Tag: Ariel Helwani

[VIDEO] Jason Miller Makes Amends With Ariel Helwani, Talks “Lucky Patrick” Meltdown, Arrest, + More


(Kirk Lazarus gave this performance five out of five crab apples.) 

I have never met Jason Miller before. Like most of you, the only perception I have of “Mayhem” as a person has been constructed through interview snippets, heavily-edited reality shows, Twitter ramblings, and the occasional MMA fight. And while this criteria alone may be enough for me to declare my dislike for certain fighters, I have always found it difficult to assess just who exactly this Miller character is — especially in light of recent events — let alone render a verdict on the guy. Because that’s what Mayhem is: a character. And for people to believe that he is truly this completely bonkers, attention-starved individual at every waking moment seemed as ridiculous to me as believing that Chael Sonnen truly is the character he plays on TV. Yet in both instances, there is a strong majority of people who seem to feel this way.

What am I going on about? Well, it just so happens that Mayhem recently agreed to partake in a lengthy interview with Ariel Helwani, having finally shed the “Lucky Patrick” alter-alter-ego that saw him storm off Helwani’s show just a few weeks ago. In the interview that awaits you after the jump, Miller discusses everything from the Twitter war he and Dana White engaged in shortly after his firing to his bizarre arrest in a San Viejo church. And while I was happy to see that Miller appeared to be in sound mental shape for the time being, I couldn’t help but feel as if his explanation for those events was a little fishy.

If you’ve got the time, check out the video and let us know if you agree.


(Kirk Lazarus gave this performance five out of five crab apples.) 

I have never met Jason Miller before. Like most of you, the only perception I have of “Mayhem” as a person has been constructed through interview snippets, heavily-edited reality shows, Twitter ramblings, and the occasional MMA fight. And while this criteria alone may be enough for me to declare my dislike for certain fighters, I have always found it difficult to assess just who exactly this Miller character is — especially in light of recent events — let alone render a verdict on the guy. Because that’s what Mayhem is: a character. And for people to believe that he is truly this completely bonkers, attention-starved individual at every waking moment seemed as ridiculous to me as believing that Chael Sonnen truly is the character he plays on TV. Yet in both instances, there is a strong majority of people who seem to feel this way.

What am I going on about? Well, it just so happens that Mayhem recently agreed to partake in a lengthy interview with Ariel Helwani, having finally shed the “Lucky Patrick” alter-alter-ego that saw him storm off Helwani’s show just a few weeks ago. In the interview that awaits you after the jump, Miller discusses everything from the Twitter war he and Dana White engaged in shortly after his firing to his bizarre arrest in a San Viejo church. And while I was happy to see that Miller appeared to be in sound mental shape for the time being, I couldn’t help but feel as if his explanation for those events was a little fishy.

If you’ve got the time, check out the video and let us know if you agree.

Look, I honestly want to believe what Miller is saying. I truly do. For some reason, I find him to be a smart yet misguided but overall likable guy once he sheds the “Mayhem” image. Hell, I’d rather listen to a million Lucky Patrick rants than have to hear even one more fighter spit out the same cliched, almost pre-determined interview answers that we are so used to hearing. And I am not going to call Miller a liar, but suffice it to say, I found some of his answers to the questions we have all been wondering to be just a bit…off. Perhaps appropriately so.

On his “Lucky Patrick” meltdown: “I’m always trying to learn and get better at whatever it is I’m trying to do. Like the acting thing. I got you with the whole Patrick thing because I really stayed in character, I had like a developed backstory, you know, these are methods that actors have used forever. And I just do the same thing I did in fighting to make myself successful. At 19, I got up in Tito Ortiz’s face and was like ‘Hey man, let’s wrestle’…because I wanted to get some of that magic off him.”

Now, I have not seen Here Comes the Boom because I have the ability to recognize a turd even before it has reached my small intestine, but according to Jim Genia’s review (and several others), Miller’s part in the film accounts for roughly five minutes of screen time and features none of the lush backstory that he is describing. As a film fanatic/student, I appreciate his effort to immerse himself as deeply as possible into his role, as minute as it may have been, but if he honestly expects me to believe that he had to go through what he did to accurately portray an MMA fighter with green hair, I call bullshit.

