Tag: Alan Belcher

UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen — Live Results & Commentary


(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.


(Good. Now that Chael knows what it feels like to make contact with Jon Jones, let’s get this execution over with. / Photo via MMAJunkie)

There’s not much to say about Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen at this point, other than the fact that Jones will be tying Tito Ortiz’s record for light-heavyweight title defenses (5) tonight, and Danga has already written Chael’s retirement rap. Luckily, UFC 159 features some legitimate fights as well, from Jim Miller meeting his taller, skinner doppelganger, to Roy Nelson meeting his polar opposite. Plus: Michael Bisping faces off against some retard from Mississippi (his words, not ours!), and Vinny Magalhaes tangles with Phil Davis.

Handling liveblog duties for this evening is Alex Giardini, who will be delivering round-by-round results from the “Jones vs. Sonnen” main card after the jump beginning at 10 p.m. ET / 7 p.m. PT. Refresh the page every few minutes for all the latest, and let us know what’s on your mind in the comments section.

Alright, Potato Nation…we are set for a main event less relevant than any season of Survivor past the year 2002. Since everyone is counting out the possibility of a competitive fight tonight, what will the post-fight interviews sound like? Will Jones gain or make most fans nauseous with the holier-than-though approach? Will Sonnen take his ball and go home or call out Evander Holyfield and Lorenzo Fertitta at the same time?

The co-main event features the fan-favorite Michael Bisping takes on possible Union Jack recipient Alan Belcher. After the Brit insulted Belcher’s skills as well as his Kim Jong-il tattoo, we’re pretty much looking forward to a first-round finish for either man.

Also on the card is Weight Watchers’ own Roy Nelson against the Mortal Kombat-built Cheick Kongo as well as a grudge match between Phil Davis and Vinny Magalhaes. Opening our evening in a fun-little-lightweight-scrap is Jim Miller and Pat Healy. We will, we will rock you, guys.

Intro-hype videos – Bisping and Belcher do a nice job of building the feud. Chael says he’s not old and slow, rather the king of the middleweight division and presumably the light heavyweight one too because who else fights there honestly. Jones vows to teach Tha Gansta some respect.

I swear to Christ I’m going to buy those shitty 20th Century Masters greatest hits of CCR and cruise down these streets thinking I’m Jim Miller.

Jim Miller vs. Pat Healy

Round 1: Miller sporting the shaved head tonight. The Herbster gets them going.  No touch. Healy comes forward…both feeling out thus far. Miller with a body shot. Inside leg followed by a left by Miller. Miller with a good straight left. Healy misses a combo. Miller clinches and lets go. Miller with a low legkick. Crowd getting behind Miller. Nice slam by Miller and he finds himself on top. Miller with an elbow to the body, trying to work. Healy controlling Miller’s left arm. Healy looking for an armbar but he is unsuccessful. Healy goes for an omoplata but to no avail. Miller has a double-wrist lock, looking for an armbar. Miller successfully transitioning to get good positioning but Healy breaks free and they are on their feet. Healy with a good punch and knee to the body. Healy goes for a takedown and ends up on top of Miller. Healy postures up and gets Miller’s back. Healy has a hook in but Miller is back on his feet. Big takedown from Healy. Miller spins and winds up on top. The round closes as Healy goes for an armbar but Miller punches Healy a few times in the eye which looks pretty damaged. Miller 10-9.

Round 2: Mad swelling in Healy’s right eye. Healy with a nice left but Miller responds with a left hook. Healy initiates the clinch and trips Miller. Both are quick to get up and Miller clinches him against the fence. Healy with a big swing and a miss. Miller clinches Healy against the fence once more. Miller with a solid elbow but Healy ducks under afterwards and gets the takedown. Healy on top in half-guard position. Miller going for an armbar. Miller loses it and Healy trying to work ground and pound. Healy with some nice shots from the top. Miller keeps looking for a submission but allows Healy in side control. Miller trying to stand up and Healy takes his back. Healy continues by punching and is looking to better his position. Healy has a choke in and Miller looks to be in trouble. Miller escapes but Healy mounts him. Miller escapes and elbows Healy. Miller crouching but Healy grabs on to his ankle. Miller gets up but is taken down again. Both men stand up against the fence and Healy follows up with some shots. Miller looks hurt from a knee thrown by Healy. 10-9 Healy.

Round 3: It’s one a piece.  Swelling under both men’s eyes. Healy with some uppercuts as they both clinch. Big right hook by Miller. Miller going for a takedown, scramble and they’re back up. Miller with a hook to the body. Miller has got Healy clinched against the fence and lets go. Healy tags him with a right. Healy throws a knee that lands low and Miller grimaces as it goes unnoticed. Healy relentlessly going for a takedown and ends up on top.  Healy looking for an arm-triangle but switches his positioning. Miller trying to utilize the rubber-guard but it isn’t working. Healy takes his back and starts punching. Healy now looking for a choke. Rogan insinuating the last round should follow Pride rules. Healy on top with a full-rear naked choke and Miller is stopped. My goodness, talk about irony.

Miller was out for a split second and wakes back up angrily. Gosh, this Pat Healy.

Pat Healy def. Jim Miller by Submission (Rear-Naked Choke), Round 3, 4:02.

Big LOL. Buffer screws up and declares Miller the winner…excuses himself and decalares Healy the winner. Hey, it was inevitable.

Dudes who aren’t supposed to win, 1-0.

Pretty excited about this fight, definitely could be the darkhorse of the card. It could also be worse than meeting your girlfriend’s parents for the first time as her father shows you how good he is on the stock market.

