(“Gettin’ clean before we get dirty, I see? Alright then, baby, that’s…[*vomits*]”)
Katy Perry‘s latest video for “Part of Me” tells the story of a young woman who decides to enlist in the Marines after seeing her boyfriend canoodling with a co-worker. (Bear with us, this gets better.) So, she chops her hair off, embarks on an epic training montage, and when she gets a letter from her old beau, she burns it like the worthless trash it is. In the end, she is in a world of shit, yes, but she is alive, and she is not afraid.
God only knows why Ranger Up and actual-member-of-the-United-States-Armed-ForcesTim Kennedy decided to do a scene-by-scene parody of the video. Kennedy seems to be mocking the idea that joining the military is a logical response to having a bad day, but we think Tim just needed an excuse to put on a cheap wig and dance around with his friends. The point is, this happened, it really exists, and you can watch it below.
(“Gettin’ clean before we get dirty, I see? Alright then, baby, that’s…[*vomits*]“)
Katy Perry‘s latest video for “Part of Me” tells the story of a young woman who decides to enlist in the Marines after seeing her boyfriend canoodling with a co-worker. (Bear with us, this gets better.) So, she chops her hair off, embarks on an epic training montage, and when she gets a letter from her old beau, she burns it like the worthless trash it is. In the end, she is in a world of shit, yes, but she is alive, and she is not afraid.
God only knows why Ranger Up and actual-member-of-the-United-States-Armed-ForcesTim Kennedy decided to do a scene-by-scene parody of the video. Kennedy seems to be mocking the idea that joining the military is a logical response to having a bad day, but we think Tim just needed an excuse to put on a cheap wig and dance around with his friends. The point is, this happened, it really exists, and you can watch it below.
It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If thi video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.
Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you after the jump, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.
Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.
It appears that, distraught over his inability to get fired from the UFC, Quinton “Rampage” Jackson has moved on to phase two of Operation: Batshit Condor. If you recall, phase one began with a DVD copy of The Secret and a six pack of Red Bull and ended with a high speed chase across Southern California. If this video is any indication, phase two will undoubtedly end in the death of millions.
Perhaps realizing that his rap album won’t be climbing up the charts anytime soon, Jackson decided to return to his acting…I guess you’d call them, roots? The video that awaits you below, which comes courtesy of FilmOn.com, is entitled “How To Pick Up a Gurl – Fast” with Rampage Jackson.
Prepare yourselves for this one, ladies and gentlemen.
As you can see, what starts off as a series of harmless rape jokes quickly devolves into something out of A Serbian Film before abruptly ending, leaving its audience at an utter loss for words and with a hemorrhage-induced bloody nose. Considering the UFC’s policy on the whole “rape” issue, this is either a brilliant or incredibly stupid move by Quinton Jackson. No, wait. It’s incredibly stupid.
Granted, it would be kind of shocking if Page actually was reprimanded for this, but…what in God’s name did we just witness?
– Singing an R. Kelly love-jam in a thick Portuguese accent while your crush is getting out of the shower? EHHHHH!
– Bragging about your movie/pilot Return of the Death-Knuckle, then humbly following it up with “but you don’t wanna get bored with how much money I’m gonna make, that stuffs, how much fame gonna have for me and for the ladies in my life”? NOOOOOOOOO!
– Desperately offering to give her your “code for MySpace’ee” as she walks away, then beating your head against a wall? Fail upon fail.
– Singing an R. Kelly love-jam in a thick Portuguese accent while your crush is getting out of the shower? EHHHHH!
– Bragging about your movie/pilot Return of the Death-Knuckle, then humbly following it up with “but you don’t wanna get bored with how much money I’m gonna make, that stuffs, how much fame gonna have for me and for the ladies in my life”? NOOOOOOOOO!
– Desperately offering to give her your “code for MySpace’ee” as she walks away, then beating your head against a wall? Fail upon fail.
Happy Monday, Potato Nation. Whether you spent the weekend letting out some built up anxiety or fighting your way out of retirement, we can all take solace in the fact that most of us probably emerged unscathed from what was a prank filled April Fools Day yesterday. I, for one, was not so lucky. You see, I was unaware that yesterday was in fact April Fools Day. My ex, on the other hand, felt it would be funny to inform me that she was pregnant, and that the child was mine, only to send me a text at 12:01 a.m. stating the opposite. No one will miss her.
Speaking of people that found themselves victim to a good old fashioned AFD ruse, former UFC light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans was recently the target of a simple, albeit clever prank last weekend during an autograph signing session. One fan, who must not be able to purchase underwear due to the size of his massive balls, decided to ask Evans to autograph the above photo depicting his brutal knockout loss to Lyoto Machida at UFC 98. Considering Rashad’s well documented sense of humor, you’d think he could have a good laugh at his own expense.
Happy Monday, Potato Nation. Whether you spent the weekend letting out some built up anxiety or fighting your way out of retirement, we can all take solace in the fact that most of us probably emerged unscathed from what was a prank filled April Fools Day yesterday. I, for one, was not so lucky. You see, I was unaware that yesterday was in fact April Fools Day. My ex, on the other hand, felt it would be funny to inform me that she was pregnant, and that the child was mine, only to send me a text at 12:01 a.m. stating the opposite. No one will miss her.