On his “kill yourself” tweet to Dana White: “When I said that, what I meant [was] kill the man that you are today, mentally. Kill him, become someone new. And that was what I was getting at. But it was also a joke.”

This one is a classic example of wanting to have your cake and eat it too. I could be wrong here, but I’m pretty sure that no one in the history of Twitter has ever even attempted to convey a message as pseudo-philosophical as this, let alone in the context of a joke. Twitter is a place we collectively gather to tell rape jokes, spew hatred and intolerance, and show a complete disregard for the fundamental principles of the English language. Basically, it’s the internet’s version of a Tea Party convention (BAZING!). And Miller wants us to believe that he was offering spiritual advice to a man who not only “never looked him in the eye,” but had just fired and publicly lambasted him days earlier? Child please. The only bit of advice I’ve ever offered an ex-employee or boss of mine was that they metaphorically copulate with themselves at the nearest convenience and I’m sure the same goes for most of you.

On his recent arrest: “Like I said, I live a very exciting life. That’s simply a misunderstanding, and really, it’s between me and my pastor. And that’s it. Brian Anderson, Mission Hills Church! Shout out to you! I’ll tell you what happened. I have performed under the moniker “Mayhem” for many years. And, most recently have got the title “Ultimate” slapped in front of my job. These combination of things makes any well meaning cop pull his pistol. Cause I look like a psycho. Understand? And I understand that. I just didn’t have time to clean up…I was waking up in the morning, I didn’t have time to say anything, I just had a pistol shoved in my face.”

Miller also stated that he wasn’t nude and was actually wearing a bathrobe, but none of that even begins to clarify what actually went down. Who is this pastor/coach Anderson fellow? Why was Miller wearing a bathrobe and sleeping in a church in the first place? Why would he vandalize a church he apparently attended on a regular basis? I guess The Case of the Nude Loon is just one that this gang will never be able to solve.

Again, I am in no place to call Miller out on his reasoning, and even if I did, I’m pretty sure Mayhem couldn’t really give two shits about what I have to say. So for now, I guess we should just be thankful that he is back to normal, whatever that is, and move on. That being said, it is interesting to finally see an interview with the guy where he isn’t bouncing off the walls or attempting a publicity stunt.

Miller also goes on to detail the knee injury he suffered in his match against CB Dolloway, as well as his future in MMA and Jacob Volkmann’s politics, for some reason. So check it out and let us know what you think.

–J. Jones

[VIDEO] Jason Miller’s Anti-Semitic, Mentally Handicapped Doppelganger Throws Tantrum, Storms Off ‘The MMA Hour’


(Trust us, when this moment arrives you will be doing anything but laughing.) 

When Jason “Mayhem” Miller was fired from the UFC, he was basically left with two career paths to follow. He could follow the path of guys like Joey Beltran or — to a lesser degree — Anthony Johnson, which is to say, recognizing his mistakes/flaws and trying to earn his way back into the promotion through hard work, a couple decent wins, and in his case, probably some begging. Or, he could take a page out of someone like Rampage Jackson’s book, which consists of complaining a lot, going on nonsensical Twitter rants, and acting like a delusional pyschopath at every possible turn.

It saddens us to inform you that Miller has apparently chosen the path of Charlie Sheen.

There are simply no words that aptly describe Miller’s recent appearance on The MMA Hour, but I’ll try to use a few: batshit, kerfuffle, delirium, wantwit, rudesby. Like sharting in a hot tub while on a blind date.

In a terribly misguided attempt to plug his upcoming film, Here Comes the Boom, Miller appeared on the radio show as his character from the movie, Lucky Patrick. But what began as a simple ruse quickly devolved into one of the most bizarre and outright sad things we have witnessed in the continually depressing downfall of “Mayhem” Miller. He referred to “Arius Heelwani” as a “Jew,” refused to break character or answer questions as to his current mental state (or perhaps answered them all, really), and vehemently stormed off the set 45 minutes short of its expected run time. As Helwani noted, Miller was clearly attempting to channel Andy Kaufman, but unfortunately came off looking a lot more like Crispin Glover.

Video after the jump. 


(Trust us, when this moment arrives you will be doing anything but laughing.) 