Phil Davis vs. Vinny Magalhaes

Round 1: No touch, obviously. Headkick misses by Vinny. Vinny goes for a frontkick and misses that too. Vinny throwing some wild kicks. Davis gets a right hand in. Both men clinched up against the fence. Vinny breaks through and they’re back in the center. Vinny throws a low leg-kick. Davis with a big high-kick and rocks Vinny. He tags Vinny with a big left hand. Davis not pursuing just yet – Vinny was hurt. Left jab by Davis but Vinny gets him down and takes his back. Davis escapes and Vinny stands back up too. Davis throws a one-two combo that misses. Vinny rushes in and misses with a left hook. Nice uppercut by Vinny and Davis gets a right-hand in as well. Davis with a nice combination and Vinny gets poked. Big Dan tells him to keep going and Vinny protests. They keep going and Vinny misses a big kick to the body. Davis with a right hand and the round closes. Hard to judge but I’ll go with 10-9 Davis.

Round 2: Rogan tells Mirgliotta to pay attention but Big Dan probably doesn’t hear it. Big right hand by Vinny. Frontkick by Davis but it doesn’t connect. Both men in a technical striking battle thus far. Davis reaches for his back and goes for the takedown. Davis decides not to enter the guard and lets Vinny back up. Nice right hand by Davis followed by a left that connects. Left hook by Davis hits Vinny right in the chin. Vinny with a high-kick that just misses. Vinny missing most of his kicks as Davis continues to throw his one-two’s. Jab connects for Davis. Vinny looking tired as Davis fakes the takedown and follows up with a big right hand. Davis secures the takedown but lets Vinny up immediately, staying away from his guard. Jab by Davis rocks Vinny’s head back. Highkick and another stiff jab by Davis. Body shot by Davis. Vinny looking rather zombified. Both men exchange jabs as the round closes. 10-9 Davis.

Round 3: Vinny looking a little busier. He’s trying to take Davis down (as his corner wanted him to) but it’s just not working. He connects with good left but Davis is doing a good job of defending. Davis checks a legkick. Nice left jab by Vinny. Davis goes for a takedown and lets Vinny back up again – which is clearly frustrating the hell out of Vinny. Davis with a big right hand that connects. Davis carefully picking his shots. The crowd is getting a bit restless. Headkick by Vinny but it does not trouble Phil who blocks it. Davis is doing a great job of setting up the jab and getting the shots he wants. Neither man really looking to finish the fight. Vinny tries to clinch with him but it’s not working. Vinny throws himself on the ground after a failed takedown attempt and is told to get back up. Davis a few solid jabs and the fight comes to a close. Slow third round but a good striking display from Davis. 10-9 Davis.

Both men hug after talking a whole lot about each other, good to see.

Phil Davis def. Vinny Magalhaes by Unanimous Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28).

Davis salutes Vinny and throws out a “Save Olympic Wrestling”.

This shitstorm of a card sort of needs a knockout right now so….OMG WAKA! Anyhow, Arianny promotes the UFC Magazine and obviously puts it right in front of her breasts, promoting what she feels really matters. Nice PR move there.

Like I was saying, we sort of need what my paysans would call an “espresso fight”…time for Big Country vs. Napoleon.

Kongo comes out to an atrocious version on what sounds like that Run DMC vs. Jason Nevins track but I have no freaking clue.

Nelson out to “Born In The USA”, by Jersey’s own homeboy and the only man who makes me cry at night.

Roy Nelson vs. Cheick Kongo

Round 1: Mulhall gets them going. Kongo throws a kick but Nelson catches it and initiates the clinch. We certainly don’t need a wall and stall fight right now but that’s what’s up thus far. Ref warns them to work. Kongo tries to escape but Nelson pits him back against the cage. Nelson goes for the suplex but Mulhall breaks them, to the dismay of let-them-work enthusiast Rogain. Roy clocks him with a humungous right hand as Kongo goes backwards and he is out. Okay.

That is exactly what this crowd and MMA media all over the world needed. A big, overhead right. 

Roy Nelson def. Cheick Kongo by Knockout, Round 1, 2:03.

Nelson wants the gold. Calls out UFC 160. Third-straight, first-round knockout for Roy, who is making a serious case for a title fight right now.

Rogan looking over the middleweight rankings and declares the division “a murderous row”, instead of declaring the rankings “a murderous row”.

Now if someone goes out in the first and we don’t get a tattoo, how will you feel about Sonnen then?

Belcher out to “Little Wing”. I’ll be assembling a UFC 159:  Walkout Songs from The American Fighters OST on iTunes later on, hit me up for a copy.

Kevin Mulhall checks Belcher’s wrap before Belcher gets in the cage. Easily the worst night of this referee’s life. Bisping comes out to the most obnoxious, 2:30am drunk white-girl singalong in the history of DJ failures, Blur’s “Song 2″.

Michael Bisping vs. Alan Belcher

Round 1: Solid staredown and Bisping bumps Belcher’s chest. Belcher’s wraps get cut off because they’re signed. Belcher comes out southpaw. Good movement from Belcher so far. Bisping with a low legkick but it gets checked. Bisping misses a right hand. Dean temporarily stops the fight for a low-blow but Bisping shrugs it off. Belcher’s hands fairly low. A lot of movement from both men while the “USA” chants start. Inside legkick by Bisping. Bisping with a kick to the body. Both men circling and missing most of their strikes. Bisping certainly pressing the action. Nice right hand by Bisping. Big right hand by Belcher, Bisping shrugs it off. Legkick checked by Belcher. Bisping gets a left jab in. Bisping catches Belcher with a right hand. Nothing seriously damaging both fighters right now. Eyepoke by Belcher and they stop the fight temporarily. Both men circling in the center and Belcher slips. Not much going on here. Big right hand by Bisping as the horn sounds. 10-9 Bisping.

