(This face describes the situation better than any words truly can.)
We guess when you are able to knockout a guy in the most devastating fashion possible in front of millions of people, you can pretty much call him whatever you want to afterward. If you don’t believe us, just ask Chuck Liddell, or for that matter, UFC middleweight kingpin Anderson Silva. After front kicking Vitor Belfort into hyper-sleep in the first round of their highly anticipated grudge match at UFC 126 and subsequently trouncing Yushin Okami at UFC 134, “The Spider” spent most of 2011 rehabbing his injured shoulder and judging nude body-painting contests like the boss that he truly is. When word got out that he would in fact be rematching world-renowned shit talker Chael Sonnen at UFC 148, the war of words began once again. And per usual, 99.9% of it came from the challenger.
But don’t let the completely falsified percentages fool you, the champ can talk trash with the best of them. Just check out the clip below, in which Anderson offers Wanderlei Silva a little bit of advice on “The Axe Murderer’s” opposing coach/upcoming opponent, Vitor Belfort, after Wanderlei brings it up. Apparently unaware that he still has a microphone on, Silva makes a mistake of Frank Drebian proportions, calling the Phenom “a coward” before realizing what he has done.
(This face describes the situation better than any words truly can.)
We guess when you are able to knockout a guy in the most devastating fashion possible in front of millions of people, you can pretty much call him whatever you want to afterward. If you don’t believe us, just ask Chuck Liddell, or for that matter, UFC middleweight kingpin Anderson Silva. After front kicking Vitor Belfort into hyper-sleep in the first round of their highly anticipated grudge match at UFC 126 and subsequently trouncing Yushin Okami at UFC 134, “The Spider” spent most of 2011 rehabbing his injured shoulder and judging nude body-painting contests like the boss that he truly is. When word got out that he would in fact be rematching world-renowned shit talker Chael Sonnen at UFC 148, the war of words began once again. And per usual, 99.9% of it came from the challenger.
But don’t let the completely falsified percentages fool you, the champ can talk trash with the best of them. Just check out the clip below, in which Anderson offers Wanderlei Silva a little bit of advice on “The Axe Murderer’s” opposing coach/upcoming opponent, Vitor Belfort, after Wanderlei brings it up. Apparently unaware that he still has a microphone on, Silva makes a mistake of Frank Drebian proportions, calling the Phenom “a coward” before realizing what he has done.
OUCH. Simple, yet effective; like a perfectly placed upkick to the jaw. OK, so maybe one is simpler than the other, but you get the point. Only a fighter as skilled as Silva can take kicking a man while he’s down to a whole new level. Then again, he’s already mastered kicking a man while he’s up, so maybe he’s just trying something new at this point.
On the strategic front, Anderson tells Wanderlei to keep coming forward if he wants to emerge victorious come UFC 147, which is akin to telling a rampaging bull to make sure and destroy everything within the boundaries of the fine Chinaware shop you just dropped him in.
On a side note, has anyone actually been watching the first international season of The Ultimate Fighter?
Chances are, if Chael Sonnen is not training for an upcoming fight or doing battle inside the octagon itself, he is sitting down in front of a camera and ranting about whatever is on his mind, be it Anderson Silva or the irresponsibility of Canadian reporters. As far as he’s concerned, these rants are meant to provide his audience with a higher understanding of the world around them, and are in the general public’s better interest. Thankfully, Sonnen was able to fight off the schizophrenia that will inevitably overtake his brain for long enough to jot down a collection of these rants into a “self help” book subtly titled “The Voice of Reason.” To say that it is the greatest collection of words and sentences ever committed to paper would be an understatement, so Sonnen opts to call it “A V.I.P pass to enlightenment” instead.
But just in case you didn’t pick up “The Voice of Reason” at your nearest bookstore (or in today’s society, on your Kindle), Sonnen recently locked himself in a dark and dreary basement to elaborate on everything from John McCain’s attempt to crush MMA before it got its sea legs to the conspiracies behind Area 51 and professional wrestling. Are these three things somehow related? Is Chael Sonnen some rogue government agent who has access to this kind of information? Is the Oregonian truly the UFC middleweight champion of the world, and we just don’t know it yet? To put it simply; no, maybe, and DUH.
