Author: ReX13

Seriously, is this intimidating to anyone?  Either of them?  PicProps: MMAJunkie (obviously)

The UFC is in Milwaukee, Wisconsin, tonight for a live show on Versus, with some really good fighters on tap from the Facebook fights beginning the evening to the veterans retiring after putting on one more show.

I’ll start updating shortly with the Facebook fights, and we go live with the Versus show at 9PM ET.  Come on in early and start drinking; i’m way funnier that way.  Also, hit F5 on your keyboard to refresh often.  It won’t make me work any faster, but something funny might happen.

For discussion:

What’s next for Hardy if he comes up short?

With Jim Miller – Ben Henderson on the card to remind us of the logjam at 155, how can we make sense of the lightweight division?

And shouldn’t Clay Guida still be carrying around the WEC belt?  Because that would be dope.

OK, Nation, it’s my first time so take it easy on me. Mmmkay?

FaceBook Fights

Edwin “El Feroz” Figueroa defeats  Jason Reinhardt via TKO (referee stoppage due to strikes) at :50 of Round 2.  Reinhardt looked outclassed on the feet, and sloppy shooting takedowns.  Not an impressive performance, and Reinhardt is now 0-3 in the UFC.

Jacob “Christmas” Volkmann defeats Danny “Last Call” Castillo via unanimous decision (29-28 x3) in what is mostly a grappling affair.  Christmas tries to fit Castillo with two hundred and fourteen D’Arce chokes, but he’s unable to finish.  Castillo gets props for making it through a couple of really tight squeezes.

Cole “Magrinho” Miller defeats T.J.  ”The Spider” O’Brien via a sick one- armed guillotine/anaconda body lock combo at 2:38 of Round 2.

In case you didn’t know, Miller’s nickname “Magrinho” is Portuguese for “skinny”.  I guess that’s better than “Big Nose”, right? And seriously, “The Spider”?  Is it legal to take that nickname?

Jimy “The Kid” Hettes defeats Alex “Bruce Leroy” Caceres  via submission (rear naked choke) at 3:12 of Round 2.

Ok, we’re impressed with Bruce Leroy’s rolling acumen, it looks like he’s really been drilling on the mats.  Really fun fight there, lots of scrambling and transitions, and Caceres wasn’t totally out of his element.

Ronny  Markes defeats Karlos “The Terminator” Vemola via unanimous decision (30-27 x3).

It is known that cross-eyed men hit harder than Cypress Hill (it is known), but Vemola swings wider than David Bowie, and he gassed about as quickly as you’d expect from a guy that has never won outside of the first round.  Maybe destroying vehicles with a sledgehammer isn’t the best way to trane UFC?

Ed “Short Fuse” Herman defeats Kyle “KO” Noke via submission (heel hook) at 4:15 of Round 1.

Herman is looking to re-enact that Credeur win.   Noke is taking a step up after a five fight win streak.  Herman comes out, again looking more dangerous on the ground than before, and ruins Kyle Noke’s night (and his knee, and his work out plans for the next six months) with a nasty leg lock submission in the first round.

Joseph “Joe B. Wan Kenobi” Benavidez defeats Eddie Wineland via unanimous decision (30-27 x3).

Benavidez is showcasing some improved accuracy in his striking in the first frame, bloodying Wineland on the head and busting up his nose.  He’s still wild, but Wineland is waiting for the takedown and Benavidez catches him a few good ones.  Second round:  a little controversy when Wineland throws a one-two that may or may not have poked Joe B in the eye piece.  (Stand by for a GIF.)  Benavidez survives the subsequent rush and recovers.  Benavidez throws the kitchen sink at Wineland all three rounds, landing quite a bit of it, but he can’t put Wineland away.  Benavidez used very little wrestling for the win, aside from using the threat of a takedown to his own advantage.  He’s my favorite to take that flyweight belt next year.

