has a long history of cheating and using drugs, and coming in overweight, and no one’s ever put their foot down ever about it.
While Rousey has every right to criticize Cyborg’s history, to say that she’s never had a fair fight seems a bit audacious on her part. Sure, the opponents placed before Cyborg were little more than lambs being led to the killing field, lambs who stood next to no chance of beating Cyborg in this or any other dimension, but….we forgot what point we were trying to make. In any case, while we’re on the subject of audacious claims, Rousey followed up her anti-Cyborg rant by claiming that a fight with the former Strikeforce featherweight women’s champ would be “the biggest fight in MMA history.”
Those comments are after the jump.
(Seen here: The WMMA fight that men and women around the world would *definitely* tune in to.)
If we know anything about Strikeforce female bantamweight champion Ronda Rousey, it’s that she is not one to let go of a grudge. On the heels of yet another dominant armbar finish over Sarah Kaufman in August, Rousey was quick to call out the roided-up thorn in her side that the general public knows as Cris Cyborg. As it turned out, Cyborg had been removed from the building beforehand, but the table was nonetheless set for possibly the biggest fight in WMMA history. The only problem with this matchup appeared to be Cyborg’s insistence that she simply could not cut the weight necessary to challenge Rousey for her title. Rousey was also adamant about her desire to stay at 135, and the two have been locked in a stalemate ever since.
But that hasn’t stopped either party from continuing the endless war of words with one another. True to form, Rousey has lobbed significantly more verbal bombs at Cyborg as of late, mainly in regard to her past steroid use. Her most recent attacks took place on The MMA Hour:
If you can make 145 [pounds] while you’re super juiced out, you can make 135 if you’re clean.
Cyborg has never had a fair fight. If you really look at it, she’s had fights where she came in and outweighed the other girl by 12 pounds and then they still fought. This girl has a long history of cheating and using drugs, and coming in overweight, and no one’s ever put their foot down ever about it.
While Rousey has every right to criticize Cyborg’s history, to say that she’s never had a fair fight seems a bit audacious on her part. Sure, the opponents placed before Cyborg were little more than lambs being led to the killing field, lambs who stood next to no chance of beating Cyborg in this or any other dimension, but….we forgot what point we were trying to make. In any case, while we’re on the subject of audacious claims, Rousey followed up her anti-Cyborg rant by claiming that a fight with the former Strikeforce featherweight women’s champ would be “the biggest fight in MMA history.”
I think if it was done right and it was done correctly, you could have people watching that fight that have never seen a single MMA fight before. Lots of them. I think it could be the biggest MMA fight of all-time.
I’m serious. Think about it. Every MMA fan will watch, and a whole bunch of other people that aren’t even the least bit interested in MMA would watch. That’s the kind of demographic that fight could reach to that none of the men can right now.
We see what Ronda is trying to say here — with the right marketing, Cyborg/Rousey could be an amazingly successful fight — but one thing she seems to be overlooking is the marketing abilities, or lack thereof, of the promotion she currently fights under. In the hands of the UFC, sure, this fight could be groundbreaking, but as we’ve seen with the Rousey/Kaufman fight, if Strikeforce can’t push the “sex sells” angle in regards to WMMA, well, they will still push the “sex sells” angle. Add in the fact that many casual fans of the sport still have no clue who Ronda Rousey or Cris Cyborg are, and you’re setting yourself up for disappointment with claims like those.
But we get it, Rousey is just trying to hype a matchup that stands head and shoulders above any other available fight for her in terms of fan interest, and one that neither competitor has been willing to budge on. That in and of itself should give you a good indication as to the current drawing power and depth of WMMA.
(“And that was the first time I went full stanky leg.”)
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Newton’s third law of motion seems to apply to the world of kickboxing this week, as just a few days after it was announced that Swedish kickboxing legend Jorgen Kruth would be departing from the world of MMA, it has been reported that Dutch kickboxing powerhouse Tyrone Spong will be making the transition to it. Spong, who’s has hinted at a move to MMA for some time now, is best known for his battles with such legends of the sport as Peter Aerts, Ray Sefo, and Melvin Manhoef, and currently holds a 68-6-1 with 1 NC record to his credit.
While it was rumored that Spong would be making his debut under the Titan Fighting Championships banner, it appears that the heavyweight slugger will be debuting under upstart promotion World Series of Fighting, alongside UFC rape joke-castaway Miguel Torres and many more.
(“And that was the first time I went full stanky leg.”)
