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Bellator XXXIV: Not With a Bang, But a Whimper

(Hector Lombard takes Alexander Shlemenko way out of his game, and Zoila Frausto doesn’t look like a woman who just won a fight. Photos courtesy of our own John Sluder. Full gallery coming soon!)
By ReX “Unnecessary Literary Reference” R…

(Hector Lombard takes Alexander Shlemenko way out of his game, and Zoila Frausto doesn’t look like a woman who just won a fight. Photos courtesy of our own John Sluder. Full gallery coming soon!)

By ReX “Unnecessary Literary Reference” Richardson

Bellator Fighting Championships slouched toward Bethlehem last night, returning to the Seminole Hard Rock Hotel and Casino in Hollywood, Florida for the last show of the third season. Anticipation for this last show has been running high, and Bellator held back some exciting fighters for the finale, trying to put some asses in the seats. The women’s featherweight tournament concluded with monster featherweight Zoila Frausto versus undefeated phenom Megumi Fujii, and middleweight champ Hector Lombard putting his title on the line against eternal scrapper Alexander Shlemenko. Also on the broadcast was Serbian next big thing Dragan Tesanovic — who brought an undefeated record from the European circuit for his first fight in the US — as well as King of the Cage moneyweight Tony Lopez arriving in Bellator, presumably hoping they’ll establish a light heavyweight title for him to collect.

I’m not gonna lie to you: I wish the season had ended last week. Only three fights made the broadcast because decisions were the order of the night. Make that controversial decisions, since fans were already debating what kind of drugs the judges were on before the televised event was finished. Come on in past the jump, and I’ll recap the action for you and possibly bitch about judging a bit. I’m not even going to tease you with anything this time, because that’s just the kind of guy I am.

Bellator XXXIII Recap: Did He Just Say the Best in the World? (LOLZ)

(Skip to 1:19 for the money shot.)
By ReX “Keep Fear Alive” Richardson
Let’s say that you were in Philadelphia last night, perhaps wandering around looking for the Philadelphia Doll Museum. Maybe you heard that Pagano’s h…

(Skip to 1:19 for the money shot.)

By ReX “Keep Fear Alive” Richardson

Let’s say that you were in Philadelphia last night, perhaps wandering around looking for the Philadelphia Doll Museum. Maybe you heard that Pagano’s had better cheesesteak than any of those South Philly stands, or you wanted to check out the (allegedly) wild party scene at Temple University. Well, while you were standing there shoving a pound of cheap steak, fried onions, and Cheez Whiz in your face, you might have heard a dull roaring noise coming from the Liacouras Center. That was the sound of Bellator XXXIII. Maybe you forgot with all the excitement around UFC 121 this weekend, but Bellator’s third entertaining season is ending, and they are going out shooting, son.

Erstwhile welterweight champ Lyman Good returned after a sixteen month injury layoff to defend the strap against Ben Askren, rising star Rick Hawn made his debut, and local boy Eddie Alvarez took on a legitimate super fight against Roger “The White Knight” Huerta. If you just facepalmed because you forgot to set your DVR, relax; I got this. Follow me in after the jump, and I’ll recap the televised fights and possibly crack some jokes. Keep in mind that I make no guarantees of quality, but if you don’t read on, you’ll probably hate yourself when the cool kids in the cafeteria start talking about it. Keep it in mind.

Bellator Heavyweights and Wisconsin: Not So Boring If You’re Drunk

(Above: ‘Ayyyyyy’ — An expression of combat known worldwide. / Below: Matt Major shows off the design that got him eliminated on last night’s episode of Project Runway.)
By ReX “I H8 FSN” Richardson
Last night, Bellator XXIX went …

(Above: ‘Ayyyyyy‘ — An expression of combat known worldwide. / Below: Matt Major shows off the design that got him eliminated on last night’s episode of Project Runway.)

By ReX “I H8 FSN” Richardson

Last night, Bellator XXIX went to Milwaukee, Wisconsin (which I believe is a Native American word meaning “Dude, I Think We’re Lost”) and put on the first nationally-televised MMA event ever in the state. Bellator seems to thrive by signing fighters hungry for wins, and has kept the energy up by focusing on the lighter weight classes, so it was a bit of a curveball when a heavyweight tournament was announced. Many questioned if Bellator could pull enough quality heavyweights with the conditioning necessary to put on entertaining fights. Heavyweight fights in the Bellator promotion to this point have been a mixed bag, but we’re starting to see the cream rise so I’m optimistic that some fun stuff happens. A couple of loser-leaves-town matches round out the televised card, featuring some guys who’ve been bounced out of tournaments previously (and want back in), plus they snagged the tubby Guida brother to test the light heavyweight waters.