Round 2: Belcher comes out swinging right away. Belcher throws a combination but misses it. Bisping looks to strike on the inside but Belcher pushes him away. Highkick by Bisping just misses. Nice uppercut by Bisping. Bisping tags him again with a left and then a solid right hand. Big left hand by Bisping gets through in an exchange. Belcher misses a low legkick. Belcher not respecting Bisping’s hands. Bisping connects with the right hand again. Bisping tags him with a jab followed by a right hand and Belcher isn’t blocking anything. Bisping leading with his left hand and is successful with another combination. Both men exchange right hands. Huge left hand by Bisping. Bisping goes for a highkick but misses. Left hand by Belcher followed by a right. Belcher connects with another right but Bisping connects with a nice combination. 10-9 Bisping.

Round 3: Bisping opens up with a big right hand. Belcher starts working his combinations better. Belcher throws and Bisping laughs at Belcher and says, “What was that?” Hilarious. Bisping with a solid overhead right. Bisping successfully circling around his opponent and getting some jabs in. Belcher is slowing down and his hands are staying besides his hips. Another solid right hand by Bisping. Headkick connects by Bisping, doesn’t trouble Belcher though.  Bisping with an inside legkick. Bisping really finding a home for that right hand and Belcher does not look like he’s being that urgent right now. Bisping with another right hand, followed by another (not too powerful, though). Bisping picks up the pace and tags Belcher with a left hook. Belcher shoots for the takedown but it is easily stuffed. Action is a little slow in the final minute. Major eyepoke and Belcher crumbles. Keep those surgeries in mind. Belcher has blood coming out of his eye, unless his eyebrow is bleeding. Nope, it’s the eye. The fight is over and Belcher cannot continue. Both men congratulate each other. Nasty, nasty night. Bisping apologizes and both men seem cool.

Michael Bisping def. Alan Belcher by Technical Decision (30-27, 30-27, 29-28)

Ok, so the bet was off? Rogan makes the case for the changing of gloves once more, which has more merit than it ever has. Bisping congratulates Belcher and apologizes for the unintentional blow. Main event time and to be honest, let’s get this shitshow over with.

Goldie says this is a highly-anticipated matchup and no, it’s not…but at this point I’ll take whatever I can after spending fifty Canadian bones on this thing instead of spending the rent money on The Smashing Pumpkins’ Siamese Dream reissue.

Sonnen comes out in a blue Paulie Malignaggi boxing robe. Might as well go out like a gangster. And the boos reign down for God’s son, although he comes out to 50 which is cool but immediately switches to Jammin’ by Bob. I mean, ok cool, pick one though. This isn’t sponsored by David Guetta.

Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen

Round 1: Sonnen takes the center quickly and Jones gets the takedown (!). Sonnen is back up landing some punches from the clinch. Jones goes for another takedown and clinches Sonnen against the fence. Hmm, interesting. Sonnen gets a big takedown again. Big elbow from the top from Jones. Sonnen back up but Jones is still hanging on. Sonnen has his back against the cage and is trying to fight the champion off. Jones is basically using Sonnen’s strategy. Jones is working a single-leg and lands a big uppercut. Spinning elbow by Jones, followed by uppercuts to the body as Sonnen hasn’t moved with his back against the cage. Massive takedown by Jones. The champ is in top position as Chael doesn’t have an answer yet. Nice elbow by Jones from top position. Jones grabs Sonnen’s arms and Jones swarms on Sonnen with some massive elbows. Jones relentless and the referee steps in. Chael protests the stoppage, bloodied.

Jones hit him with a knee to the body and swarmed him with elbows. Early stoppage? Not sure, I think Sonnen would have melted in there.

Jon Jones def. Chael Sonnen by TKO (Strikes), Round 1, 4:33.

Jones has a broken foot that looks utterly gross. Blood spewing from the toes. Rogan gives us the first post-fight stool interview. Jones says he was supposed to go to Jamaica but can’t now. I want to turn this off now. This fight felt like waiting in line for that rollercoaster that you know is going to suck and a soccer mom pukes on the back of your neck twelve seconds in. Sonnen confirms it was a justified stoppage. Sonnen is disappointed (duh) and says he will think it through. Sonnen unofficially retires in the cage, I’m guessing.

Man, that fight felt forced down our throats and it totally was. Glad this card is over; it wasn’t a memorable one to say the least. Y’all think the eyepoke could have been on purpose but I’m not surprised with the Bisping hate. It’s hard to say – like 22% of Kongo’s nut shots. That’s it for me tonight. Thankfully I’ve got the luxury of a PVR in front of me and since I’ve got an on-again, off-again hatred for Canadian nightlife, I’ll be watching the handful of boxing fights from earlier tonight (sin to the moronic MMA fan, I know). Also, these Killer Mike and Motorhead tapes aren’t going to download themselves. Goodnight.

UFC 159: Dispelling the Myth of Michael Bisping the Point Fighter

As UFC 159 approaches, the myth that Michael Bisping has all the punching power of an atomweight suffering from muscular dystrophy continues unabated, reinforced by those who simply don’t know any better. It’s difficult to determine whence …

As UFC 159 approaches, the myth that Michael Bisping has all the punching power of an atomweight suffering from muscular dystrophy continues unabated, reinforced by those who simply don’t know any better.

