Tag: Ask the Potato

Ask the Potato: Back Pain, WMMA and More


Right Leg: Yukon Gold. Left Leg: Jersey Royal

Another Saturday afternoon is upon us, which means it’s time for another edition of Ask the Potato. After last week graced us with the presence of a few minor celebrities, we knew what we had to do now that minor celebrities care about what we write. But until Coolio stops ducking us, we’ll just stick to answering your questions. So let’s get started, shall we?

intercept440 Says: what is the best remedy for lower back pain? So far the only thing that seems to work is copious amounts of booze. Come on potato, surely with your vast amounts of knowledge you can help a nation member out.


Right Leg: Yukon Gold. Left Leg: Jersey Royal

Another Saturday afternoon is upon us, which means it’s time for another edition of Ask the Potato. After last week graced us with the presence of a few minor celebrities, we knew what we had to do now that minor celebrities care about what we write. But until Coolio stops ducking us, we’ll just stick to answering your questions. So let’s get started, shall we?

intercept440 Says: what is the best remedy for lower back pain?   So far the only thing that seems to work is copious amounts of booze. Come on potato, surely with your vast amounts of knowledge you can help a nation member out.

You’ve been good to us over the years, intercept440, so we’re going to do you a solid. Email us your address and we’ll send the Cage Potato office chiropractor right over. Trust us when we tell you that he’s the best in the business. In fact, Leonard Garcia swears by him.

Liverpunch Says:
1- What do you think is a probable timetable for the demise of women’s MMA. I like the fights, but I just don’t see them gaining any traction with the public.
2- Where do you see MMA a year from now? Is CP still around in this hellish futurescape?

1) We don’t think women’s MMA is going anywhere, Liverpunch. By that we mean it won’t die out, but we also sadly mean that it’s not going anywhere. Once Strikeforce folds, another organization will become the home of WMMA. Bellator has stated that they’d proudly carry the torch, while smaller promotions like Black Eye have already started scooping up talent. Unfortunately, the UFC is where the fame and money’s at, and without those lures it will be difficult to convince more women to train full time and invest themselves in the sport.

2) As long as things continue to go smoothly tonight, we think the sport’s only going to improve. But if some unforeseen disaster strikes and the sport spirals out of control into some post-apocalyptic hellhole, we’ll be right there playing the role of “Mr. Dealgood”.

XENOPHON Says:  At that time I will ask, “How does one get an invite to tour the Cage Potato offices in mid-Wilshire?”
 
Silly XENOPHON, when will you learn? Cage Potato exists not in bricks and mortar, but in the hearts and souls of every MMA fan who has ever mocked an ugly t-shirt, had a crush on a ring girl, and genuinely appreciated a good ol’ fashioned freak show fight. In other words, to look inside of Cage Potato, all you must do is look inside of yourself.

KarmaAteMyCat Says: What is the difference between quitting and not being able to continue an intelligent fight whilst defending one’s self specifically when commentators admit the fight should be stopped?

Normally, we’d tell you to ask the doctors who sit at cage side and the referees overlooking the fight to help you. After all, they are there because they have the training and competence to be able to tell the difference between a fighter who is simply disinterested in fighting and a fighter who is physically unable to continue. But if UFC 138 was any indication, sometimes their judgment isn’t much better than ours.

We know UFC 138 wasn’t the first time a fighter who should not have been allowed to continue to fight was asked by officials if he wanted to continue, said yes and then was allowed to continue. But it still confuses us every time we see it happen. If you’re going to pause the fight because you believe that it is dangerous for a person to continue taking damage, perhaps you should do more than just ask if the professional fighter whose job depends on his or her ability to keep fighting wants to keep fighting.   

1Jackal Says: Since Cain Velasquez is the UFC champ and is making a bunch of money then why is his father still doing physical labor by working in the fields? Please explain.

Back up, 1Jackal. Champions making a bunch of money? We don’t know what crazy, ass-backwards universe you live in, but since Nick Diaz doesn’t live there, we don’t ever want to visit it.

