(Watch Chris try not to laugh at 0:09-0:12. That almost makes this whole thing worth it.)
It’s only February, but UFC 169 has already given us some strong nominees for the 2014 Potato Awards. Worst Event of the Year? That’s pretty much a lock. Nick Catone vs. Tom Watson and Abel Trujillo vs. Jamie Varner will at least be honorable mentions in the Worst Fight and Best Knockout categories, respectively, and we may have to create a brand-new category for Most Pointless Post-Fight Callout. (Thanks, Alistair).
Not since Ed Bassmaster’s run-in with Dana White has a UFC interview been more cringe-inducing. The difference is, this is not a joke; Franklin McNeil is really this uncomfortable. From the way he stares at the camera while addressing Weidman, to his “I can barely read these damn cue cards” verbal delivery, it’s a Tito vs. Fedor-caliber train-wreck. Wisely, the cameraman makes the executive decision to keep the focus on Weidman once the conversation gets going. My goodness. Is this the level of talent we can expect from backstage interviewers in the post-Helwani era?
After the jump: Two more brilliant spots from McNeil, this time with Jose Aldo, Ali Bagautinov, and their translators. If you can watch both of them in their entirety, you are officially qualified to be a Navy SEAL.
(Watch Chris try not to laugh at 0:09-0:12. That almost makes this whole thing worth it.)
It’s only February, but UFC 169 has already given us some strong nominees for the 2014 Potato Awards. Worst Event of the Year? That’s pretty much a lock. Nick Catone vs. Tom Watson and Abel Trujillo vs. Jamie Varner will at least be honorable mentions in the Worst Fight and Best Knockout categories, respectively, and we may have to create a brand-new category for Most Pointless Post-Fight Callout. (Thanks, Alistair).
Not since Ed Bassmaster’s run-in with Dana White has a UFC interview been more cringe-inducing. The difference is, this is not a joke; Franklin McNeil is really this uncomfortable. From the way he stares at the camera while addressing Weidman, to his “I can barely read these damn cue cards” verbal delivery, it’s a Tito vs. Fedor-caliber train-wreck. Wisely, the cameraman makes the executive decision to keep the focus on Weidman once the conversation gets going. My goodness. Is this the level of talent we can expect from backstage interviewers in the post-Helwani era?
After the jump: Two more brilliant spots from McNeil, this time with Jose Aldo, Ali Bagautinov, and their translators. If you can watch both of them in their entirety, you are officially qualified to be a Navy SEAL.
(These techniques only work if you SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN THE ENTIRE TIME)
Despite MMA’s emergence into world, people still believe training non-contact spaz punches and flaccid, weak throws against compliant opponents will teach you how to be an unstoppable, street-lethal badass—a wrecking machine not unlike, shall we say, John Kreese or Terry Silver of The Karate Kid franchise fame.
That’s right! This week on CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail we’re highlighting (or lowlighting) the teachings of a Kung Fu dojo that presumably named itself after the brutal, take-no-shit, antagonistic Cobra Kai karate dojo from The Karate Kid. And trust us, these guys make the strip mall karate from the film look like a violent, unquestionably legit blood sport.
Regarding the actual “technique” in the video. Well, I hope all my opponents line up single file and wait for me if I ever get into a street fight…and stop fighting immediately after feinting a front kick their way…and then fall to the ground when I do a quasi sweep on them.
The school’s YouTube account has been dormant for three years. In addition to the video above, there are about a dozen others that are just as bad—including one with the world’s worst armbar. We suggest paying their channel a visit and watching them if you’re in need of a laugh or two.
If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected]
(These techniques only work if you SCREAM AS LOUD AS YOU CAN THE ENTIRE TIME)
Despite MMA’s emergence into world, people still believe training non-contact spaz punches and flaccid, weak throws against compliant opponents will teach you how to be an unstoppable, street-lethal badass—a wrecking machine not unlike, shall we say, John Kreese or Terry Silver of The Karate Kid franchise fame.