It’s difficult to determine whence this particularly robust fable originated, but its perpetuation is perhaps an even greater mystery.

During an interview with Ariel Helwani yesterday, Alan Belcher mocked the notion that he is in any way intimidated by Michael Bisping:

“He’s the least intimidating person in the world…He doesn’t hit hard and he wins by decision almost every single time.”

While that statement isn’t even remotely true, one can almost forgive Belcher for thinking that he has accurately summed up the Brit’s career. After all, it seems to be the popular view within the MMA community.

What’s the reality, I hear you enquire? I thought you’d never ask.

The reality is that Bisping has won 18 of his 23 MMA fights via stoppage, 14 of which were by TKO/KO.

This fact will no doubt come as a surprise to many of you. However, you may choose to rationalise your misconception by arguing that Bisping is, like Nick Diaz, simply a very effective volume-puncher.

The TUF season three winner doesn’t exactly carry the power of Shane Carwin, but nor is he the middleweight equivalent of Dominick Cruz.

Indeed, there is evidence to suggest that Bisping boasts considerable firepower. I’ll allow Chael Sonnen, a former opponent, to elaborate:

Michael Bisping hit me so hard in the first round I didn’t even know what day it was… I remember when I came to, looking at him and thinking, ‘Oh my god you have no idea how bad you hurt me or you’d step in and do something about it.’

That’s quite an endorsement of the Brit’s power when you consider that it comes from a man who, until he fought Anderson Silva for the second time, had never truly been stopped by strikes.

Dan Henderson, another former opponent of Bisping‘s, had the following to say about the myth that his former foe can’t bust a grape:

“Don’t believe the stuff about Bisping not being able to punch. He hits hard.”

With those quotes in mind, it seems hugely unfair that “The Count” is viewed as a point fighter by the majority of the sport’s fans.

Here’s a thought. The next time some oblivious fan claims that Michael Bisping has no power or that he typically tries to win by decision, consider acquainting him with the facts.

Read more MMA news on BleacherReport.com

UFC 159 Weigh-Ins: Live Video and Results, Starting at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT

(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Now that we’ve told you what to think about tomorrow night’s fights, it’s time to watch the competitors hit the scale, and laugh at them if anybody misses weight. Will Michael Bisping angrily point at Alan Belcher while swearing at him? (Yes.) Will Chael Sonnen leave Bones hanging again? (Probably not.) Does Sara McMann need a Band-Aid? (Wait for it.) Because her abs are friggin’ cut. (BOOM.) Watch the UFC 159 weigh-in action in the player above starting at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT, and take a peek after the jump for full results, which will be updated immediately afterwards.


(Props: YouTube.com/UFC)

Now that we’ve told you what to think about tomorrow night’s fights, it’s time to watch the competitors hit the scale, and laugh at them if anybody misses weight. Will Michael Bisping angrily point at Alan Belcher while swearing at him? (Yes.) Will Chael Sonnen leave Bones hanging again? (Probably not.) Does Sara McMann need a Band-Aid? (Wait for it.) Because her abs are friggin’ cut. (BOOM.) Watch the UFC 159 weigh-in action in the player above starting at 4 p.m. ET / 1 p.m. PT, and take a peek after the jump for full results, which will be updated immediately afterwards.

MAIN CARD (Pay-per-view, 10 p.m. ET)
Jon Jones (205) vs. Chael Sonnen (205)
Michael Bisping (186) vs. Alan Belcher (185)
Roy Nelson (258) vs. Cheick Kongo (237)
Phil Davis (205) vs. Vinny Magalhaes (205.5 )
Jim Miller (155) vs. Pat Healy (155.5)

PRELIMINARY CARD (FX, 8 p.m. ET)
Johnny Bedford (136) vs. Bryan Caraway (136)
Ovince St. Preux (206) vs. Gian Villante (206)
Sara McMann (134) vs. Sheila Gaff (133)
Rustam Khabilov (156) vs. Yancy Medeiros (155.5)

PRELIMINARY CARD (Facebook, 6:30 p.m. ET)
Leonard Garcia (145) vs. Cody McKenzie (145)
Nick Catone (173)* vs. James Head (170.25)
Kurt Holobaugh (145) vs. Steven Siler (145.25)

* Catone will not weigh-in again. He has been fined 20% of his purse, which will go to Head.

Ben vs. Jared: UFC 159 Edition


(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.

Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?

BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.

I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.

JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.

And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:


(“How ’bout we say ‘triangle choke, round 2.’ I’ve got a t-shirt riding on this.” / Photo via MMAFighting.com)

With UFC 159 slated for tomorrow night, CagePotato founding editor Ben Goldstein and beloved CP staff writer Jared Jones have teamed up to argue about all the important themes surrounding the event. So how will the absurd light-heavyweight title fight end, exactly? What will happen if Alan Belcher actually lets Michael Bisping take a free shot to his face? Can the third women’s UFC fight possibly live up to the first two? How many more fights can Leonard Garcia lose before the UFC gives him the ol’ heave-ho? Read on, and throw down your own opinions in the comments section.

Will Jon Jones immediately demolish Chael Sonnen, or will he play around with Chael a little before demolishing him? And will Chael retire after the loss?

BG: I rarely make sweeping statements about who will win an MMA fight because 1) anything can happen in this crazy sport, and 2) the things you write on the Internet often come back to haunt you. But yes, Jon Jones will win this fight. I absolutely guarantee it. Sonnen’s best weapon — his relentless wrestling attack — will dash apart against Jones’s own wrestling, which is precision-tuned for the sport of MMA. Quickly out of options, Chael will throw his patented “I give up” spinning backfist, fall down against the cage, and will whisper a quick prayer to his God before Jones literally eats him and shits him out. And I do mean literally, okay? Literally.