That’s all for now, folks. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. You know the drill: You can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account, as well as hashtag questions with #AskThePotato. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. It’s all the same to us.

Ask the Potato: Minor Celebrity Edition


This week’s Ask The Potato is too hot to handle.

Ask the Potato is back and as credible as ever- which is almost an accomplishment worth bragging about. This week, while coming up with the smartass quips that you’ve come to expect from us, we noticed that even some minor celebrities have taken notice of this feature and submitted their own questions. Naturally, we’re handling this development the way you would expect us to. We’re placing their questions before your (somewhat) serious questions in order to address people with more clout than you. Just remember, guys: We didn’t sell out: We bought in.

So let’s get to it, shall we?


This week’s Ask The Potato is too hot to handle.

Ask the Potato is back and as credible as ever- which is almost an accomplishment worth bragging about. This week, while coming up with the smartass quips that you’ve come to expect from us, we noticed that even some minor celebrities have taken notice of this feature and submitted their own questions. Naturally, we’re handling this development the way you would expect us to. We’re placing their questions before your (somewhat) serious questions in order to address people with more clout than you. Just remember, guys: We didn’t sell out: We bought in.

So let’s get to it, shall we?

@JerryMillen asks: @cagepotatomma how do u guys make money? Seriously u have 0 journalists! Must be a bunch oh HS kids. Need to fact check ur stories

We make money just like every other legitimate businessman in the sport, Jerry. After involving ourselves with shady business partners in a disappointing venture, we login to Ebay under a fake name and try to sell off the master tapes to their entire video library.

Like any respectful entrepreneur, when that doesn’t cover the bills we travel across the continental US interviewing the loved ones of our more-successful enemies then post video footage of the character assassination on the internet.

@JuneWhiteMMA asks: @cagepotatomma U know absolutely nothing about me why would u make personal comments like that about me?

It’s interesting that you equate knowing someone well with trashing them publicly, June.

Actually, we owe you an apology. It was improper of us to sneak into your home and eavesdrop on what was obviously a private, personal conversation between two concerned friends. Oh, wait, that’s not what happened at all. You got together with your son’s worst enemy—MMA’s version of a snake oil salesman—to launch a smear campaign against your own flesh and blood. Now you’re mad because we were supposed to write terrible things about him, not you, right?

To be fair, we write awful things about your son all the time and we don’t know him either. Sure, we spoke on the phone once, but largely we judge him by what he says and how he comes across in interviews. That’s what we did with you, which is why we find you to be deplorable.

RwilsonR asks: If BJ had any work ethic at all to train his cardio, would he have beaten Nick Diaz?

This question seems to get asked every time BJ Penn loses a fight. In this case, the answer is obviously no. Let’s face it, BJ Penn was taking his training seriously before this fight. Besides, it’s not like Diaz’s cardio is at backyard brawler levels. If your game plan revolves around having better cardio than Nick Diaz, you’re setting yourself up for failure. And possibly a spot on this list.

Chri534 asks : Over/under $500k: What do you think Nick deserves as a ‘locker room bonus’ for that post-fight press conference appearance?

You do realize that you’re asking this question to a group of guys who actually expect to be paid for this column, right? Perhaps we have skewed expectations of how much compensation (if any) one should receive for doing a basic part of his or her job, but we feel that if Nick Diaz wasn’t paid at least twenty million dollars for showing up to the press conference, it’s a downright shame.

We’ll keep it short and sweet this week, everyone. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. You know the drill: You can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. Not to mention any names, but you have no idea how disappointed we are that some of you have been ignoring this feature. We’re at “Spending Friday nights crying into a pint of Ben & Jerry’s and wondering why he’s ignoring us” levels of disappointment. How about changing that, okay?

Ask the Potato: Bellator, Nick Diaz and More Elevator Etiquette


Even a broken potato is right twice a day.