Speaking of people that found themselves victim to a good old fashioned AFD ruse, former UFC light heavyweight champion Rashad Evans was recently the target of a simple, albeit clever prank last weekend during an autograph signing session. One fan, who must not be able to purchase underwear due to the size of his massive balls, decided to ask Evans to autograph the above photo depicting his brutal knockout loss to Lyoto Machida at UFC 98. Considering Rashad’s well documented sense of humor, you’d think he could have a good laugh at his own expense.
You would be wrong.
As you can see, “Suga” is not so sweet when the joke is aimed at him. If the man who was not only willing to make fun of a former UFC champion face to face, but then ask for an autograph afterward is reading this, send us your name and information, and in 10-12 months you will receive a free CagePotato t-shirt.
While we’re on the subject of April Fools, or really, just fools in general, check out Bob Sapp’s latest commercial (?) for Inoki brand laxative. We all know how odd, and often disturbing Japanese advertisements can be, so perhaps a video that consists of Sapp taking a shit while wearing a Johnny Bravo-esque hairpiece is nothing out of the norm for “The Land of the Rising Sun.” Why their commercials can’t just stick to some animated babies participating in a poop-off like we do here in normal society is beyond us, but who are we to judge?
If you’re still looking to kill sometime before the mid-morning rush, here are a couple other videos from around the MMA blogosphere to keep you mildly entertained.
Ladies and gentlemen (actually, just gentlemen), today is your lucky day, because you are about to learn how easy it is to become a UFC fighter. None other than TUF 8 runner up and rubber armed badass Vinny Magalhaes came across this instructional video last night and tweeted it for the world to see.
Simply put, if you have any aspirations of becoming an MMA UFC fighter, it would be idiotic not to watch this video, for it provides more insight into the world of mixed martial arts in a minute and a half than years of training and dedication could ever accomplish. Where Red Bull and The Secret failed, this video will succeed.
Join us after the jump to get your knowledge on.
(Step 1: MIRRORS.)
Ladies and gentlemen (actually, just gentlemen), today is your lucky day, because you are about to learn how easy it is to become a UFC fighter. None other than TUF 8 runner up and rubber armed badass Vinny Magalhaes came across this instructional video last night and tweeted it for the world to see.
Simply put, if you have any aspirations of becoming an MMA UFC fighter, it would be idiotic not to watch this video, for it provides more insight into the world of mixed martial arts in a minute and a half than years of training and dedication could ever accomplish. Where Red Bull and The Secret failed, this video will succeed.
We have no clue what the true purpose behind this video was, but it did inform us that all it takes to become a UFC fighter is the following:
1. A big heart
2. A “club” that offers MMA training
3. At least one jump rope
4. At least one spin bike
5. Endurance that will last five three minute rounds
6. A UFC coach to personal trane you. We recommend this guy.
And there you have it, folks. Now get out to your local clubs and start lifting weights, but don’t forget to train endurance, cardio, and stamina as well. Because you might think you’re strong, but strength isn’t always what’s going to get you…
…and before you know it, you’ll have “the perfect match for a perfect fight.”
(You best believe that if Anderson’s wife isn’t making someone a sandwich, she’s doing their laundry.)
Keeping with the theme of previous UFC on Fox promos, the latest ad features none other than UFC middleweight champion Anderson Silva trying to convince us that he’s just a normal guy whilst performing tasks that only The Fonz could get away with. No, he isn’t lip singing Minnie Riperton or seducing Brazilian pop stars, but “The Spider” manages to be entertaining nonetheless.
But your probably asking yourself, how could someone who all but refuses to speak English appear in an American television commercial? Surely they didn’t subtitle him, because our forefathers didn’t die face down in the mud so that we’d be forced to listen to some cockamamie, Godless language in our own homes and read on top of it. But it turns out that there would be no need for subtitles, because wouldn’t you know, Chael Sonnen wasn’t lying to us; Anderson Silva speaks better English than Jackie Chan has managed to learn in twenty-some years of acting.
This more or less confirms that Big Nog did in fact try to feed a bus a carrot. It’s only a matter of time until the truth is revealed.
Join us after the jump for the video.
(You best believe that if Anderson’s wife isn’t making someone a sandwich, she’s doing their laundry.)
But your probably asking yourself, how could someone who all but refuses to speak English appear in an American television commercial? Surely they didn’t subtitle him, because our forefathers didn’t die face down in the mud so that we’d be forced to listen to some cockamamie, Godless language in our own homes and read on top of it. But it turns out that there would be no need for subtitles, because wouldn’t you know, Chael Sonnen wasn’t lying to us; Anderson Silva speaks better English than Jackie Chan has managed to learn in twenty-some years of acting.
This more or less confirms that Big Nog did in fact try to feed a bus a carrot. It’s only a matter of time until the truth is revealed.
Much like the one depicted in that commercial, our universe is fucking shattered.