When Jason “Mayhem” Miller was fired from the UFC, he was basically left with two career paths to follow. He could follow the path of guys like Joey Beltran or — to a lesser degree — Anthony Johnson, which is to say, recognizing his mistakes/flaws and trying to earn his way back into the promotion through hard work, a couple decent wins, and in his case, probably some begging. Or, he could take a page out of someone like Rampage Jackson’s book, which consists of complaining a lot, going on nonsensical Twitter rants, and acting like a delusional pyschopath at every possible turn.

It saddens us to inform you that Miller has apparently chosen the path of Charlie Sheen.

There are simply no words that aptly describe Miller’s recent appearance on The MMA Hour, but I’ll try to use a few: batshit, kerfuffle, delirium, wantwit, rudesby. Like sharting in a hot tub while on a blind date.

In a terribly misguided attempt to plug his upcoming film, Here Comes the Boom, Miller appeared on the radio show as his character from the movie, Lucky Patrick. But what began as a simple ruse quickly devolved into one of the most bizarre and outright sad things we have witnessed in the continually depressing downfall of “Mayhem” Miller. He referred to “Arius Heelwani” as a “Jew,” refused to break character or answer questions as to his current mental state (or perhaps answered them all, really), and vehemently stormed off the set 45 minutes short of its expected run time. As Helwani noted, Miller was clearly attempting to channel Andy Kaufman, but unfortunately came off looking a lot more like Crispin Glover.

Ariel was willing to play along with Miller’s shtick at first, but when it began to wear thin roughly two minutes in, Helwani tried to steer the conversation in a somewhat comprehensible direction. It is at this point that Mayhem decided to go full retard. I should not have to warn you about why one should never go full retard.

Helwani’s reaction quickly changed from jovial to concerned as he continued to try and “talk to Mayhem.” Suddenly, it’s as if we are watching a doctor try and reach the traumatic center of a schizophrenic child, and the gravity of Mayhem’s plight begins to settle in. After a few minutes of pointless back-and-forth, Miller became enraged that Helwani kept referring to him as “Mayhem” and stormed off the set amidst a cloud of cuss words and childish banter.

Ariel took a few minutes to collect himself and gave the following response:

Now, we understand that this write-up is only keeping Miller’s name on all of our tongues like he set out to do, but we are legitimately concerned for Mayhem’s well-being at this point. The fact that he wouldn’t even talk straight with Ariel when the segment was over should be the only indication we need as to the direction he is heading. We don’t know about you, but while watching the fourteenth season of The Ultimate Fighter, we thought Mayhem came across as a generally likable and intelligent guy. The fact that he’s let himself disintegrate into this is utterly tragic, and we sincerely hope that it doesn’t end in Miller harming himself or those around him.

I’m not normally one to offer inspirational words of advice, but I would recommend Miller take some time and reflect upon those penned by Marilyn vos Savant:

Being defeated is often a temporary condition. Giving up is what makes it permanent. 

Best of luck to you, Jason.

–J. Jones

Jon Jones Just Wants Dana White to Know That He Forgives Him

(Video via MMAFighting.com)

Considering all the shit he’s taken over the past couple weeks from UFC fans and his boss since the cancelation of UFC 151, it’s actually good to see that light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones is relaxed and in good-spirits during this interview yesterday with Ariel Helwani. Jones has put the ugly recent past behind him, and when he finally gets the chance to have a one-on-one conversation with Dana White — because he hasn’t yet, if you can believe it — he plans to look DW dead in his beet-red face and forgive him. Here’s the transcription via FightOpinion:

JON JONES: “I’m going to say, Dana… you know, I’m just going to tell him that I forgive him, pretty much. I have a general intention of what I want to happen and basically it’s going to based on forgiveness. I’m not expecting him to apologize but I’m moving forward, you know, I’m moving forward and Dana… spoke his mind and, you know, ultimately he can’t take back what happened, I can’t take back what happened. I don’t think he wants to and I don’t want to, so, we’re just going to be men and keep this great journey that we have going. You know, we’re both ambassadors for the UFC and as for not being on the same page, as I said (Tuesday) on Sportscenter it makes no sense for us MMA fans, MMA nation so, uh, you know, I want to do great things and I think having them on my side or working with them and not being known as like, you know, a troublemaker with him will be beneficial for both of us.

ARIEL HELWANI: “How do you forgive someone who hasn’t apologized?”

JON JONES: “You know, I don’t know. I don’t know how that works but I want to try it.”