Admit it: You thought the return of Ask the Potato would be one and done. You thought there’d be no way we could stick to a feature for two Saturdays in a row. Shame on you for having such little faith in us. Not only have we actually put together a new edition of Ask the Potato, but we’ve even reached out to our Twitter account for a question this week. It’s called “progress”, people. So let’s get to it, shall we?

Questions and answers are after the jump.


Even a broken potato is right twice a day.

Admit it: You thought the return of Ask the Potato would be one and done. You thought there’d be no way we could stick to a feature for two Saturdays in a row. Shame on you for having such little faith in us. Not only have we actually put together a new edition of Ask the Potato, but we’ve even reached out to our Twitter followers for a question this week. It’s called “progress”, people. So let’s get to it, shall we?

@SLTribMMA asks: @cagepotatomma I look at the Bellator non-title fights as a way to keep the champ from getting too much ring rust. What do you propose?

The easy answer is to simply put the belt on the line during these superfights that Bellator books for its champions. Nothing else has to change. Sure, it takes significance away from the tournament, but let’s face it- some guys don’t need to prove themselves worthy of a title shot by winning the tournament (Jay Hieron specifically comes to mind). Let them get an immediate crack at the champion, and save the tournament for the unknown, unproven talent.

The flaw with this solution is determining who qualifies for an immediate shot. Does Bellator give the immediate shot to the UFC veteran with an average record against elite competition (like Ben Saunders) or an impressive looking minor league prospect (like Douglas Lima)? To this we say, ask the BCS how hard it is to rank challengers from various leagues based on both record and level of competition. For that matter, anyone not named Lyoto Machida or Kenny Florian can tell you that any league without concrete fighter rankings will always have fans questioning their decisions when it comes to anointing a challenger. So cheer up, Murray.

Chri534 asks : If the whole press conference no-show thing didn’t happen and Diaz vs. St. Pierre & Condit vs. Penn were both still set to go, what would the UFC have done with Nick now that GSP got hurt?

It’s obvious that the UFC would try to cash in on their young steed’s abilities be it inside or outside of the cage. Dana would be pretty fucking stupid not to take advantage of Diaz’s charisma and charm by placing him alongside Goldberg and Rogan in the announcer’s booth. Upon his arrival halfway through the Mitrione-Kongo bout, Diaz would interrupt tired Goldyisms with gems such as “Kongo has been working a lot on his wrestl— fuck your mooooother!!!”. The only real loser in the deal? Jon Anik.

El Famous Burrito asks: iF you had to be stranded on a island with one current or former MMA fighter, who would it be? (Keep in mind, that he can choose to beat the shit out of you if you don’t get along).

Look, El, we don’t want to go all “Michael Bisping” on your ass, but seriously-“he”? Get real, playa .

Jesus Frijoles asks: So, BG gets into an elevator with Dana, how awkward would that ride be? What are the odds that the term douchebag would be used and who would throw it out there first?

We don’t know what floor they’re on or what floor they’re going to, but if Ben wants those press credentials back he’ll be going down.

zhmmvv asks: top sex service ,top girls. welcome to hxxp://url7.me/kVh4

We get asked this a lot, actually. We have an answer, but it’s never enough, is it?

 

Skeletor asks: When you guys see Old Dad at all the prestigious MMA conferences and events you attend every year, does he act like old friends or just blow you off for his more popular friends?

When we go to all the prestigious MMA conferences and events?  You haven’t been here long, have you, Skeletor?

That about wraps it up for this week. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. You know the drill: You can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. Not to rub it in to our loyal Facebook fans, but you’re the only medium we haven’t picked a worthy question from yet. So, you know, you should probably ask us some better questions. Just saying. Annnnnddddddddd GO!

Ask the Potato: Don Frye, Mustaches and Potato Sutra


It’s good to be back.

After days of anticipation, Ask the Potato is finally back and as credible as ever. The deepest thinkers among us have emerged with a series of questions- some of which even came in the form of complete sentences, with question marks and everything. The rest of you? Well, you at least tried to have a coherent thought, right? And even though the thought doesn’t count, you’re still special to us. So, without further delay, the triumphant return of Ask the Potato awaits after the jump.