That’s right! This week on CagePotato’s Martial Arts Fail we’re highlighting (or lowlighting) the teachings of a Kung Fu dojo that presumably named itself after the brutal, take-no-shit, antagonistic Cobra Kai karate dojo from The Karate Kid. And trust us, these guys make the strip mall karate from the film look like a violent, unquestionably legit blood sport.
Regarding the actual “technique” in the video. Well, I hope all my opponents line up single file and wait for me if I ever get into a street fight…and stop fighting immediately after feinting a front kick their way…and then fall to the ground when I do a quasi sweep on them.
The school’s YouTube account has been dormant for three years. In addition to the video above, there are about a dozen others that are just as bad—including one with the world’s worst armbar. We suggest paying their channel a visit and watching them if you’re in need of a laugh or two.
If you see any video that’s good (or bad) enough to make the cut, let us know! Send it to [email protected]
You see, where I’d typically be filled with blood-boiling rage and simultaneous “Holier than thou” frustration with all the things wrong in the world while watching something like the above video of Steven Seagal pretending to be a security expert on the Sochi Olympics (previously: inventor of the front kick, school shooting task force specialist, actor, musician, etc.) I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I hated every word that Seagal said, and I really, truly wanted to hate him for saying them, but I’m just too…bewildered, I guess. Apathetic even. Seagal’s self-servicing arrogance has reached a level so unbelievably high that it almost transcends him as an individual. The portrait he has painted of himself and his standing in our society as a source of wisdom is so out of touch with reality that it borders on an Always Sunny episode. How can you make a joke about a joke, you know? You’re not going to “reach” Seagal, because if you looked behind his firing range goggles you’d probably see something like this. He’s just a vessel, a skin suit in which the entity of madness has been contained for the good of the many, until he dies and passes it on to the next generation.
You can’t get mad at Steven Seagal. It would be like screaming at a rain cloud.
The real question is: Which of these facts is makes you the saddest?
a) STEVEN SEAGAL has a better relationship with Vladimir Putin than our President
b) STEVEN SEAGAL is asked to give foreign policy advice to the President in the above video (and does), or
c) There are people out there who might actually find comfort in the words of STEVEN SEAGAL, the same guy who once threatened to “cut off the head and piss down the throat” of that chicken-shit pussy asshole Richie?
You see, where I’d typically be filled with blood-boiling rage and simultaneous “Holier than thou” frustration with all the things wrong in the world while watching something like the above video of Steven Seagal pretending to be a security expert on the Sochi Olympics (previously: inventor of the front kick, school shooting task force specialist, actor, musician, etc.) I feel nothing. Absolutely nothing.
I hated every word that Seagal said, and I really, truly wanted to hate him for saying them, but I’m just too…bewildered, I guess. Apathetic even. Seagal’s self-servicing arrogance has reached a level so unbelievably high that it almost transcends him as an individual. The portrait he has painted of himself and his standing in our society as a source of wisdom is so out of touch with reality that it borders on an Always Sunny episode. How can you make a joke about a joke, you know? You’re not going to “reach” Seagal, because if you looked behind his firing range goggles you’d probably see something like this. He’s just a vessel, a skin suit in which the entity of madness has been contained for the good of the many, until he dies and passes it on to the next generation.
You can’t get mad at Steven Seagal. It would be like screaming at a rain cloud.
The real question is: Which of these facts is makes you the saddest?
a) STEVEN SEAGAL has a better relationship with Vladimir Putin than our President
b) STEVEN SEAGAL is asked to give foreign policy advice to the President in the above video (and does), or
c) There are people out there who might actually find comfort in the words of STEVEN SEAGAL, the same guy who once threatened to “cut off the head and piss down the throat” of that chicken-shit pussy asshole Richie?