CB “The Doberman” Dollaway  Jared “The Messenger” Hamman defeats   via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes) at 3:38 of Round 2.

First round is a really competitive back and forth: Hamman survives a locked-up arm triangle and his chin keeps him in the game when he catches some wicked GNP at the end of the first.  Then Hamman roars back in the second, outworking Dollaway on the ground and outstriking him everywhere.  It takes just two minutes of grinding Dollaway down on the ground (and landing his own bombs in the process) before the Doberman turtles up, and Herb Dean calls it soon after.  Really impressive debut for Hamman at 185.

UFC Live on Versus 5: Lytle vs Hardy

Amir Sadollah vs. Duane “Bang” Ludwig

First up on the Versus card is a cageful of Muay Thai asskickery and knockoutitude.  Damn, you bastards wanted me to stop making up words, huh?  My bad.  Look for Sadollah’s length to be a big factor here; it should be fun.

Round 1:  Fighters come out with an air touch of gloves and get to business.  After a short exploratory phase of leg kicks and punches, they quickly move into a Thai plum clinch and work knees.  Ludwig seems to be getting the better of the knees inside, and Sodallah drops for a takedown, but Ludwig defends and clinches again.  They separate, and Ludwig goes to work.  He throws head kicks that seem to get Amir immediately uncomfortable, and with ninety seconds left, rocks Sodallah on his feet with a left hook.  It’s target practice for Ludwig, but Sodallah survives the round. 10-9 Bang

Round 2:  Both fighters look a bit banged up.  Ludwig is dealing out some serious pane with body shots inside, and Sodallah doesn’t want anything to do with the clinch.  The left hook lands again for Ludwig, and if there’s anything impressive about Sodallah in this fight, it’s his chin. Sodallah tries to mount an offense, but Ludwig is counter-punching beautifully.  Ludwig tries to put an exclamation point on the round by shooting for a takedown to end the second.  10-9 Bang

Round 3:  Sodallah comes out with a sense of urgency and seems to be the fresher of the two, landing a leg kick and following with a Chuck Norris to the dome that gets Ludwig’s attention.  Sodallah shoots for the takedown, and Ludwig defends.  They separate and go back to kickboxing.  Two minutes in, Sodallah lands a teep to the face that gets a grin out of Ludwig, and follows up with a fist combo that Ludwig counters.  Amir shoots again, and again Ludwig defends well.  They exchange leg kicks and circle.  With a minute left, Amir continues to press forward, and they throw combos into one another’s faces.  A left hook and a right uppercut from Ludwig, and another shot to try to take the round.  The bell finds the fighters on the ground, with no damage done.  10-9 Amir

Duane Ludwig defeats Amir Sodallah via unanimous decision (29-28 x3).

Donald “Cowboy” Cerrone vs. Charles “Do Bronx” Oliveira

Round 1:  Both fighters are pumped and ready when they come out, looking for their range.  Cerrone launches a murderous knee sixty seconds in but it doesn’t land fully.  Seconds later, Cerrone catches Oliveira across the top of the cup.  No damage, and back to the action.  Cerrone is throwing punches like he’s trying to send his fists back in time and kill Osama bin Laden.  A shovel hook to Oliveiera’s body followed by a right knee to the face sends Oliveira down–he’s not out, but he’s hurt — and Cowboy swarms him.  Oliveira tries to set up some kind of guard from his back, but Cerrone swarms him and drops hooks on him until Mario Yamasaki has seen enough.

Donald Cerrone defeats Charles Oliveira via TKO (referee’s stoppage due to strikes) at 3:00 of Round 1.  Cerrone goes on to lay down a perfect Boomhauer impression with Joe Rogan.  Dammit, Cowboy, you are awesome.

Jim Miller vs. Ben “Smooth” Henderson

Awwww shit.  It’s going down.