For every action, there is an equal and opposite reaction.
Newton’s third law of motion seems to apply to the world of kickboxing this week, as just a few days after it was announced that Swedish kickboxing legend Jorgen Kruth would be departing from the world of MMA, it has been reported that Dutch kickboxing powerhouse Tyrone Spong will be making the transition to it. Spong, who’s has hinted at a move to MMA for some time now, is best known for his battles with such legends of the sport as Peter Aerts, Ray Sefo, and Melvin Manhoef, and currently holds a 68-6-1 with 1 NC record to his credit.
While it was rumored that Spong would be making his debut under the Titan Fighting Championships banner, it appears that the heavyweight slugger will be debuting under upstart promotion World Series of Fighting, alongside UFC rape joke-castaway Miguel Torres and many more.
And standing across the cage from Spong will be none other than TUF 10 alum James “The Hammer” McSweeney, who has put together four straight wins in the Shamrock Events promotion and one straight win over knife wielding hoodlums of the greater Las Vegas area. McSweeney already has a fight scheduled for October 6th against the 10-11 Matti Makela, but barring any serious injuries, should be ready to compete on November 3rd against Spong. It’s a fight schedule that Bob Sapp could appreciate if he weren’t too busy hiding from the monster in his closet.
There is of course the possibility that McSweeney could pack his bags and move as far away from Spong as humanly possible once he takes a look at one of Spong’s highlight videos. Then again, Spong has been training with the Blackzilians for some time now, so he more than likely will show up ten to twenty pounds over the weight limit.
Who do you like for this one, Potato Nation? Will McSweeney take it to the ground like any sane man would, or will pride rear its ugly head once again?
Although I can’t pinpoint the exact date, at some point last week I found myself in a position that a blogger/writer for any niche site oft finds themselves in: tapping their fingers and waiting for some news to break that anyone would give half a shit about. “You know what you should do,” one of my roommates informed me, “is write an article about disabled athletes in MMA. It would tie in with the Paralympics and be quite topical.” It was a pretty good idea, so I immediately (well, after I set down the bong, I suppose) started drafting up some ideas and angles to approach such a story with. I started thinking about guys like Nick Newell and Matt Hamill, who, despite their disabilities, were still able to break open a can of whoop ass when the occasion called for it.
I also began to think of Kyle Maynard, who, despite being an incredible talent and inspiration, was simply not cut out for the sport of MMA. To put it politely, his amateur debut against Brian Fry was bizarre bordering on embarrassing. This was not due to Maynard’s physical limitations or desire to give the sport a try, but simply because someone out there thought that the fight should be both publicized and videotaped without first considering how it would be received by the general public.
But be that as it may, I began to draft up an article discussing the positives and negatives associated with disabilities in professional sports. I planned to discuss Oscar Pistorius, Im Dong Hyun, and Peter Gray. I planned to ask you, our esteemed readers, whether or not the decision for a disabled athlete to compete in a sport as dangerous as MMA should rest on the shoulders of the athletes themselves or of the commissions that are supposed to be protecting them.
That was, until I came across this article on Fighters Only this morning to find that a promotion in the UK was apparently moving forward with, and I cannot place enough emphasis on the quotes here, “a series of bouts with fighters in wheelchairs and also amputees under MMA rules.”
Although I can’t pinpoint the exact date, at some point last week I found myself in a position that a blogger/writer for any niche site oft finds themselves in: tapping their fingers and waiting for some news to break that anyone would give half a shit about. “You know what you should do,” one of my roommates informed me, “is write an article about disabled athletes in MMA. It would tie in with the Paralympics and be quite topical.” It was a pretty good idea, so I immediately (well, after I set down the bong, I suppose) started drafting up some ideas and angles to approach such a story with. I started thinking about guys like Nick Newell and Matt Hamill, who, despite their disabilities, were still able to break open a can of whoop ass when the occasion called for it.
I also began to think of Kyle Maynard, who, despite being an incredible talent and inspiration, was simply not cut out for the sport of MMA. To put it politely, his amateur debut against Brian Fry was bizarre bordering on embarrassing. This was not due to Maynard’s physical limitations or desire to give the sport a try, but simply because someone out there thought that the fight should be both publicized and videotaped without first considering how it would be received by the general public.