(Video via MMAFighting.com)

Considering all the shit he’s taken over the past couple weeks from UFC fans and his boss since the cancelation of UFC 151, it’s actually good to see that light-heavyweight champion Jon Jones is relaxed and in good-spirits during this interview yesterday with Ariel Helwani. Jones has put the ugly recent past behind him, and when he finally gets the chance to have a one-on-one conversation with Dana White — because he hasn’t yet, if you can believe it — he plans to look DW dead in his beet-red face and forgive him. Here’s the transcription via FightOpinion:

JON JONES: “I’m going to say, Dana… you know, I’m just going to tell him that I forgive him, pretty much. I have a general intention of what I want to happen and basically it’s going to based on forgiveness. I’m not expecting him to apologize but I’m moving forward, you know, I’m moving forward and Dana… spoke his mind and, you know, ultimately he can’t take back what happened, I can’t take back what happened. I don’t think he wants to and I don’t want to, so, we’re just going to be men and keep this great journey that we have going. You know, we’re both ambassadors for the UFC and as for not being on the same page, as I said (Tuesday) on Sportscenter it makes no sense for us MMA fans, MMA nation so, uh, you know, I want to do great things and I think having them on my side or working with them and not being known as like, you know, a troublemaker with him will be beneficial for both of us.

ARIEL HELWANI: “How do you forgive someone who hasn’t apologized?”

JON JONES: “You know, I don’t know. I don’t know how that works but I want to try it.”

Yeah, we don’t know how that works either. The thing, I’m actually on Jones’s side here. Sure, he made an unpopular decision by refusing to fight Chael Sonnen on short notice, but he didn’t deserve to be publicly blasted and thrown under the bus by the head of the company. At the very least, Jones and Dana should apologize to each other.

But you know as well as I do that Dana White isn’t in the apology business, or the forgiveness business. He’s in the “you fuck me, I will put you on the fuck-you list for life, you fuck” business. So how will he react if Jones approaches him in the spirit of reconciliation and explains that he forgives Dana for what he put him through? Who knows — but I hope the Danavlog is there to catch the look on his face.

Junior Dos Santos vs. Cain Velasquez II Officially Booked for December 29th


(Unfortunately, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov was the referee for this bout, and Velasquez ended up winning 13-11 on points.) 

Sorry, Alistair, it looks like you’ll just have to wait your turn.

In an interview with MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani that followed the UFC 150 post-fight press conference, Dana White was asked to answer a series of questions with simple “yes” or “no” answers. And although it seemed implausible that The Baldfather could ever go more than thirty seconds without uttering a certain curse word, he kindly obliged Helwani and spilled the beans in regards to several big questions currently circulating in the MMA world. Simply put, bullshit was cut through in record time.

And among the questions present in the back of Ariel’s (and everyone’s) mind was that of heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and who would be the next man to get viciously mauled to death  bravely sacrifice himself for the good of The Colony “challenge” him for the title. To put it in the words of DW: Overeem – No, Velasquez – Yes. Although an event has yet to be named, White said in a seperate interview that the pair would likely collide on the annually stacked New Year’s Eve card, also known as the card that Overeem will totally be fighting on.

After the jump: A full video interview, which details everything from the future of the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald match to the specifics of Jon Jones’ Nike deal, and more.


(Unfortunately, Ishanguly Meretnyyazov was the referee for this bout, and Velasquez ended up winning 13-11 on points.) 

Sorry, Alistair, it looks like you’ll just have to wait your turn.

In an interview with MMAFighting’s Ariel Helwani that followed the UFC 150 post-fight press conference, Dana White was asked to answer a series of questions with simple “yes” or “no” answers. And although it seemed implausible that The Baldfather could ever go more than thirty seconds without uttering a certain curse word, he kindly obliged Helwani and spilled the beans in regards to several big questions currently circulating in the MMA world. Simply put, bullshit was cut through in record time.

And among the questions present in the back of Ariel’s (and everyone’s) mind was that of heavyweight champion Junior Dos Santos and who would be the next man to get viciously mauled to death  bravely sacrifice himself for the good of The Colony ”challenge” him for the title. To put it in the words of DW: Overeem – No, Velasquez – Yes. Although an event has yet to be named, White said in a separate interview that the pair would likely collide on the annually stacked New Year’s Eve card, also known as the card that Overeem will totally be fighting on.