I’m leaning towards a quick beat-down in this fight rather than an extended clowning, because Jones takes his job too seriously to “play around” with an opponent. (He’s not exactly Mr. Fun, we’ve noticed.) And once Chael feels the power of a large light-heavyweight, he’ll realize what a bad idea this whole thing was in the first place. To exit the sport directly after another humiliation wouldn’t fit in with Sonnen’s blustery self-image, so I think he’ll take at least one more fight — maybe at middleweight, maybe at light-heavyweight — before calling it quits. Once he starts losing to non-champions, he’ll wisely make the switch to full-time UFC talking head and occasional hair-texture tester.

JJ: Mark my words, this fight will be Jon Jones’s UFC 97 (or UFC 112, depending on which fight you thought was worse). Jones may not be a fun-loving guy, as you stated, but it also appears that the tryptophan-induced honeymoon between these two TUF coaches has passed, leaving behind only apathy in its wake. If you’ve noticed in the past, the foes “Bones knows” on a personal level seem to last the longest in the cage with him (Rampage, Rashad) — perhaps out of respect, perhaps because they are both tough as hell — so I think we should start preparing ourselves for a tepid, five-round affair highlighted by Bones’s jab and Sonnen’s desperate attempts to convert a single leg.

And when all is said and done, Sonnen will snatch the mic out of Joe Rogan’s hand, and in an attempt to mimic [enter professional wrestler name here]’s infamous retirement speech, will announce that, and I quote:

I just got a call from Dana, he said ‘Chael, I think it’s time to hang ‘em up.’
‘You see, You’re overpaid, and at light-heavy, you kind of suck.’
‘You’ve been losing fights, without much brain or brawn
And your WWE-shtick is starting to make fans yawn’
‘I mean, no one’s coming to see you in living rooms or bars,
Maybe you should stick to MMA Tonight, or become a pro-wrasslin superstar.’
He handed me a pink slip, a FOTN-bonus, his ATM card and pin.
He said, ‘Chael, take it all, then get the fuck back to West Linn.’
I thought for a moment and I said, ‘I’ll tell ya’ what, Uncle D.’
‘You need not worry, for these arms and these charms, you will not again see.’

If Leonard Garcia vs. Cody McKenzie ends in anything but a Fight of the Year-earning draw, someone is getting fired, right? Right?! FOR THE LOVE OF ALL THAT IS HOLY, SOMEONE TELL ME I’M RIGHT. 

JJ: You’re right, so take a step away from the ledge, brosef. If Cody McKenzie loses, he’s getting axed (or should I say, GUILLOTINED…*crickets*…damn, play me off, Johnny!) for sure. Common logic dictates it. McKenzie’s three losses in his past four contests dictate it. The almighty chart even dictates it. As a big fan of the TUF 12 alum/thorn in Josh Koscheck’s ass, it saddens me to realize that McKenzie could possibly receive his walking papers on account of a guy whose continued employment undermines the newly-established firing policy of the organization he is fighting for. Then again, if McKenzie can’t beat Garcia – and the oddsmakers seem to think he won’t — perhaps he doesn’t really belong in the UFC anyway.

As for Garcia, well, I’m convinced by now that he could walk out in a banana hammock puffing a blunt on Saturday, get choked out in the first 30 seconds, and test positive for bath salts in the aftermath of his vehicular rampage across southern California and still not get fired. I’ve got nothing against the guy – he’s consistently entertaining to his own detriment (a common trait among my favorite fighters) and I honestly think Max Holloway was “blessed” *crickets, tumbleweeds* with the decision in their fight at UFC 155. At this point, we should just start asking ourselves which will come first: Garcia’s firing or the legalization of MMA in New York? Honestly, I’m picking the latter.

BG: I’ll just argue on the side of logic then. Nobody in UFC history has lost five consecutive fights and kept their contract, and Garcia won’t be the one to break that trend. And it doesn’t matter if the fight is a barnburner — even if it wins Fight of the Night, the UFC will finally realize that Garcia is a guy who can’t even beat the Cody McKenzies of the world, and cut him loose. To do otherwise would be goddamned unseemly. Even Garcia seems to be preparing for the inevitable. (I feel it’s my duty to point out that Garcia would currently be on a seven-fight losing streak if he wasn’t gifted those ill-gotten wins over Chan Sung Jung and Nam Phan in 2010.)

McKenzie has a little more wiggle room because he’s not carrying the same kind of lengthy losing streak into this fight; at least he can say he’s won a match in the last 12 months. Cody is goofy and likable, and most importantly, cheap. If he loses in a hard-fought battle — especially if he gets screwed by the judges, which is always a possibility when you’re fighting Leonard Garcia — I say he keeps his job.

Alan Belcher recently released a video where he said, “Michael Bisping couldn’t hurt me with his best punch solid to my chin…There will be at least one time in the fight where I’m just going to drop my hands and say ‘come on man, give it your best shot’.” We already know that this sort of thing is a bad idea. How bad of an idea is it against Bisping specifically, and will you cheer if Bisping knocks Belcher the fuck out for trying it?

BG: Bisping may not be known for his one-punch knockout power, and maybe Belcher could get away with giving the Count a free one. (If you’ll recall, Chris Leben tried the exact same thing against Bisping and avoided a KO, although he was on PCP at the time or something.) But let’s be honest: This is a straight-up asshole move, and it puts Belcher in danger for absolutely no reason. Dismissing your opponent’s power is one of the surest ways to get dicknailed by karma. Personally, I’ll be laughing my ass off if it actually happens. But considering that Bisping has been his usual charming self in the leadup to this fight, I’ll be pretty satisfied if the Count gets knocked out instead. For the record, I don’t think anybody’s going to sleep in this one: Bisping by decision.