But be that as it may, I began to draft up an article discussing the positives and negatives associated with disabilities in professional sports. I planned to discuss Oscar Pistorius, Im Dong Hyun, and Peter Gray. I planned to ask you, our esteemed readers, whether or not the decision for a disabled athlete to compete in a sport as dangerous as MMA should rest on the shoulders of the athletes themselves or of the commissions that are supposed to be protecting them.
That was, until I came across this article on Fighters Only this morning to find that a promotion in the UK was apparently moving forward with, and I cannot place enough emphasis on the quotes here, “a series of bouts with fighters in wheelchairs and also amputees under MMA rules.”
I had to pause, then rub my eyes, then reread a title that I was sure belonged on the floor of The Onion’s fictional newsroom somewhere. But alas, wheelchair MMA is apparently a sport that a group of presumably sane-minded people agreed was something the world needed to see.
In one fell swoop, the article I had spent a couple days milling over had been negated. Because the truth is, no matter what we think is appropriate in regards to disabled athletes in MMA, promotions like Wheeled Warriors/Ultimate Cage Fighting Championships will always exist to completely violate any logical discussion we might have had on the subject. Promotions run by people so blind, so incompetent, that they could think for even one second that wheelchair MMA would be a good idea.
Of course, Wheeled Warriors head Colin Wood is under the impression that this idea is actually “for the benefit of both the fans and physically-challenged fighters across the globe”:
We have come together to bring both amputees and wheeled fighters into the ring to compete just like any other. I had the pleasure to attend as a ringside spectator to the UCFC’s most recent endeavour – UCFC 4 – which had 13 bouts of amateur and pro MMA action on the card and featured special guests from the UFC Ryan Badar and Clarence Dollaway.
It is clear this concept is well-received and ahead of its time as very few would expect something of its kind to come to fruition so soon. To conclude, this is a great collaboration which surely will improve sports and will continue to grow for the foreseeable future. Both sides are gaining opportunities.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for allowing disabled athletes the right to participate in able-bodied sports. Murderball is awesome. The Extremity Games? I’m all for it. But the line between advancement and outright dangerous exploitation has to be drawn somewhere, and the decision to strap gloves onto disabled people and have them fight in wheelchairs for our entertainment takes a steaming shit all over that line. Peter Gray competing in the major leagues with one arm is one thing, but this idea is entering Bucky LaGrange territory in a hurry. On a fundamental level, being crippled below the waist conflicts with the criteria necessary to compete in MMA, just as being blind conflicts with the criteria necessary to become a military pilot. Without delving into it too far, one has to wonder how things like leglocks, takedowns, and recovery from said takedowns are even possible in this sport. And if those rules have somehow been altered or removed, why even call it MMA? I believe the quote that “man’s reach exceeds his grasp” applies here. Just because crippled people can compete in MMA, or some form of it, does not mean that we should be backing the idea with 100% enthusiasm.
But let’s look past the logistics of this “sport” for a moment and just dissect the wave of stupidity that has apparently taken over the British MMA scene as of late. Just a few months ago, our buddies across the pond delivered the hybrid sport Ultimate Ballupon the world. What was it a hybrid of exactly? We’re not really sure, but it appeared to combine the worst aspects of MMA and rugby with legal gang rape and a street riot mentality regarding strategy. It was harder to watch than ArmFC’s child fights and will hopefully never show its ugly head on this earth again. Yet somehow, the powers at be have decided to move forward with an idea that is even more exploitative and offensive for completely different reasons. But at the end of the day, it’s up to the athletes involved to determine the risks and rewards of competing in such a sport, right? Or should the promoters be held responsible for allowing such an event to transpire? Would you look at that, I’ve managed to relate back to my original question after all.
In either case, we’ve managed to snag an exclusive video of a similar competition held just last weekend that will completely invalidate any serious points we were trying to make with this article. Welcome to CagePotato.
When Anderson Silva called out George St. Pierre a little over a week ago, the MMA blogosphere’s reactions ranged from overwhelming enthusiasm to bitter resentment. Being that this is the Internet, the majority of those who voiced their opinions apparently sided in the latter category, dubbing Silva –whom you may recall is a UFC champion — a “lazy coward,” a “bitch,” and a “pussy” whose “bitchassness” would hopefully lead to GSP “smashing his skull through the canvas.” The main issue seemed to be that Silva was calling out someone below him in weight, which therefore made him a bitch considering that Jon Jones would be totally willing to fight him if he were to move up to 205. In your humble opinions, Silva was basically being an O’Doyle and picking on the smallest kid in gym class, which is totally not cool behavior for a supposed pound-for-pound great.
