After a few moments, it dawned on me: It was Ben Fowlkes. I’d recognize that dead stare anywhere.
I was informed when I called the tip line the fifth time that morning that they already had a suspect in custody. As I hung up the phone, it dawned on me that this probably happens a lot. I imagine that the week after an awards show or sporting event the FBI and police agencies around the globe probably field dozens of calls from concerned citizens who think that Ricky Gervais is the Pittsburgh purse snatcher or LeBron James is the dude who stole their kid’s bike.
After looking through hundreds of the shoddily thrown together composite sketches on the net, we found quite a few that look a lot like figures involved in the sport we love. Hopefully they all have alibis for the nights in question.
As always, Luigi had to step in and save Mario’s ass. And it’s clear that during the commercial break, Mario’s mustache resorted to the ultimate dirty tactic, no, not the transparent kick to the balls, we’re talking about the Bob-Omb. Though his facial hair won the battle, Mario was inappropriately fondled by Cain backstage, so we all know who won the war.
Well, it’s not just the random out of shape dude at the bar who does play-by-play during UFC pay-per-views that could have been a contender anymore. Pseudo-celebrities are getting in on the action too, and we’re not talking about Steven Seagal or Wesley Snipes.
While making an appearance on the Dan Patrick radio show this week University of Michigan head football coach Brady Hoke was asked by the host who would win in a fight between him and longtime nemesis and recently-named Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer.
Well, it’s not just the random out of shape dude at the bar who does play-by-play during UFC pay-per-views that could have been a contender anymore. Pseudo-celebrities are getting in on the action too, and we’re not talking about Steven Seagal or Wesley Snipes.
While making an appearance on the Dan Patrick radio show this week University of Michigan head football coach Brady Hoke was asked by the host who would win in a fight between him and longtime nemesis and recently-named Ohio State head coach Urban Meyer.
“Ummm….you know what, he may be sneakier than I am,” Hoke replied with a chuckle.
He then made the dubious claim that if the sport was around back in the mid seventies when he graduated high school, he probably would have become a fighter — you know, like it’s that easy.
“Believe me, when I was coming out of high school, if they’d have had MMA, I may have gone that route [instead of college],” Hoke said.
If that assertion wasn’t bad enough, he went on to say that he wouldn’t be afraid to fight anyone in the Octagon.
“I don’t know why you would be,” Hoke stated, matter-of-factly.
Let’s but him in a cage with Cris Cyborg and we’ll see if he changes his tune when the fight ends a few seconds later.
We only had one and that was Chandella [Powell]. The other was the IQ card girl. Arianny [Celeste] kind of walks around and holds up her latest test score. One time when there was a title fight, she got all the way up to five and we were very proud of her.
Holy King of all that is zing.
And believe it or not, when Arianny got wind of these comments, she was less than pleased. But our girl managed to respond in the most adult, professional manner possible, a tweet, which read:
Hey what’s ur name.. after @spideranderson kicks your ass..u won’t even be able to count to 5!! Get ready to kiss brazils ass!
Not bad Arianny, not bad. She’s clearly referencing the 1954 Marlon Brando classic On the Waterfrontwith the whole “counting” rebuttal. It’s honestly a better comeback than most of us would have expected from someone who usually responds to awkward situations like this. But prepare yourselves for Sonnen’s comeback:
(That puppy dog act won’t work this time…that’s enough of that…ok we forgive you.)
We only had one and that was Chandella [Powell]. The other was the IQ card girl. Arianny [Celeste] kind of walks around and holds up her latest test score. One time when there was a title fight, she got all the way up to five and we were very proud of her.
Holy King of all that is zing.
And believe it or not, when Arianny got wind of these comments, she was less than pleased. But our girl managed to respond in the most adult, professional manner possible, a tweet, which read:
Hey what’s ur name.. after @spideranderson kicks your ass..u won’t even be able to count to 5!! Get ready to kiss brazils ass!
Not bad Arianny, not bad. She’s clearly referencing the 1954 Marlon Brando classic On the Waterfrontwith the whole “counting” rebuttal. It’s honestly a better comeback than most of us would have expected from someone who usually responds to awkward situations like this. But prepare yourselves for Sonnen’s comeback:
Seems easy to wear a bikini and seems easy to walk in a circle, but try walking in a circle while wearing a bikini. Talented girl!
For those of you who aren’t keeping track, Arianny has won Ring Girl of the Year for the past three years running, so we can only imagine what she’ll have to say to Sonnen when she inevitably wins it this year, despite our view on the matter. Hell, this could all be a ploy by Sonnen to ensure that she does win it, if only to provide some much needed hype for the awards show itself. The man truly is an evil genius.
…because Tom Lawlor and Kyle Kingsbury have. Boy, have they ever. This regrettable booze-fueled moment is the latest example of what I’ve started calling the “Nick Ring Theory” (previously known as the “Seth Petruzelli Theory“): At a certain point, pretending to be gay to get a rise out of people becomes a lifestyle choice in itself. But they seem happy, so who am I to judge?
…because Tom Lawlor and Kyle Kingsbury have. Boy, have they ever. This regrettable booze-fueled moment is the latest example of what I’ve started calling the “Nick Ring Theory” (previously known as the “Seth Petruzelli Theory“): At a certain point, pretending to be gay to get a rise out of people becomes a lifestyle choice in itself. But they seem happy, so who am I to judge?