Round 1:  Fighters come out for some boxing to start out, and Miller lands a couple good hooks.  They circle and shadowbox, and Smooth scores with a jab, then a short combo, and they clinch.  They move to the cage, first Henderson pressing Miller into  the fence and then moving to the center, still clinched up.  Miller traps Bendos arm neck to his head, and jumps onto Henderson into a (flying?) arm triangle.  Henderson’s sub defense has been described as “like to see a motherfucker try”, and he survives this sub attempt easily.  They go to the ground, and Miller switches to try a kimura.  Again, Henderson survives, and winds up standing over Miller’s open guard.  Henderson dives into guard looking for a guillotine, misses it, and then receives a guillotine attempt from Miller for his trouble.  Henderson pops his head out, and tries to hand out some beat down in the last thirty seconds from the top. 10-10?

Round 2:  Henderson scores early, cutting Miller on the right eyebrow with elbows, then taking him down.  Miller tries to work some rubber guard, nothing there, and rolls for a leglock. He straightens out a kneebar, and Bendo just gives the thumbs up.  Miller moves to a heel hook, still nothing. Henderson is beating on him while he tries all this, and the points are piling up.  Miller works for a kimura on the left side, like he’s never seen anyone try that on Henderson. Bendo just pounds on Miller to finish out the second.  10-9 Henderson

Round 3: Coming out for the third, Miller looks worse for wear.  Henderson starts off with a mean leg kick that puts the hurt on.  Miller gets Henderson with a hook, sending him to the mat, and follows him to the canvas, but Henderson just pushes to his feet and drives Miller across the cage and down to the ground. Henderson lays some hard GNP and then takes Miller’s back, going for the rear naked.  Miller works to get free, but he’s getting worked by Bendo.  Henderson looks for a guillotine to finish, but he’s running out of time.  He stands and blasts Miller in the ribs with a knee.   Miller stands and tries to deliver, but the horn sounds — it’s over. 10-9 Henderson, maybe 10-8

Ben Henderson defeats Jim Miller via unanimous decision (30-26, 30-27, 29-28).  The clusterfucktacular at 155 continues. Wait, 30-26?  Damn.

Dan “The Outlaw” Hardy vs. Chris “Lights Out” Lytle

Round 1:  Hardy and Lytle made a gentlemen’s agreement to put on a show, and they were not bullshitting.  First round is all boxing, all aggression.  Lytle works the body early with hooks, a weapon that will be showcased for the whole round.  These guys are just throwing combos at one another to see who falls first, and they’re not moving in and out much at all, just sidesteps as they try to land first.  Both fighters score, but Lytle is doing it more often and harder.  10-9 Lytle

Round 2:  Bell sounds and the fighters pick up right where they left off.  Lytle rips a couple more hooks, including a brutal body shot — it’s like he’s trying to race Donald Cerrone’s fists back in time.  Hardy lands a good straight right that looks like it stuns Lytle for a millisecond, then sends a knee to the gut after it.  Lytle gets an eyepoke in, but Hardy recovers quickly.  Lytle is still reeling off those combos, wih Hardy answering.  They’re slugging it out and no one is backing down.  It’s all high-power offense for the round, with Lytle scoring the last hit with a hook to end the second. 10-10

Round 3:  Lytle gets off first with a couple of lefts, then digs hard into the body.  He ain’t going out soft, that’s for sure.  Hardy answers, but Lytle is landing better.  Hardy presses forward, but Lytle responds, working combos upstairs and down into the body.  Hardy dives for a takedown, and it’s a fatal error.  Lytle wraps up a guillotine and mounts Hardy.  Hardy struggles for some room, finds none, and taps.

Chris Lytle defeats Dan Hardy via submission (guillotine choke) at 4:16 of the third round, and rides into the sunset with two huge bags of cash if there’s any justice in the world.

Well played, Mr Lytle.  We wish you well in your future with your family.

Damn.  That wasn’t so bad.  What did you think, Nation?  Let’s talk about retirements, prospects, and the chaos of the lightweights.

Maybe wait ’til tomorrow, though.