There’s a lot of space to cover on that arm, and we’d love to see how you’d fill it. Using Photoshop, MS Paint, or a printer and actual crayons, please draw a new tattoo for Alan onto the image and send the resulting work to BG at [email protected].
A week from today, we’ll pick our three favorites who will win…well, we’re not sure yet. Maybe some CagePotato shirts if we still have some left. Maybe just some shout-outs on Twitter. Maybe nothing. That’s what makes this contest “unofficial.” Take it or leave it. Good luck everybody, and follow Masato Toys on Facebook right here.
There’s a lot of space to cover on that arm, and we’d love to see how you’d fill it. Using Photoshop, MS Paint, or a printer and actual crayons, please draw a new tattoo for Alan onto the image and send the resulting work to BG at [email protected].
A week from today, we’ll pick our three favorites who will win…well, we’re not sure yet. Maybe some CagePotato shirts if we still have some left. Maybe just some shout-outs on Twitter. Maybe nothing. That’s what makes this contest “unofficial.” Take it or leave it. Good luck everybody, and follow Masato Toys on Facebook right here.
“Cole Miller is a turd the UFC hasn’t flushed yet,” said Cerrone. “I think the UFC is totally against me going to 145 [pounds]. I couldn’t drink delicious, full-bodied Budweisers, so that would be a lifestyle change. I don’t know if I’m committed to that. Cole Miller, win some fights and then come see me. You’re at the ass-end of a long line of people. We’ll see.”
That right there is a solid early front-runner for Press Conference Diss of the Year. But look, nobody really cares about two guys from different weight classes squabbling with each other over some old, petty bullshit. What’s important is Cerrone’s future in the lightweight division now that he has a win streak going again. And as it turns out, Donald has some ambitious plans for 2014…
“Cole Miller is a turd the UFC hasn’t flushed yet,” said Cerrone. “I think the UFC is totally against me going to 145 [pounds]. I couldn’t drink delicious, full-bodied Budweisers, so that would be a lifestyle change. I don’t know if I’m committed to that. Cole Miller, win some fights and then come see me. You’re at the ass-end of a long line of people. We’ll see.”
That right there is a solid early front-runner for Press Conference Diss of the Year. But look, nobody really cares about two guys from different weight classes squabbling with each other over some old, petty bullshit. What’s important is Cerrone’s future in the lightweight division now that he has a win streak going again. And as it turns out, Donald has some ambitious plans for 2014…
“I want to set a record for the most fights in a year,” Cerrone said at the post-fight press conference. “Could I get six? That would be f—ing great. I think [fighting next in] Baltimore or Dallas would be great. There are fighters out there saying they can’t get fights. Hey, I’m your guy.”
Without calling him out by name, Cerrone seems to be indirectly referring to undefeated Dagestani crusher Khabib Nurmagomedov, who’s had well-publicized troubles finding an opponent lately. (It’s not that anybody’s scared of him. There are just some issues with timing and mysterious “conditions” that the UFC won’t accept, okay?) Cowboy vs. Khabib sounds like a matchup that could benefit both fighters at this point. You down to see that one, or do you have any better ideas for Cerrone’s next opponent?
(An enormous head, filled with 12 pounds of cookie dough. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)
We just wanted to share these quotes from Tito’s absolutely stunning broadcast debut at “Day of Reckoning,” collected from thesethreads on the UG:
Sobral/Sokoudjou
“Here we are with Seraldo Babalu, you did an awesome job, saw why you’re a black belt in jiu-jitsu, getting an awesome submission there, I want to tell me what you see, let’s go ahead and see by the fight, what you saw, in the ring.”
“You showed the dominance by getting the takedown and looking for a choke in that position. We know the weakness that you had, but you actually showed the heart and determination of a champion of how tough of a light heavyweight you really are, here in the Affliction card. What do you think of the future of you, um, future opponents?”