After the jump: A full video interview, which details everything from the future of the BJ Penn/Rory MacDonald match to the specifics of Jon Jones’ Nike deal, and more.


(Shit gets real at the 4:47 mark.) 

It’s hard to see why Ariel wins more MMA journalism awards than Uwe Boll does Razzies, as he managed to extract more information out of White in ten seconds than our intern Frederick has done in two years (we told him that if he resolved our situation with Dana, we’d hire him, and we haven’t seen him since). Here’s a brief rundown:

– BJ Penn vs. Rory MacDonald is still happening, likely as a co-main event on UFC on FOX 5.

– Jon Jones will be donning head-to-toe Nike gear for his entrance at UFC 151. Thankfully, we can’t misquote mythological Greek goddesses, so we should be good there.

– Dana “is cool” with Jason Miller, even though Mayhem refused to call him during their awkward Twitter exchange. Turns out, Dana was only joking when he told Miller to retire, furthering my belief that sarcastic font really needs to become a thing in 2013.

And although booking Velasquez over Overeem was the right thing to do given the circumstances, it also looks like the UFC is walking into the same potential trap that they placed themselves in with UFC 150. What trap are we referring to? Well, aside from DirecTV shitting the bed Saturday night, the live gate for UFC 150 was apparently “the worst gate for a pay-per-view since 2007″ according to White, who told the following in the UFC 150 media presser just moments before.

White attributed part of the low attendance to the recent string of Colorado-based tragedies that has swept over the state, and he undoubtedly has a point here. But on the other hand, the paltry 650k gate can also be attributed to that of the main event. Not many of us thought Edgar had earned an immediate rematch based on his performance alone at UFC 150, to which White’s response was that Edgar received one simply because it was owed to him. And while the latter is true, it doesn’t exactly generate a lot of excitement, or at least enough to fill an arena in any case.

Yet here we are again, witnessing another rematch. Only this time, the first fight didn’t end in a controversial decision, but in a first round knockout. Sure, Velasquez was coming off a long layoff and got caught, and sure, he will definitely do better the second time around (as did Edgar), but when even Dos Santos is admitting that he doesn’t want this fight, it’s kind of hard to get excited for it from a fan’s perspective, something the gate numbers might reflect down the line.

Then again, the end of the year cards are normally stacked enough to draw even the most reluctant MMA fan out of hiding, so the UFC will more than likely prosper to close things out unless a *knock on wood* injury curse rears its ugly head again. It should be known that I also scored Henderson/Edgar II in favor of Edgar (48-47), so what the hell do I know?

How about you, Potato Nation? Are you excited to see these two throw down once again? One thing’s for sure, the winner wont be decided by the judges, and that should be reason enough to get excited.

–J. Jones

Anderson Silva Manager Jorge Guimaraes Officially Turns Down Fight Against Chris Weidman


They see me trollinnnnnn’. They hatinnnnnn’. Props: Sherdog.

Those of you who have been clinging to the notion that Anderson Silva’s manager Jorge Guimaraes would change his mind about Chris Weidman being an “amateur kid” can officially let that ship sail. Ariel Helwani caught up with Guimaraes yesterday, and even though he clarified that the “amateur kids” comment was a translation error, he still does not see any value in an Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman fight for the time being. Via MMAFighting:

When specifically asked about the “amateur kids” comment:

JG: Well, there was a little lack of communication. I spoke to Tatame Magazine in Brazil and it got lost in translation. I have a lot of respect for Weidman. He’s a great fighter, but what I meant is that the fight doesn’t make sense. He has nine fights – impressive fights – but it’s half of the number of fights that Anderson has in the UFC. I think he’s just a little not ripe enough, but it’s up to the organization to tell [us] who is a good opponent for Anderson.

Check after the jump for the full quote and interview


They see me trollinnnnnn’. They hatinnnnnn’. Props: Sherdog.

Those of you who have been clinging to the notion that Anderson Silva’s manager Jorge Guimaraes would change his mind about Chris Weidman being an “amateur kid” can officially let that ship sail. Ariel Helwani caught up with Guimaraes yesterday, and even though he clarified that the “amateur kids” comment was a translation error, he still does not see any value in an Anderson Silva vs. Chris Weidman fight for the time being. Via MMAFighting:

When specifically asked about the “amateur kids” comment:

JG: Well, there was a little lack of communication. I spoke to Tatame Magazine in Brazil and it got lost in translation. I have a lot of respect for Weidman. He’s a great fighter, but what I meant is that the fight doesn’t make sense. He has nine fights – impressive fights – but it’s half of the number of fights that Anderson has in the UFC. I think he’s just a little, you know, not ripe enough, but it’s up to the organization to tell [us] who is a good opponent for Anderson.