JJ: I’d like to think that Belcher possesses the kind of standup skills to put Bisping in all sorts of trouble, but methinks Belcher might be a little out of his league, like Jorge Rivera and Jason Miller before him. His biggest victory in his UFC career was arguably his trouncing of Rousimar Palhares, who isn’t exactly as feared by his middleweight counterparts as he once was. While Bisping has lost most of his fights against elite-level competition, he’s also faced a hell of a lot more elite competition than Belcher.

Will Belcher make good on his promise? Perhaps in the early going, but Bisping will probably be too content with his jab-n-jog strategy to even take him up on the offer. Will Bisping eventually knock him out? It’s hard to tell — the only guy to ever TKO Belcher in the UFC was Jason Day, who was also the last person Bisping was able to finish in the first round. MMA Math determines that Bisping will run through Belcher, but I think we should expect to see Bisping exploit Belcher’s subpar wrestling en route to a dominant but ultimately unsatisfying decision victory. In either case, the day I find myself cheering for Bisping will be the day that Nick Diaz gets his real estate license.

Is it possible for the UFC’s third WMMA fight to exceed our expectations given how amazing the first two were? Or has the bar been set at an unreachable level for Sara McMann and Sheila Gaff to achieve?

JJ: I’m of two minds about how the UFC has decided to introduce WMMA into their brand. On one hand, sprinkling female fights on various cards here and there is an idea that I am coming around to more and more each day. By simply introducing the fight as another fight, it makes the gender issue a non-issue and puts a lot of pressure on the ladies to perform, which has resulted in two amazing fights thus far. On the other hand, it does set the bar so high that you just know some fans out there are waiting for the slightest slip up — a slightly boring fight, perhaps — to write off the sport entirely.

That being said, how exciting this fight ends up being depends heavily on which fighter is able to keep the fight in their realm. If Sara McMann is able to use her Olympic wrestling pedigree to take Sheila Gaff down at will (which, again, she is heavily favored to do), this fight might not wind up being the most exciting thing in the world. But if Gaff is able to keep things standing and unleash her Tazmanian Devil offense, we could witness the first “Knockout of the Night” in UFC-WMMA history. If that doesn’t silence some haters, I don’t know what will.

BG: As much as I like Sara McMann as a human being — I don’t know her personally, but she just seems like a super lady — I agree that a quick, vicious knockout from Sheila Gaff is probably the best-case scenario here, if the goal is to convince skeptical UFC fans that anything is possible in a women’s fight. And Gaff can certainly make that happen, as she possesses a level of punching power that’s downright Rothenhauslerian.

But look, there’s a reason this fight is on the FX prelims instead of the main card. As you hinted at above, a measured, wrestling-based gameplan from McMann will likely be the story of this fight, and the UFC is hedging a little just in case it’s a dull affair. It’s overly dramatic to suggest that the marketability of women in the UFC will be affected much by this bout, but it’s kind of up to Sara McMann to make this a memorable fight. If she takes Gaff down and TKOs or submits her, it’ll be a good one. If she stands and bangs, it’ll be a good one. If she just lays on top of Gaff for three rounds or executes some Cormier-style wall-and-stall, it won’t be good — not for the viewers at home, and not for McMann’s immediate title prospects.

Vinny Magalhaes talkalottaboolsheet about how his fight with Phil Davis is a mismatch. Are you convinced?

BG: Get the fuck out of here. Whether Magalhaes has more “skills” than Davis (as he claims) is debatable. What isn’t is that Davis has so much more relevant experience in the Octagon. I like how Magalhaes rags on Davis for not fighting anybody who was really good at grappling or striking — conveniently forgetting Davis’s wins over Antonio Rogerio Nogueira and Alexander Gustafsson, it seems. Meanwhile, we’re supposed to give Vinny respect because of one UFC victory against Igor Pokrajac and a few wins over some Russian talent in M-1 Challenge? This is a huge step up in competition for Magalhaes. I really hope he’s taking it seriously, because he’s got his work cut out for him.

JJ: How can you talk about the 1X DEFENDING M-1 LIGHT HEAVYWEIGHT G.O.A.T like that, bro? Vinny Magalhaes hangs out with Chael “The World’s Most Dangerous Man Fuck You Ken Shamrock” Sonnen and beats up Russians in his spare time. Russians, you guys. They’re like 5/6ths human, 1/3rd cyborg, and two-parts archangel on average, and you think Magalhaes can’t handle some pink tights-sporting pair of clownshoes who looks like Starvin Marvin and packs even less punching power?

We might detest him for it, but Vinny Magalhaes is about to single-handedly shatter the myth that things like “fighter rankings” or “octagon experience” or “notable wins” matter in a UFC fight. And it all begins with his first round, SOTY-earning gogoplata victory over Davis on Saturday.

Rustam Khabilov (a.k.a SLAM duh duuh duuh) is fighting a guy named Yancy. Yancy. Discuss.

JJ: Looks like I’ll have to revamp my “Worst Draws for a UFC Debut” article. It probably sucked anyway. But yeah, Yancy.

Khabilov by Khalibomb (Khalima-bomb?) at three seconds into the first.