“Yes, and uh, my back will be better in about three months, so I know all the fans would love to see me and you get it on. You know what, you’re an awesome fighter, congratulations tonight. Everybody lets give a hand to Renato Babalu, one of the greatest light heavyweights, of the night.”
(An enormous head, filled with 12 pounds of cookie dough. Photo courtesy of Sherdog.)
We just wanted to share these quotes from Tito’s absolutely stunning broadcast debut at “Day of Reckoning,” collected from thesethreads on the UG:
Sobral/Sokoudjou
“Here we are with Seraldo Babalu, you did an awesome job, saw why you’re a black belt in jiu-jitsu, getting an awesome submission there, I want to tell me what you see, let’s go ahead and see by the fight, what you saw, in the ring.”
“You showed the dominance by getting the takedown and looking for a choke in that position. We know the weakness that you had, but you actually showed the heart and determination of a champion of how tough of a light heavyweight you really are, here in the Affliction card. What do you think of the future of you, um, future opponents?”
“Yes, and uh, my back will be better in about three months, so I know all the fans would love to see me and you get it on. You know what, you’re an awesome fighter, congratulations tonight. Everybody lets give a hand to Renato Babalu, one of the greatest light heavyweights, of the night.”
Belfort/Lindland
“Matt the Lindland Law…The Law Lindland.”
“Well, Belfort, we saw you with an astonishing left hand, that’s the left hand that I used to see you knock people out time and time again, we’re gonna go ahead and go over it. Walk me through it, show me exactly what you seen with this.”
“Well, like I said, you show your hand-speed time and time again Vitor, 185 pounds, lady and gentlemen, let’s give Vitor Belfort a round of applause, an awesome 105 pounder, you just beat the number two guy in the world, buddy, you’re on top of the world tonight!”
“Wow! That’s all I got to say. Vitor at 185 pounds. I don’t know. I see him beating the, uh, what was it, Anderson Silva. I see him picking him apart because you have two great boxers, and, man, that was amazing. That was the old Vitor Belfort that we all want to see. Him at 131 years old. He’s back for vengeance.”
Barnett/Yvel
“Well, here we go, we, here we go we got Josh Barnett, with a dominating fashion. Buddy, he said he wanted to stand up with you. You said you wanted to stand up with him. All the gameplans get thrown out and you shown the dominant heavyweight that you are. He wasn’t getting away from you. Walk me through the fight.”
“Well, alright, we’re gonna go ahead show some some action from around one right here. I want you to walk me through and how do you feel as you went through this stuff?”
“Well you should have your head high tonight, you did an awesome job, entertained every one of these fans. You did a great job, I’m proud of you buddy. Keep it up, let’s see the winner tonight, you’ll be next in line.”
“Well, you showed what type of champion you really are. Everybody lets give a hand to Josh Barnett, the baby-faced assassin, continuing his win career. Good job Josh! We’ll go back to you Sean.”
Fedor/Arlovski
“July 4th has come early.”
“I’m gonna have my interpreter here for Fedor Emelianenko. Everybody had questions on what type of heavyweight you were. You’ve showed it once on Tim Sylvia in 38 seconds. You’ve done it again against Andrei Arlovski in 3 minutes and 34 seconds. Let me tell you how you feelin right now.”
“Well there’s always been question from other promotions saying that you weren’t the best heavyweight in the world. Well, tonight, buddy, you’ve answered those questions. You tooken out two of the former UFC heavyweight champions and you are the best heavyweight… in my eyes and I believe every one of these guys’ eyes around the world… of tonight…”
“Well, we got to see, actually, Josh Barnett in the last fight, win in a decision. It looks like you two are going to be heading off and another chance for you to defend your heavyweight title. What do you think as Josh as your next opponent?”
“Well the millions that are watching at home and the fifteen thousand and more in audience tonight, ladies and gentlemen, the pound for pound best heavyweight in the world today, Fedor Emelianenko, the last emperor, congratulations buddy.”