Come on in and I’ll fill you in on the latest Bellator results and news. I promise I’ll lay off the fat jokes this time.

Bellator XXVIII: Are You Ready To Ignore Some Football?

By ReX “Go Panthers” Richardson
Well, Bellator rolled up into New Orleans on Thursday night, and there was incoherent speech, attractive women in small outfits, and some dudes got into a few fights. Bjorn Rebney made some interesting d…

By ReX “Go Panthers” Richardson

Well, Bellator rolled up into New Orleans on Thursday night, and there was incoherent speech, attractive women in small outfits, and some dudes got into a few fights. Bjorn Rebney made some interesting decisions for this one, since the show went off simultaneously with the first game of the NFL season, featuring last year’s SuperBowl Champion New Orleans Saints. At home. In New Orleans. This town is firmly behind their football team when they’re losing, and after a few winning seasons, it’s kinda impressive that more than a handful of people showed up at the Mahalia Jackson Theatre. (My guess is they’re either die-hard MMA fans or they hate America.) It’s pretty ballsy to put a card here this week, but Rebney’s father is the goddamn Winnebago Man, so if you don’t agree with him you can just fuck off. Also noteworthy is that there are no tournament bouts on the card, for the first time in 28 shows, but winners here will presumably show up next season in a bracket.

If you don’t mind listening to a play by play to something that went down two days ago, come on in and I’ll tell you about Bellator XXVIII. Special inside: the Brazilian Jiu Jitsu move you must try in bed!

Bellator XXV Recap: Who Wants to See Two Large Men Laying Down?

(Scott "Bear" Barrett rocking the most ironic boxer-briefs in Bellator history. Photo courtesy of Bellator.com)
By DL “@ReXone3” RichardsonJr
Bellator FC rolled into Chicago this week, in the second stop of the season 3 tour. …

(Scott "Bear" Barrett rocking the most ironic boxer-briefs in Bellator history. Photo courtesy of Bellator.com)

By DL “@ReXone3” RichardsonJr

Bellator FC rolled into Chicago this week, in the second stop of the season 3 tour. On the menu for the evening are two heavyweight tilts, one women’s featherweight bout, and a handful of showcase fights. Bellator has continued to sign talent, and they bring in a few UFC vets to fill out the card: Brad Blackburn (3-2 UFC) is matched up with Dan Hornbuckle, who came up short last season in the welterweight tournament. Brian Gassaway lost to Diego Sanchez back at UFC 54 when Diego was the next big thing, and he faces off against fellow one-and-done Zuffa employee Kevin Knabjian, who lost to Brock Larson in the WEC. And for those of you who enjoy the finer things in life — pimpin’, traveling the world, and spinning elbows, Bellator presents Mr International himself, Shonie Carter.

Bellator has done everything they can to ensure an entertaining show. Will the tournaments continue to be action-packed? Will one of these vets make a statement with their performance? Will Jimmy Smith and Sean Wheelock correctly pronounce “Megumi Fujii”? Will Cole Konrad come out in a singlet, bro-ssiere, maybe both?

Well, I have some answers for you. You may not like them, but I got them….

Bellator XXIII Recap: OK, You Can Forget About FOX Sports Net Again…

(Zoila Frausto vs. Rosi Sexton. Props: YouTube.com/BellatorMMA)
By DL “All’s Well That Enswell” Richardson
Like summer vacations, dorm parties, and that time you dated the sex-crazed stripper, all good things must come to an end…

(Zoila Frausto vs. Rosi Sexton. Props: YouTube.com/BellatorMMA)

By DL “All’s Well That Enswell” Richardson

Like summer vacations, dorm parties, and that time you dated the sex-crazed stripper, all good things must come to an end. It was the final show for Bellator’s second season last night, and if you weren’t watching, it was your own damn fault. Louisville, Kentucky plays host for the finals in two weight classes, a women’s division superfight, and a bantamweight tourney qualifier, plus some regional action and (I assume) some horse races and bourbon tastings out of sheer habit. What surprises are in store? Who will turn in a stellar performance and make a name for themselves, as Ben Askren did just last week? Who will claim the poster-sized check and grin goofily as they hold it aloft for all to see, as Ben Askren also did last week? Will Alexander “The Dreidel” Shlemenko manage to keep his fight on the feet? Will we finally make up our minds about whether Joe Warren is a pretty cool guy who isn’t afraid of anything, or is he, after all, just a turbo douche? That’s a lot of questions — what are you, a preschooler? Seriously, if you start just asking “why?” every time I say something, I’ll turn this car around, and we won’t even go to the Louisville Slugger Museum and Factory Tour. Follow me past the jump, and all will be revealed. If you’re good, maybe I’ll talk your mother into seeing the zoo. If not, I’m taking us to see the World’s Largest Bottle of Booze.