BG: Yancy. It’s like “Nancy,” but with a Y. Personally, I’m more interested that Yancy Medeiros hasn’t competed in three years, and he’s dropping two weight classes for this fight, and his nickname is “Frisson.” But yeah, Yancy’s screwed here. Khabilov will throw him. How Yancy lands is his business.

Roy Nelson by knockout or Cheick Kongo by decision?

BG: Nelson will win by KO, setting up a fight against Mark Hunt for the UFC’s inaugural HeavyDWeight Championship.

JJ: Trick question: Nelson by DQ after his testicles are literally kneed out of his scrotum by Kongo. Joe Rogan will then enter the octagon, scoop up Nelson’s testicles, and force Arianny and Brittney to eat them while the audience cheers them on.

It’s a working theory.

[VIDEO] Go Figure, Michael Bisping and Alan Belcher Could Barely Keep Things Civil at the UFC 159 Presser Earlier Today

If there’s one thing that Michael Bisping knows how to do, it’s convincingly sell each and every one of his fights as a “grudge match.” If there’s a second thing Michael Bisping knows how to do, it’s make a bunch of promises about said fights that he has no intention of following through with. Set to face Alan Belcher at UFC 159 this weekend, Bisping has already made sure to check both of those items off his list. First, he promised fans that he will knock Belcher out in the first round — something he has promised ad nauseum over the years yet hasn’t actually done since 2008 — and at today’s UFC 159 presser, he successfully convinced us that his fight with Belcher really is a grudge match. Touche, Mee-kale.

Granted, Bisping is facing a guy who has been calling him out for years now, but it’s starting to seem like Bisping needs to hate the guy he’s fighting in order to get motivated — commonly known as The Diaz Initiative. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if Bisping was truly confident that he could finish Belcher so easily, wouldn’t it have been nice to see him actually take Belcher and Wallace Gilberry up on their bet? Knocking out Belcher would be impressive, sure, but knocking him out and costing his buddy a $300,000 Rolls Royce? That is walking away from an explosion in slow-mo and not looking back levels of cool. 

In either case, Bisping and Belcher made sure to get the shit-talking started early at today’s presser, and we’ve thrown the video above for your enjoyment. So check it out, then let us know how many times you think Bisping will point at Belcher’s face and scream “You’re dead!” come weigh-in time. He seems to enjoy doing that.

–J. Jones

If there’s one thing that Michael Bisping knows how to do, it’s convincingly sell each and every one of his fights as a “grudge match.” If there’s a second thing Michael Bisping knows how to do, it’s make a bunch of promises about said fights that he has no intention of following through with. Set to face Alan Belcher at UFC 159 this weekend, Bisping has already made sure to check both of those items off his list. First, he promised fans that he will knock Belcher out in the first round — something he has promised ad nauseum over the years yet hasn’t actually done since 2008 — and at today’s UFC 159 presser, he successfully convinced us that his fight with Belcher really is a grudge match. Touche, Mee-kale.

Granted, Bisping is facing a guy who has been calling him out for years now, but it’s starting to seem like Bisping needs to hate the guy he’s fighting in order to get motivated — commonly known as The Diaz Initiative. There’s nothing wrong with that, but if Bisping was truly confident that he could finish Belcher so easily, wouldn’t it have been nice to see him actually take Belcher and Wallace Gilberry up on their bet? Knocking out Belcher would be impressive, sure, but knocking him out and costing his buddy a $300,000 Rolls Royce? That is walking away from an explosion in slow-mo and not looking back levels of cool. 

In either case, Bisping and Belcher made sure to get the shit-talking started early at today’s presser, and we’ve thrown the video above for your enjoyment. So check it out, then let us know how many times you think Bisping will point at Belcher’s face and scream “You’re dead!” come weigh-in time. He seems to enjoy doing that.

–J. Jones

Gambling Addiction Enabler: ‘UFC 159: Jones vs. Sonnen’ Edition


(We’d start getting *real* used to that desk if we were you, Chael.)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

It’s finally happening, Potato Nation. Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen a.k.a “the fight fans have been asking for” is set to go down this Saturday from the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. Although many fans have focused on the chemistry (or lack thereof) between Chael and Jon as reason enough to pass on this pay-per-view event, UFC 159 will be offering a solid card of competitive fights which on paper may make it a sleeper that you won’t want to miss.

So join us as we continue to contribute to the Save Danga’s Legs Fund (he’s almost better, but he likes the nurse visits) by highlighting where to place your money on a few undercard and all of the main card bouts. All betting lines courtesy of BestFightOdds.

Undercard bouts:

Steven Siler (-120) vs. Kurt Holobaugh (+100)

Steven Siler comes in at around -130 for his fifth UFC appearance and will improve his Octagon record to 4-1 should he emerge victorious against the debuting Strikeforce veteran in Holobaugh. In his last outing, Siler was tarred and feathered by Darren Elkins‘ wrestling and was unable to take control of the fight for any sustained period of time. As an underdog who has only tasted defeat once in his career (a decision loss to Pat Healy), Holobaugh at even money or better is a solid choice. Kurt fights like a veteran and showed he can hang with some of the best in the world while dominating anything less than that caliber. Coming out of the Gracie Barra gym, Holobaugh will be too tough for Siler to submit and will put Super’s stand up game to the test with his own excellent striking. Holobaugh for the slight upset win.


(We’d start getting *real* used to that desk if we were you, Chael.)

By Dan “Get Off Me” George

It’s finally happening, Potato Nation. Jon Jones vs. Chael Sonnen a.k.a “the fight fans have been asking for” is set to go down this Saturday from the Prudential Center in Newark, New Jersey. Although many fans have focused on the chemistry (or lack thereof) between Chael and Jon as reason enough to pass on this pay-per-view event, UFC 159 will be offering a solid card of competitive fights which on paper may make it a sleeper that you won’t want to miss.