Join us after the jump for the videos.
(How ignorant we were.)
Chances are, if Chael Sonnen is not training for an upcoming fight or doing battle inside the octagon itself, he is sitting down in front of a camera and ranting about whatever is on his mind, be it Anderson Silva or the irresponsibility of Canadian reporters. As far as he’s concerned, these rants are meant to provide his audience with a higher understanding of the world around them, and are in the general public’s better interest. Thankfully, Sonnen was able to fight off the schizophrenia that will inevitably overtake his brain for long enough to jot down a collection of these rants into a “self help” book subtly titled “The Voice of Reason.” To say that it is the greatest collection of words and sentences ever committed to paper would be an understatement, so Sonnen opts to call it “A V.I.P pass to enlightenment” instead.
But just in case you didn’t pick up “The Voice of Reason” at your nearest bookstore (or in today’s society, on your Kindle), Sonnen recently locked himself in a dark and dreary basement to elaborate on everything from John McCain’s attempt to crush MMA before it got its sea legs to the conspiracies behind Area 51 and professional wrestling. Are these three things somehow related? Is Chael Sonnen some rogue government agent who has access to this kind of information? Is the Oregonian truly the UFC middleweight champion of the world, and we just don’t know it yet? To put it simply; no, maybe, and DUH.
On John McCain
On All Things Alien Related
On The Politics of Pro Wrestling
Does anyone else get the feeling that Sonnen is the kind of guy who, after making sweet love to a woman, tells her “You’re welcome,” before kicking her out of his hotel room?
(You wouldn’t know it because of the TRT and all, but three years ago, that Jabbawockee looked like this. )
Last Friday, mankind’s ongoing war with common sense and decency united in a copulation of takedowns, face masks, and remorse when Ultimate Ball held its first event at UCMMA 27 in London, England. For some twisted, inexplicable reason, an idea that was best left in the dark recesses of the meth-snorting exercise enthusiast who gave birth to this monstrosity was placed on display for the world to see, immediately leapfrogging “public lynchings” as the most disturbing form of human entertainment ever concocted. Seriously, if XARM, San Do Three-Man Fighting, and ShockFights had sex in the remains of the XFL, the resulting bastard child would be Ultimate Ball.
Check out the “highlights” from the first, and hopefully last, event after the jump. Just make sure your window is closed if you live higher up than the second floor.
(You wouldn’t know it because of the TRT and all, but three years ago, that Jabbawockee looked like this. )
Last Friday, mankind’s ongoing war with common sense and decency united in a copulation of takedowns, face masks, and remorse when Ultimate Ball held its first event at UCMMA 27 in London, England. For some twisted, inexplicable reason, an idea that was best left in the dark recesses of the meth-snorting exercise enthusiast who gave birth to this monstrosity was placed on display for the world to see, immediately leapfrogging “public lynchings” as the most disturbing form of human entertainment ever concocted. Seriously, if XARM, San Do Three-Man Fighting, and ShockFights had sex in the remains of the XFL, the resulting bastard child would be Ultimate Ball.
Check out the “highlights” from the first, and hopefully last, event below. Just make sure your window is closed if you live higher up than the second floor.
The first thing that went through my brain after watching this video (aside from the screwdriver, of course) was the realization that not one, but all religions in fact, are a lie. For there cannot possibly be a God, Allah, or overseeing entity above us that would allow this blasphemy of a sport to exist. You’re going to tell me that not only are there goals mounted to the walls of that pitifully undersized octagon, but eight players and a referee are packed inside?! SFL’s bull fighting ring could not provide nine malnourished children the adequate space for such a “sport”, let alone nine full grown males.