It’s good to be back.

After days of anticipation, Ask the Potato is finally back and as credible as ever. The deepest thinkers among us have emerged with a series of questions- some of which even came in the form of complete sentences, with question marks and everything. The rest of you? Well, you at least tried to have a coherent thought, right? And even though the thought doesn’t count, you’re still special to us. So, without further delay, the triumphant return of Ask the Potato awaits after the jump.

El Famous Burrito asks:  Let’s say you and Don Frye are in an elevator together, and a whole bunch of women get on at the next floor. Frye rips a nasty fart and you notice, but when the ladies notice he blames it on you. Do you say anything, or just let it slide?

Answer:  We’d always just assumed that Don Frye’s gas was toxic, but we’ll honor the spirit of the question. Whether we man up or play the punk role comes down to one simple factor: How drunk is Don at the time? He doesn’t exactly have a great record in intoxicated elevator fights.

Dibs asks: Who would you rather have…Arianny or Brittney? That’s a tough choice. I think I would have to pick Brittney, she looks a little dirtier if you know what I mean.

Answer:  We’re here to answer questions, Dibs, not break hearts, but if you must know, it’s Brittney for two key reasons:

1) According to some sources, we’ve already screwed Arianny.

2) Sorry, but we’re not following up Tiki, no matter how much of a prude he may be.

RwilsonR asks:  Is Anderson Silva’s new obsession with Justin Bieber just him taking his Michael Jackson impersonation too far?

Answer:  We’ve heard that Silva is looking into acquiring the bones of Helio Gracie and a chimpanzee companion, so…maybe?

noahnasty asks:  Who’s gonna be UFC champion in every division, including the flywieghts, at the end of 2012?

Answer:  It’s easy to hold onto the belt a little bit longer when you’re sitting on the shelf, which was the M.O. for UFC champs this past year, but we’ve also got some established title holders that aren’t likely to be going anywhere for awhile. Assuming that each champ defends his belt at least twice next year, we see it playing out like this:

Joseph Benavidez, Dominick Cruz, Chad Mendes, Gil Melendez, GSP, Anderson Silva, Jon Jones, Junior Dos Santos.

Call your bookie and lock it in. Do it. No, seriously, do it.

KarmaAteMyCat asks: What color should I dye my mustache for Movember?

Answer: You should do half pink, half purple and just dare a motherfucker to call you gay.

skeletor asks: If each of the columnists on CP were sex positions who would be what. Please explain.

Answer: Ben doesn’t care about the position. He just wants to be fucked worse than he’s ever been fucked before. Mike Russell would be missionary because it’s the most classy, polite position, and he’s easily the most classy, polite person on this website. And judging by the way that Matt Kaplan shamelessly plows through liveblogs, he’d be the jackhammer.

Now, let’s let the rest of these jokers answer your question in their own words:

Danga: Without question The Alligator Fuckhouse.

ReX13: I’m “lazy dog“, but I didn’t think anyone would want to know.

Jason Moles: The Body Builder – Cuz that’s how I roll

Chris Colemon: Front dick, back dick, side check dick, all of that.

Seth Falvo: I’d be the Little Jack Hornher, because that’s just how you spell “classy”.

Well, that about wraps it up for this week. Tune in next week as we answer even more of your (hopefully at least kind of) MMA related questions. Just as last time, you can send us questions through our Facebook page. You can tweet them to our Twitter account. You can register for our forums and post your questions there. Or you can just post them in the comments section of this article. If we didn’t get to your question this time around, look on the bright side: You have an entire week to come up with a better question. Get to it!

 

Ask the Potato: Does Overeem Do Homework?