That being the case, we’d just love to hear what you think of this. Last week, former MMA fighter Kit Cope declared that “MMA dudes are vaginas” compared to kickboxers in the above video, successfully drawing the attention and ire of any MMA fighter or fan dimwitted enough to take anything that Kit Cope says seriously. One of those people was CagePotato aficionado Sean McCorkle, a can crushing super heavyweight who spends more time arguing on the UG than any grown ass man ever should. McCorkle took it upon himself to defend the honor of the hundreds of thousands of tens of fighters who found themselves reeled in by the whimsical musings of Kit fucking Cope and posted a lengthy diatribe on his old stomping grounds while “bored on a Friday night.” As is often the case in Internet warfare (and therefore Sean McCorkle), the rant was little more than a series of personal attacks and gay jokes culminating in a futile challenge that has zero chance of coming to fruition in any country other than Japan.
Here’s just a little taste:
Hey, here’s a fun fact for you. You lost to Tiki Goshen. Let me repeat that. You lost to Tiki Goshen. In a fight. That means that if Tiki Goshen broke into your house, and you did not have a gun or other significant weapon readily available, Tiki Goshen would have little trouble subduing you, and rendering you completely helpless in a short amount of time. Then he would he proceed to take your belongings, and/or harm your family in any way he chooses.
When Anderson Silva called out George St. Pierre a little over a week ago, the MMA blogosphere’s reactions ranged from overwhelming enthusiasm to bitter resentment. Being that this is the Internet, the majority of those who voiced their opinions apparently sided in the latter category, dubbing Silva –whom you may recall is a UFC champion — a “lazy coward,” a “bitch,” and a “pussy” whose “bitchassness” would hopefully lead to GSP “smashing his skull through the canvas.” The main issue seemed to be that Silva was calling out someone below him in weight, which therefore made him a bitch considering that Jon Jones would be totally willing to fight him if he were to move up to 205. In your humble opinions, Silva was basically being an O’Doyle and picking on the smallest kid in gym class, which is totally not cool behavior for a supposed pound-for-pound great.
That being the case, we’d just love to hear what you think of this. Last week, former MMA fighter Kit Cope declared that “MMA dudes are vaginas” compared to kickboxers in the above video, successfully drawing the attention and ire of any MMA fighter or fan dimwitted enough to take anything that Kit Cope says seriously. One of those people was CagePotato aficionado Sean McCorkle, a can crushing super heavyweight who spends more time arguing on the UG than any grown ass man ever should. McCorkle took it upon himself to defend the honor of the hundreds of thousands of tens of fighters who found themselves reeled in by the whimsical musings of Kit fucking Cope and posted a lengthy diatribe on his old stomping grounds while “bored on a Friday night.” As is often the case in Internet warfare (and therefore Sean McCorkle), the rant was little more than a series of personal attacks and gay jokes culminating in a futile challenge that has zero chance of coming to fruition in any country other than Japan.
Here’s just a little taste:
Hey, here’s a fun fact for you. You lost to Tiki Goshen. Let me repeat that. You lost to Tiki Goshen. In a fight. That means that if Tiki Goshen broke into your house, and you did not have a gun or other significant weapon readily available, Tiki Goshen would have little trouble subduing you, and rendering you completely helpless in a short amount of time. Then he would he proceed to take your belongings, and/or harm your family in any way he chooses.
McCorkle’s entire post, which admittedly has its moments of hilarity, is below.
Just saw your interview where you claim MMA fighters are “Vaginas”. Are you sure you didn’t mean we’re “A——s”? Because from the looks of you, I’m pretty sure you’ve seen more a——s than vaginas in your life.
Hey, here’s a fun fact for you. You lost to Tiki Goshen [sic]. Let me repeat that. You lost to Tiki Goshen. In a fight. That means that if Tiki Goshen broke into your house, and you did not have a gun or other significant weapon readily available, Tiki Goshen would have little trouble subduing you, and rendering you completely helpless in a short amount of time. Then he would he proceed to take your belongings, and/or harm your family in any way he chooses.
Please tell me, how does it feel knowing that anytime you wake up to a “bump” in the middle of the night, you have to worry that it’s either Tiki Goshen, or someone who is equally tough, or tougher than Tiki Goshen? That must be a terrifying way to live. I wouldn’t walk down a street day or night anywhere in the world without a gun, if I didn’t think I could beat up Tiki Goshen.