And for that matter, how in the hell is someone suppose to utilize any other aspect of MMA besides the slam when there are seven other people huddled around them? Just look at the rear-naked choke applied at around the 4 minute mark; it looks like a prison rape is going down while the warden waits his turn. We’re going to go ahead and assume that the MMA gloves are purely for show, because we didn’t see even one jab thrown in the entirety of this video. There were a couple nice teeps, but we basically just watched the world’s shittiest, most cramped game of rugby mixed with a few sloppy takedowns, executed by participants in vastly different weight classes. Lord have mercy.
But there is one amazing thing to take away from it, at least for us Americans. No more can our British counterparts mock America for it’s stupidity. Sure, we spawned Jersey Shore, MTV, and Lady Gaga, but none of those even come close to the complete and utter batshit stupidity that is Ultimate Ball. The scales have finally been balanced. Ultimate Ball is professional sports’ answer to Charlie Manson, and should be put to sleep like a dog with rabies before it begins to spread its disease.
I’m sorry for putting you through that video, I truly am. But how can you appreciate life if you’ve never come face-to-face with death?
(This is approximately how you will feel after watching the video.)
You know, for all the bizarre shenanigans Rampage Jackson seems to be getting himself into these days, he will never hold a candle to Bob Sapp. At this point in “The Beast’s” career, he has pretty much become a walking punchline in every sense of the word; a parody of a parody, if you will. And though it is easy to take shots at perhaps the lowest hanging fruit in the MMA landscape, we’re going to do it anyway. Because we follow Bob Sapp for the same reason that people watch reality television — to feel better about themselves afterward. He is the Troll 2of mixed martial arts, a fighter so terrible that one only watches him participate out of a need to feel ironic. Why can’t we look away, you ask? Because white america has never felt less threatened by a 300 pound muscular black man in the history of its existence, and we like the feeling.
Clearly Sapp has begun to embrace this image to its fullest extent, for what else can one do when in the midst of what will likely become a record setting losing streak? If you don’t believe us, just check out the promo he made for his upcoming May 12th KSW 19 clash with Mariusz Pudzianowski, courtesy of IronForgesIron. In a word, it is a revelation.
(This is approximately how you will feel after watching the video.)
You know, for all the bizarre shenanigans Rampage Jackson seems to be getting himself into these days, he will never hold a candle to Bob Sapp. At this point in “The Beast’s” career, he has pretty much become a walking punchline in every sense of the word; a parody of a parody, if you will. And though it is easy to take shots at perhaps the lowest hanging fruit in the MMA landscape, we’re going to do it anyway. Because we follow Bob Sapp for the same reason that people watch reality television — to feel better about themselves afterward. He is the Troll 2of mixed martial arts, a fighter so terrible that one only watches him participate out of a need to feel ironic. Why can’t we look away, you ask? Because white america has never felt less threatened by a 300 pound muscular black man in the history of its existence, and we like the feeling.
Clearly Sapp has begun to embrace this image to its fullest extent, for what else can one do when in the midst of what will likely become a record setting losing streak? If you don’t believe us, just check out the promo he made for his upcoming May 12th KSW 19 clash with Mariusz Pudzianowski, courtesy of IronForgesIron. In a word, it is a revelation.
Well, that just happened.
From a technical standpoint, a credit is due to Sapp’s 8 year-old niece for her ability to hold the camera so still. We’re not sure if she shot this, or if Sapp has an eight year old niece for that matter, but we dare the actual person responsible for this visual diarrhea to come forward and claim otherwise.
Aside from that, this video may just contain the most blasphemous use of the Rocky theme that we have ever seen/heard. Truly upsetting.
A few other things of note:
-Sapp prefers to consume his eggs by biting the shell and spitting the contents into the nearest sink
-He is under the impression that he is fighting someone named “Mario” on May 12th
-He REALLY enjoys evil-laughing.
-What’s with the fake scars?
-Were those literally the best highlights they could find from Sapp’s entire career?!
-We’ll admit that the Tonka Truck bit was mildly amusing. Congrats.
The promo clocks in at one minute and thirty-seven seconds. We’d like you, Potato Nation, to place your bets on the over/under for the fight itself in the comments section.