Picture is unrelated. Do your worst, Nation. (PicProps: MMTKO)

After a long absence, we decided to solicit questions from our readers to find out what was on your minds, so that we may enlighten and amuse you in an engaging way. Also to keep you jerks occupied, because you get all crazy when you’re bored and that’s why we can’t have nice things.

As always, you can submit questions in the CagePotato Forums (which actually exist behind that button up top labeled “Forums”), or you can submit your queries via email to [email protected]. If The Great And Powerful Potato deigns to answer your question, you agree to buy us beers at the next meet and greet. Those are the rules.

Let’s get to it.

[The All Knowing Potato]

Picture is unrelated.  Do your worst, Nation.  (PicProps: MMTKO)

After a long absence, we decided to solicit questions from our readers to find out what was on your minds, so that we may enlighten and amuse you in an engaging way.  Also to keep you jerks occupied, because you get all crazy when you’re bored and that’s why we can’t have nice things.

As always, you can submit questions in the CagePotato Forums (which actually exist behind that button up top labeled “Forums”), or you can submit your queries via email to [email protected].  If The Great And Powerful Potato deigns to answer your question, you agree to buy us beers at the next meet and greet.  Those are the rules.

Let’s get to it.

[The All Knowing Potato]

A quick two-parter here for you:

Do you not realize that Wanderlei is a fan-favorite fighter who once seemed almost unbeatable? Have you not considered the fact that current fighters might think that Wandy is past his prime, has lost his aura, and is, therefore, the most vulnerable opponent that can skyrocket their own career?

Edit: Let’s make it a three-parter. Who should they be calling out?

-Chri534

When we noted that everybody who is anybody was calling out Wandy, yeah, we knew all that stuff. Clearly, they should have been calling out Bisping this whole time.

-The Unimpressed Potato


Dear Potato,
As we all know, eating horses gives you super-strength, but horses are very expensive and hard to catch. What animal can the average Joe like me catch and eat for similar results?

-El Famous Burrito

If this is research for a new special ingredient, Burrito, do not tell us.

According to a registered dietitian we’ve been seeing, mind where your protein comes from only in regards to its fat content.  Leaner (poultry) and healthier (fish) meats are preferable.  Horse meat is leaner, along with game meats like bison, buffalo, and moose.

For things you can actually catch, may we suggest eggs?

-The Mighty Potato

PS:  Steroids.

Do you see the UFC buying out Bellator anytime soon??

Also, what current BFC fighters do you think would perform the best in the UFC?

-rokabee

To hear Bjorn Rebney tell it, Bellator ain’t for sale, and we tend to believe him. MTV2 has seen an increase in viewership in its first season broadcasting the promotion, and it will likely continue to increase this fall when season five starts. After suffering through lean times, it looks like Bellator could start raking in a little dough.

Rather than acquire them, we kind of wonder if Zuffa won’t attempt to counterprogram Bellator to death, perhaps with the Strikeforce brand. Zuffa could conceivably deliver a weekly SF broadcast on Spike or one of the networks, providing a farm league for the UFC while directly attacking what is, in effect, their only competition. If Bellator went under, Zuffa could then pick up their video library and contracts for peanuts.

In our opinion, the first contracts they would be interested in would be Bellator’s current champs, particularly Eddie Alvarez and Hector Lombard. You may remember that we mentioned both of those guys when we talked about our top fives.  Alvarez is prehaps the most likely to make a dent in the rankings, while adding Lombard would at least give the 185ers someone else to call out.

-The Sage Potato


What ever happened to the Reem answering our questions we posted on the front page? Liars!
-Nicer

First of all, Nicer, The Potato does not appreciate your tone.

When we asked if any of you had a question for Ubereem, we don’t know what the hell we were thinking.   Some of you bastards are downright creepy.  Still, we picked out a nice selection, and we slipped the list to a guy we met who says he was headed to Amsterdam for a “spiritual journey”.   We assume he was headed there to train with Golden Glory, so he should be able to find Overeem no problem, right?

Connection issues aside, we expect answers back after this weekend, so stay tuned.

-The Exclusive Potato