So join us as we continue to contribute to the Save Danga’s Legs Fund (he’s almost better, but he likes the nurse visits) by highlighting where to place your money on a few undercard and all of the main card bouts. All betting lines courtesy of BestFightOdds.

Undercard bouts:

Steven Siler (-120) vs. Kurt Holobaugh (+100)

Steven Siler comes in at around -130 for his fifth UFC appearance and will improve his Octagon record to 4-1 should he emerge victorious against the debuting Strikeforce veteran in Holobaugh. In his last outing, Siler was tarred and feathered by Darren Elkins‘ wrestling and was unable to take control of the fight for any sustained period of time. As an underdog who has only tasted defeat once in his career (a decision loss to Pat Healy), Holobaugh at even money or better is a solid choice. Kurt fights like a veteran and showed he can hang with some of the best in the world while dominating anything less than that caliber. Coming out of the Gracie Barra gym, Holobaugh will be too tough for Siler to submit and will put Super’s stand up game to the test with his own excellent striking. Holobaugh for the slight upset win.

Rustam Khabilov (-300) vs. Yancy Medeiros (+250)

The Sambo suplex machine rolls into town as a healthy -300 favorite and will look to couple his grappling skills with Greg Jackson’s game planning prowess (close the distance and look for a takedown) to overwhelm his +250 underdog opponent, Yancy Medeiros. Not sure about the line on this, but it may start to narrow leading up to fight night, as Yancy is notorious for finishing his fights with his fists, something Khabilov will surely try to avoid. Khabilov’s only loss was a split decision in Russia, while Medeiros has no losses on his record thus far. Historically, the classic grappler vs striker matchup puts Khabilov to win, but it’s only worth putting in a parlay at these odds. Khabilov by decision.

Main Card PPV:

Pat Healy (+265) vs. Jim Miller (-325)

Going directly to the FOTN bonus prop here. With both fighters only losing to top lightweights in the past three years respectively, this tilt will surely use all sides of the Octagon to showcase a high-paced, hotly contested bout. Looking at the skill sets of these fighters, a look at the prop that this fight goes the distance (provided -250 or better) is also another way not to get burned in this one. The hometown fighter paying out 30 cents on the dollar against what some may consider a carbon copy of himself seems a little steep, so sticking with the props and tighter odds is safest. Jim to pull off the hometown decision but not at that price.

Phil Davis (-335) vs. Vinny Magalhaes (+275)

With a moniker like “Mr.Wonderful,” it comes as no surprise that the price tag is -300 on Davis out-grappling BJJ specialist and former TUF finalist Vinny Magalhaes. Davis underwhelmed some in his lackluster outing against Rashad Evans, being dominated both on the mat and in the stand up portions of their contest. With the betting line in mind, the cost of wagering that Davis will not be caught in a submission or vulnerable position (like Evans was able to exploit) is too high. Magalhaes can hold his own on the mat, will avoid submissions, but may not be able to control Davis, which all points to a fight goes the distance prop. Davis to win via decision by fending off Vinny’s ground game.

Cheick Kongo (+200) vs. Roy Nelson (-240)

If you took a stranger off the street, showed them photos of both fighters and asked them who will win if they fought, chances are Kongo would get the nod more often than not. However, -240 is almost a gift though when you look at the quality of opponents Nelson has been into deep waters with inside the Octagon. We may get a look at Roy’s ground game in this fight as Nelson will surely look to exploit Kongo’s less than stellar grappling abilities. Kongo is a world class striker, but Roy has an out of this world chin and some power of his own, something that has proved successful against Kongo in the past (the Mark Hunt fight comes to mind). Nelson is parlay bound and “fight does not go the distance” is also an alluring prop option (proption?) when two heavy hitting heavyweights step into the cage.

Michael Bisping (-170) vs. Alan Belcher (+150)

To the disappointment of many, “The Talent” showed that he still has issues with strong grapplers in his rematch loss to Yushin Okami at UFC 155. Thankfully, we should be spared this issue in his opponent and -170 favorite, Michael Bisping. Bisping tends to prefer striking over grappling, favoring using his crisp, quick stand up skills to outpoint many a fighter in the UFC. Belcher will surely welcome a stand up contest and may have the slight advantage if the fight takes place on the feet, where Bisping has been clipped by high level strikers before en route to losing. Belcher at +140 is the most alluring pick as an underdog on the main card to stop the takedown of Bisping and win the striking battle.

Chael Sonnen (+700) vs. Jon Jones (-1100)

Facing a 10-to-1 favorite with literally perfect takedown defense, finding the advantages Chael has to win against Jon Jones may be an exercise in futility. The popular consensus is that “Bones” will beat Chael hands down and that ultimately the main event will be an anticlimactic squash match of sorts. However, Jones may use this opportunity to finish Chael where arguably the greatest fighter in MMA could not, inside 5 minutes, which may offer an exciting fight that pays a solid return on the prop bet that this fight does not go out of the first round. For the fans that get together for fights, friendly wagers that propose Jones does not get taken down will also add some suspense to a fight where most believe the outcome is simply a formality. I’m not saying Chael has no chance; you all are. I’m simply agreeing here.

Parlay 1
-Holobaugh + Nelson

Parlay 2
-Khabilov + Belcher

Parlay 3
-Davis + Holobaugh + Nelson

Please share your thoughts on who you like to walk away with a “W” this weekend, CP nation.

Enjoy the fights and may the winners be yours!