I think [Silva vs. Weidman] would be hard to promote. Now everyone is coming out after what they saw [with Chael Sonnen]. Chael Sonnen did an excellent job promoting himself and the fight. I guess a lot of people are coming forward; obviously everyone wants a title shot.

AH: Has the UFC asked you or Anderson to fight Chris Weidman next?

JG: Yeah, they mentioned it, but we don’t think it makes sense.

AH: So you’ve turned it down?

JG: Yeah, true. 


Skip to the 1:36 mark for the exact quote.

If you’ve been paying attention for the past two weeks, these comments don’t exactly surprise you. Afterwards, Guimaraes continues to rally for a Georges St. Pierre super fight (emphatically confirming that Jon Jones is out of the question) – claiming that The Spider is prepared to sit out the rest of the year to make this happen – and says that “maybe [Anderson Silva] can make 180″ for the proposed catchweight super fight between Silva and GSP. I’m glad that asking Anderson Silva to drop a whole five pounds isn’t out of the question for this super fight you’re rallying for, Jorge.

Perhaps the most confusing comment from this interview was the revelation that Guimaraes thinks that Rashad Evans would make more sense for a middleweight title shot than Chris Weidman. Aside from the fact that Evans is 0-0 at middleweight and coming off of a unanimous decision loss to Jon Jones, Jorge later ruled out Nick Diaz as a challenger because Diaz lost to Carlos Condit – even though he admits that he thought Diaz beat Condit.

I’d try to make sense out of that, but a “Don’t be scared, homie” joke would be way too easy, and you deserve better than that.

So, just to clarify: It’s up to the UFC to decide what’s next for Anderson Silva, but when the organization suggested Chris Weidman – who is not an amateur kid – Silva’s camp declined. Sitting out and waiting for a catchweight super fight against Georges St. Pierre (potentially at 180 lbs) is easily the most logical option, but Rashad Evans is also logical after losing to Jon Jones and flirting with the idea of dropping to middleweight. And even though Guimaraes feels Nick Diaz beat Carlos Condit, he officially lost that fight, so therefore a fight against Diaz makes no sense because he’s coming off of a controversial decision loss instead of a regular unanimous decision loss.

Any questions?

@SethFalvo

Simply Put, It Sucked: Assembling the Best Tweets Regarding the Crappiness of UFC 149


(Well said.)

Twitter holds an interesting place in the MMA landscape. On one hand, it often comes across as little more than a medium for fighters to vent their frustrations with the foresight and competency of a middle school dropout, or to aid in the ongoing series of endless, needless arguments that constitute 90% of the internet nowadays. Seriously, I was on one of those porn sites that allow comments the other day and stumbled across a heated argument concerning what the woman fellating the donkey onscreen was probably thinking. My guess was that she was reconsidering her choice to forgo those online courses for some quick cash and a shot at Fame (which coincidentally was the horse’s name), but the two (probable) gentlemen involved in said dispute seemed to think she was trying to determine the ethnicity of said horse (if that’s a thing), and which race she likely decided upon. Did I mention she was blindfolded? She was blindfolded.

On the other hand, “The Twitter” has shown on several occasions that it can serve as more than a battleground for our petty arguments, and can actually be used as a tool to unite people from opposite ends of the planet over a given cause. Although it failed in the end, Twitter was almost solely responsible for giving Mark Hunt the opportunity of a lifetime, or bringing Tim Sylvia back to the UFC to dominate 85% of the promotion’s heavyweights like we all know he would (I mean, have you even seen his workout regimen?).

And one thing that the collective minds of Twitter seemed to reach an agreement on was that UFC 149, to put it professionally, sucked major donkey dick (see how I brought that all together? I’m less a writer, more a prophet). So in order to bid what will ultimately go down as one of the most disappointing main cards in UFC history adieu, we’ve collected some of the funniest tweets from around the Twittersphere, some from actual fighters, others from random jagoffs with the simple ability to hashtag UFC 149 after their comment, for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.