Oh and I heard a rumor about you being on “MTV True life, I’m a gay kickboxer” or whatever the show was called. That’s awesome! Being on that show is like being on Jersey Shore but for only one episode as one of the skanks that The Situation bring home after a night of fistpumping. (not the kind you’re used to)
I’ve got an idea, since I’m an MMA fighter, and we’re all vaginas, how about you and I set up a Muay Thai fight with each other? My standup admitted sucks so you should have no problem at all. I know I weigh literally twice as much as you, but don’t be a vagina. You can even take steroids before the fight (again). Which reminds me, how in the F-ing hell does a 6 ft tall “man” take steroids before a fight and still weigh in at 155 lbs? That has to be some kind of a record. It’s like if we found out Roy Nelson was being treated for anorexia in the weeks leading up to a fight. That would be like if we found out Bob Sapp had swollen balls going into a fight.
I also can’t figure out how a dude that looks like Aaron Brink with Down’s Syndrome can walk around so cocky. Your body art looks like Roger Huerta’s tattoo artist did it, except while he was completely plastered.
Nobody cares about your little alleged bullshit bare knuckle “titles”. I watched some of your stuff on youtube, and I’m pretty sure even Kimbo Slice is embarrassed for you.
PS: Your MMA record is the complete opposite of the number of men your mom has likely been with. And by that I mean it’s “under 500″
Have a nice day
To be clear, we’re not taking Kit Cope’s side on this issue, because the dude is an asshole by all accounts, but did Sean McCorkle, a 300+ pound man, just challenge all 155 lbs of Kit Cope to a Muay Thai fight? Has the local bowling alley where Sean scouts his future opponents been shut down for renovation?
We know, we know, acknowledging this potential feud only keeps the farces that are “Big Sexy” and Kit Cope alive and running, but sometimes you just have to feed the troll, or in our case, troll the troll who is trolling the troll [TROLLCEPTION]. And honestly, if you didn’t find the Aaron Brink or Roy Nelson jokes to be at least a little bit funny, then you probably stumbled upon CagePotato accidentally. So with that, we ask unto you, Potato Nation, where does McCorkle vs. Cope place on your all-time fantasy freak show fights list?
You’ve gotta feel for Mark Munoz. In the past year, the dude has suffered not only one of the most disgusting elbow injuries on record (see above), but one of the most brutal, not to mention late stoppages of the year at the hands and elbows of Chris Weidman (see below). And he did the latter while rocking one of the goofiest haircuts in MMA history.
And just when you thought that Munoz might be headed down the path of recovery and redemption, it appears that he could be out of action for an entire year to deal with a foot injury he suffered in preparation for the ass kicking he would receive courtesy of Weidman.
Talk about adding injury to insult.
Full story after the jump.
(Who ordered the mahi mahi?)
You’ve gotta feel for Mark Munoz. In the past year, the dude has suffered not only one of the most disgusting elbow injuries on record (see above), but one of the most brutal, not to mention late stoppages of the year at the hands and elbows of Chris Weidman (see below). And he did the latter while rocking one of the goofiest haircuts in MMA history.
And just when you thought that Munoz might be headed down the path of recovery and redemption, it appears that he could be out of action for an entire year to deal with a foot injury he suffered in preparation for the ass kicking he would receive courtesy of Weidman.
Talk about adding injury to insult.
Munoz revealed what little details he had regarding the injury to fighthubtv.com.
I hurt my foot training for the Weidman fight; I was training with Jason (Miller) inside the cage and my foot got caught. I am not sure if it is broken. I will be getting an official MRI tomorrow and I will know. I just hope they do not have to break it in order for it to heal properly as it has somewhat started to heal.
And just in case Munoz wasn’t feeling shitty enough, it turns out that he had to battle a hell of a staph infection following his loss to Weidman, one that spread from his knee to his forehead. Oh yeah, and that horrifying elbow injury is still not healed.
On staph: “I went to the doctor and he took a look at it. He gave me a weird look and brought out a needle and I felt stuff coming out. I am just glad I took care of it early.”
On his elbow: “When he (Weidman) was on top of me trying to get the guillotine I could feel that I did not have full motion in my elbow.”
So there you have it. Every waking moment in the life of Mark Munoz is nothing more than a Sisyphean struggle to overcome injuries that he will be forced to deal all over again once he reaches the figurative mountain top. With each breath comes agony. Life is pain. Life is only pain.
*throws on The Cure and closes the curtains*
Happy Friday, you pampered, privileged conformists.