(Well said.)

Twitter holds an interesting place in the MMA landscape. On one hand, it often comes across as little more than a medium for fighters to vent their frustrations with the foresight and competency of a middle school dropout, or to aid in the ongoing series of endless, needless arguments that constitute 90% of the internet nowadays. Seriously, I was on one of those porn sites that allow comments the other day and stumbled across a heated argument concerning what the woman fellating the donkey onscreen was probably thinking. My guess was that she was reconsidering her choice to forgo those online courses for some quick cash and a shot at Fame (which coincidentally was the horse’s name), but the two (probable) gentlemen involved in said dispute seemed to think she was trying to determine the ethnicity of said horse (if that’s a thing), and which race she likely decided upon. Did I mention she was blindfolded? She was blindfolded.

On the other hand, “The Twitter” has shown on several occasions that it can serve as more than a battleground for our petty arguments, and can actually be used as a tool to unite people from opposite ends of the planet over a given cause. Although it failed in the end, Twitter was almost solely responsible for giving Mark Hunt the opportunity of a lifetime, or bringing Tim Sylvia back to the UFC to dominate 85% of the promotion’s heavyweights like we all know he would (I mean, have you even seen his workout regimen?).

And one thing that the collective minds of Twitter seemed to reach an agreement on was that UFC 149, to put it professionally, sucked major donkey dick (see how I brought that all together? I’m less a writer, more a prophet). So in order to bid what will ultimately go down as one of the most disappointing main cards in UFC history adieu, we’ve collected some of the funniest tweets from around the Twittersphere, some from actual fighters, others from random jagoffs with the simple ability to hashtag UFC 149 after their comment, for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy.

We shall begin with the far and away greatest tweet of the night, which surprisingly enough came from Bellator welterweight champion and Ambien substitute Ben Askren, who you may recall suffered a first round TKO at the hands of Dana White the last time we saw him on Twitter:

Self deprecating humor? Check. A rip on the UFC? Check double plus. Adhering to the classic “This is more______ than _____”, Family Guy cutaway formula? Check fuckin’ mate.

DID WE JUST BECOME BEST FRIENDS?!

The second best fighter tweet of the night went to the Thugjitsu Master himself, Yves Edwards, for this simple, yet effective burn:

Lord knows I love me a movie reference, and although Gladiator was a somewhat obvious choice, it fits the mood of whatever the hell Boetsch/Lombard was supposed to be like a glove.

Dan Henderson, who has pwned Dana White before using the social networking device, was a little more frank with his assessment of the event:

Check out some more of our favorites below.

Joe Rogan, who told it like it is (as we’ve come to expect): “Well ladies and gentlemen, that was not a good fight card. I enjoyed the prelims and the main event had it’s moments but overall not so good.”

Siyar Bahadurzada, for his on-point judging abilities: “Both lost this fight… The referee lost too! Fuck, even the crowd lost… And the viewers back home too. You get paid to fight!!!!!!!”

George Roop, for being a Debbie Downer during Barao’s entrance: “Barao comes out to all I do is win. Sadly his entrance already has more action then the rest of the card.”

Our boys over at MiddleEasy, for their time tested eloquence when evaluating Hector Lombard‘s performance: “That screech you hear in the distance is the Hector Lombard Frate Trane crashing and igniting in a fiery blaze.”

MMAWeekly’s Damon Martin also hopped on the Lombard Frate Hate Trane: “‘Hector Lombard is the man to challenge Anderson Silva!’ said no one ever after watching that fight.”

Ariel Helwani, for riding the wave of awesomeness that was every fight before Ebersole/Head, then crashing back to earth during the main card until he could tweet no more:

“Whoa? Matt Riddle showing some pretty great technique. This card really is a blessing!”

“Hold the phone on those blessing tweets.”

“Gulp.”

And finally, AJ Hoffman, a sports radio host, MMA writer, and self-described “all around good guy”, for pleading his case to DirecTV: “Fight of the Night= Me and my cable company when I try to convince them a homeless guy broke in and ordered that BS PPV.”

So, Potato Nation, were there any other notable tweets/complaints that tickled your funny bone last Saturday? Or were you too bogged down by self loathing and the depression that comes with essentially having flushed a 50 dollar bill down the toilet to even notice?

–J. Jones